Fearful Facade
by Beckaabook
Summary: When Edward and his gang bullied Bella for years they never knew of the disastoruous consequences to both her and their lives, when Bella returns to Forks years later as what seems like a different person... there's hell to pay.
1. Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance

**Fearful Facade.**

***A.N – First of all, it's all human – basically, Bella was bullied when she was younger – by Edward. 6 years later Bella returns completely different, hiding her real identity from everyone – when presented with a chance to sabotage Edward's life she takes it... but can she hold it up when she herself is being charmed with Edward now turned manwhore?* [rated M for a possibilty of adult themes in later chapters.]**

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, nor do I claim to be.**

**[it's start of with a dream... **

**[memory]**

_I quivered slightly as we drove closer and closer to the dreaded area. I pushed my tight brown pleats behind my ears and readjusted my purple glasses further and more comfortably up my nose just as my mother rounded the corner, asking me questions now and again, checking with me that I could definitely make my way home by myself; I reassured her repeatedly even though I wasn't quite sure myself, reminding her that I was now 11 years old – a big girl._

"_Mom, just leave it please, Angela invited me to play with her at the park today and she lives right beside us; she's been to the park by herself lots of times and she'll walk me home – don't worry," my words didn't quite come out the way I planned them to, as usual, my horrible teeth prevented me from properly pronouncing my l's – it was actually very embarrassing to hear yourself talk like a baby day in day out. I saw my mom glance at me through the rear view mirror, a small frown line eminent on her face. She was just a tad overprotective over me; I think because she knows about some of the bullying that goes on, I always strain myself to make sure she knows nothing but something's must have come back to her over the years._

_I gave her a widespread grin, hoping to encourage her approval, she finally nodded, her newly styled reddish hair which framed her face beautifully, bouncing a little – all of her new looks to impress her new man, a horrendously simple man – Phil. "I guess you'll be fine, I just worry too much," she smiled back at me, with still a touch of concern in her eyes, pulling up to the park gates._

_The sounds of children's laughter bubbled over to us, through the car windows as we both sat in silence before I leaned my head towards my mom, waiting for her to kiss the top of my head before I got out of the car – but this time she began to give me a hug and I recoiled in mortification – I was laughed at enough, and I really didn't want "mommy's girl" to be added to the long, long list of names I was already repeatedly called, "what?" my mom asked, shocked at my unfamiliar behaviour._

"_I'm not a baby," I hissed, giving her a quick peck on the cheek then putting my hand on the door handle._

_She put her hand on top of mine, stopping me from opening it, "what's this about?" I turned my head towards hers, ready to lie to her ceremoniously, just as I always did – but I was caught off guard by her intense, staring eyes._

"_N-n-nothing," I stuttered, this time not because of my oversized teeth. "I'm just old enough now that I don't need to be fussed over," I saw her face fall slightly as I spoke the words, and all I wanted to do was give her a big bear hug, but I knew all too well the punishment that would be waiting for me just outside the car door if anyone happened to catch me caving in and showing my mother such affection in such a public place – I was too old for it now._

"_Okay then," she spoke with a slight stiffness to her tone, I'm guessing she was a little offended and I decided it was time to get this show on the road – no more time wasting. "I'm ready to go, I'll be home by eight," I began to smile but she kept her face straight._

"_Seven."_

"_Eight," but she just raised her eyebrows, signalling her disapproval of my plan. I sighed and glared at her, a new found attitude, "How about half seven?" I waited a couple of seconds before purposefully mumbling under my breath that everyone else was allowed to stay out till eight._

_She surprised me by turning her stubborn head way from my face and looking down to where her bag was, wedged in at the side of her; I watched as she took out 2 dollar bills and then turned back to me, resignation written across her face._

_I took them slowly, giving a nod of silent thanks – our relationship had become somewhat strained of late, her boyfriend, Phil, being the cause._

_Without another word I got out of the car, waving as I did to the warm, smiling face of Angela Webber; I heard my mom's car engine rev up a little then the sound of it driving off around the corner – I felt a pang of guilt, I hadn't even waved a goodbye._

_But soon all was forgotten as we found our way to the epic climbing frame; we began swinging onto monkey bars, sliding down the rustic old shoot, giggling as we did so, and sharing our crappy family life with each other. Both of us were having some trouble at home, Angela's parents on the verge of a break up and my mother's supremely annoying new man wriggling his way deeper and deeper into my life – trying somewhat, to replace my father._

_I suppose we were acting a little younger than our years as we chatted and laughed, swung in and out of different places in the humungous frame, climbing on top of the rope surface – pretending to be an acrobat and allsorts. Trying to forget our school time horrors._

_But they soon caught up with us; in the form of the hell makers themselves:_

_**Edward**__ – the leader of the vicious clan, clearly planning things out before he did them teasing me for just walking on this earth. The cause of many sleepless and tearful nights of mine.  
__**Emmett**__ – his tank of a brother, a beast of a boy, the one who would hold me down for the girls to kick and scratch at.  
__**Rosalie**__ – the long time girlfriend of the above oaf; her utter beauty allowing her to pick on people below her, she had everyone at the school struggling to be her friend.  
__**Tanya**__ – Rosalie's devoted follower, always trying to impress everyone with her nastiness, sometimes she seemed sympathetic but then would surprise you with an outbreak of violence._

_With Edward at the head of them, they made their way towards us slowly, whispering behind hands and making us both blush a ruby red with embarrassment – even though we didn't know what we were embarrassed for._

_He swaggered forward, his green eyes sparkling mischievously, he opened his mouth, taking a small breath, then turned his gaze directly onto me, "Why are you so disgusting, Isabella?" he asked, as the rest of his crew erupted into cruel laughter._

_I looked from him, to a fearful Angela, then to a couple of people from my school – onlookers; and decided to just start climbing down, and walk my way home – I ignored his hurtful question and began to place my foot into a lower square of grizzly blue rope._

"_Isabeeeeeella!" he jeered, "you haven't answer my question..." he paused, biting the tip of his tongue, "or would you like us to answer it for you?" he gestured towards his grinning friends and I shrank back into the scratching surface I was now hanging onto; I chose to ignore him again, glancing up to see a frozen Angela, her eyes trained on those of the bullies._

"_Please, leave us alone," I choked out, knowing all too well that my repellent lisp was about to be made fun of._

"_PWWWWEASSSE," Rosalie balled, in an extreme version of me, she stuck out her bottom lip and balled her fists together, rubbing them like a baby would on her face, pretending to cry._

_I heard the hysterical laughter start and turned away to hide my real tears; all I had wanted was a little play in the park with my friend, clearly I was incapable of staying out of troubles way for just a few hours._

"_Fatty!" Edward called, "get your big wobbly jelly belly down here before you break the whole climbing frame!" I heard a small whining noise and soon my throat began to tighten, just as it did when I began to cry – I soon realised the whining noise was me, and it was getting louder, it broke and changed into short sobs, I tried and failed to stop them._

_I slipped down several knots of rope, just as Emmett and Rosalie got to the wall, ready to collect me at the bottom, "Edward!" Emmett smirked, "I know I'm strong for my age, but there is no way that only me and Rosalie could lift __**her**__," he sneered my name scornfully and Emmett and Tanya came towards me, the little gang gathered together again._

_I must have been about half a metre above their heads when Edward snaked out a hand and pulled on my leg hard just as I was moving the other; I panicked and exerted a deadlock with my hands onto the rough material of the rope, swinging by only my hands as my feet tried to find a place to put themselves._

_My glasses began to slide down my sticky wet face, making me realise I had begun to sweat – I was rapidly aware of the wetness under my arms and down my back, and wished with all I could that they wouldn't see my embarrassing bodily functions..._

"_Ewwww," Tanya screeched, "look at her back, it's all wet!"_

"_Yuck," Rosalie spat maliciously, reaching up and grabbing one of my round legs, "oh my gawd," she drawled, "I can hardly even fit my hand around her ankle," the rest of them snickered as I felt another whoosh of sweat pour over me, and I gripped even more tightly onto the now burning ropes, biting my lip vehemently, tears streaming unendingly down my face._

"_Stop," I begged, but it went unheard as they continued their meanities._

"_Grab the other one, Emm, we're gonna pull this whale down to the ground," she let out a haunting laugh, and I felt the warm and large hand of her chuckling boyfriend through my shoe._

"_On the count of three," Edward narrowed his eyes nastily, "spotty will fall," with that they started their count down, and as if in slow motion, I looked up into Angela's petrified face, mouthing to her – it's not your fault – but she only shook her head a tear falling from her face, and I heard the echoing 'one' resound around the park, there seemed to be a eerie silence as I was ripped painfully from the ropes and fell screaming into the arms of the lot of them, at first I thought they were being kind enough to catch me, before Edward began to give his orders to how they should drop me on the floor._

"_N – no," I moaned, almost silenced with fear._

"_Oh shut up," Tanya growled, getting into the swing of things, "I think you boys should do it now, I can't be bothered with anymore of Belly's whines," she poked at my stomach and I watched in horror as it shook a little, "just like jelly," she giggled._

"_Do what?" I squeaked, as they all held me in their arms still, as if they were about to give me a childish leg and a wing._

_I waited for the voices of other children, just one person to stand up for me, I prayed for them, I wished for them – for everyone to realise the pain I was in and stop them, but no one would ever come to my rescue._

_Edward took one hand which was holding me up, and slipped it into his pocket, pulling out an oddly shaped, tin-foil wrapped thing, Emmett took one hand from the part of me he was holding up and they worked together to pull it out from the wrappage, a large shard of glass, an uneven triangular shape coming to a sharp point at the top. I was confused at first, but when I saw him draw it closer and closer to the palm of his hand, giving Emmett the side of me which he was carrying so he could do it._

"_Uhh," Emmett sighed as he took the weight of me," this thing ways a ton," of course, he was referring to me._

"_You know, I actually think she looks more like a pig than anything else – have you seen those tails she has in her hair," her laughter pierced me and merited another cascade of tears._

_I began to squirm under their firm grip; I hadn't even attempted it before knowing it would probably only cause me more pain as even if I did manage to break free, I wasn't a very fast runner and they would probably just grab me and assume the hurting positions again – so as the glass shard made its way nearer I kicked and squealed my hardest, my eyes closing over tightly so not to see the unsightly liquid pour from what would almost certainly soon be a brutal gash._

_All too quickly I was free of their grip but my body still continued to stay in its horizontal position, and as I fell to the ground I waited to hear the crack of my skull against the pavement which never came, instead, the rest of my body thumped down onto it but my head was cushioned by what felt like a hand, it was retrieved almost as soon as I had hit the ground and I kept my eyes tightly crinkled closed. _

_I felt my knees naturally come towards my early developing chest; I had no way to stop the sobs from coming, because now they were changing into hysterics. All of my back stung from impact with the hard ground and I started to shake._

_It felt like hours but when I thought about it, it could only have been seconds before a finger was placed onto my forehead, it poked me at little, then stopped, then started again, till finally I managed to compose myself enough to open my eyes._

_I was shocked to find the startlingly jade green eyes of my tormenter, his face as a whole had a hard, uncaring expression on it, you could only just notice, if you were staring straight into his eyes, that he had a little bit of regret hidden, and maybe, just maybe, he was a little sorry for what he had done._

_I couldn't believe it, I was in complete shock to find the devil incarnate may actually have a heart – but my hopes were to be dashed by his next spat out words, "Alright, whale?" the eyes changed in that instant back to the norm; in the same instant I felt a surge of anger, not just towards him but towards myself for actually believing for even a second that there was hope with him, him of all people. _

_I lashed out too quickly to think about what I was getting myself in for, "get off of me," I wept, throwing out a large arm, and with the other arm pushing my spectacles up my wet nose, beginning to sit up again before I was pushed back down by several harsh hands, all I could see at that point was their faces, staring down at me like I was some dog crap on their shoe._

_I flipped them the bird as I panted heavily and I saw Edward's face contort, for a second I thought his eyes had turned red with anger and in under a second he had torn the sharp piece of glass across his palm in such a quick motion I had no time to close my eyes in the of what would come next._

_I saw the dripping scarlet liquid and felt the familiar light-headed feeling, my head lolled right back and a soft "ahhh," came from my mouth as I felt bile rise up my throat, I managed to swallow it but I couldn't keep the closing of my eyes, the shutdown of my mind and I soon descended into blackness._

_The nauseous feeling awoke me, my eyelids fluttered a little in the surprising light, I was quite disorientated. _

_A sobbing sound was repetitive and annoying, I wanted to shut it up to be quite honest, yet I lay there with my eyes closed and stomach churning as I was in a relatively high amount of pain._

_Eventually, the whining noise got too much for me – I was in a sort of dreamy state, not quite sure what was going on but I could still tell I wasn't in my bed._

"_Shhhhh," I managed, and found that my voice was hoarse and my throat sore. I found proper feeling in my hands and legs returning to me, I was back in control of my body. _

_My shushing didn't seem to make a difference, so I propped myself up on my hands and elbows, opening my eyes slowly in the light to find myself outside, the area was shaded, and I scanned above me with my eyes, finally making the conclusion that I had been lying under a tree – had I been sunbathing?_

"_Bella," a guilty small voice came from my right and turned to look at her, her eyes widened and she let out another gasp, "I'm so sorry, I never meant to let them..." she looked down to the floor, ashamed._

"_What..?" It all came back to me then I gasped as I realised that I was in the corner of the park and I'm guessing they had beaten me up by the pain in my legs. I sighed, looking around for them – apparently they had taken off after doing their 'job'. Oh well. I guess it's just another week or two of hiding bruises from my mom. "It's fine Ang," I concluded, "it's only a few bruises and stuff, it doesn't matter," I would have thought Angela would have gotten used to me getting beaten up in front of her, I had always told her to stay out of it, so she couldn't blame herself – I was just a pain magnet._

_Angela shook her head slowly, a look of pity written across her face, "Bella – it's different this time – they took it further than before, I'm really sor-"_

"_What is it?"_

"_Just do this," she lifted her hand to her hair as I did; just like we were playing a nice fun game of Simon says. Except this wasn't fun, and what I found certainly wasn't fun either._

_I felt around at the back of my head for a few minutes, literally mute with shock, they could never have taken it this far... they had taken it this far, "they, they - cut my hair off?" my voice had jumped up two octaves by the time I had finished the sentence. I pulled at the short spikes of hair left, just about small enough to maybe be passed off as a bob – but the slant way it was cut showed that it was clearly not supposed to be like that, it seemed that had just cut of my pig tails and left it at that. My neck tickled and itched with strands of my removed hair._

_I felt the tears stream into my eyes and down my face as Angela put her bony arms around my big fat waist._

"_I'm," sniff, "really," sniff "sorry, I should have stopped them," she erupted into a despairing cry as I sat silently, looking down at my humongous body, my fingers trailing across my spotty face, pulling of my glasses in an unexpected swell of anger._

_Why was I born such an ugly creature, why was I the one that was always picked on? I kept myself to myself on purpose, whenever I spoke out everyone would giggle – because the fat girl was sharing her opinions._

_Kids from the grade below me, a blonde little petite, pretty girl, a grinning mop headed boy, walked past us – pointing and laughing at my ridiculous hair and both of our tears._

_I heard their whispers of unkindness, everything they said about me._

_Everyone knew about me at school, and it wasn't because I was popular, it was due to the fact that I was the whole towns outcast – nobody wanted to be near me, the only person who ever spoke to me unless they had to was Angela and even at that, I saw her freeze up repeatedly as others came over to bully me – she was embarrassed to be seen with me._

_So right there and then I made the decision to stop pulling the poor thing down with me – she was quite pretty – slim, no spots, fashionable looking glasses, she's had a couple of boys asking her out. I didn't deserve her as a friend, so I stood up, pulling her hands off me._

_Brushing myself down, almost losing my obstinacy as I saw the large pile of newly cut hair lying beneath me – but I managed to keep control, thinking the most random thoughts I could to stop those images hurting me, I wasn't being very successful._

_My feet dragged along as I walked away, ignoring Angela's cries for me to come back – I heard her stand up to come after me, and I picked up the pace, running towards the woods, the quickest way back to my home if I could only remember to take the right paths through it._

_It wasn't dark but I still swithered whether or not I should run inside, I looked just as I heard Angela call my name; she was close and I needed to get away so I forced my feet to take me deep into the forest. _

_Several minutes later I was panting as I slid to the ground and covered my noisy mouth with my hands, cutting off the sobs quickly. My flowery lilac jeans were beginning to soak through at the bum, the soft moss I had thought was dry must still be wet from the dew this morning – I heard echoes of Angela's voice and I pushed my head down and under the logs, twigs snapping and leaves rustling yet in my ears but I stayed completely still, hoping that she wouldn't suss where the noise was coming from .Of course my first thought was to stop myself from crying, the weird feeling still hadn't stopped – my head just felt like it was missing a certain weight it had always needed – my hair._

_I hated it._

_Eventually the voice died down and I peeked my head up over the broken trees, checking for anybody. But there was no one; I stood up, noting the pins and needles which had found their way to my left foot. My canvas trainers were coated in mud, but that didn't matter to me at all, nothing did. I collapsed with a different sort of weight I felt to be on my head._

_I was a condemned girl, never to have love, never to have kisses, never to have boyfriends – no more friends._

_I looked at my now dirty fingers, small and stubby. My nails were long and filled with a tiny layer of mud – I bent over, eventually just falling to my knees with a dull thump anger building up in me I clawed at the ground shouting the unfair nature of my problems to the surrounding wilderness, I lifted up my fore-finger bending it in the middle and in one swift movement tearing it against my fore arm flesh._

_An angry red line appeared and I felt some satisfaction that I was hurting the ugly shell which enclosed me._

_I lifted it again, and again, and again, slitting repeatedly at the same point until it finally became a long thin cut – I knew what would happen if I looked at it properly, my phobia would cause me to pass out, a panic attack at least._

_So I stared intently as the first drop of blood oozed, followed by several of its brothers and sisters. _

_My head began to spin, my heart started to thump._

_Suddenly the pain of physical and emotional hurt was just too much – anguish, anger, agony._

_Scream..._

**Scream.**

My body threw itself upwards, another scream falling from my mouth. I gulped down air – my chest pushing up just as the rest of my body slowly started to erupt in shakes. My eyes sprung open to the blackness of my new bedroom – the shaking stopping in a huge relief as I realised that I wasn't there... anymore.

I tried to reassure myself that it happened years ago; but soon the reason for me having the detailed nightmare soon came to mind and I began to softly but fearfully shake again, reaching down to the dark floor and pulling up the kicked away quilt, wrapping myself in it, placing my slightly damp from tears pillow over my head so I wouldn't wake Charlie and letting more of the sobs vibrate through me.

Today was my first day of school back in Forks.

I stayed like that for what felt like hours, until I heard the loud annoying beeps of my new alarm clock – I dragged my head out from under my safe retreat and grabbed my glasses quickly, sticking them on top of my nose, letting my eyes focus enough to check the time – just as I had set it, 5:30.

My dad had told me several times not to set it this early and that it was just school, but to me, this wasn't just school, this was a chance to change my image. I had changed drastically both physically and emotionally since my last encounter with the "children" of Forks, the question for me was – would that be enough?

I stood up with these thoughts spinning through my head and aired my velvety purple quilt, sending a soft breeze over myself; I ran through my schedule in my head which I had planned for today for probably the hundredth time, I knew it off by heart.

I finished tucking my covers into the sides of my bed frame and slipped on my comfy, wearing old slippers, traipsing slowly and tiredly into the only shower in the house, as I stripped down the freezing cold air of Forks hit me, causing me to shiver and my teeth to chatter – I tried to concentrate on what I was actually doing at that particular moment rather than think about what was on my agenda for today.

It just wasn't working for me.

I stood naked with only a towel wrapped around me, closing me off from the cold breeze which was beginning to nip at my feet just as I remembered that I would have to wait a few minutes for this shower to warm up enough.

I paced around, on top of the cold bathroom tiles, trying to find something to do, when my eye was suddenly caught by an old looking, grey radio, hanging from one of the hooks on the bathroom wall, I descended on it like a wolf, harshly trying to turn the dials – needing some escape from my panic stricken mind into the world of music.

Without warning it blared out a song I had listened to long ago – longed for it to come true.

Your Guardian Angel it was called; as I listened to just a couple of lines of it I felt the wetness on my cheek and reached up a finger touching the spot, finding that I had begun to cry.

I breathed deeply as a line I knew so well came to play, feeling of regret and fear erupted into the pit of my stomach sending a soft painful moan from my mouth and causing me to momentarily lose my sanity, my hand ruthlessly swung for the radio, my knuckle coming into contact with the object and pressing it to the floor, pushing down on it so hard that the hook came clean out of the wall, it smashed to the floor, creating a long crack on the tiles below. The noise stopping in that second, becoming a thoughtful silence

I let out a heartbroken sob and shrunk to the floor, the towel slipped from my body as I slid into the shower.

I sat on the floor of the hot showering square, letting the boiling hot water sting at my flesh as my thoughts plummeted into the darkness of my childhood.

The nightmare I had screamed myself out of last night was just as vivid as it was on the day it happened, I envied the countless number of people who could block things they didn't like out – because if I could, I most certainly would.

When I was younger I had lived with my mother in Forks, my mom and dad had been separated since birth and as they had split on bad terms I saw very little of my father, not many people knew I was the chief of police's daughter, I often wondered if I had told him, or even threatened my bullies of his power – would things have been as bad?

So I had grown up to be fat little Isabella Dwyer, starting from my first day at kindergarten – I was blissfully ignorant of my overweight status before then, and was in for a rude awakening when I started school; I wouldn't blame my mother to her face, but I think I'll always have a certain grudge towards her, not intentionally kept but unable to be let go off, as she was the one who fed me to that stage and never forced me to do enough exercise.

I happily moved away from Forks just before I turned 12 years old, at the end of the school year – I used those 3 months to change myself.

I pushed myself into a strict diet and exercise course, at the time it took every ounce of strength I had to see it through, and when I became a little underweight, it took alot for me to cut down on my daily routines of exercise and slack of a little on my eating so I could have a normal healthy eating way of life... it's still hard.

But I done it, and I wasn't bullied the way I was here when I moved school – sadly I went through puberty earlier than all of my class mates when I lived in Forks and gained even more weight in the chest area and received a heck of alot of spots over my face. Both of these gradually disappeared as I started my healthy eating and exercising.

My glasses slowly changed into contact lenses during the day and my retainer put a stop to the lisp, in time.

My hair, however, grew quite slowly. I can just describe it as frustrating, completely frustrating.

But there we go, I have went through severe changes over the past 5 years, and my sobs cut themselves short as I stared down at my slim body – self conscious as I was I knew that I had brought about that change through gruelling training and pure hard work.

I picked myself up, now and again letting out short sniffs as I washed my hair and body, shaving my legs quickly.

I was terrified of what the day ahead held for me but I had to hold strong and I had to do the best I could to make the impression I wanted.

I had made the frightening decision to move back to Forks for my mom and her husband's benefit and I would give it an effortful try before I gave up and decided to go home. If I give up.

I wrapped the cotton towel around me and tip-toed out of the bathroom, realising that I had probably woken Charlie at least twice with my screaming and punching of the radio; I would come back for the mess I had made when I was dressed.

I dried myself quickly, noticing the time was already quarter past six and I want to be more than ready for school by the time I need to leave. I opened my newly painted closet which was full of several high fashion items – I, personally, hate shopping and all of the other hullaballoo that goes with it, but it's pretty necessary to know the trends when wanting to set a good impression in your high school.

I glanced down at a magazine I had purchased a couple of weeks ago, flipping to the page where it showed you the new trends and set out several outfits for you to buy, telling you the store and price of each item.

I had worked a little for Phil's parents in Phoenix, they owned a restaurant there and I had earned quite a high amount in tips and pay so I saved up knowing that I would probably be coming to Forks sometime soon – before I left for Forks, I bought five laid out outfits which cost me $1200, maybe not the smartest idea to some people, but it really boosted my confidence when I put on those garments and new that this was what the "in" crowd wears.

I studied the pictures for several minutes, trying to decide whether jeans or a skirt would be the best choice for my first day back – I finally decided on the indigo tight denim pencil skirt which had beautiful sailor style brass buttons at the top, a frilled white blouse, small red heels (I might just get away with wearing them in front of Charlie – after all, they're only two inches), my indigo pea coat would work the look perfectly.

I was just about to change into my clothes when I heard a loud thud and a shout coming from the bathroom – I wrapped the towel even tighter around me and ran into the bathroom, flinging open the door to find my cursing dad on the floor at my feet.

"Dad!" I exclaimed, extending one arm to help him up, due to the fact I was wearing only a towel.

"What the heck happened in here?" he grumbled, pulling himself to his feet.

I froze, trying to think up a good excuse, "Uhm... I kinda fell on top of it... I was going to get dried then come back and clear it up,"

A frown line creased his forehead and he gave me one suspicious look before he bent down to start picking the bits up, "I slipped on the stupid thing," he muttered.

I took this as my cue to leave and bolted from the door, deodorizing myself fully, then slipping into my thigh high pop socks, then following with the rest of the outfit.

No one will ever understand the deep dread I felt at the thought of looking into the mirror, every single time I made the effort to do my make up or to do my hair I had to use it; but I was genuinely frightened each time I had to look.

I found my contact lenses and slid them into my eye uncomfortably, praying silently that the day I would get laser eye surgery would come quicker – these things itched like hell.

I opened up the dressing table mirror and sat on the stool, plugging in my curlers and using a soft moisturiser – everything done by the book.

Sometimes I looked at myself and I wondered - have I lost my personality in all this? Then I work out that I don't care, because it's better than having your personality then being treated like crap – trust me.

I put a few curls into the back of my hair, used a little bit of blusher, eyeliner, and the basics really. Hopping into my heels and checking the time – 6:45.

I decided to eat my breakfast then maybe burn of a CD for my truck which had been thankfully fitted with a CD player by my dear father.

Breakfast was quick and sweet; I burned a disc of the top 20 songs right now then threw myself into the housework left over from last night, careful not to get anything on my outfit but all the time just trying to keep my mind of what was swiftly approaching.

I checked the time – 7:30.

Time to leave in twenty minutes.

My dad was just leaving for work, as I heard him come downstairs I shouted a goodbye but he came into the kitchen where I was just removing an apron I had been using to protect my clothes.

"Hey Bells," he gave me sort of patronizing half smile; making me worry about what was coming next.

I nodded lightly, biting the inside of my cheek in nervousness.

His eyebrows drew together slightly, "are you okay," I was rather taken aback by his serious tone, it had changed quite abruptly.

"I'm, I'm fine – why?" I turned away from him, protecting him from my upset.

I jumped a little as his hand came to my shoulder, turning me around gently, "listen Bella, I know that..." he paused tactfully, surprising me slightly, "things happened before – and I know kids can be horrible. If you don't want to do this you can pull out now, we'll find somewhere else and, if the worse comes to it," he seemed reluctant to finish his sentence, but did, "you can always go back with your mom,"

I shook my head, "no dad, I'm staying here, and as for the bullying thing – I'm over it now – it was a long time ago," I held up my lie quite well but I was dying to just change schools. I wouldn't cause my dad too much effort, he already has enough on his plate and now he's become a full time single parent on top of all of that.

He leaned over, not very like him, and gave me a peck on the cheek, and a small hug. Affection wasn't both of our strong points but it was very appreciated at a time like this – clearly I hadn't fooled him as much as I thought I had.

He turned to leave and I decided it was time for me to leave too; I hadn't yet been on a drive bigger than around two blocks since I got here, so I would most probably get lost anyway.

I heard the front door slam closed as my dad left and I ran upstairs to grab my coat, CD, and iPod. I'm pretty much musical orientated, it provides a place for me to go into when I'm upset and when I have no one to turn to. It keeps me from falling in on myself.

When I stepped outside I felt the familiar sense of caution enter me, the pink slabs which created a path from me to the truck were now a blood red due to last night's downpour, I carefully stepped across them, crossing the gravel to get to my also red truck, which I had thankfully been given yesterday by my father, because of one of his olds friends unfortunate disposition (he had been put into a wheelchair).

I sort of enjoyed the visit of Billy; he had a son who drove him over who happened to have an extremely nice girlfriend, a little self interested now and again but all around a lovely girl, if I remember right her name's Leah; she stuck to him like glue the hole time and he couldn't keep his eyes off of her – to be honest, it made me jealous seeing them so happy.

I sat in the comfy seat, sticking in my CD and blaring some old songs that were my mothers favourites, Whitney Houston, Celine Dion and lots of other cheesy love things – I hated to tell anyone about my true taste in music, just another reason for people to make fun of me.

I started up the engine with a hard turn of the ignition, checking my mirrors then stamping down on the reverse – I swung out of the drive way and began my journey towards the school of hell.

I followed the signs even though I still hoped in the back of my mind that somehow I would get lost in the new roads, but it seemed that it was easy enough – as I drove closer and closer I felt myself burst into several hot flushes and found myself exceedingly grateful that I had put on alot of deodorant before leaving the house.

I drove quite quickly on the small boulevard and got the fright of my life when a silver car going at least 30mph OVER the speed limit drove near up my backside before changing lanes – I looked out of my side window, viewing the car as it sped off past me, wishing my dad had been somewhere nearby to catch the idiot – whoever it was should know that driving like that could cost lives.

As much as I was fuming at the stupid driver my mind soon closed back in on what was coming next as I approached Forks high School, it looked more like a town hall than a school – not as big as the high school I had just transferred from.

I looked for a car park and spotted it with only one car parked in it – the silver Volvo. I wondered why any student would be in such a rush to get to school – as they had already exited the car and there was no one around I still couldn't put a face to the thoughts.

So I parked up the truck, turned off my music, stuck my iPod into my coat pocket and stepped out into the lion's den.

As Bella Swan.

***A.N – I hope you enjoyed! This chapter was just to see if you like it... Reviews, alerts, favs, - they all help me write faster so please please please review x***


	2. Silent Uprising

***A.N. **** – First of all, my apologies, this chapter took ages to write because I've been so busy – I'm really sorry for the long wait but I have made it extra long for you guys :o) [19000 words] so a huge thankyou to everyone who reviewed and alerted this story – it means alot :] **

**Secondly, here are some of the songs I wrote this to...  
Nobody Knows – Pink  
You could be happy – Coldplay  
White Lies – Mr Hudson  
Uprising – Muse**

**Thirdly – ENJOY! X**

My heels splashed down into a large puddle, soaking my feet in their cold liquid. I cursed under my breath – brilliant Bella, now you'll be walking around with freezing feet all day.

I sighed heavily, slamming closed the trucks door and taking out a tissue out of my large D & G bag, bending over to wipe away the drops of mud which now coated my feet and shoes, as I wiped the last drop of muck away there was a screech of tires as I heard another car squealing to a halt just a few metres away, I jumped a little as the owner of the vehicle called out to me.

"Hey you!" I lifted my head wearily and spotted a dark skinned boy, sporting a head of dreadlocks, a Bob Marley T-shirt and ripped jeans; he was relatively nice looking, but I certainly was not interested in boys at this point. "Are you the new girl?" He nodded his head in time with the beat coming from his own cars stereo, watching me intently for an answer, a small smirk present on his face.

"Uhuh," I mumbled, standing up too quickly, giving myself a little head rush, I swayed from side to side as his smile grew larger; he switched of the engine, locked up his banged up ford and walked across to me, holding out his hand to introduce himself.

"I'm Laurent," I sucked in a breath as I encountered a small flashback – I remembered this boy from the last time I was here in Forks, he was the year above me and good friends with Angela Webber's big cousin, I had spent quite a few enjoyable summer barbeques with him present. Always polite and nice; I was a little shocked to find him like this, he just seemed pretty different, his attitude had changed, not to mention his hair.

I grasped his hand and shook it, "I'm Bella," I watched his eyes for the recognition I dreaded, but they stayed calm and slightly seductive as a fresh wave of his scent hit me I realised that the only reason he might not recognise me is that he was a stoner, probably not in the sharpest of mind sets at the moment. No wonder his eyes looked mysteriously hazy.

"Well Bella," he put his other hand on top of mine which was now sandwiched in the middle – "would you like a tour?" I thought about it for a second, this guy already seemed to be on my side; maybe it would be good to have a guy walking about the place with me, a little bit of protection from the masses of students who will no doubt note my identity pretty soon. But then I decided against it, I didn't want to have a reputation as the stoners side kick; certainly not my first day of school.

So I gracefully declined, "Oh I'm okay, I need to go to the office anyway, but it would be helpful if you could point me in the right direction?" I smiled falsely at him, my stomach churning at the thought of meeting more people from my past.

His grin dropped for a second before he restored it, then he gave me simple directions to the main entrance, which apparently opened into the main entrance; I tried to tell myself to stop being so paranoid – that of course the office would be there and what reason would he have for lying about it. But I had been poked fun at and sent in the wrong way so many different times in so many different situations that no matter how much I tried something inside me screamed that I should ask another person, just to verify it.

But as there was no other pupils around I would just have to take the guys word for it. It makes sense to. I shouldn't be so paranoid.

My hand closed around the large brass door handle, I pushed down slightly and it swung open, I stepped inside and felt a wave of relief spring over me as I opened my eyes to an empty hallway – it was weird how one minute I wanted to have someone to talk to and the next I wanted to crawl into a corner and throw a camouflage sheet over myself. My emotions were all over the place today.

I strode forward quickly, keeping into the left hand side, I turned to the right after a few steps and there was some glass door – viewable through them was the office.

A plump woman seated at the front desk had spotted me, and motioned with one crooked finger and a slightly sly smile for me to come towards her.

I pushed open the double doors and walked swiftly over to her, pulling a slim silver pen out of my coat, just in case I needed to fill anything in – glad that I didn't need to rifle through my essay filled black leather bag.

She smiled again before it faltered, then she frowned a little at me then opened her eyes widely, "Isabella Swan?" there was some sort of recognition to her voice, but she still looked confused; I thought she had known who I was straight away, she had been the one to ask me over.

"Yeah, but it's Bella," I answered her, and her eyes popped a little more before she corrected herself and changed her look of shock back to a welcoming smile.

"I thought you were a pupil wondering the corridors. Sorry, but we only have an old photograph of you – from the last time you lived in Forks," she had a slim file on her desk which she pointed at with one polished nail to a small picture pinned onto it in the corner – I was there right enough, in unflattering pigtails and about a few stone heavier. I felt a lobster red blush creep up my neck and onto my cheeks. I think the woman realised the embarrassment she had caused me and pulled the file away again with a little bit of an apologetic face.

"I thought my name was going to be marked down on the register as Bella," I squeaked, fearful of the detection that would certainly cause.

"Yes, yes, it is," she said, shuffling the files on her desk and opening her drawers underneath it, she was looking for something. "I was reading it off of the old file, but it has been changed on these registers," she confirmed, relief once again filled me. I was just about to ask for my locker key and map before she handed them to me, after finding them underneath a mound of papers on the side of her desk, "Look at this mess, on the first day," she mumbled under her breath while shaking her head,"

I thanked her before turning away and beginning to follow the signs which pointed towards lockers 275 – 350, I was 321.

I turned left, then right, then left again and they were now within sight; only one problem – there were now growing crowds of people surrounding that area. I froze on the spot, my breathing becoming heavier and more drawn out. I thought I was going to have an asthma attack or something - I had my inhaler packed in my bag but I hadn't needed it since I lost the weight – not once in five years.

The familiar feeling of my throat closing and a burning sensation crawling up my throat began – my head began to spin and I soon realised this wasn't an asthma attack – this was a panic attack.

For a second or so – I almost let it take over my body, maybe the best thing would be just to pass out, I wouldn't have to go to school today, see all these people – and when my dad saw the state of me, he would never allow me to come back. But then my selfish streak stopped in its tracks and I fought for a regular breathing rhythm, because I wasn't ready to give up on Forks high school yet, definitely not.

I calmed myself and took a few steps forward, luckily enough I was still in a shadowed area of the corridor, no one had yet spotted me but I knew with a few more steps everyone would see. Already some faces were familiar, I could see Amy, Ashley, William, Luke – several of the pupils I had known years ago, who had just ignored my treatment, been too scared to become involved.

But I couldn't hold it against them, so I took a few more strides and then I was completely visible to them. I felt as if everyone had turned to have a good stare at me, it took me all of my strength to put on that small fake smile – to look as if I had confidence. Knowing, that if I spotted just one of the vicious four, I would crumble.

In those split seconds I mindlessly searched for their faces, even though I was afraid of being faced with them. I still looked, but I found none. An eruption of happiness made its way through my body as a few people nicely stepped forward to say hello to the new girl.

"Are you the new girl?" I was asked repeatedly, and every time I answered with, "Yeah, hi, I'm Bella," softly but confidently, not wanting to give of too shy an impression.

After a few minutes I finally managed to make my way to my locker, pushing past a couple of younger students who were gawping at me. I started to wonder if I looked a bit overdressed for school, maybe I had gone a little overboard.

Every single thought was knocked from my head as the guy standing at the locker next to mine turned to face me. My heart stopped in my second. He was wearing a loose hat so I hadn't seen the giveaway hair. From behind he just seemed like a normal guy, baggyish jeans and a Fred Perry top.

But when he turned, I felt all the air leave my body. His charming smile never faltered for a second as he held out a hand for me to shake, "Mike Newton," he purred. His blue eyes connecting with mine.

And I found myself remembering one of the biggest let downs of my life.

_**[7 years ago]**_

_My fingers brushed over the bright red card, the little pink love hearts I had spent hours cutting out and sticking, the sequins I had arranged in patters, the glitter I had sprinkle, the inside poem I had come up with all by myself:_

_-Your blue eyes sparkle like the sea;  
I just wish they'd look at me.  
Your hair is blonde and fine,  
I wish you would be mine.  
Maybe one day you will see,  
that you're in love with me.-_

_And underneath that poem. It was signed with my name._

_I would never have signed it with my name if I hadn't read the ok! Magazine which my mother had left in the bathroom._

_I usually wasn't allowed to read those but she had accidentallyleft it unattended so I had quickly snapped it up and ran into my room to read it. Alot of people in my school read that magazine as it was about all the coolest celebrities but my mom had always stipulated that I was not to touch it because it was to mature for me._

_So I had thought about most of the girls in my class who read it and then decided that I was definitely more mature than them, and that I should be allowed to read it if they were._

_It was a complete let down and to be honest, I found the magazine a complete bore, I had expected to find thrilling tails of celebrity adventures but instead I was faced with a bunch of stick thin movie people either with a caption above a picture saying they were too skinny or that they were getting too fat. As well as that, there were pregnancy rumours; celeb break ups and celeb get togethers. What rubbish._

_But as I turned to the "Vicki's advice" column I found more interesting letters and answers._

_The third one I came across was for an upcoming valentine gift, she were unsure whether she should give the work colleague a present with her name signed on it – she had fancied him for 4 years and really wanted a relationship with him but she didn't want to face rejection if it turned out he didn't feel the same with as her._

_It totally related to my current situation, except I had fancied Mike for much longer, and wanted a relationship with him, probably much more than she wants one that guy. _

_Vicki's advice was to just sign her name, and at least if he said no, she'd be able to say that she'd tried and start to get over him – and if she believed that this man was a true gentlemen then she would not suffer too much humiliation._

_So I thought about that, and I believed Mike was the nicest boy at that whole school, fair enough he was a little overly friendly with Edward and Emmett Cullen for my liking, but he had even helped me up once a few years ago when I fell down in the lunch queue._

_I used my neatest, fanciest writing to sign my name. Putting it in the cream envelope I had also made by myself and slipped it carefully into my brown jacket pocket, buttoning it up then running downstairs with a new spring in my step. Today could be the day._

"_Some one's in a hurry to get to school," my mom laughed as I paced around the front door, waiting for her to get her scarf on, "you even remembered to put you gloves in your bag?" she asked incredulously._

_I nodded violently, letting my impatience get the better of me, "Hurry up," I whined._

"_Alright, alright, what's the reason for the-" she cut of mid sentence, a large smile filling her face, "someone has a valentine," her blue eyes sparkle with excitement, just as my brown were probably doing right now._

_I nodded slightly and for the whole car ride to school, she interrogated me with some sort of a vengeance, constantly hitting out with questions about him. By the time we got there, I was pretty sure she knew just as much about him as I did._

_I managed to stuff the card into his locker, before anyone saw me. Nerves ran through me and I could tell Angela had noticed a difference in my behaviour, but I just grinned and giggled when she asked me about her, frustrating her slightly._

_We were first to get to class, not the usual for us, as my scatterbrain mother usually got me to school just in time for the bell. We still had ten minutes before the teacher came along and I turned to whisper to Angela what I had done just as I heard a squashing laughter, someone calling my name._

_Not just someone, him._

"_ISABELLA!" my heart sped up as I stood up slightly, my bum still half in the seat. He was calling me, just like I had dreamed so many times. Without further ado I made my way to the door frame, poking my head around the door and on seeing his smiling face pushing my whole body out into the corridor._

_He stepped towards me, still smiling, and held out his hands to me. In a euphoric trance I stepped forward, bringing my hands to his. We touch and his grin spread. He was happy to be with me. My spirit soared._

_He leaned forward, his face now no more than ten inches away; I could feel his hot breath tingling my features. I conjured up my courage and moved forward a little, he closed his eyes as he moved forward and I copied. Ready for my first kiss._

_In just a few seconds everything changed. Suddenly I was pushed violently away from him. My eyes snapped open and there was a smirking Rosalie, behind her – Edward, Emmett, Tanya and a wildly grinning Mike._

"_You actually thought he was going to kiss you, Belly?" Rosalie Hale smirked evilly, "Really?" The tears came to my eyes so quickly and I couldn't stop them as they poured down my face._

"_Gawdd, she's crying." Edward eyes burned into me as he spoke. I turned to look at Mike, who had begun to laugh._

"_I can't believe I had to touch her," his face contorted, so different from what it had been just seconds ago as he threw down the ripped up valentines card. "And you can have that back too."_

_[End Memory]_

I think my brain had disconnected from my body for a few seconds, before I was able to use my body again, to answer him. I reached out a shaky hand to him and he took it happily, obviously not even thinking I could be her, the fat 10 year old who gave him a valentine card which he then ceremoniously threw back in her face.

I never realised that I was still so touchy on that subject. So angry. It boiled up inside me and I had to keep a seriously tight rein on it.

"Bella," I answered him, surprised at how bold my voice now sounded, exactly how I had practiced for it to be.

"So you're the new girl that's stealing the empty locker beside me," He gave a wide smile, showing a row of pearly white teeth.

"Apparently so," It shocked me to see the signals, he was flirting with me ever so slightly – the smiles, the body movements told me that.

"Do you know your way around or would you like me to escort you to your first class – English I'm guessing you have?" I weighed up my options, walking with him could also protect me from crowds. But could I really stand walking with this boy that for so long I had cried over – he had been the first to break my heart, and I'm still not quite sure if I've yet got over that break. Yes I was over him as a person. But what he done to do it, the pain he caused me by being so cruel, teaming up with the people he knew would hurt me most. Now that had been agony.

I started to shake my head, slowly and shyly, just before I realised that that wasn't what I should be doing. It's not what the new **confident **Bella should be doing. I answered with a slightly flirty response, even though I was mildly disgusted not by his physical form, but by his inner nastiness. "I'm okay thanks, I want to find my way around alone for my first day, it always helps me learn quicker," I smirked at my supposed odd ways of learning before continuing, "but maybe tomorrow, we could walk to class together,"

"I would like that," he winked before turning to leave, "see you around Bella,"

"See you," I fumed under my breath.

I dropped off the majority of things which had made my bag so heavy into my locker, leaving me with only the school map, my English essays from Phoenix and writing utensils.

I turned into a few identical looking corridors before I eventually reached my classroom, the door was closed and I peeked at the number and name on it quickly to make sure I had the right place before entering. Right enough inscribed on a flashy gold coated panel was the name, "Mr Mason – C1.01" – clearly he took his teaching seriously.

With just one more deep breath I entered to an almost empty classroom. A geeky unfamiliar looking boy was sat in the corner, and a small thin girl who looked maybe a couple of years younger than me was sat one row back from the front smiled openly at me. She had warm eyes, unfamiliar though. Also her taste in fashion was exquisite; already I could spot a scarf that had been in last month's edition of vogue and a plaid jacket which was one of this year's highest trends in the hierarchy fashion world.

I was glad to see an unfamiliar face, contrary to the saying. "I'm guessing you're the new girl?"she smiled tentatively and held out her hand towards the empty seat next to her, I took it happily, nodding.

"I'm Bella," I began to hold out a hand for her to shake but she surprised me by pulling me into a hug.

"Alice!" her cheerful mood was a little contagious, and I smiled for the first time today with little falseness. "I've finally got someone to sit beside me!" she laughed and I surprised myself by laughing with her, she relaxed me.

As I spoke I always had part of my mind and on who was coming in the door next, checking it wasn't one of them. I guess it was kind of pointless as I was going to run into them at some point but still, I couldn't help but want to keep out of their way. "You'll be sorry you said that," I replied, as she grinned.

"Oh I love your outfit, what a way to start your first day of school – and are those Jimmy Choos?" she added her eyes popping a little with excitement.

"So you're a fan of fashion?" I asked the obvious question.

"Of course," she beamed back at me.

"Yeah, they're JC's and thanks – is that by any chance the designer scarf that I spotted in vogue last month?" Her facial expressions froze, she stared at me her face a mask and for a split second I began to think she had somehow known me from before and was now recognizing me, just as she spoke again.

"Oh. My. God. We finally have someone in the place who follows fashion with the same passion as I," we followed fashion for a different reason but it didn't matter at this moment, all that mattered was that I was talking to someone and actually enjoying the conversation. "- there's only one other girl in this school who keeps at all within the fashion boundaries and even with that I have to force her into wearing quite a few things, and that's Rosalie Hale," the name sent a cold shiver down my spine. If this girl was friends with Rosalie Hale then the possibility of a proper friendship with her was now dropping at a fast rate.

"You're friends with her?"I said it just as I realised my mistake.

"Yeah, she goes out with my brother, how do you know Rosalie, and I know her through Jazz?" she smiled widely at his name then I began to think the shocking thoughts - so she'd left the big Cullen boy she was with when I last came into contact with her – the way the two had looked at each other, even back then, I had never thought they would split. A dog and a bitch together forever, how fucking sweet.

I shrugged, as if it was none the different to me, "I heard a few people talking about her when I was coming in the door."

"Oh," She answered, "just out of interest, what were they saying?" If Rosalie was good friends with Alice then I would have to lie and say something nice, otherwise I could just see Alice giving information on the people who "talked about her" and Rosalie going on the war path. She was always like that, ever said anything about her behind her back and you'd be in big trouble. I'd learned that the hard way.

_**[8 years ago] **_

"_Izzy sweetie, remember to put on your welly boots on, it's pouring down outside," my mom shouted from downstairs. I flung open my closet, in a hurry to catch the bus. Pulling out a pair of lilac wellies which went nicely with my lilac water proof jacket._

_I ran down stairs at top speed, slinging my school bag over my shoulder, picking up my mom's keys which had been lying in plain sight on top of the living room table – throwing them to her as she searched for them, "Come on!" I moaned, "I can't walk to school in this weather; I need to make the bus!"_

"_Alright, alright, you'd think you were the mother and I the child," I resisted the urge to tell her that's how she acted sometimes and stupidly began running to the car, slipping on the wet concrete, my running mother luckily catching me from behind, "careful, careful," she scolded, unlocking the car._

_I withheld my anger at falling, turning on the car stereo to pass the time. Out came one of my mother's favourites. A Whitney Houston classic – I will always love you. I was glad I had the same taste in music as her, she happened to be the type of person who stuck to her the music she enjoyed in her childhood and never changed with the times really, maybe once a year adding a new song to her collection of CDs, then listening to that collection over and over again. It didn't bother me, but it certainly bothered her many friends._

_It took a few minutes, just until the song finished to reach the spot the school bus passed. There was one figure turned away from me, a slight thing in a cute purple, her favourite colour was the same as mine. It was Angela Webber, my best friend in the world. She turned and gave a small smile as she stood shivering as it pelted down, I dreaded getting out of the car, and almost took my time saying goodbye to my mother, stalling._

_My mom drove away just as the bright yellow bus came bustling down the road, with all the warm children inside. The bus came to a halt, and I stretched out my arm signalling for Angela to get in first, after all, she had been here first. I followed her in haste but as I got to the top of the stairs I took a double take. She wasn't standing there, then as I looked around and down, I saw her petrified face sitting right beside a smirking Edward Cullen, "you need to share your friends Isabella," he patronized me as I guiltly walked on._

_The only seat left was near the back, across from Tanya and Rosalie and beside Jessica, I felt immensely sorry for Angela as even though I wasn't Jessica's biggest fan I knew I wouldn't be going through the torture of sitting beside Edward._

"_Hi Jessica," I murmered quietly as I sat down. She surprised me by responding even though we were seated near Rosalie and Tanya – she could get made fun of because of this._

"_Oh hey Isabella," she turned to look at me and began whispering quietly to me, "You're probably like the only girl in this class who'll agree with me about Rosalie,"_

_I didn't really know what I was supposed to say to that, in the end I just I just mumbled under my breath that I didn't understand what she meant._

"_Well, you know how much of," she sucked in a breath for dramatic effect, pronouncing the next word in a hiss more than a whisper, "bitch, she can be."_

_Jessica was usually quite good friends with Rosalie, I guess Rosalie must have shown her true colours, "What happened?" I asked quietly, still acting sort of nonchalant about the whole situation._

"_Yesterday we were all at the park and Mike was there, and you know how I kinda like him, well she knows this and I was talking to him and she came right up to us and started asking me about how my rash was," she turned bright red at this point and lowered her head a little, " she asked if it was still all over my bum,"_

"_Honestly?" I had never expected Rosalie to be this mean to her close friends, I always thought it was just me, and maybe some other unpopulars._

"_Yeah, I was so embarrassed I started crying infront of him and he just walked away from me, while Rose started to giggle."_

_I thought about telling her my true thoughts about Rosalie, I hadn't ever told them to anyone except Angela, it would be a relief just to get them out of me, and I decided just to do it, after what Rosalie had done to her it really didn't look like they would start being friends again anytime soon._

"_Well," I exhaled, "I hate her almost more than I hate Edward. And I hate him ALOT."I began to let it out, my anger and frustration, "she thinks she's so perfect because she has the big annoying stupid oaf of a boyfriend to back her up – she has serious anger issues. I honestly believe that by the time we're seniors she'll be some drugged up, slutty blonde bimbo." I used the entire vocab I had learned from reading books which were several years too old for me, emphasizing my hatred of this one girl and her whole gang of vicious bullies. _

_My voice softened my throat cracking as I continued, calmer, "she hurts me so much, every day – just because she's pretty miss perfect. And I'm... well I'm me." I felt tears well up in my eyes and I hastily turned away brushing them from there and breathing deeply to unwind the dangerously furious cogs which were grinding tightly and quickly inside my burning mind._

_I shifted back to look at Jessica, and her face was in shock, she never spoke to me the rest of the bus ride, and I never pushed her to._

_As we stepped off of the yellow rusting bus I pulled up my hood, zipping my jacket right back up to the top once again and starting to run towards the filling playground when I was jolted backwards by my school bag pulling back my arms. I began to turn around and I was pulled again, I screamed and no one seemed to pay any attention as I was dragged, my feet having caved in at the force of the pulling behind a nearby dripping tree and pushed down to the ground._

"_Isabella Dwyer, you fucking little cow!" she slapped with severe strength cracking my head backwards onto the trunk of the tree, and I stopped screaming in shock, heat and pain levels rising quickly in my cheek. Just as Jessica walked up behind her, a blank expression on her face._

"_Jessica, how could..." I squeaked before I was cut off by another hit, this time a punch in the gut._

"_Don't want to leave any bruises for mommy to investigate do we?" she smiled, her teeth gleaming her eyes crinkling slightly, if it wasn't for the murderous look in her eyes she would have looked completely angelic. "And that was for Emmett, an oaf is he?"_

_Bang_

"_Slutty, am I?"_

_Thump._

"_Drugged up, will I be?_

_Punch._

"_A Bimbo, am I?"_

_Smack, whack, kick._

"_And to you, pig face, I AM Miss perfect."_

**[Memory End]**

I breathed out as normally as I could, "Uhmm, nothing really, I just heard her name," I smiled weakly, hoping her suspicions would drop.

She looked at me, surveyingly, for a couple of seconds before answering, "I only asked because alot of people still have a thing against Rosalie because of what she used to be like," I just managed to stop my eyes popping open in shock, could she really have changed. "Her twin brother, Jasper had cancer through the majority of her childhood; it gave her serious anger problems. Not many people know her for the changed Rosalie Hale. But honestly I wish people gave her another chance – when her brother was cleared of cancer and started coming to school with her instead of being homeschooled the change in her was huge! I mean, I only knew her for a short time before that and I guess that's probably why I kind of excepted the new Rose quickly and I'm her brothers girlfriend so that makes it quite hard for me not to hang about with her, but even at that, I still believe she really deserves a second chance from everyone." She said it in such a way that it seemed like she took the whole situation lightly, but her eyes showed different, the care and compassion which was held for this girl was shown just with one glance. Even I felt for the girl in the story, but when I told myself who the girl in the story really was, I reminded myself who and what she was I felt my melting heart return to its freezer. The ice forming once more. I would have to see it to believe it first, and then see where to go from there. I didn't even know she'd had a brother never mind a twin and one who could have possibly died of cancer.

I couldn't quite believe what I had just heard, I blinked twice before retracing my derailed thoughts and continuing with my conversation, just as I began to speak again the man I guessed would be Mr Mason entered the room, pushing his glasses up his nose just as the bell rang and screaming "LATE!" at the two pupils who tried to enter just seconds after the bell had rung.

I looked to Alice with wide eyes, showing my dread of this teacher but she just shook her head slightly and raised her eyes in a sort of disbelief of his behaviour, maybe he was different when you got to know him...

"Today class, we have new student – could Bella Swan please stand up?" Mortified, I slid back my chair, and stood up. He motioned for me to come to the front and I walked the few paces towards him, and smiled at the rest of the class. My head held high once again in remembrance of my new confidence I had promised myself to keep up. "Since this is your first day, tell the class a little about yourself,"

I was prepared for this, I put on my fake happy voice and answered out loud as I read my "speech" from inside my head "I'm Bella Swan as you know and I just transferred from Phoenix high school – that's really all there is to know," I laughed a little at my own joke before taking my seat again without being offered, waiting for him to continue.

I was glad to find that for the rest of the period we watched a Shakespeare play on a video, one which I had already seen. So I sat half listening and half daydreaming, not so much daydreaming as collecting my thoughts up and trying to sort out the confused brain of mine.

As we were still supposed to be taking note, I tuned in now and again, but found that the extreme passions of the actors upset me, I was thankful that it wasn't something as upsetting as Romeo and Juliet but only Julius Caesar – even at that, the murder and corruption of the town pained me. Earth certainly was and is not a nice place to be.

It all starts with children, who grow into corrupt, rich, powerful adults and think they can so whatever they like to anyone they like.

The class finished quicker than I expected, I looked down to find only half a page of notes in front of me compared to Alice's very full two pages and to add to that I was pretty sure she had turned to a new double page while taking notes, meaning she had probably done at least another page full.

I sighed as I realised I would have to go home and watch it over again, most probably on YouTube in rotten quality. "What's up?" Alice asked sweetly, as we packed up our things quickly.

"Nothing, just being back at school I guess," I gave a half smile.

"I guess Mr. Mason can depress anyone," she lifted her eyebrows, smirking as we walked out of class together. "What have you got next?" she asked, pulling my slightly by the wrist over to the side of the wall so other pupils could get by as we talked.

I unzipped the side of my bag, pulling out the perfectly folded timetable – running my finger across it to find the period I was looking for:

Miss Walker, History, class D2.04

I pointed to it - "History," I told her.

"I'm going the other way but it's just down this corridor and to your left, would you be okay getting there yourself – I would walk you if it was another class but I have PE and I don't want to be late to the changing rooms – sometimes you can get locked out," she looked genuinely upset that she had to let me go by myself and I nodded happily – even though I was shit scared of facing a new classroom full of people – maybe familiar faces. "Good," she grinned, "if I don't see you before lunch then I'll find you then and hopefully you'll want to sit beside me," she winked before almost skipping away from me.

I was very grateful for my new friend and as I made my way to my next class I realised it calmed me, she had told me about Rosalie's change, she had an excuse for treating me like crap back then. It didn't make it okay – definetly not, but it gave me some insight.

When I reached the door I found it already open; inside the woman I presumed was Miss Walker, a strawberry blonde youngish looking woman who at first glance seemed to be engrossed in her work but at second was sneaking glances at the rowdy class, as if trying to catch out a troublemaker. I would have to be careful of her, already I was guessing she wasn't as gentle with her nature as her features seemed to portray.

I walked swiftly over to her, the majority of the class ignoring me, thankfully. I could see some faces which sparked a couple of memories but as of yet I hadn't seen one of **them.**

"Miss Walker?" I asked quietly and she turned to me with a soft smile.

"Are you Bella Swan?" she answered my question with a question and I was reassured that she was stricter than she looked; her voice had a hardness to it.

"Yes," I handed her my timetable, "is this the right class?"

She nodded, "just take your seat over there" she pointed to a desk three from the back, my eyes searched the area from a too familiar face and found none, however, there was something familiar about the voice of the boy who was seated directly behind the seat I had just been assigned to, but he had his back turned to me, talking to the boy behind him. I couldn't quite place it.

She handed me a textbook, a long blue jotter for my class work, a smaller thinner jotter for research/note homework, a large pile of extra revision notes and a yellow faded pass-paper for 1996, asking me to do that for next time I came to history so she could find out the level I was at.

Brilliant. Homework before class has started. Lucky, lucky, lucky Bella.

I took my seat, dreading the rest of the lesson; I was beginning to think this teacher may be a slave driver. Her sweet smile was not fooling me.

I bent over to grab my pencil case out of my bag, and I felt a soft pressure on my back, a crumpled little ball of paper fell into my eye line, followed by, "Hey new girl!" spoken by the guy who's voice I couldn't quite place and who's face I hadn't yet seen.

I took the slim metal pen from my bag and turned to face him. Just to have the breath knocked out of me.

"Oh," I spoke so quietly that I was sure he hadn't heard me. The amount of memories which passed through my head was ridiculous, I felt like I was being pulled apart in my mind...

"New giiiiirl!" he waved his hand in front of my blank face, I blinked, he stuck out his hand, and "I'm Emmett, Emmett Cullen,"

Suddenly everything clicked – the familiar tones to his voice – several octaves deeper now, but with the same lilt to it that had taunted me.

He stared at me waiting for an answer just as my mind was plunged into another one of its painful memories...

_**[11 years ago]**_

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

_The three simultaneous rings of the bell signified that it was playtime, meaning if it wasn't torrential rain outside, we would be allowed outside to play games and eat ort play pieces._

_The teacher, Ms Koskovsky, stood up, silenced the class then proceeded to make her way over to the window, deciding whether we would be allowed out today. As the windows were relatively high placed in this classroom we couldn't see very well for ourselves so we sat in hope that we wouldn't have to stay inside and play with practically wrecked and most certainly ancient wet weather games._

_Ms Koskovsky finally turned back around, "class, you have 20 minutes outside, enjoy," several of my classmates whooped that they were allowed outside, after all, it had been a whole three weeks since we had been, "but I want no fighting,"_

_We answered her with a happy "yes Ms Koskovsky," and almost ran out of the classroom, along the hallway and out into the cool air of Forks._

"_Let's play a big game!" shouted Martin, the redheaded smiling boy who was sadly not very blessed in his looks but had an amazingly funny personality, "EVERYONE can play!"_

_There were several shouts of agreement, but I kept at the sidelines, not quite trusting that "everyone" would include me._

_The whole class began to decide what game to play, finally settling for my favourite game – Xena, warrior princess. In spite of myself, I edged forward, just as they were picking who Xena would be, I gently pushed myself into a space where they could see that I was playing, sticking my foot into the deciding rhyme – "Sky blue, sky blue," Tyler's quick hand moved from foot to foot as he spoke, on every syllable, "all's out, but you!" I was very shocked to find the finger pointing at me – I was Xena. It was the first time in months I had played with the rest of the class like this – and I had never been allowed to play warrior princess._

"_I'm Xena," I whispered, as quiet as a mouse as Tyler nodded and Edward growled in anger then changed his expression quickly as his brother Emmett leaned over his shoulder and whispered something into his ear. He smirked deviously._

_We began playing, hiding in places, pretending to have swords by using sticks which we found lying under the huge tree at the bottom of the playground. It turned out I was actually quite good at it._

_I chose Angela as my "daughter" and began to slightly regret that decision as pretend fighting definitely wasn't her thing and she was making us lose battles. After about 10 minutes into it the "head evils" – Edward and Emmett made their appearance, armed with skipping ropes as whips and hula hoops as circular metal rings which could, pretend speaking, decapitate me._

_I ducked and dived, panting but enjoying myself so much more than I ever had at playtime – I laughed out loud, putting on my deep princess warrior voice and instructing them to surrender as I pulled my sword on them._

_Theoretically speaking, they should have surrendered, it was the rules of the game – the rules of the programme, but the only smirked, grabbing one end of the skipping rope each and walking quickly towards me, forcing me backwards into the corner._

_I shook a little as I retreated, Angela already having been "killed" so I was all alone. The teaching assistants were too lazy to even check properly out of the windows at playtime so there was no chance they would spot this and think it suspicious. _

"_Surrender," I commanded, still in hope that this was only one of the make believe unreal plans of the game. But as they only quickened in on me I guessed it was more real than I was looking for._

"_Xena," they mocked, "we've come to teach you a lesson." At that moment they were only inches away, the rest of the form had begun to gather around to watch, some with confused looks in their eyes, not too sure that this was part of the game. Others trusting fully that Edward and Emmett were only playing. I for one knew better._

_One swift movements the pushed the rope into and around my neck, tangling it a few times, "you deserve this Xena," Emmett whispered in my ear as he pulled the rope tighter and I choked, he released it again. Tears came to my eyes and I couldn't talk, the restraint on my voice box was over powering._

_But all around me were faces which, by majority, weren't quite sure what was happening, but weren't prepared to take a stand against him and stop them – from in all possibility – killing me._

_Emmett spoke to me again, "Isabella Dwyer I bet you are the fattest girl in all America – I think you look disgusting," he laughed as he spoke it all under his breath pulling the rope tighter again._

_Panic ran through me._

_White lights momentarily flashed under my closed eyelids._

_But suddenly I was free. I coughed and spluttered, and looked to see the faces of two evil and shocked boys staring at me._

"_We held her too long," Edward hissed, "we could have killed her,"_

"_Whatever," Emmett voice seemed cool and uncaring but I could see the fear in his eyes, see his hands shake, "she caused it all, she always does,"_

_**[Memory End]**_

Those words which he had spoken so many years ago echoed inside my head, somehow giving me strength – fighting spirit against it all. My confidence returned but this time numbness took over part of my mind, as if to stop me from thinking about what I was doing and who I was actually talking to.

"Bella Swan," I fluttered my eyelashes slightly, not in a silly fancying way – but in a provocative fashion, crossing my legs as I did so.

"Bella?" he asked, I nodded, fear freezing me – had he worked something out..."That's Italian right?"

"Yeah," I answered, not quite sure where he was going with this.

He smiled handsomely – if I hadn't known him before I would have said well naturedly, "You know you look the complete opposite of an Italian girl – Ironic, huh?"

I nodded again, not quite sure what to say back to that.

"This might sound a bit weird for me to say this, but I think you'd really get along with my girlfriend – you know, you obviously like fashion and stuff like that, that's all her and my sister talk about – drives me crazy but I love them" he laughed.

I had an educated guess at who he was talking about in my mind, but still questioned him further anyway, "and who might she be?"

He turned himself around fully this time, instead of sitting half turned away and I sucked in a breath at the square of his shoulders – if he tried to hurt me now he could by all chance kill me, in my head, a strong comparison to him was a bear, "I'll introduce you to her if you like, at lunch or whatever,"

"Sure," I agreed, turning back to the front as the teacher called on the class for quiet.

I wrote my name and other details of my class on the front of my jotters, then was introduced to the rest of the class... then found out we would be having a pop quiz.

As she handed out the paper I expected her to skip me or tell me I didn't have to do it, but she never, she just placed the paper down beside me, asked for exam conditions then started writing up bloody hard questions on the board.

Fucking brilliant.

I started the first question just as I felt another ball of paper hit my back, this time I turned around with half a growl, if he was starting the annoying shit I would tell he could stick it. Cause for as long as he doesn't have a clue who I really am – I would not be taking any bull from him.

I was astonished to find a bright red in the face Emmett mouthing the words, "I don't know any of this,"

I took a quick glance at the teacher, who was turned the opposite way, probably doing the register on the computer, and mouthed back, "Andddd," sarcastically.

"My mom will kill me if I fail – you need to help me," this time he whispered slightly and I put a hand out for his paper – not sure why in the world I would help this particular boy out, if anything, he deserved to be given the wrong answers.

I thought about doing that for a split second, then decided against it – it would just look if I was naturally spiteful. Which wasn't what I intended for everyone to think of me on my first day.

So I quickly scribbled down the answers I knew onto his, then copied them onto mine – handing him his paper back with a raise of the eyebrow while he thanked me profusely and quietly.

I managed to work out two other answers before she finished the quiz, but at I guess I would say that "Emmett's answers" would still give him a pass.

When the test was finished she set us straight into copying extra revision notes off of the board – I could tell that history was not going to be a favourite subject of mine.

We finished a couple minutes before the bell rang, just as she said, "you can pack up now," I felt huge arms rap around me, lifting me out of my seat with their strength.

"Wow," I breathed, as he squeezed the life out of me.

"Thankyou so much," he whispered into my ear, "my parents said they were going to stop me going to soccer training – and soccer's my life!" his whisper got louder and much more passionate as he spoke of soccer – I found myself, much to my dismay, liking this guy already.

He was so different to the nasty boy I remembered – yes he did look quite like him – his eyes had the same crystal blue sparkle, his smile was still the same cheeky smirk, his body was still unbelievably broad. But he wasn't the Emmett Cullen I remembered.

I couldn't understand how he had changed; I wondered if it was my change that was causing him to act so nicely towards me. Maybe if I was the same fat spotty girl I was back then, I wouldn't be having the same magnificent reception.

In fact, I'm positive I wouldn't get the same reaction from him.

When I realised this, I stopped being pulled in by his new "act" towards me – my mind refusing to give into someone who would make fun of me if I was different – I wanted to be excepted for my personality, and until the person could be trusted not to bully me – I wouldn't show my true colours.

And that's that.

He released me and I brushed myself down a little, packing things away as he prattled on, thanking me again and talking about how this "big match" could not be missed – I wasn't really listening, still fuming that someone could be so shallow until he mentioned that his brother played on the team, and even though his brother was captain, he wouldn't be allowed to play if he missed training. It was just a small mention but it sent me exploding into anger, throwing my things into my bag, and when the bell rang not even waiting on him as he called on me, pretending not to hear him as I stuck my ear phones further into my ears, blasting into it a calming u2 song.

I fumbled for my map, but as I walked in an unintelligible direction due to my anger and dismissal of Emmett Cullen's niceties I found that I had already reached the Spanish corridor, so instead of looking at the map I flipped it over to my timetable and started to check every door I passed for 'E3.09 Mr Price' I eventually came to it – it was the last class in the crowded corner.

I gave one last glance at the vast number of pupils, looking for a familiar face. I saw several, but none that I was purposely looking out for – I watched them laugh and giggle and chat and knew that they were the lucky ones.

The accepted ones.

As I stared at them, I was pushed and bumped about, other teenagers trying to get to the classes. I pushed my way past them, even the whistling boys standing at the class next to mine, one of them, I was almost positive, was Martin, a boy I had had a vague friendship with in kindergarten, one I hardly even remembered. But I wasn't positive of his identity as his face was now covered in disgustingly bad acne, boils and all sorts. I instantly felt sorry for him but didn't feel as bad when I saw a relatively nice looking girl walk up to him, hugging him tightly, he spoke something softly into her ear and I watched as the girl blushed and kissed him softly on the lips.

I shook myself and entered the classroom only to be screamed at by Alice, "Bella!" she was waving like a mad woman and had her arm around a handsome but saddened looking boys waist – I guessed straight away who it was; Rosalie's brother.

I scanned his face for any recognition – I wasn't sure if I had met him before – I didn't think I ever had, but the odds were that I had at some time. But no, there was no recognition, so I plastered the great smile on my face, biting my lip quickly before taking off towards them.

"Hey Alice," I answered her as I got there, right at the back of the class.

"This is Jasper I was telling you about," now I was closer I could see the family resemblance, he had the same beautiful blonde hair and was now beginning to smile the same smile Rosalie used to smile – except his was heartfelt - just like hers filled the room with light. He lifted a hand to wave and I mirrored him. "Jasper this is Bella, she's new – obviously – I met her in English - finally have someone to chat to first period!" she mock punched in the air and laughed a little, "just drag that desk from over there over," she pointed to a few desks pushed against the wall, "and pull up a seat,"

I did as she said and as I sat down I spied her hand interlinked with his – his hand was scarred most certainly – and from what she told me, probably from needle marks, her hand was tiny in his but somehow they seemed to fit together.

I asked about textbooks and Alice told me the teacher would give me one, so I waited for the teacher to come in and give me one.

He came and handed out things, introduced me to the class and started to teach almost straight away. I growled to myself as I started working, Alice was quite quiet and I was surprised until I turned around to look at her – and found she was not doing the work, but instead quickly passing notes back and forth with Jasper.

I giggled inwardly and set back to work, after a few more minutes of working a girl came through the door, lifting an instrument case to the teacher – "extra band practice sir," she said politely and took her seat right at the front of the class.

I gawped at her, her dark brown hair cut to her shoulder, in sweeping layers. Her face had lengthened her body still as slim as it was them but now with the curves of a lady added into it. A beautiful young woman, as I'd always known she'd become.

Angela Webber looked stunning, she hadn't noticed me, but if anyone was going to find out my identity it would be her.

She knew me inside out 5 years ago and I felt horrible at breaking contact completely with her but it had to be done, years ago, all I wanted to do was cut links with fork from me.

But now, maybe I could reunite with my old friend, maybe it was time to apologize for my cutting behaviour, because I had lost an amazing friend, one for all these years which have past I still miss now and again – I never really connected with too many people in Phoenix, I was still too shy to make too many attempts to socialize with people who didn't come directly up to me and start a conversation. So maybe I should take the time now, while I'm in a new Bella mood to speak to her confidently, ask for her forgiveness.

Alice nudged me gently and I looked to her, she pointed to the boy in front of me who had apparently been attempting to catch my attention while I was off in my own mind – I wasn't able to prevent myself from blushing that he had caught me day dreaming, but I still managed to give him one of my best smiles, showing him my full set of teeth – a total cheeser.

"Hi Bella," he winked and I rolled my eyes dramatically, his face was definitely familiar, I just couldn't place it.

"Hi stranger," I whispered back. Laughing under my breath at my own attempts at flirting. Alice started to giggle beside me.

"Looks like you have an admirer," she added.

"Have you got anyone to take you to your next class, cause I could if you want," he seemed like a nice guy, and he wasn't bad looking either.

"No I don't and that would be nice of you," I answered while he grinned.

"I'm glad," he flirted back, "oh and my names James," he said, just as he turned back around to his desk.

I remembered him from years ago – he used to be like me, and by like me, I mean overweight. He wasn't taunted as much cause he wasn't as bad as me, but he was made fun of – but he had a way which sort of prevented him getting bullied the way I was, thinking back on it now I think I should really have at least tried to befriended him, he had no friends when I had Angela, but at that time he always seemed horrible to me, not just looking but the way he acted he was a different sort of bully than the others – the sort of "steal you lunch money" bully – the one who used his weight to his advantage. But now he looked amazing.

He was pretty hot to be honest and it shocked me that in the spur of the moment and in my pretend confidence I had agreed to it, not that it was much him walking me to a classroom, but still, maybe with this guy, I could bond.

Alice filled me in about what she knew on him whether I wanted to listen or not, she told me that he had came back after summer holidays just two years ago looking completely different, and from what she knew m a few months later he had worked himself so hard that he was making it into the swim club. The last time she had went to watch Jasper in the swim club she had seen him, and he had an amazing body, like six pack amazing.

He reminded me of me. He had changed in attitude and changed in physical form over the years. I gained some admiration for him as Alice spoke, still looking at the back of him. He had long dirty blonde hair, yes it was completely out of fashion, but there was something hot about it, he suited it. He was wearing casual clothes, and now that I looked closely, was surrounded by talkative and nice looking guys, nothing stood out to me as being un-normal about him. He just seemed like the hot, popular guy – the 180 of what he used to be.

Maybe I could do a 180 too.

The rest of French was boringly uneventful, work was the word. I split from Alice and Jasper, and watched Angela walk out the door, quietly and with her head down, not much had changed there. At the door, as James approached. I prayed to God that he would be nice to me, and wouldn't have a clue who I was.

"Bella," he breathed in my ear. Yeah, definitely flirting.

I chose to ignore it, "what do you have next, I've got Maths,"

"I've got Maths too – what teacher do you have," what a lucky coincidence, I smiled and rifled through my bag for my timetable.

"Mrs MacLean," I finally told him.

"Aw," he looked a little downheartened, "I've got Mr Paton, but I guess it's lucky in another way, my class is right next to yours,"

I nodded as we started to walk – this whole school wasn't very hard to make your way around, especially compared to the one in Phoenix I had just transferred from.

"So Bella," he started a conversation up again, "how do you like Forks so far?"

"Oh it's alright I suppose, I haven't really been about the place yet – one thing I have noticed though... is the rain, are there always gray clouds overhead?" I asked, knowing fine well there always was, but I had to keep up my act.

"Yeah, the only time we really get any sun is just after we finish for the summer holidays, usually about then there's a period of relatively sunny weather for a few weeks – but even then it can be interrupted my glorious rain showers," he answered sarcastically.

The school was so small that already we were reaching the maths corridor, "Wow this school is tiny,"

"I suppose it would be to you, how many people were in your last school?"

"Uhm, about 15000, how many are here – 5?" I guessed snickering.

"Nahhh, I think there's about 2000, tops, and that's only because Port Angeles doesn't have a school so alot of their kids come here"

"Wow, really, do you like know every ones face around here then,"

He shook his head as we walked up to the door with the details of my Maths teacher written over it, "Only the people who stand out to me as... someone worth knowing," his eyes darkened with a seductive liquid.

"Oh really," I was fixed on his handsome face, this guy seemed like the guy I had been looking for ever since I was a little girl – he shared alot the same past experiences, he could understand me, "and who stands out to you, today,"

"I think you know who," then he done the most romantic thing a guy had ever done to me, he took my hand and kissed the top of it, his lips pressing their warmth across my skin, his eyes coming up and looking at me with an expression of wonder, his head tilted to the side a little and he spoke in a romantic lilt, "see you around Bella Swan," he turned and walked away, leaving me gawping after him.

After a few seconds, I closed my open mouth and turned to the open the classroom door, still a bit breathless from James' charm.

I was greeted by a bunch of screaming girls, well not actually greeted but they were screaming as I walked in the door; I sighed, if maths was going to be like this every time it would drive me insane, I'm guessing that they're probably a bunch of wannabe cheerleaders or actual cheerleaders who are making the noise, and the whole screaming discussion will probably be related to a boy in some way.

I cursed under my breath as the teacher, Mrs MacLean, pointed to my seat, which was right beside the squealing idiots. I took my seat with a slight smile at them – after all, I didn't want to seem stuck up on my first day, no matter how much I doubted I would become friends with them.

"Oh heyyyy, I guess you're the new girl" the girl turned to look at me and I jumped slightly at how little she had changed – Jessica was practically the same.

"Yeah... Hi," I answered, struggling to keep my breathing even.

"I'm Jessica, this is Lauren, Nicole and Meagan," she said pointing behind her.

I smiled at them all, swallowing becoming a little harder, "I'm Bella Swan-"

I was just about to say – nice to meet you (which by the way it wasn't) when she interrupted me, "you know, you remind me of someone, I just can't work out who – have you been to Forks before,"

My face nearly crumpled but I managed to keep my cool, "A few times when I was younger, my dad lives here and I used to visit him now and again, maybe you've seen me around or something,"

"Huh," she replied, "maybe,"

I breathed out in relief as the teacher interrupted our conversation, launching into Mathematical problems, sending out a wave of depression over the class at her boring teaching.

I just kind of got on with it, got my text book and jotters and luckily enough we had just covered trigonometry in Phoenix so I could just wiz through it all. I tried to ignore and block out the chatting girls I had been seated beside but when I finished 10 minutes before the bell and didn't want to look like a smart ass telling the teacher I had finished already, their conversation penetrated my walls.

"Ughhh. We have cheerleading practice next," the annoying blond moaned.

"Oh I know Lauz; I can't be bothered going and facing the stuck up silent Rosalie. She's being a pretty shitty cheer captain lately," I suppose it wasn't the biggest surprise in the world that she was cheer captain – she had the nature to be one of the big bitches. It seems like she took the queen bitch position. What surprised me was that this little clique of bitches didn't like her.

"She is like a total hypocrate," Jessica whined.

"It's hypocrite," the grinning brunette corrected her as I inwardly laughed.

"Whatever; I'm just saying that she used to be the one who moaned about us doing extra cheer practice even when the seasons out, and now she's the one who's lazing about on us – she hasn't joined in on any big lifts for weeks. She just likes to dish out the work and she's really pissing me off." She said that in no more than two breathes.

"Uh babe, she pisses me off but be fair, she did sprain her ankle."

"Yeah whatever."

"She's started eating millions at lunch as well – like she used to do the strict diet with us but a week or so ago at lunch," she took a deep breath and said the next words in what looked like utter horror, "I saw her eating... meatball surprise," the rest of the bitches inhaled in 'shock', "annnnd pudding."

"Omgoshhhh. She did not."

"No way,"

"She never would..."

"She did,"

"Does she know how many calories are in..."

"that's the worst part, she totally knows what she's doing,"

"How can she let that disgusting mush go down her throat,"

"I know right?"

"Well she definitely can't count on my vote for cheer captain next year!"

"And mine,"

"Or mine,"

"Totally not,"

The bell rang and I stood up actually peeved off at the bitches that I had been seated next to; I couldn't believe the emotions I was feeling – pity – for Rosalie Hale. Cause I eat just about the same for lunch and those girls described practically every school day. So maybe she tried to make a change in her diet, become a little healthier in her portions and she gets landed with them, debating about what she should and shouldn't eat.

Whether I like Rosalie or not – it's still not fair.

I stepped out of the classroom looking around to see where all the pupils where heading, maybe I could just follow the masses. When I was suddenly gripped around the waist from behind I froze in fear, beginning to shake just as I heard the sweet voice in my ear.

"Bella," I dethatched his arms from me, maybe it wouldn't be too bad to play a little hard to get.

"James," I smiled, "can you tell me where the cafeteria is?"

He smiled mock sadly, "I can tell you but I can't show you, I've got soccer training at lunch,"

"Oh I'm so depressed," my sarcastic streak shone through.

"Now you've went and made me feel horrible – I suppose I could walk you half way-"

"No it's okay, I'm just kidding, just point me in the right direction and I'll be out of your hands,"

He smirked slightly, "I don't want you out of my hands, but I suppose I better let you go eat – just walk straight down to the bottom of this corridor, go out the double doors into the courtyard – go straight across there and through the only other doors, walk down the music departments corridor and take a right – go through those doors and that's you – got that," I nodded.

"Got it, now I better go before I forget it,"

He bowed his head slightly and turned on his heel, taking off towards his soccer training. I walked the ways James had told me to go, and only when I was turning the corner out of the music corridor did I actually realise the enormity of what I was doing.

I was going to face practically all of the school, all together, all watching for the new girl and what her traits were, waiting to stick her into one of their cliques, take away her uniqueness and brand her.

I don't want to be branded.

I opened the doors and looked for a friendly face. I scanned the crowds, hoping that the idiots in maths had informed me correctly, and that Rosalie would be at cheer practice.

I was petrified of running into Edward even though Emmett had said he was captain of the soccer team so he would probably have practice, even so I could still run into him, but it was going to happen at some point so I had to keep ploughing on. At last I succeeded in finding Alice's petite body and gluing myself to her.

"Alice, thank god I found you I really don't know what to do with myself in here," It was certainly smaller than Phoenix's dining hall, but it was also much scarier, people wise.

"So you're gonna sit beside me at lunch then." She smiled widely, as if she hadn't expected it.

"Yeah of course, why wouldn't I?"

Her smile never faltered as she spoke, "well your pretty, and your nice, and clearly all the boys have taken a liking to you," she pointed over to a table of boys who were all mysteriously looking our way, "I guess I just thought you'd find someone more interesting to spend your lunchtime with – it's happened to me before,"

Although her smile never changed, I could hear a whisper of pain in her sing song voice. Her boyfriend Jasper walked up and we all of started moving towards the cue to get our lunch.

"I would introduce you to Rose, Emmett and Edward – but they're at cheerleading and soccer training,"

"Emmett did you say?" I wondered who Emmett's sister was and if she hung about with Alice and Jasper.

"Yeah, he's my brother," There's no way Emmett had a sister when he was younger, and Alice said she had only moved here a few years ago. Maybe they were half siblings or something.

"Oh right, I met a boy called Emmett in my History class, he said he was going to introduce me to his girlfriend and his sister cause I was... kinda like them," I stuttered a little in my nervousness, thinking of Emmett and now possibly Rosalie was throwing me off.

Jasper laughed lightly, "coincidence?"

"I think not," Alice giggled, "we're totally meant to be best friends,"

"You know something – I would love that," I answered sincerely.

"Well that's good cause it's gonna happen," I suppose the whole conversation was getting quite cheesy, but I felt like I had a connecting with this pixie like girl, she brightened my day, stopped it from being all about avoiding everyone.

I smiled as we got food, Alice loading her plate full of turkey salad, Jasper grabbing a slice of pizza and I just didn't really feel like much, so I took a pot of yoghurt pleading a soar stomach to Alice when she began to object to my small food portion.

We sat down at a table in the far corner, out of the way of everyone, "do you do any sports then?" Alice asked between mouthfuls.

"I used to got the swimming club back in Phoenix, so I guess I'm quite good at that – but I don't do cheerleading or anything what about you two?" I questioned, swirling the plastic spoon around the light pink pot of yogurt not quite wanting to bring it to my mouth.

"I do tennis and I used to do swimming too, but I stopped it to focus in on tennis really," now that she said it, she did seem the kind of lithe girl who would play tennis.

"I'm far too uncoordinated for tennis," I laughed. "What about you Jasper?"

"I'm in the swim club here," he spoke so quietly and softly, I naturally seemed to lean in to listen to him every time he spoke.

"That's cool, you'll probably whip my ass at swimming then, we'll have to race sometime," I prompted.

"I don't know about that," but his eyes had lit up a little, as if he was surprised I was actually interested in his opinion, he reminded me of Alice in that way, he seemed to be a sort of outcast – I suppose they both sort of reminded me of me. We were one alike.

"BELLA!" my thoughts were interrupted by Emmett screaming across the lunch hall for my attention, I turned with fear in my bones as I prayed he wouldn't have his brother or his girlfriend there. Just as it hit me that if Emmett was Alice's brother, Edward would almost certainly be too.

I breathed deeply as he came running over to me himself, unaccompanied.

"I guess you've already met my sister and friend," He panted a little while pulling an energy bar out his pocket.

"Yeah, we actually met before I met you, I just didn't know who you were talking about at that point – Alice and I are in the same English class," He started throwing the chocolate coated treat down his throat, I never knew someone could stuff so much into his throat.

I was getting used to holding the conversation up – usually I would never volunteer that information up, I would have waited for Alice or Jasper to take over, "Yeah, I just kinda dropped by," he blew a few pieces of food out of his overstuffed mouth as he spoke and I inwardly laughed as I watched Alice shudder, "to introduce you – I didn't want you to be all alone your first lunch here," wow. He actually cared about someone other than his friends feelings, "anyways, you seem like you'd be a cool person to be friends with," even more shocking, the notorious bear minded Emmett Cullen wanted fatty as a friend.

Talk about a dear diary moment.

"Aw, your too nice," I winked what I hope was cutely at him and he actually scared me by coming towards me with his arms open, I couldn't quite work out what he was going to do at first and my breathing stops. Memories of his grinning face coming towards me, much like he was now accept then he had that horrid glint in his eye – the one I could tell was ready to cause me pain. But now, even thought there was no glint I was still petrified to the extent that I felt my knees knock together – it couldn't have been more than a few split seconds before he got to but in that time I had convinced myself his intentions weren't good, so when he lifted me while enwrapping me in a huge, comfortable, warm bear hug, I was mildly shocked - I hugged him back. Maybe I could forgive him in time, if he really had become this new person.

He broke away after a few seconds, "I give good hugs, don't I?" he chuckled as I nodded, "Anyways, gotta go – training to do – Edward will kill me if I'm late," with that he jogged out the hall, sneaking another energy bar out his pocket and stuffing into his mouth as he went.

I sat back down still a bit numb from what I had just felt. Just to be torn from that by Alice's words. She was mistaken. Hugely mistaken.

"I think you would like Edward," Alice smiled mischievously, "I mean, he's quite the ladies man but I think you would hold him tightly, in my head you two just seem to fit," I was getting used to Alice just speaking her mind but this was taking it too far.

"Alice I've never even met him," My old blush sprung to the surface, "and what makes you think he would like a girl like me?"

"What do you mean "like you"? You're beautiful Bella," she had a way of making serious things and even huge compliments sound so sincere yet light. It was disconcerting.

"Hardly," I mumbled before quickly changing the subject, "I was just wondering, if you guys knew anything more about James Matthews?"

"You mean the boy who is staring at you right now," Alice answered, a little disapproving, I snuck a glance at him and instead of looking away in embarrassment; he purposely caught my eyes and smirked. I turned back to face Alice as she rose an eyebrow, "he definitely has a thing for you but I wouldn't get to close – there's just something about him, he seems like a bit of a creeper to me,"

I knew I should trust her judgement but I hadn't forgotten her families taste in friends – the people who they thought were "creepers" – (hint, hint – ME), "I don't know Alice, he seems really sweet to me,"

"I don't want to judge, I'm only saying that I have a bad feeling about him," I nodded in acknowledgement of her opinion as Jasper began to speak.

"He started hitting on a Rosalie a little once when we were out having lunch – I mean I couldn't say for certain that he was but he just gave of that flirtiness – obviously, Rose sent him packing,"

It sounded to me like they were being a little over cautious here and I gave them another nod to let them know I was still taking in what they were saying. Even though I disagreed.

The rest of lunch passed with us discussing fashions, much to Jasper's distaste. I was glad that we didn't discuss too much of my past, and when the subject did bring us to that I was pretty vague and quite regular with my little lies.

I didn't want lunch to end because it would only bring me closer to meeting the remaining members of Edward's gang – funnily enough, no one was mentioning Tanya, I didn't know what to make of that and I couldn't exactly ask them why they weren't talking about her, so I hoped to be enlightened to the reason through in-depth conversation with Alice.

Biology was next; it wasn't hard to get to even though I was on my own again, Alice and Jasper in different subjects at this time. The class room had a laminated sheet of paper printed with his name "Mr. Banner" and the rest of his classroom details.

I knew that statistically inside this door there should be at least one of the other 3 I had yet to meet, so I braced myself, held my breath, and entered...

I couldn't breathe again. I found it hard to focus. Memories flung themselves at me as I turned on my heels and threw myself from the classroom. What I had seen inside of that classroom was a monster man. Certainly not in looks but in any other way. His green eyes pierced mine for just a second and I was reduced to a quivering wreck. I had forgotten the deep fear which had built up inside me. The nightmares I had been through with his face at the head of them, instructing them, now had their true effect as I saw the beast in person.

I didn't even know where I was going but it would be anywhere but here. Maybe I would go to the office, try to change classes, but my thoughts and panics where once again interrupted by someone, their following footsteps echoing in the quiet hallway. I lifted my ear phones from my pocket and forced them quickly into my ear, so I could at least pretend to not hear them.

Then I heard that voice, only a somewhat deeper than the last time I heard it call on my "New girl!" I ignore him completely, slightly quickening my speed and trying to keep at a fast walk as I heard his footsteps quicken, I heard them change into a run and no matter how much I attempted to walk fast I knew that he had caught me.

He tapped me on the shoulder and I spun around with a frightened squeal, hopefully I would be able to pass that off an unknowing scream, that I hadn't realised there was anyone following me.

As I thought I stared at the floor, I looked down quickly before the invisible hands of confidence lifted my chin up, to face the arsehole that ruined my childhood life.

"Sorry I startled you," he chuckled slightly, awkwardly, his hands by his sides. I refused to look him properly in the eyes, staring at his perfectly shaped eyebrows; they annoyed me to the utmost. How dare he be so perfect.

"Oh, it's... no bother I guess," I must have looked like a bitch but I didn't care, this guy just took the biscuit, I couldn't look at him and flew into as rage. He had hated me more than the others, he was worse with his vile plans and his pain thriving mind. He was disgusting, lower than the lowest.

I thought before that maybe there would be some chance that the anger at him had worn of slightly, I was wrong. If anything it had gotten stronger, all those years to mull over the unfairness of every situation I had ever been in with him. And I hadn't even screamed at him. I should really be very proud I managed to talk to him.

"I guess?" he questioned me after a few seconds, my eyes flicked to his and I was drawn into their murky depths, his confusion clouding certain aspects of such jewels – but my eyes retreated, I couldn't stare into there, I might just find hell within him. He certainly seemed to enjoy devilish things. Pain, suffering, hurt. "And why did you run out of class, was it because of me?"

"Don't flatter yourself," my jumbled words fell from my mouth before I could stop them, cold and hard.

"Sorry?" he seemed perplexed by my behaviour, a spark of compassion for puzzled boy lit my heart but I quickly extinguished it by replaying some of his more cruel works against me in my mind. They were like a hose to it, it was gone in a split second and was the confident bitch again – and happy to be it.

"It had nothing to do with you, I just realised that I needed to get some papers from my locker for that class," I decided to make him feel even sillier, my inner fat girl laughing wildly at the bewilderment of Edward Cullen, "Is that okay with you, or do I need to ask permission next time?" I smiled sarcastically and turned on my heel to leave, but he caught my arm. Some sort of current passed through me at that instant, making me turn to face my tormentor, somehow tears wanted to form in my eyes, I could feel it breaking me but I fought against it as I met his green eyes, "Yes?" I breathed, strength having gone from my mouth.

He lifted his hand to his head, running his fingers through his already tousled bronze locks, "I'm sorry for... invading your privacy, sorry for upsetting you, I know it's your first day and you must all ready be on edge – can we put it behind us?" he held out his hand smiling slightly.

I knew I had to shake his hand, had to look like I was just a new girl he had never met before and shouldn't hold a grudge against him giving her a small fright, so I did, "Okay," I said slowly, biting my lip a little as I did, his hands were warm and soft, so inviting. I despised his likability. Detested it.

I turned again, heading to 'get my papers' and he offered to walk with me, "I can help you find your way," as you would imagine I declined relatively coldly and walked away, turning the corner and standing there for a few minutes, before taking the paper I was supposed to be getting out of my bag and storming back to class in such a rage I hadn't believed I could get into.

"Sorry I'm l-" I began but was cut off by Mr Banner.

"It's okay Bella, Edward told me where you were; just don't forget again," I nodded solemnly, "Oh and you can take a seat beside Edward, since you two have already met,"

I smiled to his my distress, seating myself beside an also smiling Edward, "I'm not that bad – honestly," he joked as my face fell slightly.

Honestly? What a liar. But like I had done all day I nodded along.

Sure I was fine sitting beside my worst enemy.

_**[Memory] – 10 years ago.**_

_My leg tapped to the rhythm of a Whitney Houston classic, my mind focused on the way I would change things in school this year._

_It would be different this time, people wouldn't hate me, and people changed over the summer – right?_

"_Mum, how long till we get there, I don't want to be late," she laughed at the question I had been asking constantly for the past ten minutes._

"_We'll be there in two minutes, okay?" she answered still with a smile on her lips, "anyway, we still have 5 minutes before the bell rings, you'll be there in perfect timing, you don't want to be left standing out in the rain anyway," I guess she was right, terrain was pelting down outside, the window wipers going as fast as they could to clear the glass for my mom's sight._

_I took the two minutes to rummage4 through my yellow and pink striped school bag – it would probably look a little different from the other kids, but my mom was always saying different was good, it made you stand out, could make you popular in some cases. _

_My mom had been popular when she was in school, she had managed to tackle her uncoordinated status and do cheerleading, I had seen picture after picture of her surrounded by groups of friends, so many that she had even forgotten the names of alot of them, and as my mom had me when she was just nineteen, it meant that school was less than a decade ago for her._

_I aspired to be like her – have that cool way of speaking and doing things which just fitted, became fashionable. _

_Different and inspiring._

_We pulled into the school car park, my mom getting out saying goodbye to me, I hugged her tightly, breathing in her sweetly perfumed scent, "I love you mom," I said, letting go of her and throwing my school bag over my shoulder._

"_Love you too, sweet pea," I giggled helplessly, and walked towards the school gates, the bell ringing as I reached them._

"_See yah!" I called as I ran into line._

"_Have a fun day at school," she called, getting back in her car._

_As I got to the line, I grinned, sure this year would be different. I would make it like that. _

_Angela was at the end of the line, she smiled at me as I followed the now moving line inside the front doors, making me sure I had been right about my predictions. Our new teacher, Mrs Cunningham had arranged the desks in the classroom so we were in groups of four, had place name cards on our desks and we ran like a pack of wolves, checking for our names on each desk. _

_I crossed my fingers and hoped I would have a desk with Angela, and by the time I found my desk, nestled in the corner, almost everyone had found their seats. It just so happened I did have a desk with Angela, but Rosalie and Edward also inhabited this table._

_I felt a whisper of fear but ignored it. They would be different this year 'grown mature' as my mom would call it._

"_Hey Iz," Edward called sweetly, a change now looked inevitable._

"_Oh hi Edward," I called back trying to sound cool, he snickered, as did Rosalie._

"_Come sit, I'm so lucky to be sitting beside you," now I was a little weirded out, yes I expected a change, but not one like this, he was too nice. Something was wrong here. Angela looked weary too but she was sitting beside Rosalie so I can see why._

"_Uhm, thanks Edward, I'm glad to be sitting beside you too," he grinned widely._

_I plonked my bag down on top of the table, so I could get my pencil case out of it when I had sat down and I saw Rosalie's eyes widen. She let out a sort of half cough half giggle but managed to control herself, I felt very obliged to Rosalie that she wasn't even going to make fun of me, it was sweet of her when she had seemed to hate me so much last term._

_I pulled out my seat while unzipping my school bag and flopped down onto it onto to emit a small scream as a horrible noise filled the classroom, stopping the chatting, even making the teacher look up from her work._

_The whole class fell about laughing, the teacher even giving a quick smirk, but I still couldn't quite believe it, I felt underneath my bum and there it was, a whoopee cushion. _

_I blushed a furious red and put my head in my hands to stop the tears from showing, Edward grabbing the whoopee from under me so I had no proof._

_I turned to look at the smiling idiot and he had in his hand a can of what I read out to be stink gas, he glared at me evil before pushing down the cap and rotten egg filed the air, everyone around me starting to balk and cover the mouths and noses. But I couldn't move, I was in too much shock. _

_Tears came so quickly I couldn't stop them as the rest of the class chanted names at me, but Edward wasn't done yet. He hadn't had all of his fun._

_I watched in horror, knowing if I told that the same rules as last eye would apply, he would beat the hell out of me. He held in his hand a water bottle, quickly stuffing it under the table, then to my back, pouring the cold liquid down me. Soaking my underwear and all._

_I burst into a river of tears as I ran from the room, merciless Edward calling behind me, "she's peed herself, she's peed herself!"_

_My cheeks burned as I ran through corridors to get to the toilets; this year wasn't going to be different, I knew that now._

_**[End Memory]**_

Mr. Banner began writing up instructions for an experiment on the board, both Edward and I moved quickly at the same time to get the microscopes which I had spotted were in a cabinet to the right of me, Edward was seated on the left hand side of me – so when we banged into each other he winded me from behind, sending me spiralling towards the floor.

Time seemed to slow as I fell to the floor, had he done this on purpose? Did he know who I was? Would I let him bully me again? Questions passes through my head as I fell in silence, just as my head was within inches of the cold hard ground, two strong arms grasped me, one at the top of my head and one around my waist, pulling me up to standing position again.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered as he released me, staring intensely into my eyes, for a moment I succumbed to the liquid beauty, but only a moment.

"Piss off dumb ass," I answered him furiously, flipping his shocked face the bird and hoping to God the teacher hadn't seen and stomping over to get a microscope myself.

Damn that felt good.

I sat down with the microscope as the teacher handed out the slides we would be inspecting, also handing me a thick brown jotter for my notes. "Now class I want you to take note of your observations, as it's quite a hard experiment, the first finished will receive a one day extension on your homework," that could be useful.

I swung my curtain of hair forward, protecting my face from his intruding one, wonderful yet horrible one.

I examined each of the slides in turn, scribbling down what I was sure they were, handing him the already looked at slide every time, when I finished, I read over everything, then turned to him, sure fire must be burning inside me, the agony I felt when I saw him, scared the hell out of me. Why was I so afraid?

"If you think they're wrong you can check over them, otherwise, here's my answers," I turned away again but he grabbed my arm, pulling me round to face him, I recoiled from him immediately when he touched me, it was becoming too much to take in on the one day. "What," I snarled.

"Why the hell do you hate me so much, my brother Emmett told me about you, he said you were nice, polite, but that's certainly not the impression I'm getting, to be honest, you seem quite like a bitch-"

"Shut up," I snapped, "Just shut your mouth and be quiet, how you can judge me I really wonder, when I've seen boys like you everywhere I go, they think cause they have good looks they can get away with everything, well it doesn't wash with me, I know that deep down, your just a cruel arsehole," I turned my head from him again and this time he didn't try to talk me round.

I put up my hand, telling the teacher that we had finished and he came to check our answers.

I seemed I was correct after all, and we both earned the homework extension as a prize. "Thanks," he said quietly, and I nodded my approval, he had certainly been put in his place. I smiled in happiness, even though my brain was pounding from the thought of him discovering who just talked down to him.

The rest of class was uneventful, actually, it was practically silent when it came to Edward and I just refused to make the same mistake again, show weakness.

The bell rang and I nearly jumped out of my seat, having already packed away my things early I grabbed my bag and walked away as fast as my legs could carry me, nearly running into Angela, who was standing outside the door.

"Sorry," I smiled at her and she smiled back. I didn't know whether to stop or not but I had too, because I owed her as much, "Hey, I'm Bella,"

"Angela," she answered, shaking my hand and looking behind my head, she must be waiting for someone.

"I'm new here, could you tell me the way to P.E?"

"Oh sure, I've got PE next anyway so I'll walk you, just gimme two seconds, I'm kind waiting on my boy friend," she grinned when she said the word boyfriend, it was pretty cute.

"Cool," as I spoke Angela grasped the hand of a bit of a geeky but niceish looking boy who had just walked out of my class, he had been sitting across from me.

"Bella this is Eric, Eric this is Bella,"

"Hey," we both said at the same time, lifting our hands in a casual wave, causing us to laugh at our mirrored actions.

"I said I show her where PE is," Angela continued, her glasses falling down her nose a little as she spoke, just as they used to.

"That's fine, I'll just go straight to Physics then, no point annoying you ladies," his voice was quite deep, he sounded like a real gentlemen and it looked, just from seeing them in those few seconds of conversation, like they had really fallen for each other.

"Oh, well I'll see you after school then, meet me in the car park, okay?"

He nodded and walked away, a few of his friends joining him as he made his way up the corridor, "he seems really sweet ange...ala," I almost called her by her nickname, I had called her it so many times in before it felt a little weird calling her by her full name.

"He is," she gushed, then she took a proper look at me, "You know, you look kind of familiar to me,"

"Really?" I wasn't so afraid as I thought I would be when she said it, she clearly had no intention of causing me harm so I would let her guess, if she got me right then we could proper friends again, if not, well maybe it just isn't meant to be anymore.

"Yeah, I just don't know where from,"

"Huh,"

We walked across the courtyard and through a couple of doors before we got there. We stood outside the changing rooms a little awkward, "I'm in the other ones, but I think you should be in this one, and you said you had Mrs Aikman, right?"

"Yeah,"

"Okay then,"

"See yah,"

I entered the changing room somewhat disappointed that we hadn't been able to talk, but things were different, I was different. A waft of deodorant hit me and I coughed a little, placing my bag down on the bench and scanning the room for familiar faces. Sadly, the bitches I had met earlier were there, all except a brunette who had been sitting with them before, I think her name had been Nicole.

"Hey Bella," Jessica called over. I frowned before turning around to face her with a smile.

"Oh hi there, I never noticed you," I said, lying through my teeth.

"It's okay, I was just gonna tell you that you need to go find Mrs Aikman for P.E. kit,"

"Thanks, that's really thoughtful of you," no matter how thoughtful she seemed, she was still being counted as a bitch in my books. I left my bag where it was and walked over to the door which read, 'girls entrance to gym corridor," and opened it, just about to peek my head around the door when a woman who must have been about 5 to 6 inches smaller than me stood in front of me.

"Yes," she inquired, her voice sounded like she had something stuck in her throat but seemed friendly at the same time.

"I'm new, I was told to go to Mrs Aikman to collect P.E. kit, do you know where I could find her?"She smiled widely.

"I am her, and here you go," she ah a bag slung across her shoulder which she proceeded to open, pulling out two yellow T-shirts, one small and one probably a medium, also bringing out a small, and probably medium shorts, "take your pick, you are permitted to wear it baggy or tight, it's up to you," I could tell she wouldn't really approve if I wore it tight. I didn't want to wear it tight, but ambitious, sexy and confident Bella would wear it tight. So tight it would be.

I took the small, then retreated back to my bag and quickly changed into my P.E kit, I could here whispers about what I was going to wear it, but hey, the bitches were going to wear it, why couldn't I?

I pulled a pair of yellow and grey 'creative recreation' trainers (they cost $100 so no one could say anything bad about them, I wouldn't let them) they were just about the comfiest sneakers in the world and, in my opinion, the cutest too.

I snuggled into them and jogged off towards the door, where the rest of the class had just exited, but as I passed the toilets on the way out, out came a couple of girls, one of them being Nicole and the other face familiar but i couldn't quite place her name, then a third girl...

Rosalie Hale. Still as beautiful as always, though she didn't look too happy.

I gasped and turned my head, scared she would catch my eye, I leapt backwards from her, my bum landing on one of the benches, but she never even noticed me, she was too busy talking to the girls she had come out the toilets with.

"...and I really don't want to do P.E. – I have horrendous cramp, my stomach is disgustingly bloated and, to be honest, I look like shit."

"No you don't you look brilliant,"

"Shut up Nicole, don't lie, yeah Rose you look bloated and shitty so if I were you I would just go tell Mrs Aikman how bad it is and ask her if you can sit out," wow, that was a tad harsh.

"D'you think she'd let me?"

"Well she can't really make you do P.E. – if it's that bad then just take yourself to the nurses office, she can't moan then,"

"Oh its fine, I'm just gonna ask if I can sit out,"

"We better hurry up, they'll be starting soon," too right, plus these benches were like outdoor wooden ones, except they had no backing to them, and they were killing my ass already.

I stood up to go and accidentally knocked down someone's heavy school bag, "crap," I murmured as three heads turned to me, a shocked expression on their face.

"Bella, why are you still here?" Nicole asked that girl really did have her head stuck up her ass; she even flicked back her hair as she spoke. Bitch Alert.

"I had to go and get P.E. stuff from Mrs Aikman, she took ages to find me some," I lied, hoping they would fall for my act.

"Amazing sneakers, where'd you get them?" Rosalie asked, her blue eyes looking straight into mine, I stared but, smiling slightly – it was only now I realised how little I had held against the others compared to Edward, and Rosalie had problems I couldn't hold anything against her now anyways.

"Online actually, I got them when they first went on sale so they weren't in any shops yet,"

"Well, they're cute," she smiled a dazzling smile and walked on towards the door, I followed them in silence.

We reached the gym hall still in utter silence and inside the class were just lining up for a game of bench ball, "So everyone knows the rule!" she exclaimed at the class, who stood looking bored and waiting start.

"Yes, Ms,"

"Are we ready?"

"Yes,"

"Go!" she blew her whistle and I chose the team to side with, running over to them as she flung three balls randomly out on either side of the double benches, the boys of the teams running to pick them up and smack them at giggling girls who would refuse to move even if the ball was to hit them in the face. And it did actually.

I looked over to see if Rosalie had sat out, and there she was, looking downhearted and depressed, I wanted to go over to comfort her but I was so afraid.

Then again, I wasn't in a way, Alice had spoke about a completely different person than I had known when she spoke of Rosalie, she had been a troubled kid and if I had been in her position, pushed on by Edward and the rest, there would be a good chance I would do the same thing, so I couldn't blame her, and even though memory after memory of her churned inside my mind I couldn't focus in on one because deep down I knew it was unfair to dwell on her past, it wasn't her fault.

I thought of Jasper, and how the scars on his hands had gave compassion to me, then imagined them on her, but emotionally, she must have went through so much with her brother and me withholding all this hatred was uncalled for. I had to let it go.

In time it would happen, for now I would say clean slate and yes I would remember – I would also be angry for what she done to me, but I would know that the way she treated me now was all that outwardly counted, I would give her a chance-

Whack. The ball smacked of the side of my head making me realise I had been in my own little world for a few minutes then.

I began turning back around to the gym hall full of people, blushing with the embarrassment, but still with a small smirk on my face, pretending I didn't care.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," a ginger haired acne covered boy called Martin.

"It's okay," I laugh sounded unintentionally fake, "I should pay more attention,"

"Maybe you should sit down for a few minutes," he answered me, looking quite concerned, I knew the laugh sounded fake.

"Honestly I'm fine," I would have to sit beside Rosalie if that happened.

"Just take a seat, just in case you start feeling dizzy, I throw a pretty hard ball," my head didn't hurt much at all because he clearly, didn't throw a very hard ball, but I knew I was just going to be badgered into taking a seat anyway, so I did. At the other end of the bench from Rosalie.

To my sincere surprise, she began shimmying her way up towards me, I felt the distinct need to walk away but I never, reminding myself of my thought before I was hit on the head with a ball.

"Hey Bella," she sighed, she was probably in quite a bit of pain, I hate cramp myself but she probably get's it much worse.

"Hi, uhm, sorry I didn't catch you name," her name was unforgettable, but oh well.

"Rosalie, Rosalie Hale," she smiled, her hand going to her the side of her stomach, then to her back, her face crumpling a little.

"That bad?" I asked, trying to be casual, I was nervous enough at meeting strangers never mind someone who had stuck my head down a toilet seat more than once. I stated shaking and had to grip the bench to steady myself, I looked down quickly, watching my knuckles whiten in an effort to stop the shaking.

"Yeah," she moaned, nodding vigorously too

I had some paracetemol back in my jacket pocket, I wanted to get her it, but I also wanted to watch her suffer, I was in horror that I could to admit to myself her suffering brought me satisfaction.

I had to get her it, she groaned again and my mind was made up, "I have some paracetemol in my jacket pocket, do you want me to go get it?" relief spread over her face.

"Yeah, I forgot mine, that would be lovely of you," she smiled again and it seemed more genuine this time.

I stood up and she stood up with me, "you can stay here, I'll just go get them,"

"No, I need water to swallow them with anyway," she followed me to the teacher as I asked permission, then threw the doors and we were all alone – I was just waiting for her to turn on me, but she didn't, she kept silent with her hands around her stomach. When we reached the changing benches she flopped down onto them, bringing her knees up to her chest, tears seeping out.

I didn't know what to do with a teary Rosalie, so I turned my back and got the paracetemol out, also a bottle of water for her, as she didn't seem to capable of getting herself.

She took them with a nod of thanks and swallowed them quickly, choking and spluttering a little at the mass amount of water she swallowed at the same time.

"Are you going to be okay," she shook her head.

"I don't know what's up with me, I don't think I can move, it's so painful and it's giving me a migraine," she shut her eyes tightly as if to emphasise the point bringing her forefinger and thumb to her closed eyelids.

"You need to go to the nurse," at this moment, I had to put out of my head that this was Rosalie Hale, I had to pretend it was just some girl in this pain, I felt alot worse for her when I put my mind into that viewpoint.

"I can't, I really can't, my mom and dad aren't back from work until 5 and I have no car to drive home, I came in Edward's." I flinched slightly at the mention of him but she was in too much agony to notice. "Please Bella, just sit with me," her voice broke and a sob echoed around the room.

I hesitantly put an arm on her shoulder, "it's okay," I had seen my mom in bed with migraines for and I knew she wasn't putting the pain on, they were hell apparently, my mom used to stay in a darkened room for ages, sometimes I would here her cry and go in and hug her, hold her close and whisper to her that things were okay.

Thinking of my mom reminded me, she usually checked her temperature to make sure she wasn't heating up to much, so I placed a hand over Rosalie's head – she was burning up. "Rosalie, you've got quite a bad temperature, I really think you should go to the nurses office, give me two seconds and I'll just go let Mrs Aikman know where you're going, kay?" she nodded and gasped at the pain.

I ran from the room to the gym hall, tapping Mrs Aikman on the shoulder and telling her where I would be, she nodded, and I ran off again, back to Rosalie. When I got there she was silent, sitting up straight, her hands in front of her face.

"She says that's fine, I hope you know the way cause don't have a clue,"

"I do," she mumbled from under her hands, and I pulled her up from under her right arm, putting it over my shoulder and walking slowly out into the corridor. Her sweet scent engulfed me.

"It's just down this corridor and to your left," she told me softly.

We walked in the direction she said, a couple of groans coming from her now and again. Until finally we reached the nurses room, I took Rosalie straight inside, laying her down on the bed, and then went to the nurses little study room to get her, "Excuse me," a cheery old woman turned to look at me.

"Yes dear?"

"I have a friend," major overstatement, "who I've just put into the nurses bed, she has a migraine," she nodded and followed me as I walked back to the room I had put Rosalie in.

"Oh dear," she whispered as she saw Rosalie practically rolling around on the bed with her hands held over her eyes, "you can go back to class now," she said to me.

I took one last look at Rosalie and left, I felt bad for not staying with her, but I couldn't, it was just too many old enemies in one day for me to cope with.

When I got back to class everyone was just finishing of, I only had to play 10 more minutes of their stupid sport then we went back to the changing rooms.

I changed quickly while telling her friends the details of her illness, I was happy to walk out of the changing room and out the main doors of Forks high school, one day down, many more to go.

I almost ran to my truck, stuffing myself inside and revving up the embarrassingly loud engine.

Then my whole mind and body slowed, my head dropped to the stearing wheel, panting slightly; the day had been too much for me, I should have faked illness or something.

I just couldn't understand how I could and would have to let go off the anger I held against these people, they weren't tiny children five years ago when they cut my hair off. They had known what they were doing, how could I let go? There was another thing which was puzzling me to,where had Tanya been? None of them had even spoken of her and it's not like I could have asked them, I would have to find out, and soon, I didn't want to run into her somewhere and get the fright of my life.

Time to go home. Finally.

***A.N. – I have decided that anyone who reviews will get a teaser, so sign in, review and the teaser will be yours! ;)  
Thankyou so much for reading! X***


	3. It's Too Late to Apolgize

***A.N. – Sorry it's taken so long, I've been snowed under with work, the chapter is quite short (9100 words) I've just been too busy, I ended up just sitting down for a couple of hours the past few nights and making myself write lol, I hope you guys like it though x x***

I reached my new home with relief, thankfully, Charlie's police cruiser wasn't outside so I extracted my keys from my bag and opened the door, pulling off my heels as I stepped inside, rubbing my stiff feet, glancing at the somewhat dingy wallpaper – I would have to do something about that, it had been the same since I was a kid, now it was becoming yellowed and dingy, twirling up a some corners.

I walked softly up the stairs, inspecting the ceilings paint job – it looked as if it hadn't been painted for years, maybe not as long as the wallpaper but long enough for it also to need to be freshened.

I opened my room door, setting down my keys and bag, picking up the house phone, putting on a fake smile to help me with the act I was about to start and dialling the number my mother currently was using, I say currently because her number changes regularly, her scattiness certainly does not help her keep place of her phone so it becomes lost more and more often.

"Yello!" my mother answered, making my smile truer.

"How many times mom, please stop answering the phone like that," I was serious but she just laughed.

"It keeps me young... So how was your first day of school hunnie?"

I breathed deeply and set off on my list of positives, "It has nice people," lie, "I made lots of friends," I guess I did make a few, "I'm ahead of a few of the classes," true, "and I guess overall it was quite good."

I could sense her frowning on the other end of the phone, "tell the truth," she demanded.

"It was okay," I faltered slightly and she continued her interrogation.

"Truth,"

"It had a few cons," I admitted, hoping she would quite there.

"What's wrong with it then?" she drew out a harsh breath, "Is everyone being nice to you, do they remember you?"

"Uhuhhhhh,"

"You're sure everything's okay,"

"Yeah, " I answered, trying to think up an excuse to hang up, "Uhm, I'll call you later mom, I'm going out to dinner with Charlie tonight I think, so I'm going to dress up for it a bit, kay?"

"Mmm, I suppose, but don't forget to call me back, I worry,"

"I know mom, speak to you soon,"

"Love you baby,"

"Love you," I hung up the phone with relief.

I lay back on my bed, taking out the earphones from my blouse pocket, changing the playlist on my iPod to 'BS101' selecting shuffle and closing my eyes as the music drifted mercifully into my ears.

Alone again, naturally – this song could not be more perfect, maybe it's my fault I'm left alone, maybe I push people away, but that's the way it is, whether I like it or not.

With these thoughts in my head, I unintentionally fell to sleep, a tear trickling down my face, silently.

I was woken by the consistent beeping of my vibrating mobile; I sat up slowly, my back cracking with the action. Reached out to the bedside table, my eyes still foggy, I lifted the phone to my face and attempted to read the message which was flashing so violently.

My eyes finally focused and I saw that 3 messages were awaiting my opening.

**Message1:**  
Sent today at 19:23  
Sorry, I'm going to be late  
in, there's been an incident I  
need to check out, things for  
dinner should be in the fridge  
or freezer  
Dad x

Crap was that the time already? I checked the digi-clock on my phone which told me that it was actually past that and was now 10 to 8.

**Message2:  
**Sent today at 19:36  
Hey Bella, it's Alice!  
Jst tht Id txt u n giv u my no.  
U cn call me, if u wnt.  
Bt u sed u wd probs be out with  
Ur Dad 2nite, so I thot, Id txt u  
insted.  
Alice xox

How sweet of her, I'm glad she texted and I would call her back tonight, once I'd eaten.

**Message3:  
**Sent today at 19:47  
Hi, just wondering if u  
wud be busy this weekend  
Leah, a few mates and I  
are having a little hangout  
in La push, we thought u mite  
like to go,  
Jake xx

I would definitely be going, they were all so sweet, Leah and I happened to get on pretty well and it would be nice to go out with friends that weren't in any way related to school.

I put my phone back down and ran down stairs as my stomach started to rumble.

Opened the freezer and stuck in some frozen chicken, just a couple of bits, mixing up a salad while I was waiting, it was a miracle my dad actually had salad in the house, but last time he went out for the weekly shop I had specifically asked him to put vegetables at the top of his list.

I sat down, watching the oven timer with yearning intensity. I laughed at myself; already I was trying to change things in this house, not really my nature, but what these stupid magazines had been programming me to act like that. Not me.

Charlie arrived home just as I had finished making the dinner, which was good, I got ready to apologize for not having done any housework but he didn't seem to interested the house, How was school?" he asked, his eyes burning into mine.

"Uhm, it was great," I nodded biting my lip a little, turning away and setting out his plate of salad. He gave it a slight look of disgust before he took it out of my hand.

He sat down across from me as I lifted a healthy forkful to my mouth, "Bella, elaborate – if anyone bothered you, you only have to say the word and-"

"No one bothered me," I interrupted, "It was good, I made a few new friends, a girl called Alice..."

"Alice Cullen?" He inquired, his mouthful of lettuce, he seemed to be enjoying it.

"Yeah, she's lovely – do you know her," I answered, acting very interested in my plate, my eyes stayed fixed on my food as he spoke to me.

"Is that not Edward Cullen's sister, I think she's adopted actually," I squirmed inwardly at the name but this new piece of information helped explain alot.

"I think so," I answered vaguely, an attempt to sidetrack the subject, a failed attempt.

"Come to think of it, I think the brother, Emmett is adopted too, Dr Cullen and Mrs Cullen are lovely people, the kids are a different matter; that Edward used to be a little troublemaker, and you never got on to well with him did you?"

"No," I spoke quietly, shaking my head as he continued.

"He seems okay now, but not exactly the most gentleman like. I saw him just a few days ago in the cafe down the road, surrounded by girls, all at his beck and call; it isn't right." He sniffed disapprovingly then quieted down, asking me a couple of questions about school throughout the rest of dinner, but nothing to in depth, I liked that about Charlie.

When we had finished dinner I made my way back upstairs to answer the texts I had gotten from Alice and Jacob, I had been in too much of hurry earlier to bother with texts but I now answered them both back, telling Jacob that I would be extremely happy to hang about with him and calling Alice once I had finished that.

We spoke about different fashions and slipped onto the subject of the only fashionable T.V. show which graces our screens – Gossip Girl. I found that even though fashion wasn't exactly the most interesting thing to me, I enjoyed just being able to talk to her, to socialize with someone whose personality ran in harmony with mine; I was also more than happy to keep away from the personal side of things. I managed to steer clear of any deep questions which could crack my voice and blow my cover.

The only part that really related to my family in anyway was that my dad was supposed to go out with me to dinner tonight and I told her about him being kept late at work, that couldn't really cause any trigger words.

Sadly, at the end of the conversation just as we were saying our goodbyes, Alice just happened to remember something, Rosalie had spoken of me and Alice wanted to check that it was really me who had helped Rosalie out of P.E. when had came down with that strong migraine.

"Oh, and Bella, before I go, I was just wondering, what actually happened to Rosalie, she said she feels alot better now, but Emmett said she looked like hell when he picked her up – I get the impression she's playing the whole thing down a little."

"Uhm," there wasn't really much to tell, "Basically she seemed really ill, we went to the changing rooms then I took her to the office; she did seem in alot of pain though," at these moments I was trying to lock out the fact that I was actually talking about my encounter with _**Rosalie Hale **_and not just a random friend of Alice's. It wasn't working.

Finally we finished up, I came away with a smile on my face, stubborn refusal running through my blood stream as if I had just been given a top up to keep me going. Everything within me would not allow for me to think of the biggest Asshole of them all, the one I had managed to get the slightest few remarks into here and there today without him hitting me or even being remotely violent.

That night I sorted out my things for school in the morning, studies a little then went to my bed; I needed a good night's sleep.

The week flew by, it blurred to me, and I found it hard to distinguish every thought while I was in and around the place. The number one shock to me was that I now had someone who resembled a very possible future boyfriend.

The next day, I had a note which had been slipped inside my locker,  
'Did you know Bella means beauty in Italian...  
I'm not surprised.

J x'  
also with the note was a few loose red rose petals, I lifted them to my nose and inhaled their sweet smell. He was wooing me, and I had no problem at all with that, I had never expected this to happen but it was happening, and I was going to let it run its course, I deserved a little special treatment after all those years.

Classes went by and I found I was coping with views of people I used to know – I was so different to them, a whole different personality now that I could have no connection whatsoever to the small fat girl they used to laugh at.

I met James at interval; he found me from behind, grasping my hand and twirling me round in his direction. My heart thumped as I looked at him once again – he was better looking than I had thought – he also was now sporting a new haircut, one which I had fallen in love with already.

"I love your hair; it isn't for me by any chance, is it," I was surprised at the new Bella's boldness, not quite believing she could be so assumptive and outspoken.

He only smirked, his sparkling eyes doing some sort of dance, "would you like it to be for you, cause if you want, it's your," his lips brushed against my hand softly in an old gesture, just as Emmett sauntered up towards us.

His eyes traced over us, and I felt myself drawing nearer to James, frightened of his bulky form. James stood up a little straighter, his shoulder broadening out as he glared; he was maybe just under Emmett's height but nowhere near his width. I was somewhat proud of James then, to have the courage to even square up slightly to Emmett was pretty huge.

"Heyy Bella," he bellowed, cracking a large smile; relief washed through me for my sake but he still seemed to have an untrusting eye on James – not like he could talk. I flicked my log hair behind my ear and smiled slightly nodding in acknowledgement of him. "I was just wondering why you are hanging about with a good friend of mine James," I almost laughed the concept was so absurd; was Emmett really being protective of me?

"Number 1, how long have you known Bella, a day?" he had a point there – Emmett should think that he only knows me for a day, "Number 2 why is it any of your business?" I felt the tension rise significantly and I stepped a little bit forward of James, nearer to Emmett even though my knees had began to shake slightly just as they used to.

I put on a very worried face and stepped forward again, "how's Rosalie?" I asked, hoping to take him completely off of the subject.

He looked for a moment between James and I then answered my question a little doubtfully, "Uhh, I think she's fine, I made sure she stayed off today though, she really did look very ill last night and she ended up begging with me not to take to the doctors funnily enough,"

"Oh that's a shame I was kind of looking forward to talking to her, Alice has told me so much about her I kind of feel like I know her already," I laughed as did he.

"She should be back in school by tomorrow, "he added just as the bell rang for us to get to class.

James stepped forward and touched my arm ever so slightly, I turned just catching the disapproving look on Emmett's face, "I need to go to the office, I have a pass out for the dentist," he smiled, showing perfect straight white teeth, "I'll see you later, milady" he joked, before turning and walking quickly away.

"See yah," I breathed, as Emmett tapped me on the shoulder, "yeah?"

"Why do you like that boy, I mean really, what makes that measly rat attractive?"

"Emmett," I said, I shouldn't have been shocked in anyway but I was, I guess I had fallen for his Mr. Nicey act already. Gullible old me.

"Well you don't know what he was like in 4th and 5th grade – honest to god that boy was some was some sort of devil child!" he nodded as if to convince me, but I wasn't convince.

"Says you," I mumbled under my breath unable to control the rage boiling up inside me, how dare he talk about anyone else's problems with life, or as a person, him and the gang had all the bloody nasty problems under the son.

**Memory [8 years ago]**

_I slammed onto the floor, inside the isolated corridor, their eager, evil faces watching me from several feet above, my hands trembled with the thoughts of what was coming next as Edward picked up both of my legs in his hands and started to drag me towards what I could only guess was the disabled toilet._

"_Noooooo," I squealed as loud as I could but no one heard me, no one would come to my rescue. My hands smacked across the cold hard marble floor, the pain stinging in my palms as the others laughed at my desperation. "Let me go," I panted the sweat on my hands gliding across the floor as I tried to grasp onto something, anything. The squeak followed me, as Emmett opened the door in an effort and signalled for Edward to throw me in._

_At this, I literally felt my life flashing before my eyes, I screamed again, sobs wrecking me, my shaking hands clasping onto the door frame as he managed to pull my legs through the door. The demon spoke and I quieted to bubbly sobs, knowing to cry hysterically through what he was saying would not be the smartest idea, "Now Isabella, you know the score, you will let go of that door frame, or the four of us will pull at your legs and most likely disconnect your shoulders – now what will it be – the easy or the hard way," he shrugged looking so calm and deceitful, I knew then that he was the one to be afraid of, Rosalie and Emmett might have the body, Tanya might have the words but Edward had everything, he overpowered me in everything, including sheer skill, I knew then that I would have to surrender or there would be hell to pay._

_Slowly, my small sweating fingers unclasped themselves from around the frame, my mind spinning as he slowly dragged me in further to what I was sure would be his torture chamber then closed the door, the four of them crowded round me, gleaming wickedly. "Fun, fun, fun," Edward murmured._

_I was a quivering wreck; there shouting and plans where just jumbled words in my mind "stupid" – "ugly" – "fat" – "embarrassment" – "cheeky" – "idiot" – "deserves it."_

_I still couldn't understand how they had known I would be inside the school at this time, they were supposed to be going home, only the kids who had paid for supported study were supposed to stay – I had made sure their names weren't on the list, I was so sure..._

_I was knocked out of my thoughts by a blow to the stomach; I looked up with a breath out at Rosalie, "wake up out of your fucking trance you ugly rat!" I sat up sliding quickly backwards so I was leaning against the wall._

"_Get up," Edward murmured. I looked at him, I knew my eyes were pleading with him but his green ones stayed stone cold, I could see no emotion. I blinked. "Get up," a growl was now included in his words and his hand lunged forward, I let out a soft squeak and tried to move out of the way but he just pulled me to my feet by my collar._

_At that moment I felt like a dog; I shook and moaned and begged to be let go, as if they were my masters, I felt like a criminal, like I had done something and deserved to be punished but I just couldn't understand what it was. I knew my weight was an issue but why did they care so much, why couldn't they just let me be, I have never harmed them but I'm treated like convict in prison._

"_You know something Isabella, you should really start asking yourself why you are even alive, I mean who loves you really," I whimpered as his grip tightened on my collar, "tell me," I was silent. "TELL ME!" he screamed in my face and the others laughter seemed miles away, as if they were safety, he frightened me so much more than them, petrified me._

"_My mom," I finally said, a tiny voice being emitted from me._

"_Oh yeah, family have to love you, but really though, who loves you," he stared at me his eyes now glowing._

_I knew I had to answer but I didn't want to get Angela into trouble, so I answered the inevitable what he had been wanting from me, maybe he would get it over with quicker if I gave in like this, "no one" suddenly he let go of me pushing me a little backwards as they laughed, he looked at me with a straight face, I thought I was getting out almost scot free when they ascended on me, the four of them, pushing me, kicking me, punching me, slapping me, nipping me, hitting me. Hurting me._

_My agony was not short lived and it felt like it went on forever until my body was throbbing and tears felt like they couldn't go any faster but they needed to, because this was a new sort of agony, they had never went this far before, the four of them at once._

_The pushed I to the ground, hitting my head of the toilet seat, send me into dizzy trances, I was only saved from more of that by Edward, he stopped them, made them sit me up and my body ached and watch as he took out my P.E. clothes, reading the labels out to them. "Bottoms –age 14-15!" they spluttered in laughter as my face reddened and my now cracked glasses slipped further down my sweating nose. He lifted out my large top._

"_Oh my god! She has a tent in there!" Tanya chipped in. My cheeks now lobster, tears streaming down my cheeks._

"_Top – age 15-16!"_

"_Yeah it's definitely a tent!" Emmett laughed._

_I buried my spinning head in my knees, for a second Edward's voice was panicky as he shouted at me. "Isabella?" I lifted my head, and his fearful face, changed to a smile one more as he put my bag into the large sink, turning the tap slowly as I inwardly moaned, knowing if I said or did anything to try and stop it I would just be hit again._

_They jeered as all my school work was ruined, everything._

"_Now for the last and most important part," Rosalie smirked as she bent down closer, "dunking time," she picked me up by the back of my hair as Emmett want to flush the toilet, it was still a yellow liquid at the bottom of it. "NO!" she shouted and Emmett froze._

"_What?"_

"_Don't flush it, leave it," her face was the perfect picture of hell and heaven. I couldn't understand how someone so utterly beautiful could be so completely devilish._

"_No," I cried, "please no, I'm begging you please don't," their tears rages down my sensitive cheeks which I was now sure would have red fingerprints across them, I moved my legs and gasped at the pain, My head spun and I swayed a little, "please," I begged one last time but she just shook her head humorously and proceeded._

_They stuck my head into the most disgusting thing I have ever had this misfortune to touch as I balked and cried out for help until they were finally done with me._

_My head swung again and again as my I was sick over and over, they left the room quietly laughing, giggling, proud of their work._

_I glanced around me before vomiting once more, my things were scattered about the place, my flooded bag sitting on the sink. _

_I despaired as I thought of their faces, Tanya, Emmett, Rosalie and Edward._

**[END MEMORY]**

That memory had been one of the worst, I shook as I opened my eyes, embarrassed to realise that people were staring at me, and Emmett had caught me, I squirmed to be let go of, and looked at him, his eyes bore into mine and I wondered how he couldn't remember my eyes, how he hadn't worked out familiarities, I knew I had changed alot but had I really changed to this extent – I felt like the whole school was playing a big practical joke on me, pretending not to know me but really they all knew exactly who I was.

"What happened?" he asked, alarmed.

"I don't know, I just felt kind of dizzy..." I trailed off, starting to walk to class.

"You should really go to the nurses, Bella, that isn't good, it could be what Rose has," he tried to persuade me, clinging on gently to the back of my arm, trying to turn me in the direction of the nurses room, but I pulled away quickly, forcing myself to stay calm and nice.

"No thankyou, I feel okay now," I walked quickly away but he persisted.

"BELLA!" he shouted, catching up with me, "You just passed out! You need to go home," I turned to him with vengeance in my heart, but it softened as I saw the sincerity in his features, he was genuinely only interested in my wellbeing.

"I can't Emmett," my voice came out stiff, and I softened it as I went on, " I can't get sent home my dad would be worried sick, I feel okay now, I just has a dizzy spell, please just let me go to class."

He stopped walking towards me, "Are you sure you're okay?" he insisted, I nodded and continued walking, turning away and waving with one hand from in front.

"Bye, cya later!"

"See you."

I dreaded lunch, I would meet the source of all evil there – that being Edward Cullen. I took my time when making my way to lunch, going the long way and hiding at the back of the queue when I spotted the lot of the giggling and laughing somewhere near the front, Alice, Jasper, Edward, Emmett and Jessica seemed to be laughing at something Edward had just said, Jessica was laughing at a lunatic – you would have thought Edward was a professional comedian; I, however, wasn't fooled, it obviously just had nothing to do with Edward's comic skills and more to do with his strikingly good looks – as much as I hated him, I could admit that he was probably the nicest looking guy I'd ever met and probably ever meet but it didn't stop him being an arsehole. Full stop.

I hid behind the dopey Martin kid that I kept seeing around the school, his girlfriend clutched around his waist, they provided protection from the Cullen clan; I didn't want to have to hold in my anger again – but when they moved out of the way quickly, tickling and laughing with each other I was thrown into full view.

I blushed as Alice shouted for me, "Bella!" I looked at her directly and motioned for me to come over, as did Emmett, I walked over, head held high, you would near think my heart was pounding and I was very near to visibly shaking.

"You feel better?" Emmett asked, munching on a packet of crisps.

"Yeah, much," I smiled, "Aren't you just about to eat lunch?"

He nodded, Jasper cut in, "Emmett eats everything he can get his hands on," everyone laughed, disturbing Edward and Jessica's conversation which was being had right beside us, I took me everything not to scowl; eventually I just turned my head away as I saw his eyes scan over me, I spoke to Alice quickly, starting up a conversation before he did.

"So what are you doing after school?" I asked, picking up an apple and a bottle of water.

"Uhm, I think we're all going down to the town hall to check if the halls big enough for the party we're holding – do you want to come along?" I wasn't quite sure whether she was referring to the party or after school, so I chose the first.

"Oh that would be cool, when's the party?" Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward going back to his conversation with fickle Jessica. I was glad on one hand, but on the other hand I felt the hurt resurfacing, he was ignoring me just as he used to – I should make up my mind but I couldn't.

"The party's a week on Friday, so basically a week and a half away – it's gonna be such a laugh. Oh and by the way, I meant you could come with us after school as well if you want," the words never quite processed in my head straight away, I was too busy think of what a cheek Edward had to be chatting up what was obviously one the schools sluts right in front of his sister and brother.

"Uh, ehm, no I'm okay actually," I would have gone had it just been Alice and Jasper, maybe even Emmett, but as of yet, I still hated Edward.

At that moment Edward turned to me, telling Jessica he would see her later, she walked away giggling towards a table full of personality clones of her. "What is with you," he stated plainly, I watched as Emmett, Alice and Jasper turned to glare at him, trying to do it without being seen, but I saw them all – I was definitely warming to Emmett as much as I would have believed it impossible just a few days before. "Well, really though, you talk perfectly fine to the rest of my family yet I can see you growling at me, what the fuck have I done?" he looked confused and indignant, and I was afraid, his voice was slightly angry and I feared it, I unintentionally stepped closer to Jasper, not even knowing I was doing it.

I instantly felt bad for doing so, I was silent, quite in shock and fear of his anger, I felt Jasper tense, and I thought that this would be as far as this would go but it wasn't, Jasper took a step forward, he was around the same height as Edward, and they stared directly into each other's eyes, "Back off Edward, I'm warning you; I thought that temper of yours was gone," Edwards stiff face relaxed almost instantaneously.

"I'm not in a temper Jasper, "he said, with every air of serenity, "I just want to know why she acted like that in Biology but she's perfectly fine to talk to anyone else," I could understand where he was coming from, if I was just a random new girl it was fair enough that he ask the question and he didn't actually say it in a threatening tone, but I just couldn't move, he petrified me.

"I don't care what you want to know, don't talk to Bella like that, you seem to forget that you're a big boy now, no more of this shifting you weight around, Emmett learned the lesson, I thought you had too," Jasper sounded disappointed – I couldn't help but wonder if the "throwing you weight around" was a reference to what he had done to me.

Emmett stepped in at that moment, putting an arm around my waist, "tell him to piss the fuck off Bella, trust me, he would never touch you," I tried to keep my walls up on Emmett, but I just wanted to love him, I didn't count him as the same person he used to be, but at interval, I saw his old darkness, crack through, but maybe he had just had a bad experience with James...

I shook my head slightly, as Edward watched, wondering what Emmett was saying, and Emmett whispered again, "Bella trust me, he might look scary but his girl hitting years are long gone..."

He meant that as I joke, I assume. It didn't stop it from jogging my memory though.

**Memory [7 years ago]**

"_Okay class!" the teacher called, making us quiet down almost instantly. "We are going to try a new method of working today, it's called, cooperative learning," she smiled widely, showing a set of perfectly white teeth, I almost idolized her, she was so perfect, so independent, so beautiful, so nice._

_She went on to explain what the essence of cooperative learning actually is, telling us about the first assignment is to get us into partners, random ones so we can socialize with others and not just our friends. We had to talk about a task for 10 minutes then come back to our places and write all our joint ideas up on the board for everyone to copy down. She told us it would help with our social skills for our future, so we all seemed in agreement this would be a fun way to learn, however, I was slightly sceptical of the partner thing, if I was partnered with any of __**them**__; we all stood up and the teacher paired us up with people we didn't really talk to, Angela was paired with Tanya and I felt sorry for her until I got paired with the worst of the all, Edward Cullen._

_I sat back down in my seat at the four seated desk, this meant that there was also another pair sitting down across from me, as long as it's somebody decent, things should be relatively okay, I mean what could he really do to me? But obviously, I should have thought about it from an evil perspective because he certainly found there was alot to do._

_He sat down beside me, biting the top of his pencil, looking lost in concentration until he moved his seat towards and into me in one quick flash of a movement, gripping my ankle in a deadlock between the metal bars of his chair legs and the metal bars of mine, I let out a soft scream that went unnoticed to most except Edward, his eyes widened, conveying the message of "Don't you fucking dare make a sound," I took the hint, but I was in agony, I went to move my chair back from him but his large hand gripped my thigh under the table, digging his nails into me, causing me to stay as still as I could – the teacher at this point had written the task on the board – how ironic – "fairness"._

_Edward took no notice of the task we had been set, he whispered in my ear, "I will break your ankle if you do not do what I say – I can assure you that I have the strength to snap it in half, stay still, and do as I say," I nodded, frightened of his every tightening awkward grip on my foot, it was at such an angle that it seemed to be getting worse by the second, I had made an attempt to move it just seconds before which had resulted in my teeth biting down hard on my bottom lip to stop me from airing my pains."Now you must do as I say," he continued, "you have to kick Martin there underneath the table, hard," I glanced over to see the teacher, if she could possibly catch a glimpse of what was happening but she was engrossed in marking work and was trusting the class to look after themselves._

_I began to refuse, "But I don't want-"_

_He cut me off mid sentence and pushed harder on the side of the chair which my ankle was interlocked with, I managed to hold in the voice, but just. "Now you know I will break it, you may as well get on with it," _

_My ankle throbbed, and I realised there was only one thing for it, so I lifted my leg and swung, straight onto Martins kneecap, he yelped in shock and pain and I quickly apologized for doing it._

"_What was that for," he moaned, rubbing his kneecap as the teacher looked up from her work to check out the commotion._

"_I never meant it," I answered him, hoping he saw who I was sitting beside and would take pity. Edward now kicked me under the table, probably for my half apology. Martin looked from Edward then to me, then turned back to Amy, continuing with what he was supposed to be doing._

_Edward leaned into me, so close that I could smell him, his scent was annoyingly beautiful, his exterior had always been perfection however to me it was the complete opposite, it was demonist and hell itself seemed to build around him. I never wanted to hate him but it was so hard not to; I had gotten past the stage where I felt sorry for him because he was a bully and would probably go nowhere in life unless he changed his ways – as all the stories told you – because I realised that he was top of the class – just as I was, or could be if I didn't have to keep lowering y grades so he wouldn't hurt me for being top. He was smart and beautiful and evil. The worst combination. "Do it again Isabella, harder," I shook my head slightly and he moved his chair against my ankle, my hands clutched together, trying to endure the severe pain. He lightened its grip on me, "Are you gonna do it now," I nodded and kicked Martin again, this time he never made a noise but jumped, biting his lip, anger contorting his face._

"_Isabella Swan, I am going to get you for this," I nodded, shaking and Edward let go of my foot._

"_Well done Fatty, you just got yourself a fight, ready?" he turned away laughing; as I was left horrified._

_Lunch time was lived in fear, I ate my lunch and was swithering whether to run to the library and spend lunch in their or find Angela then go apologize to Martin in secret, maybe I would have to fight him but the decision was taken from me when Tanya and Rosalie walked by, pulling one of my pig tails each and dragging me out of the lunch room before anyone had even noticed I had left._

_I was dragged into the furthest corner in the playground, out of sight of the staff, I shook as Martin approached me, Edward by his side; I knew then I had no hope of coming easy from this unscathed, I cursed myself for being so repulsive, couldn't I just have been born like Rosalie or even Tanya – couldn't I just be normal, I've stopped wanting to be unique and I want to fit in. I just want to be accepted, not even loved, accepted._

_Edward was the first to make a move, he pushed me against the wall, I stayed silent no point vocalising my pain, no one would do anything about it anyway. I was surprised t her Martins concerned voice calling Edward, "I've changed my mind Edward; I don't want to hit a girl," he back away from me, from the whole crowd and I breathed a sigh of relief._

"_Martin come back here," Edward called but Martin just kept walking away._

"_I don't want to Edward," he placed his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose, a very adult like thing to do; he made me feel even smaller._

"_Let me go," I murmured as I tried to walk by him and he stuck his hand out, blocking me._

"_Get back their Isabella, I'm going to do this on behalf a friend," he took a deep breath and drew back his fist, I screamed as he directed it at my stomach, tears squeezing out of my eyes, as I dropped to the floor. "Don't be so dramatic," he laughed, "you're only winded,"_

_He kicked me in the ribs and I fell flat on my face, squishing my nose on the hard concrete, the concrete hitting me so hard I felt dizzy. That stopped his laughing, I felt the warm liquid seep from my nose as I lay there, as if I was watching myself from a bubble above me, I felt numb. I heard them run away, Edward instructing me to tell whoever found me it was an accident._

_I allowed a howl to fall from my lips. Breaking; in more ways than one._

**[END MEMORY]**

I surprised myself by doing the complete opposite of what I wanted to do, which was to run away as fast as my heels could carry me, "Fuck off scum bag," God that felt good, the adrenaline pumped through me as his eyes narrowed in what looked like mild annoyance. I was waiting for the over roar of anger but it wasn't there. Maybe I had been mistaken, maybe there was something there that I couldn't see – Edward Cullen wouldn't really let himself be embarrassed in front of all of his friends like that. Apparently so. Jasper smirked slightly and Emmett folded his arms, letting out slight laughs. I grinned, fluttered my eyelashes and linked arms with Alice, "I think your brother just might hate me Alice," I murmured, but he heard me.

"I don't hate you," he butted in; I looked at him with a raise of the eyebrows, and discarded his last statement, continuing my conversation with Alice as if he had not even spoken.

"I know he's your brother and all but does he really think every girl just wants to bow down at his feet, because I won't be for one thing," I thought of the irony and would have laughed if it was not for the fact that it was such a painful irony.

She looked between Edward and I, shaking her head, then spoke, "You know him so well already,"

Edward gave her a 'shut up' look and walked over to the cheerleaders table, sitting down beside Jessica, giving her a lopsided grin and no doubt turning most of the girls present minds into mush as he would probably have done mine if I did not know him to well.

"There he goes again," Alice sighed, I looked at her apologetically.

"Sorry Alice, he just kind of, drives me insane,"

Jasper spoke up then, "Sometimes, his cocky attitude wins over, but Edward really is a nice guy now – he had some issues with himself in the past, but there gone now – sometimes he just accidentally falls into old personality traits.

The rest of lunch went by just talking, by the end of lunch they had already told me almost everything about the party they were throwing – well Alice had anyway – the other had just sat there really as she expressed the excitement she was having at creating this sort of thing. Although, it was a sort of awkward moment when she casually let me know that it ruined it a little for her because the people coming were mostly the others friends, and not hers, Jasper and Emmett seemed a little uncomfortable too, Jasper putting his arm around her and kissing the top of her head.

I got to biology sadly, putting on the stainless steel covering across my heart, hoping to protect it from Edward himself.

He was already inside and as I sat down beside him a got a whiff of the distinctive tobacco smell, "Yuck," I made a balking noise as I sat down and he stared straight ahead not even blinking an eyelid. "Smoking kills," I mumbled as I got out my textbooks and jotters.

Mr Molina entered the class room and I opened my jotter, writing the date and focusing completely on the teacher. My heart thumped and the silk cloth of my fashionable thin polo neck felt like it was sticking to my back, petrified, I touched my back, it was still dry. I rolled up the sleeves slightly, trying to ignore what the pig out of the corner of my eye was doing.

The cream material of the stop would mean it would be instantly visible if I did begin to sweat, I couldn't get it out of my head so I folded up a ripped out sheet of paper of my jotter and fanned myself with it. I heard a low grunt and turned with a scowl, "What?"

"I'm cold," he stated; if he meant hearted, well, obviously. But I guessed that he didn't mean that.

"Well I'm too hot, so tough," I hissed back, turning back to the teacher. But I was forced to turn back around after just a few seconds as Edward had grabbed onto my folded sheet of paper, stopping the breeze which was cooling me down. "What the fuck?!"I spoke exasperatedly, just above a whisper and Mr Molina stopped midsentence to give me a glare, the rest of the class turned to see what the commotion was and the teacher continued. I felt the blush creep unstoppably up my neck and into my cheeks.

He snickered, I knew it was about my blush and I ignored him. My thoughts were interrupted by Mr Molina's dreadful words, "Okay class, I have a treat for you today," that's what he thought, "If you pull off the cover over the equipment table over there you'll find a frog to dissect – it's one to a pair – now I don't want any of you moving around the class like second graders trying to find a partner who is your good friend, just stick with the person you sit next to, I want you to draw a diagram after you have done it so it would maybe be best to write down some notes..."

I panicked, knowing I would not be able to dissect a frog and not feel at least dizzy, worst of all, he would be there, and what if he remembered from that, what if it sparked something.

He stood up beside me, a smile on his face, at least it wasn't a smirk, I stood up, I felt as though I was wobbling on the spot but managed to follow him over to the tray, if anything a little shakily.

He turned to me with a straight face, "go get the dissection kit out from the cupboard over there," he seemed in different to our prior argument and I done as I was told, he was only trying to get us ready for this quicker and it at least meant I didn't have to see the dead frog for the next minute. I considered pretending to be ill, but the teacher isn't exactly stupid, he'd know what I was doing.

I could feel myself becoming clammy again, I put a hand to my forehead, and my heart was pounding so fast it felt as though my body was jumping with every thump. I drew in a ragged breath then continued towards the cupboard, I needed to calm down. I squeezed my hands together as if I was praying, pushing against each hand breathing in deeply then breathing out slowly."I can do this, I can do this, I can do this," I chanted to myself repeatedly, then grabbed a dissection kit, the black leathered thin strip material tied item scared me almost as much as the actual frog, the amount of times it must have cut up these amphibians, dry blood crusted around their...

I stopped myself thinking about it as I walked back up to Edward who was at our table, now waiting for me. "Finally," he murmured, I scowled, but said nothing, I was afraid if I spoke my voice would crack.

"You can go first," I said, handing him the kit, but he never took it.

"Lady's first," he spoke so in such a nonchalant fashion that I wanted to slap him more than usual, he never realised how hard it was for me and he just wanted me to do it.

"Fine," I said, nudging him out of the way, focusing on something completely random – a teddy bear I used to have, I kept it's picture in my head as I took out the small knife, he turned the frog onto it's back for me and I felt my stomach churn, I got the knife right to the stomach before a small voice came from me, "I can't do this by myself," I heard him mumble something behind me then realised what I had just said. Couldn't I have just left it at – I can't do this!? Obviously not, now I just gave him an invitation to help me.

I really couldn't have hated myself more at that moment. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"One second you hate me and the next second you want my help – figures, huh?"He grumbled and I made an attempt to tell him I was fine but my voice stuck in my throat. Shit.

I felt him move nearer to me, I could feel his hot breath, it smelt like peppermint and cigarettes; a surprisingly attractive mix. I decided to forget that the person is actually Edward Cullen and I'm Isabella Dwyer. Right now I'm Bella Swan, and he's just a guy, a guy I've never ever met before.

He stood behind me now, touching the back of me, holding the surgical knife just as I was, his hand slid over mine, tingles slid down my spine and I told myself that it was just my repulsion to this man that caused this. Nothing else.

His voice took a 180, trust me. He wasn't sullen anymore, he seemed happy to help, comforting, and I made sure to stick to my lying to myself. This is just a random hot guy. No, just a random guy. "Now just apply a little pressure," he soothed, and I did, I felt it tear through the skin and I turned my head away, trying to walk away, but I walked straight into the wall he had become, towering over me, behind me. My nose banged against his chest and his hand was still clapped around mine so I turned cautiously back.

"I don't think I can do this," I whined slightly, I was so caught up in the situation I forgot to even feel embarrassed, I looked at the dead frog, it's tiny organs beginning to spill out from the centre; I swallowed as he shushed me, pushing down again, this time sometime something popped, I actually heard something go pop, I pulled my hand from his and turned to him, but he had placed both of his hands on the table in front of us, meaning I was locked in, "let me go," I whispered, I didn't know why I was whispering, but I was, I guess I couldn't help it.

"Bella, calm down, it's only a frog," I lifted my hands to hit his chest, to move him, but he grabbed my wrists, turning me to him, I was so angry I began to shake. He took it the wrong, he thought it was my weakness which was making me shake but it wasn't; without knowing it was happening, I was letting tears seep out of my eyes, the whole class must have watched but I was completely oblivious to what was happening around me, all I could remember was this boy hitting me, beating me until I wanted to die. I hated him, and I couldn't understand why he could do this to me, make me tongue tied, unable to hit him or even shout at him. I was just so angry, my rage was hurting me it was so intense and as I realised there were tears he must have to, he leaned in towards me, still my wrists in a semi-tight grip, he then stepped towards me, so almost every single part of the front of our bodies were touching, it was a form of a hug I guess – an armless hug – a painful hug; I wanted to force him away but it was an impossibility, his perfection was of someone else, not the Edward Cullen that had on more than one occasion hurt me to an extent that I thought he was going to kill me himself. This couldn't be the same boy, why was life so cruel? Never once had I been cut a break, not when I was younger not now.

I wish he would just leave me, it seemed like we had been hugging for hours but in reality it couldn't have been more than a few seconds. Those seconds had killed my heart though, the heart for years that had been trying to heal had now been broken again so much so that it seemed it would never heal again, so much for a steel covering that had been blown to pieces to. All that was left was shards. Deathly shards.

Then he let go of my wrists, they were free but I didn't know what to do with them- we were free from each other but we didn't know where to move, I staggered backwards slightly, into the table, I felt the cold breeze hit my stomach, where his had been.

My wits were coming back about me and I was realising what I had just really done and who I had done it to, I bit my lip, not knowing what to say or do; then I turned back around to him, not really caring how stupid it would sound or look after the past minute and I flipped him the bird, "Fuck off, dickhead," I angrily wiped the tears from my face and started cutting into the frog, pulling out everything from inside it, ruining it.

Right at that moment, I felt like the frog.

I didn't even mind that its blood was squirting everywhere, I didn't care.

The dickhead was ruining my life again. But this time I would stop him. I needed revenge and I needed it soon.

***A.N. Remember to review and alert, if I get 25 review this week, I promise I will have the next chapter out before Christmas [that's only 13 days away!]* xx**


	4. Don't Forget

***A.N. – the chapter is finally ready, you have had no IDEA how hectic everythings been, it was my birthday a couple of days ago as well lol – but anyways, back to you guys – ENJOY [even though its kind of short]***

That night I concocted a plan, it was time to get back at particular people, starting with one of the easiest. His sadistic memory had recently been brought to my attention and it was time to do myself justice – it was time to payback Mike Newton.

When I arrived home that day, my mind insisted on wondering to what had a happened that day in biology, causing me to become extremely frustrated with myself, it had been my fear from blood which had clouded my judgement, the only reason I had allowed him to act like that towards me was because I had been so afraid. That's all. I told myself that over and over every time it popped into my head.

Charlie was busy again tonight with the same case that had made him late last night – he offered to ask if he could be spared for the night so he could take me out for food but I refused him, I wasn't the biggest fan of eating out, I could cook perfectly well at home and at least I would know for sure that I like my own cooking, and to be honest, I was sort of dreading the dinner out with Charlie, not really because of Charlie himself but because of the subjects I knew we would discuss while out at dinner.

I planned to make a salad again or something healthy, as my strict eating habits now told me but I couldn't, to be honest, be bothered to make something like that – I frightened myself a little as I instead I just opened the freezer, and took out a weight watchers USA ready meal – they tasted like crap but they were quick. I didn't want to fall into old habits.

I ate, done my homework, and unpacked my treadmill which until now had been sitting in the hall cupboard, I had still been exercising every night but not the way, in my eyes, I should be. The parts were confusing and several pretty heavy – I had practised setting it up in Phoenix, checking that I could do it by myself and wouldn't have to rely on anyone to help me. I had been slightly obsessive over it, I guess it was paying off now that I didn't have to use any instructions; it was done in minimal time.

It took me about twenty minutes to reassemble it inside my bedroom. I stood up and looked at it when I was done; I took serious pride in this object, it had lost me like several pounds in weight over the years, it was my best friend. I guess having an inanimate object for your best friend is a little weird, but it's the truth when it comes to me – I didn't have a normal childhood – and what's happened is the ripple effect...

I was different, therefore I was bullied. I had one friend; therefore not many people paid attention to my life, my parents. When I moved away I didn't trust people, therefore the sturdy weight losing machine became my closest friend. When I moved back, because I had cut all links with Forks when I left, I could become a different person with a different name and I now had a different face and body, [because my best friend was a treadmill].

This is why I don't show people who I really am, even if they never knew I'm Isabella, they'd still find time weird; It's hard total fear of who you are, of the world in general finding out.

My first steps on the treadmill were like heaven, I felt like I was back, I had something to rely on, a constant. I sped it up till it was at around 14kph, my feet pounded against the floor of the treadmill as I started up my iPod music, blaring rock tunes into my head, anger seeping out of me which I had not even known was there at that point in time, I sped it up again to 15, now I was panting and I as happy, pushing myself, but when I started to get lightheaded I knew I had to slow it down to fast walk. I halved the speed and thought back to my plans for Mike Newton, then it just hit me, I knew exactly how to mess with his love life forever, he had taken away all of my confidence now I would at least attempt to take away some of his. I almost laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of it all but I was still going to do it, he deserved it and it would be hilarious to watch.

I turned off the treadmill with some reluctance after about 50 minutes, sweat pouring from me; I would have to take a shower before bed, and did some of the usual routines: press ups, squats, sit-ups, crunches and some stretches. Then I turned the computer, my lips sliding into a grin, clicking on to Google and changing the search settings to non-filtering- then I stretched out hands in front of my face, my dad shouldn't have been home for hours yet but I still felt the unfamiliar buzz of excitement, the thrill of typing these words into Google – I felt bad, naughty even; and they weren't even for me.

'Male on male action + gay porn' I typed in, hovering the little arrow over the search button – I couldn't bring myself to click, it was just so wrong to do it – I guess loads of people would do stuff like this but I wasn't even doing it for myself and what if my dad was somehow able to trace this – it would be embarrassing enough but to try to explain that the images weren't even mine – now that would set him off big style – all about teenage influences nowadays. I willed myself to click but at the same time my finger was itching to delete the letters quickly, act as if it had never happened. Then I thought of his smug face as he mocked me about the poem I so naively wrote.

I clicked.

Images.

There was the jackpot. Everything I needed.

I turned the, large, noisy printer on, hoping my father would not pick this time to come back from work, but as of yet, there was no sound, I could feel blood pumping around my body, I could feel the adrenaline and it felt good. This revenge was like an antidote to the depressive nature the bullying had caused in me.

Once I had finished I took the time to write over each and every single gay still 'PROPERTY OF MIKE NEWTON xxx' I stood back at from the images, laughing at them; my hair bouncing, my chest heaving, my mouth becoming soar from smiling so much, and I couldn't help it – it was the most I had smiled in years, I was sure. I picked up the spread out images counting them, there were 25 all together, all as explicit as each other, I was thriving in this; enjoying it with every single ounce of me. Don't get me wrong I was petrified of getting caught, but all the same, I would take the risk. This boy deserved it, he had added to the hell my life had once been and now he would pay.

I got a thick blue elastic band and pulled it tightly around the precious sheets of paper, putting it inside my pukka folder and putting that inside my bag for tomorrow. I glanced around me, looking for my phone, I needed to speak to someone while I was in such a good mood –obviously I couldn't share with them the reason why I would be in such a good mood but it would be good to have a nice conversation. The sleek silver object was to be found under my jacket and scarf, I lifted it out and searched for Jacob in my contact list. When I eventually managed to find him I called, my long nails taping were arithmetically on the wooden chest of drawers beside me, and I had become very impatient.

"Hello?" a deep voice vibrated out of the phone, he had only said one word yet it seemed comforting to me, a safe haven.

"Oh hey Jacob, sorry to bother you-"

"You're not bothering me Bella," he interrupted me; I knew he had a grin on his face; he spoke with his face, if that made sense.

"Uh, well I was just wondering how you were, and about plans for the weekend," I bit my lip, not knowing quite what to say to him, my buzz was dying, not because of Jacob, but because the images and the plan was in my bag for tomorrow, there was not action right now to be taken. I was supremely impatient to get on with it all, to see his face, to see everyone's face.

"I'm good thanks, although school was a total bummer, my maths teacher gave me a week's detention for what she calls, "inappropriate conversations" but I sware to God we had just came out of sex ed and Embry and I were discussing what had been in sex ed - my dads raging as well." He paused as I tried not to laugh, I didn't know whether he wanted me to laugh or to sympathised, so I tried both.

"Aww, that's too bad – but I guess you really shouldn't have been discussing it while the teacher was in the room, idiot," I giggled quietly and he joined in, it was nice to have someone that talks to you in a non-serious way - not that Alice was actually serious, but she did talk a little bit too much about fashion sometimes, and it's nice to have a friend like Jake, he was keeper – I laughed inwardly at that last part.

"I guess you're kinda right," he continued, "about the weekend, it's usually an overnight thing, like on the Saturday we have big bonfire and alot of the residents from Lapush attend; it goes on until the early hours of the morning but you could leave earlier if you needed to, otherwise, you could stay at Leah's with her best friend Clair and her cousin Emily, there'll be enough space – it's up to you really,"

I thought about it for a few seconds, maybe it would be beneficial for me to have a little slumber party, even though it wasn't exactly that, "I would love to, stay over I mean, but I thought you said it was just a few mates and that," I had a vague memory of the text message saying it was only them and a few friends.

"Well, I was initially inviting you out Saturday daytime cause I forgot about the bonfire, but Leah reminded me, and offered to let you stay."

"I don't want to intrude..." I told him, applying some lip balm; my lips were beginning to get pretty chapped in this particular climate.

"No, no. If that's all good then are you able to come by the house Saturday evening, about 5 o'clock and we'll get dinner at my place – oh and wait, will Charlie be okay with this?"

I thought about it for a second, "he should be fine and 5 o'clock's good,"

"Well then, I'll see you there. I'm gonna go – I need to go pick Leah up from art classes, she takes them after school – she's amazing actually – you should see her stuff" he sounded so proud of her and for a moment I felt slightly jealous, he must be an amazing boyfriend.

"Hopefully I'll see them at the weekend then, I'll speak to you later Jake," As I hung up the phone I head him say goodbye and it made me feel warm inside, Jacob got the most of the real me, I didn't need to be fashion obsessed near him, and yes I couldn't talk about the whole fragile Isabella which lives inside me or the revengeful one but I could keep my personality that had been God given, I could be that little bit eccentric now and again, make jokes about things I actually enjoy and not talk about my school life because Jacob wasn't particularly interested in his own school life anyway.

I set my alarm for 5:40am, that would give me time to shower, get dressed, do my makeup and hair then get into school early enough that no one would be around while I framed Mike Newton; it was beginning to sound a bit like a crime in my head, probably just my dad's influence and my do good nature which was being flung to the side in this operation.

I made Charlie some dinner, went in for a quick shower so my sheet wouldn't bear the brunt of my exercising routine then went to bed. I was too exhausted to do much else.

When I got out of bed in the morning, I realised that there hadn't been any bad dreams, I would blame that on the talk with Jacob the night before, somehow he had reassured me that it was their [their being the bullies] fault and not mine, a question which had resurfaced a lot in my mind lately.

I had a spring in my step as I walked to the shower; I was ready in record time, something about me was just pushing me to get to school earlier and earlier – my body wanted the excitement, the happiness to be experienced once again. I wore an outfit which accentuated my curves but stayed quite casual, dark navy blue skinny jeans, an oversized cream and small grey striped jersey, finishing it off with a large grey belt for my waist. The slight curls ran down exactly to where my feather and stone necklace hung. I liked it, it was comfy at least, much more my style and it enabled me to wearing grey flats, and all be it very expensive grey flats.

I left Charlie a note telling him I had left early so I could get breakfast with a couple of friends that had called asking me; he probably wouldn't even remember I had left the note by tonight.

When I wrote about how I was getting me breakfast it actually made me sort of hungry, so I stopped by the cafe near the school, jumping in quickly to pick up a sandwich; I felt like a bank robber, stopping in at the next store, the feeling was completely unknown to me, totally new. The cafe was empty, so I ordered and waited, all the time the tension building inside, I wanted those images to be on the front of newspapers, I wanted to hurt the boy more and more, and the weirdest was, I was scaring myself, my dark feelings had never been put into action before. In my head I and always been checking for consequences, letting people down, but today it was just about me and him, and how I would feel, and how he would feel, and since I didn't care about the embarrassment he would suffer, I would go ahead with everything.

I ate inside my truck as I had left with plenty of time so I could afford to lose the 10 minutes. Chewing, I turned up the radio "hello there all those early wakers! Kieran Cosgrove here, brightening your day with my super ooper tunes!" I smiled at his cheery voice, it reminded me somewhat of Edward's voice, it should have made me frown but it only reminded me of the first time I ever spoke to Edward, I was actually in preschool care, I was only 4 – the memories a bit blurred except from the first 10 minutes, I always wonder why I remember it, it doesn't mean anything and I guess that's why I usually forget about it, he was, nice. I always tell myself he was horrible to me from the off, it makes it a little easier to just assume that he's completely evil. He was probably only nice then because at that age I was still at a normal weight, it all went downhill from there.

**Memory [13 years ago]**

_I looked up at my beautiful mother, her hair was half way down her back, I reached up for it, attempting to tug at it but my hand only came up to her bottom. Instead of pulling her hair I settled for jagging one of my small fingers into her thigh, marvelling at the soft velvet like material, it was purple and bright, and I wanted it._

"_Isabella?" she looked down at me questioningly, "are you okay," she squatted down, pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear, fixing my soft black Minnie mouse hair band._

"_I think so," I answered, my bottom lip sticking out, starting to tremble, I didn't want to be away from my mom with all these people I didn't know, I could hear the ones already inside squealing and talking and crying and altogether making a racket, I wasn't best pleased at all._

"_Oh hunnie," she scooped me up in her arms, and stood up with me, "it's okay, all the nice people will look after you, she pointed to the woman coming up to me "there's Judy, she's gonna take you inside and help you have fun," she smiled widely at me, and I nodded._

"_Okay, but you have to come and get me soon, I don't want to stay here tonight," I held out my little pinkie for her to pinkie promise with._

_She laughed at the concept, "Hunnie, I promise I'll be here to pick you up okay, now go with Judy," she put on the floor, giving me a cuddle and a kiss on the cheek, "I love you Isabella,"_

"_Love you too mommy," Judy held out her to me, I looked back at my mom and she nodded, so I took it._

"_Hello there Isabella, I'm Judy and today we're gonna have lots of fun!"she spoke in an excited to which instantly made me excited, she went on to talk to me about all the games that we were to play in preschool, but I wasn't really listening, we had just went into the big room, where I had heard all the kids shouting from and it was the most amazing, colourful place I had ever seen. I remembered my grandma telling me about heaven, maybe this was it._

"_Wow," my tiny red rosebud lips opened into an 'O' shape as I spoke._

"_Boys and Girls!" Judy quieted all the children except two girls in the corner, one very pretty girl with long light blonde hair and the other with strawberry blonde, they were playing with the Barbies and the ken dolls. "Rosalie, Tanya, I'm speaking, we remember what to do when Judy's speaking, don't we girls," the both nodded. Judy continued, "I would like you all to say hello to Isabella,"_

"_Hello!" they chanted._

_I lifted my hand to them, "Hello," I felt my face burn bright red and I let go of Judy's hand._

"_Where is it you would like to go play," Judy asked as the children started talking and playing again._

"_Can I go in the sand pit?" I asked, there was a little boy in the sand pit already, I hadn't seen him when everyone had said hello, he was sitting with his back to me, playing with all sorts of objects. I was curious._

"_Well okay Isabella, but you have to remember to brush yourself down on the mat when you're finished in there" she pointed to a sand coated green mat, "and make sure you don't put any sand in your mouth, we had a little incident with that last week and we don't want anything like that happening again," I'd already really stopped listening by the time she'd stopped talking, and was jumping in._

_The boy with the bronze hair turned around, his little angelic face was so shockingly perfect, I had never seen a more beautiful boy, "Wow," I said to him._

"_What?" he asked, brushing down his red shirt._

"_You're really pretty," I told him, reaching out to touch his cheek, seeing if he was real or just a large pretty doll. But no, my finger squished into his sandy cheek._

_He frowned at me, "I'm not a girl, I'm not pretty, I'm handsome – you're pretty, you're a girl," I smiled slightly, my cheeks growing hot again._

"_Thankyou," I told him, "and you're right, you are handsome," I sunk my hands deep into the sand. "Do you like it here; don't you miss your mommy?" I asked him as I tried not cry._

_He shimmied closer to me, "I don't miss her when my brother's here, but he's sick today so I do miss my mommy," he put his hand out and took mine, "Do you want me to read your future," he told me, "my cousin showed me how to," I nodded, feeling comforted by the boy._

"_What's your name," I asked as I showed him the palm of my hand._

"_Edward,"_

"_Edward," I repeated, "I like your name,"_

"_I like yours too," he told me. He pointed to the big long vertical line leading from just underneath my fore finger to my thumb, "this line means that you're beautiful," he told me._

_I gasped, "Really?"_

"_Uhuh," he continued, he pointed to the line that started in-between my fore finger and middle finger that lasted to underneath my pinkie, "and this line means you will have lots of friends,"_

"_That's so cool," I told him._

_He pointed to the line in-between both of the ones he had just before pointed out, "and this line means people love you," I nodded solemnly._

"_Thankyou Edward."_

"_It was no problem Isabella," at that moment I went to go get a snack from the teachers, Edward didn't come with me and I made a new friend, Angela –I never played with Edward again and the next day his brother was in, he was different then. He didn't act the same to me and we never spoke of the sandbox incident again._

**[End Memory]**

I started up the truck engine, it was time to go commit the deed, and my hands gripped the wheel tighter as I turned into the secluded parking lot. Not one car was there, not one person, it was 1 whole hour before school started.

I prayed for the doors to be open and they were, maybe even God thought I was allowed some sort of revenge. I walked quickly to where my locker, flats were soundless against the floor and I didn't meet anyone on the way there. I took out the images as I reached the locker, I looked at the first one, the naked guys holding each other and I struggled not to laugh as the little Isabella inside me burned with happiness. Finally. It was then I realised how heavy my breathing had become, my throat seemed slightly constricted.

I stuffed them all into his locker, then the next, and then next, up until they had all gone inside, ready to fall out.

I walked away from it slowly, my body felt a little numb, my legs wobbled, I don't know how, in fact, I do know how, because I'm still scared to this day that doing do something like this would get me battered. I wanted to hit myself for being so stupid.

I ran to the toilets when I had regained my legs fully, shoving my iPod headphones into my ear and blaring some Second-hand Serenade in my ears, I would go back in half an hour and wait for him to come, then I had something else planned too.

In the break between songs I heard someone coming, diving into the open door 'out of order' cubicle I got my foot caught on the side of the cubicle door, I went flying towards the toilet seat and only managed to stop myself by sticking out my hands onto the toilet pan seat. Yuck. I wasn't even sure why I was hiding, but instincts told me to do it. I locked the door as I heard the person come into the toilet room. I quietly put down the toilet seat lid and then lowered myself onto it, lifting my feet off the ground and hoping they wouldn't see me.

It was silent for couple of seconds before I heard crying. Soft sobs. They sounded muffled as if they were being cried into a handkerchief and from my judgement the girl must have been standing at the mirrors.

I paused my iPod in case she was able to hear it through the speakers and put it into my pocket. I didn't know why I felt so daring but I did, so I stood up on the toilet seat, hoping that I was quiet enough, and then peeked over the top of the cubicle. There, in an outfit practically identical to mine [skinny jeans, long top and flats] was Rosalie Hale, if the sweeping blonde hair wasn't enough of a giveaway, I could see her face in the mirror, she was holding a scarf to her face, practically crying into it. I dropped back down; scared in case she would spot me.

Just as quick as she had come she was gone, I waited a couple of minutes before unlocking the door, I stepped cautiously out into the corridor, my heart in my mouth, but there was no one to be seen. I pondered for a moment what I had seen, why had she been crying, maybe she was really ill, and I had just let her stand there by herself. Those sort of thoughts made me feel small, like I should have just got over my past, but what people don't understand is that things are easier said than done, especially things like this. I made my way back towards the locker and waited just at the corner before, watching. I set up my phone, so that when I pressed one button the phone would play "love drunk" at full volume.

When my mind alone made the decision to wonder back to memories of Mike when he was younger I had to do something. Because thinking about it was only fucking me over, killing the life in me, I kept seeing their faces, laughing at me, screaming at me; I saw their hands and feet, kicking at me and punching at me and I didn't know what to do because I was gonna blackout, I was sinking slowly to the floor, leaning against the cold cream wall just to keep myself upright, I could feel myself twitching slightly and I made the decision to do something I hadn't done in a while but I knew it would snap me out of it, I leaned forward, then sharply swung my head backwards, into the wall, breathing in deeply as I did so. I made sure it wasn't too hard, and thankfully, now my only thoughts were on the pain in the back of my skull. My hand shook as I clutched the back of my head. Maybe this whole revenge thing wasn't the best thing; maybe coming back Forks wasn't a good idea.

But now I only thought of the throbbing ache in the back of my head, I was slightly dizzy but not enough to worry about it. The corridors were filling up and as I stood there, hands now by my side, I found that it was painful just to smile at everyone, just when I thought I couldn't last much longer I saw him, he was coming from the other side of the corridor, and I walked towards him. My head spun as I walked forward but I ignored it, this is what I had been waiting for. He smiled at me when he saw me coming towards him.

"Oh Bella, hey, how are you?" I smiled at him too; attempting not let it fall into a smirk.

"I'm good thanks, how are you, I love your hair by the way," actually, his hair was pretty boring, the short spiked look had been out of style for a year or so now.

His hand went to his locker and my finger went to the button on my phone, he started to turn the lock and I ignored what he was saying to focus on what was about to happen, I smiled evilly as I pressed the button and everyone in relatively close proximity turned to stare...his locker opened and the sheets fell out.

I gasped in mock horror. I heard the other loud noises of disgust, and I leaned down, taking a closer look at the familiar images, "Oh my god!" I shouted, the pain in my head was gone for the moment, all I could feel was a high, maybe someone had spiked my sandwich cause I was ecstatic, "IT'S FUCKING GAY PORN!" There was chaos in the hall and I caught only a glimpse of Mike Newton's bright red face, embarrassed to an extent I could truly understand then I turned from the whole situation, walked quickly to the toilets which were conveniently empty and burst into laughter, I was doubled over with it, my sides hurt from it, my cheeks ached from it and I was so proud.

It was like I had represented all the bully victims in the world and really done them proud, I was glad I had done it, and even if I was to get caught, just to see that look on his face it was worth it.

I was still in my incredibly buzzing sense of mind when I walked straight into the other person who I was positive would soon be under fire from me. My whole front burned with the touch of him, it was as if I had some sort of touch sensitive allergic reaction to the beast.

"Arghh," I exclaimed, dramatising it slightly, I pushed him away from me with the tips of my fingers, touching with the least amount of me I possibly could.

"Oh here we go, miss fucking high and mighty," I growled at him as my heart jumped into my mouth, the asshole thought he had some sort of reason to talk to me like I was shit on his motherfucking shoe. Well he didn't even know the start of anger.

"Don't start dickhead," I spat at him. The Mike Newton thing was flaring me up, I was burning right into him, I felt it, and I knew the energy in my eyes was just burning holes in his.

He smiled, the cocky bastard actually smiled. I was shocked on how many swear words came to mind when I thought of Edward Cullen."Enlighten me Bella, why am I a dickhead,"

I was so proud of myself, I thought of a comeback straight away and threw it at him, "we don't have forever,"

"Oh for god sake," he moaned, clapping his hand to his forehead, I felt myself flinch as his hand moved like that, it only angered me more that I had to actually live in fear of a 17 year old boy because of traumatising things he done to me years ago, it was humiliating, "you've known me for all of 3 days and already I'm a dickhead to you? What have I actually done to you?"

I thought about it, what could I use as my excuse for my supreme hatred of him, "it's not what you do to me, it's the way you treat people," he took a step towards me, frowning.

I took a step back, wincing as much as I tried not to, his facial expression changed, he looked sort of apologetic, I dragged in a breath and flicked my hair back, I prayed he hadn't realised anything, "I'm not trying to intimidate you, you know that right," I nodded, narrowing my eyes at him, I guess I might have looked a little scared, I couldn't help it if I was.

"I know," After I spoke I realised that the way I had just spoke would never convince anyone I wasn't afraid of them.

"Listen Bella, I know that you think I'm an ass and stuff and to be honest I don't know why, but will you just give me a chance?" I pretended to be in thought, but my answer had been ready for years now.

"In your fucking dreams, sweet pea."

School went by like a dream, Mike Newton was all anyone was talking about, and it was my fault, I couldn't be any more proud.

I saw him at lunch, I was kind of shocked that he was still in school after the reveal of his "property" this morning, he was sat with a bunch of his friends who were trying to keep him covered and stop people from noticing him, I was near hysterics when Rosalie walked over with Emmett, his hand was around her waist and as she came towards me she repeatedly moved his arm further up her waist, away from her bum which he kept dropping it very close to. He looked shocked at her actions and eventually, gave her a look that obviously said, "What the fuck?" I watched them as Rose silenced him with another look, then they both continued towards me.

"S'up Bella!" Emmett shouted, holding out a hand for me to high five; I did, regretting it when my hand stung due to the contact with such a huge hard palm.

"Ouch," I mumbled and he let go of Rose, hugging me and swinging me around.

"Rosalie, how amazing is Bella?"what had gotten into him, "I just went along early to check if I passed my history pop quiz and the teacher said I passed with a B, a B Rose, I've not passed history with a B ever!" trust him to be hugging me about something like this, of course it wouldn't just be because he liked me, It would be because he liked his grades.

Rosalie nodded, with a smile that didn't quite reach her hands, I took a step back from Emmett in case it was of the fuss he was making over me, "Oh by the way Bella, thanks for helping me out the other day, I don't know what it was, I'm guessing though it was just a bug," she edged towards me; I wasn't sure what she was doing.

She hugged me. I laughed at the irony, I couldn't believe it and I wanted to just be a friend to her, because she seemed like a person I would get on with; but I knew better, and I stopped my good side and remembered while I hugged her that there was a possibility of me getting revenge on her – I hadn't been too sure about doing it to either her or Emmett, they both probably had hard childhoods, Rosalie's brother having cancer and Emmett being adopted; they still shouldn't have done what they did to me though, they were the wrong ones.

We stepped back from each other when we were finished and I balled my fists up, taking a deep breath, I could feel it, I knew he was here; it was as if when he entered a room I just knew, because I could sense him, sense the pain, have flashes of my living hell.

He stepped right over to us, running his fingers through his intriguing bronze hair he spat at me, "bitch," yet again, if this was someone I didn't have a history with, I would be deserving of that title, but as it wasn't, I didn't.

"Excuse me?"

"What the fuck man?"

"Edward,"

Emmett seemed pretty pissed from the off, the muscles in his arms tensed, I watched in wonder as he pushed Edward on the shoulder, "dude. That's not cool," he hissed. I was realising I could use these acts of Emmett to my advantage, his protectiveness of Bella Swan could so easily be twisted into my overall plan, the plan was by no means finished, it was being constructed further each day; Edward at least would get exactly what he deserved. Hateful piece of shit that he is.

I checked Rose's expression; her mouth was hanging open and one of her eyebrows were slightly higher than the other, as if signalling to Edward, I chose to copy her shocked perception of Edward's rudeness - we would see if I could play this little miss innocent act on them; fool them as they had fooled me so many times before.

**MEMORY – [11 years ago]**

_I bounced slightly on my mother's knee as she brushed steadily through my thick long hair, making an attempt to detangle the curls which lay at the bottom. _

"_Mommy?" I asked, twiddling my thumbs with boredom, "What will happen if I forget my lines?" I locked my fingers together but my thumbs managed to keep twirling, I could feel butterflies in my stomach and I knew it was silly because I only had one line, it wasn't a big deal._

"_You won't sweetheart, you'll do it all perfectly, trust me," she skimmed her forefinger across cheek, "you'll look lovely in your costume too,"_

_I took a breath and nodded, which pulled the brush tighter, to be honest I was still shocked that she had given me the costume, it wasn't like her to be so nice, I had good mind to not accept it but then again I couldn't help myself but be nice back, it was just in my nature._

_When my mother had finished and I ran upstairs to grab the rest of my things before we left for the school I lay down on my bad quickly, staring at the ceiling. "God, if you're up there, please protect me today, don't let them do something that'll ruin it all, I just want to be good, I want to show my mom that I can do it, that I'm just a normal kid and I'm happy, please," I breathed in and out before I remembered I was supposed to say amen, "oh, and Amen," I stuttered quickly before jumping off of my bad and running downstairs, skipping up to my mom and holding her hand in mines, pulling her as she switched of the lights, I wanted to be there early to practice, this was one of the few times I had ever looked forward to going to school._

_The drive there consisted of several questions of how I felt and repetition of my one line, "I'm a green pea and I provide fibre and protein," I was still not too sure what fibre and protein were but I said the line anyway, I had practised it so many times that my lisp was even a little less prominent on it._

_I jumped out of the car and propelled myself towards the school, my mother shouting on me to wait for her. We went our separate ways when we got in, she asked me again if Rosalie was definitely giving me the green pea costume, "and you're positive Izzy?"_

"_Uhuh," I shivered at the use of my nickname, I hated it, "I've seen it mom I promise you," I guess it was a little unbelievable to me too so I couldn't say too much._

_I strode off in the opposite direction to get ready, my mom was on her way to do the tea bar for the parents, as she was on the committee it meant that she done things like this regularly, examples being the school disco, she would chaperone which meant I could mostly enjoy the school events, this was one of the reasons I was looking forward to tonight, being normal and performing in my school play, a little out of character for me, wanting to be in front of crowds that is but I was having such a rush, my heart was thumping erratically and I was ready to step out onto that platform, to make my mother proud, to show everyone that I wasn't good for nothing._

_Rosalie Hale was waiting for me when I entered the classroom, kids were getting changed while chatting to their friends so no one noticed or heard her, she smiled angelically at me as she handed me the green pea costume, she hadn't seemed to have done anything, it seemed in good condition just as it had been when she had showed me it two days ago; I had the strong urge to check over it, make sure it was fine to go on stage with but I didn't want to anger her, so I took it with some thankyous then scurried over to where Angela was changing silently._

"_Hey Ange," I grinned, she grinned back at me, holding out a small sweetie packet to me; I took one, and popped it in my mouth, sucking on it as I contemplated what lay ahead._

_I turned from the class as I changed, embarrassed of my body, I tore of my clothes quickly then slipped as quickly as I could into the pea pod costume, it just fitted me, it was quite tight but it would be okay for the night. The teacher zipped up the back and I sat, reading through my line as everyone chattered, voice entering my head now and again, all of their thought and fears of tonight ruining my calmness, I started to feel slightly dizzy as I would when I was about to have a panic attack, but I pushed back the dizziness, stood up and began pacing around the classroom quickly, to keep my head clear and my body able to cope._

_I lifted my wrist to my mouth, the thin gold band which gripped at my wrist slightly, it was already too small for me, but it was my grandmothers present, my grandmother who had just passed away only months ago, so I kissed the bangle instead of taking it off and rubbing at my wrist because lately when I had put it on it had been rubbing sorely at the skin._

_I itched my arm a little as we walked behind the stage, then scratched my leg, I was nervous._

_I could literally feel the blood pumping around my body, it seemed to pound at my ears, I felt my forehead cover with a layer of sweat, the costume was too hot, I stood onto the stage as I heard everyone clap, I followed the person in front of me as I was supposed to, suppressing the urge to itch at my stomach._

_I could see the audience, the parents, but I couldn't depict any particular faces, everything seemed burred, it didn't feel real, like a dream, I was overheating in the costume and all I wanted to do was itch, I subtly scratched at my thigh as the principal introduced us, we were t open with a song, but I could feel my throat closing over, this wasn't normal, why could I not stop myself from itching, it was if I had caught fleas from the costume._

_And then it hit me. I knew why I was panicking and knew why I was so itchy, this was Rosalie Hale and the rest of thems doing, they had made it itchy, I don't know how, maybe they had used poison ivy, maybe even real fleas, I wouldn't put to past them, but all I knew was that tears were welling up in my eyes from frustration and disappointment, they had pulled one over on me again and there was no way I would go on, as it was I was noticing people turning their cold gazes to me, wondering what I was doing, but I couldn't stop, my cheeks heated as tears poured down them as everyone else burst into song, smiling. _

_I chanced one look at them, the gang of hateful purputraiters, they smiled, even Rosalie's evil grin seemed once again angelic as I looked at Edward's face, all he did was wink but I knew right then that it had been his idea all along, he had been the puppet master, moving the strings so violently and hurtfully over me, kicking me when I was down would be his next thing, I knew that the next day, he would be the first one to sneer, he would act as if he knew nothing of how the costume had became so unbearably itchy, probably tell the rest of the school that I had fleas or something of the sort._

_I turned with my head down, defeated and tears of pain flying down my face. I ran from the stage, not looking back once, all I could think of was Edward's face. The boy was evil. Pure, irrevocable, evil._

**[MEMORY END]**

"I don't believe you are all falling for her act, can't you see that she's just a bitch in disguise," I drew in a fake shocked breath and Rosalie's tongue clicked noisily.

"'Cause she's so much worse than all of your little friends over there," she drew a disgusted look at the cheerleading table, which confused me, wasn't she a cheerleader, the head cheerleader in fact.

"Don't even start with turning the tables, we're talking about Bella here not them, and anyway, you used to spend all your time with them, I don't know how you can talk," He sniped back at her, clearly his temper was still there, I stepped closer to Emmett, my arm was now brushing against his and he glanced at me quickly, giving me a reassuring look, before answering Edward himself.

"Do you really want to start arguing with Rosalie because you know that means you're arguing with me and what the fuck is your problem with Bella-"

"Why the fuck do you like her?"

"Because she's sound, man, if you gave her a chance you would know that," I smiled inside at the argument I was causing between the two one cocky brothers, Emmett seemed like a totally different guy, Edward, not so much.

"Ughhh," he growled, "I fucking did... repeatedly" I could see he was struggling not to throw a proper temper tantrum in the school cafeteria and I decided to step in, see if I could push him over the edge.

"I guess I might have been a little short with you, but only because you act so arrogant, and I don't want to be associated with people who are totally up themselves and think they're better than me," I spoke in a soft voice, quiet and calm compared to the tone Edward had previously used.

"I have not acted arrogantly," he snarled back at me, yet again I was saved by his own turning brother.

"Sounds alot like you Edward,"

"Shut up," he answered and Emmett's face tightened.

"Don't start Edward, I'm warning you, I'm sick of the way you treat people, I know that you're lying to me and until you're ready to apologize to Bella don't bother apologizing to me."

He turned away and pulled an arm around my waist, taking me and Rosalie with him, I couldn't resist a short glance back just to see his face - see what the mighty Edward thought of his brother's actions towards me and he just looked desolate. He looked hurt. For the fraction of a second I felt guilt, but all I needed was a little jog of the memory and again I felt pleasure in my victory.

He was getting what he deserved, they were treating him like the bully he really was, it seemed like I had came in on the clique just as it was at boiling point. Finally my luck seemed to be pointing tin the right direction, and his seemed to be turning on him.

Emmett interrupted my thoughts with his informative words, "take no notice of him Bella, Edwards my brother and all, but he can be a real dick sometimes, he thinks he can treat people like shit because some people treat him like a God," he nodded towards the cheerleading table disgustedly. As much as I angry at him right now, I know he's changing Bella, he is, maybe soon you'll be able to give him another chance,"

I nodded without thought to the matter; I had been forced to change because of Edward Cullen's behaviour, and when I really think about it, I don't think the rest of that gang would have done what they did to me if they didn't have him as a leader. Maybe Rosalie but the rest of them didn't seem like the sort to start that sort of vendetta on someone, they followed him, they had seemed to worship him, and now it was all turning. My return to Forks was going to break him, I was sure of it now, the new Bella had confidence.

***A.N. - Hope you enjoyed, and as late birthday present... reviews???:L They are soooo good :D Best review I'll mention next time, kay x***


	5. Naturally

***A.N. – The explanation for my absense is at the end of the chapter ;)  
For now guys, just enjoy :D***

I wasn't too surprised when my dad seemed fine about me going to the bonfire, he knew Billy would be there so he would watch out for me and he also knew Jacob and Leah were together, so I wouldn't be doing anything with Jacob and I guess he understood me, that I wouldn't be doing anything with guys while I was there, he did however hand me a new can of pepper spray though, "just in case".

I packed a small bag containing the essentials and also a wetsuit, I wasn't too keen on the idea of any late night swimming but Jacob had texted me asking me to bring it, I wasn't the type to keep a wetsuit but I had been to Forks before [obviously] and knew what to expect so I had bought a tight fitting one in Phoenix before I left. As I pushed it down to the bottom of my bag, hoping I wouldn't have to use it, I thought momentarily of how I would cringe when wearing something as tight as this, especially when going to meet a whole load of boys; I knew I had to push myself and stay confident, but it was hard to stay on track when ever natural instinct you have tells you to do the opposite.

I cooked Charlie his favourite, steak and chips, and left it in the freezer ready for him to stick the microwave when he returned home from work that night. I took with me a large bottle of water, it was an odd habit I had developed, I liked to take with me a bottle of water just in case all they had on offer was alcohol or a fizzy drink, because of my old eating habits I found that fizzy juice had to for my diet, although at some special occasions I would drink it, it certainly was not becoming a permanent feature once more, it had been a great attribute to my weight just a few years before and I was petrified its return would cause me problems.

I left the house aggravated and slightly dysfunctional due to text message I had received just seconds before from a certain Edward Cullen. I knew he must have asked for my number to apologize, which he did do, but I hated that he could bring me to this state by just popping his head in and out of my life at his pleasure, my head spun and I worried about my driving skills as my concentration, I knew, would not be perfect.

I slung my bag onto the passenger seat, flinging myself down on the drivers'. I turned the key in the ignition and watched as the arrow turned from low to high on the gas measure, the speed stayed at zero as I intended for it to stay for a little while. I turned the heating onto full blast and hit the radio on, twirling the dial until some decent music hit my ears, actually, I suppose it wasn't really that decent, but it fitted my mood; Fuck it – Seether. My head swung forward and backwards in time to the music, I took my phone out of my pocket just as the music turned into a near screamo rock out, I had left it with the text still open, I looked over the words of apology and smiled. It was bittersweet but it was true.

By texting me he had just made his life worse, I restrained my irate mind and sent back a text.  
**'I'm sorry for being horrible too,  
Now that Iv thought about it all  
you're right, it's time to start over.  
- Bella'**  
It would be time to start over, and Edward Cullen would have the shock of his life waiting for him when I started my relationship over with him. I could see his life falling around him now, and I would make it worse. A hell of alot worse.

My truck roared in pain as I took it straight out of reverse and quickly up to 50 miles per hour. I didn't care for once if I was speeding, I was getting out of Forks and into La push where I could drop most of the act and feel at home.

I reached Jakes house in 20 minutes due to the speed I had pushed my truck to drive at; he was there to meet me on the steps with Leah and a few of his friends, Embry, Quil and Seth [Seth was Leah's little brother].

I stepped out, the cold, crisp air took its chance to fill my lungs, refreshing my mind; clearing my head. I walked towards them as they called their welcomes, I waved back, suddenly my mind felt overworked, like I had pretended to be happy one too many times, the smile on my face felt more wrong than usual, my face felt taught, stretched to its limits. Leah walked towards me and hugged me, steadying me as I became slightly out of breath; a small panic had been arousing in me. All of them standing there, waiting for me, welcoming me; it felt unreal, like a dream.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Leah asked, patting my back as I calmed myself down.

"Uhm," I thought fast, "I nearly ran over a dog," I giggled slightly to show I knew I was being silly for my 'over reaction'.

"Ohhh," she breathed a sigh of relief; "you had me all worried there!" she grasped my hand and turned to everyone, "Bella nearly hit a dog, scared her a little bit,"

They laughed good naturedly and I smiled back at them, Leah smiled directly at me and it reminded me of the sweet smile of Angela Webber, I felt momentary sadness, even though I had lived without her as a best friend for a long time, I missed her still when I thought of her.

I thought of one of the specific times we had been together, Angela and I, and life had refused to let our friendship stick together, to be interrupted...

**Memory [7 years ago]**

_I bent over to tie my lace then back up to face the door, it was time to get Angela and go trick or treating. I was mildly excited but partially frightened as I knew it would only be a matter of time before we bumped into them, the chances were slim to none that we wouldn't see them the whole night._

_I had two choices, I could have asked Angela's mom to come with us and got made fun of the next day in school or I could go alone and get it over with tonight. I chose the latter. This decision led to me now shaking as I threw the white shawl across my all but bare shoulders. I had chosen to be a fairy this year; my mom had time to make a costume as she had been off work due to a broken ankle. _

_She took me to the material shop in a taxi and together we had picked out the colours I wanted, I ended up with a baby pink, white and some thin lining of baby blue. I was proud of my mom as it was beautiful, my favourite thing she had ever given me; she had ever got the foil to make me wings, strips of pink, blue and silver were entwined around the sides of the wings._

_I opened the door and shouted up my goodbye to my mother who was in the bath, I took the spare key from the side of the wall and locked the door behind me, just in case._

_A couple of hours later and we (Angela and I) were lugging around heavy bags full of all sorts of candies, fruit, nuts, some families had even given us cheap cartons of sweet juice. I was shivering again as we turned into the next block of houses, we would be going home in half an hour's time and I didn't know if I could carry the heavy bag in the cold for that long. I badly wanted to ask to go home early but I didn't want to ruin Angela's time – she was in her element, Angela wasn't allowed many sweets in the house, and now that her twin brothers had been born she didn't get much time spent on her as she should in my opinion, but her mom had taken the time to create Angela's wondrous costume – she was a golden princess. Her face literally shone with happiness, the skin on her face was painted, made up to look as if she was some sort of Egyptian goddess and every time people opened the door they would seem to openly gawk at the wonders of Angela's costume – her gran, Angela had told me, had been a costume designer for the likes of the rolling stones in their early days. So it seemed like her mother had either gained her skill or her gran had taken charge, it didn't look like an amateur attempt, and I was sure that my costume next to it looked ridiculously babyish, even though I loved it and it was good._

_I settled for asking how many more houses she wanted to go to still, "Uhh, how many more to go?"_

"_Maybe just this street, it should only take about 20 minutes, these bags are getting heavy," she spoke with a huge grin on her face and I resisted the urge to stomp my foot and demand we go home right that minute before my fingers became numb. Instead in nodded and we continued down the path to where the next house with their light turned on was._

_It was huge, and covered in great, dark, gruesome decorations, the lights were dimmed but on and the pumpkins were lining the pathway, also some were visible on the inside windowsill, they obviously invited us in._

_However, I did have a bad gut feeling, some houses had been even scarier than this one yet this was still the one I felt we should give a miss. I was about to tell Angela this when she skipped down the pathway, I followed her keeping my mouth closed, frightened._

_Angela took the initiative and grabbed hold of the knocker, whacking it twice against the door, I felt my eyes widen in shock at her confidence. We heard some rustling, some people talking then through the thin curtains we saw the dark shape walking towards us._

_I imagined a bald vile old man, unshaven with a putrid smell of alcohol lingering about him, the type with dirty fingernails which are discoloured to a yellow due to an overfed cigarette craving, so one can imagine my shock when one of the most beautiful woman I'm sure has ever lived opened the door._

_I knew straight away exactly who it was, I had seen her many times watching our school plays and even at some of the school discos – this was Rosalie Hale's mother._

_Every time I saw Rosalie's mother I always wondered how she could be so perfect yet so sad looking – her eyes seemed sunken into her face, her makeup was slightly overdone on such a beautiful face and I wondered if it was to cover up whatever pain she might be hiding. For being so young I was still quite intuitive._

_Although I felt a distinct chilled fear creep down my back I continued to smile at her, marvelling at her perfect teeth when she smiled, even though it didn't quite reach her eyes._

"_Trick or treat," Angela whispered, breaking the moment. My eyes still searched her face in wonder, I wanted to understand, I couldn't help it, I hated to see people in this state and to see someone that was practically perfect have trouble like this... It made me see it wasn't only me with problems._

"_Uhhh," she answered, tearing her glance from my face, "two seconds and I'll get the candy," I felt bad for causing her to take any type of interest in me, I had been staring too hard and it had obviously mad her uncomfortable which hadn't been my intention at all. She walked away, she had the same sass to her walk that Rosalie had but not quite as obvious, more graceful. I worried momentarily about Rosalie and the rest of them turning up but then decided that they would be out on Halloween having fun._

_I turned to face Angela, "Do you know who that is?" I murmured._

_Angela shook her head, confused._

"_That's Rosalie Hales mother," I informed her, watching as her eyes widened with shock and she grabbed my hand._

"_Should we run away?" she asked, pulling on my hand a little and turning to the side, looking about the desolate street._

_I was surprised by her conclusion, "not at all, it's not Rosalie's mom who's a bitch," Angela raised an eyebrow at the use of the word 'bitch' her mom and dad were devout Christians and she had never been allowed to swear, she didn't like it when I did either and as swearing never particularly interested me I hardly ever used it, but when I did, I found that Angela always appeared to be disappointed in my word choice._

"_Okay then, but can we go home after this, I don't feel like trick or treating anymore, "I was about to agree with her when I heard a voice I could never mistake._

"_Rosalie," we both whispered, turning to each other in horror._

"_...We're leaving to meet friends in ten minutes mom, I need to leave I don't have time to help!" She sounded extremely spoiled as she whined at her mother, they were both completely out of sight and I pleaded with whoever was listening to the voices in my head to protect me from the girl, hoping she wouldn't be told to come to the door with candy, but as always, life isn't so perfect._

_Seconds later, my heart thumped as I someone shuffled to the door, swinging it open wide. I just managed to suppress a gasp, Angela wasn't quite so subtle; she gave some sort of quite squeal grabbing my hand tightly._

_Rosalie Hale's eyes narrowed as she shouted to her mother, "Mom these are my friend from school, is it okay if I invite her in?" I shook my head violently and her eyebrows lifted in silent threat._

_I bit my lip in fear, her mom shouted her consent and she grasped my hand, pulling me harshly into the house, breaking Angela's hand away from mine, and whispering in an angry growl at her, "get the hell away from here, don't tell anyone where Bella is, I'll have her home in less than an hour, don't worry about it," she smirked nastily._

_I shook as I nodded at Angela; for a moment she seemed pretty torn, but then Rosalie, signalled for her to leave and she turned, begging my forgiveness in one look, but I had instructed her to leave me, I couldn't blame Angela for my misfortune._

"_Get upstairs," Rosalie instructed me, "second door on the left," I bolted up the stairs as she pushed into my back anytime she came close behind me._

_I walked quickly to the door she had instructed me to go to, trying very hard not to think about what fate possibly had in store for me. I turned the brass door knob, taking a quick glance at my surroundings before I entered: there was a huge bed, a king size I would guess, covered in baby pink silks and fluffy blankets, embroidered cushions and cuddly toys. On it sat the three people I had been dreading I would have to meet; Tanya, Emmett and Edward._

_Their eyes widened with shock when they saw me, they were all munching away at snacks, pulling more candy out of the bulging bags. "Where did you find the stray?" Edward laughed, patting the cushion beside him, an invitation for me to take a seat next to him. _

_Rosalie pushed me hard in the back in his direction, I tripped slightly and caught myself before I sat down, as they all giggled. Edward swung his arm around my shoulders as he spoke, "what fun we'll have tonight," he murmured, before moving his snake like hand to the bag of my hair and standing up quickly, pulling me up squealing beside him._

_He ripped my wings of my back, pulling at them with all his strength. I gasped as he threw down my mom's hard work on the floor. My mom had worked so long and hard on those and to see them ruined by some stupid boy angered me; for once I saw red, and I drew back my fist, smacking him squarely in the stomach – all of a sudden they were all on top of me, they had gotten to me so quickly that Edward was still finishing his first yell of pain by the time Fists were smacking into my own vast stomach._

_I closed my eyes tightly, whimpering as Edward now stood away, cheering the four of them on as if they were his dogs._

_It felt good to punch Edward Cullen; it was worth it for once._

**END MEMORY**

We all had dinner in Jakes sitting room, squished onto sitting on the floor, on the edges of the two oversized couches, everyone tapping their feet to the rhythm of the music coming from the cherry-wood record player which I was informed was in fact Leah's. Everyone was having their own discussions in groups of twos in three in different parts of the room – I watched as Billy kept his eyes on the lovesick pair, as Leah and Jacob rose from the floor giggling with their hands in each other's Billy made hast to wheel in front of the door; he must have guessed what would happen long before even the two of them knew what they were doing, "sit back down kids," he said in calm voice which contained only the slightest hint of a threat, but it was enough to wipe the smile from both of their faces. "You're friends are in so sit back down and socialise, where I can keep an eye on you both," he winked at Jake patronizingly and Jake scowled, turning with Leah and planking themselves down where they had just come from.

I watched the many couples around the room – there must have been about twenty teenagers cramped into the room – listening to some weird beat. I knew I didn't really belong here.

I was sitting alone, Embry and Quil had both vied for my attention just 10 minutes earlier, but I wasn't looking for someone to make out with – especially boys that I was looking forward to becoming good friends with.

Just then Embry shimmied his way through the crowds, calling my name, "Bellllla!"

"Yes?"I answered, hoping he wasn't coming to hint for a date again.

"Jacob wants to know if you're game for a swim now, only the five of us are going so...?" He trailed off waiting for my answer. I assumed he meant, him, Quil, Jacob, Leah and I when he spoke of the five of us.

I was mildly comfortable with them all so I nodded my head and he grinned. "This is gonna be hell of a night," he bellowed.

**A.N. – Sorry sorry sorry, I know I've taken ages but I have exams coming up and to top it off I've broken my right elbow [the hand I write with so it now takes an absolute age to type something :/:(**

**I've missed you guys, I'm now stuck in the house and I can't even type right lol, I know this is a sneaky ask, but take pity on me and review lol... Please :)***

**Love you guys ;)**


	6. Don't Belong

***AN – This is really sort of a part two to the last chapter, this is what the second half should be like but I thought I wouldn't be able to type all of this up in time, but I have alot of spare time now that I'm off school for a while lol, so here's another 6000 words for you guys ;)***

I laughed at his loud antics and held up a hand to him signalling that I would be another five minutes before I was ready, he nodded and slipped away into the crowd, his hips jiggling ever so slightly to the beat.

I breathed a sigh then set off to collect my packed bag from the truck. I was slightly scared at being so exposed in front of them all but I pushed through those thoughts and onto the ones that told me, for once, I was going to enjoy myself. It didn't help that I felt immensely out of place here.

I was making my way back to the house hopping from foot to foot as I pulled of my trainers on the soft earth in front of Jacob's house, changing into a pair of turquoise flip flops I was guessing would be more suitable for the outing.

I heard the continuous laughter inside the house and I suddenly wondered what everyone would do while we were away, would they just wait on us? My question was answered almost precisely as many tanned bodies began pouring from out of the small house; shouting, singing and dancing into a minibus and two cars, only my truck and Jacob's white car was left.

The last four found their way outside as I watched them from my truck. Billy spoke to Jacob who his muscular arm swung around the waist of his beautiful girlfriend. My mind changed at that moment, I was going there on my own, my body was telling me I needed time to think or I was going to crumble, I had to listen to that instinct or I would be in a lot of trouble, I had to trust myself.

I did, I climbed into my truck and roared up the engine. They all turned with a look of shock and I laughed. I wasn't really laughing though; it was fake and slightly sycophantic sounding to my well attuned ears. I knew what my real laugh sounded like and that wasn't it.

I couldn't understand it; I was falling into the trap of being fake with them too. What the hell was going on inside me that was forcing me to be this weird unbalanced person. I knew the reason but I refused for the moment to accept it. It made me sick that such a twisted person had such a strong hold on my life.

I stared straight at them and opened my mouth to speak, "I'll meet you guys there, I need to get changed anyways, I'm guessing it's the usual spot," I seemed to be watching myself from somewhere else, it was as if I wasn't me, but a judgemental spectator. One who was noticing all my flaws and faults as I spoke; this is what _he_ had made my mind into.

Who would have thought one kid could do this damage; he had wrecked my personality the day he had decided to become the dipshit he is.

Jacob nodded suspiciously, his eyes locked with mines and I knew he was asking if I was okay, I nodded slowly before reversing and turning away from the Black's house. I blasted the music, losing myself inside it; I didn't want to think about me in this particular moment.

I bit my lip in anticipation, I wasn't expecting the waves to be so high today, but the wind was picking up pace and the water coincided with that. I knew where this place was, I had been here many times with my father, Billy and Jacob.

It was the spot where, so many years ago, Jacob had told me I was beautiful no matter what other people said. His words had probably saved my life then. I pulled in and changed quickly into my wetsuit, checking repetitively out the window to make sure no one was looking.

Exiting my truck, I opened the glove compartment, pulled out a torch and walked slowly down to the beach; they were certainly taking their time. I threw of my specially chosen flip flops, I had changed my mind, I wanted to feel the wet sand between my toes, even if it meant I might get a couple of cuts of rocks or even some glass, you never knew with La push.

My feet had just reached the water when I heard Jacob's voice, accompanied by the voice of his car. I turned to him and the moment I saw his face, even from a little distance, the memory I had been suppressing swam to the surface of my mind and engulfed me...

_I paid the pitying taxi driver, leaving him with a two dollar tip. I felt pretty grown up getting a taxi by myself, especially without my mother's knowledge. I was 11 years old and I was breaking apart._

_I ran down to the disserted beach, discarding my backpack at the top of the beach, throwing my trainers behind me as I ran to put my feet in the water, my socks followed then finally I was bear footed._

_My toes touched the cold water with a start, they were numb within seconds, and I was shivering within a few more._

_I stared down at my feet, my heart thumping in my chest, a small part of me wondering what people would do if I just lay down in the cold water and let myself get numb, and more numb, and more numb. Until I was freezing to death, until I was gone. Would they care?_

_What would they remember me as?_

_I know my school would remember me as the fat kid who was stupid enough to go into the sea in winter; the neighbours would probably think the same. _

_My mom would miss me, I think. She had screamed at me before I left the house, telling her I was going to Angela's. She had told me that sometimes I really pissed her off. She had said to me that I needed to start making a bloody effort and be nice to Phil._

_It wasn't my fault he was annoying. Maybe it was. Maybe I'm the annoying one. Maybe it's no wonder everyone hates me._

_I dropped to my knees, my teeth starting to rattle. The water splashed up to my chest, the small waves, gushing over my thighs. Almost welcoming me to the sea. Maybe I could live their under the water forever. Gone and away from everyone. I wasn't naive enough to think that I would stay alive under the water, but the mere idea of my body floating out to sea; away from the cursed land that I lived on was enough to make me smile a watery smile. _

_Relief from the pain, the constant hurt. _

_But then as my legs became mostly numb but slightly painful thoughts of what I would miss poured into my mind; no college, no boyfriends ever (not that it was likely I would ever have one), no children, no Angela, no Mom._

_I burst into hysterical tears as if they had been building up the whole time. I hadn't come here to kill myself, but the idea had its pros, many many pros even if it had cons._

_I let my hands fall into the water, trying to pluck up the courage to let go of life or let go of my suicidal fantasy, but none seemed to be releasing the grip on me._

_My mind began playing an old song I remembered my grandma singing to me when I was just a toddler, care free and pretty._

_  
__**Hey where did we go?  
Days when the rain came  
Down in the hollow,  
Playing a new game  
Laughing and a running hey, hey  
Skipping and a jumping  
In the misty morning fog with  
Our hearts a thumping and you  
My brown eyed girl  
You my, brown eyed girl...**_

_**  
**__I sobbed as I remembered her crinkled face with all that love for me, I wondered if I really deserved it, if she'd known I'd grown into such an ugly creature, would she still have sang to me the way she did. I was doubting everything. I closed my eyes as the pain in my cold legs became too much._

_And from the deepest depths of my despair I heard a voice, soft and caring; I believed it to be a created dream of my own._

"_Isabella, please get out of the water, you're gonna catch the death," I even giggled, it was so silly that someone would care enough to ask me to get out of the water, especially a boy. "Isabella?" he asked again, this time his voice was louder, nearer._

_I laughed at myself as I answered the voice inside my own head, "don't be so stupid, it would be a good thing if I caught the death," My whole body froze as an arm snuck around me and I realised that the voice in my head which had sounded awfully like Jacob Black, was in fact, Jacob Black._

"_No it wouldn't Izz," I opened my eyes to see his._

"_But what if I want to? What if I want to stay here?" I whispered._

_He placed his warm hands into the water, fetching mine out, and beginning to pull me out, "Isabella, you're too beautiful to die," he kissed my cheek as I stood up, my hands still in his. He put his arms around me as my legs wobbled; they were still pretty numb and felt almost like jelly. "Come on, Izz, we'll go back to my house and dry you off,"_

_I nodded, shocked and slightly relieved._

_**END MEMORY.**_

"H-hey guys," I stuttered. They jumped out of the car and came over towards me, there was alot of things they didn't know about me and I realised at that moment that I would have to be nearly as fake to them as anyone at my new school. I really had no one who knew everything, not even my mom or dad, not a sister. I was alone, which was actually pretty ironic as they were currently giving me hello hugs.

I smiled at them, putting my face on again, I was and always would be broken; they couldn't help that.

"Okayyy," Quil took charge, "I think it's time for a game of twenty questions," everyone began to grumble as he smirked excitedly, "don't be such a bore, the only reason we split from the others was so we could play a few games between close friends," he looked at everyone in turn, including me; but I honestly didn't feel like I should be included in that, I felt like an outsider.

"I suppose if we're gonna play... then I wonna ask a question first!" he grinned.

"Shit," I heard Embry mumble under his breath.

"Uck don't be such a baby," Jake taunted, "it's not like we have a bowl of questions to use, we may as well let me go first, I'll ask everyone one question, then we'll switch, okay?" he looked at me specifically then, I nodded timidly.

"Quil," he shouted, while splashing into the sea, pulling Leah with him, "Who do you find the most attractive girl in school?"

I walked in after him, it was freezing and I was shivering within seconds, but the four of them were laughing and joking, and as long as they weren't paying too much attention to me I could sink into my own world of thoughts, it wasn't as if I knew the person Quil was talking or some of the inside jokes they were in near hysterics about.

I paddled around in the freezing cold until I heard my name bellowed by a jubilant Jacob, "Bella, would you rather Embry or Quil?" I looked at them both, giggling nervously as they made body builder poses and shouted words of encouragement.

Embry was taller and his face was set slightly softer than Quil's, his body was lovely and sleek but it wasn't anywhere near as developed as Quil's. But I happened to prefer Embry's personality, no particular reason, I just did.

"Uhhh," I began, as they both winked at me, "Embry," I murmured, Quil's face fell as I covered my blushing face with my hands and Embry came and snuck his around my waist.

"Really," he purred playfully.

"Bug off, doesn't mean I would, it's who I'd rather," I pushed him off of me, laughing.

They all pointed and laughed at him as he hugged me in friendly way and sauntered off to get a drink from his back pack at the shore.

"Leah," Jacob teased next, wiggling his eyebrows, "did you wear this gloriously sexy black bikini today just to tease me?" The boys made baulking sounds as his hands fell onto her waist, swinging her around while she squealed.

"Don't Jacob," she hissed just loud enough for me to hear, "I look fat in this."

Some part of me knew that she was just a little insecure about her bikini but the other part of me found it highly offence, "You do not look fat," I interrupted the couples moment with my loud, outrage voice. All I could think about was the last time I had worn a swimming costume in forks...

**Memory (9 years ago)**

_I dumped my bag in the girl's dressing room as I considered whether it would be worth running into the toilet to get changed, to prevent jibes from Miss Hale and Miss Denali._

_I decided within seconds that I couldn't go through with them watching me change and I swung my bag over my shoulder then ran to the toilets as certain girls laughed behind their hands at me; I knew they were talking about me, I didn't even need to hear a word of it and I knew I would be taking the brunt of their jokes._

_I changed quickly, cringing as I saw the pink butterflies' swimming costume my mother had slipped into my bag. I had liked it when I thought we had only bought it for holiday, I hadn't realised that everyone at school would be seeing it, I hadn't realised that my mom would force me into going, whether I pretended to be ill or not._

_I hauled the costume onto me, it was ever so slightly too tight, and even at the age of nine I knew that it showed all of my wobbly bits and as I stepped out the toilets, placing my things into a locker, I was so close to pulling it all back out and faking an illness, but I told myself I would be okay, I really did like swimming when it wasn't in front of everyone. I wanted to enjoy it._

_I walked out to the swimming pool where the rest of the class was and I heard that voice, the one that chilled my bones the second it swam into my mind._

_Edward Cullen was laughing loudly._

"_Look at her waddle," he said in a mock whisper._

_I instantly felt myself flush, I knew it would be covering my neck at that particular moment and I walked over to the teacher to inform her my mom said it was okay that I swam with my glasses on and that she had contacted the swimming club before hand to check it was okay with them._

_My teacher nodded and I saw her throw a stern look at Edward, I guessed that she had heard what he had said but didn't want to embarrass me further by giving him into trouble in front of me._

_I took my place at the end of the line, sat with my legs in a basket and watched as a bald middle aged man sporting a wetsuit, a swim cap and a short beard made his way into the area, he waved at as, smiling, his kind eyes crinkling. He seemed like the sort of man you would expect to find out fishing with my dad, in fact, now that he came closer, he looked like one of my dad's friends. _

_I waved back as did a few others in my class but many, it seemed, weren't sure whether they should wave back or not, it wasn't often that we were greeted so informally by a teacher; even if he was only our swimming instructor._

_He stood in front of us quite excitedly, explaining that if we thought we were good swimmers we could go into the top group for the day until he had checked, the okay swimmers would go in the middle group and those who "had trouble" with it as he put it would go into the bottom group._

_I knew I should go into the top group, and even though I spotted Edward and Tanya making their way over I didn't bother too much, I thought that we would be constantly watched by the instructor and out teacher and I would be okay._

_Far from it._

_The perfect couple, Edward and Tanya, made their way over to where I was standing, I shook slightly, my knees knocking together and I prayed they hadn't spotted another sign of my weakness._

_Edward walked forward so he was just inches from my ear and whispered maliciously, "you look utterly pig like today Bella, even you're costume matches your face," he snickered and Tanya joined in with him._

_I felt the myself blush even more profusely than before and I heard with distinct clarity what Tanya said when she leaned into Edward, "Even the colour of her face matches her costume; pig really is the right word,"_

_I felt tears well up in my sorrowful eyes, "Please, I haven't done anything," I whined, trying to turn away; I wondered why no teachers were near us, but there was some sort of commotion happening at the other end of the pool and they all seemed focused on that._

_Edward's laugh was so loud even others who hadn't noticed out conversation were looking now, Tanya hesitantly joined in, she was probably just as in the dark I was about the reason for Edward's joyous laugh. "You really are hysterical Isabella Dwyer, "he nodded his head, grinning, "clearly all you've done is __**something, **__and that something is constantly eating," those surrounding us laughed with him as tears streaked my face. It felt like he had slapped me, punched me, kicked me; then again, I would probably have preferred that._

_I had gasped in shock of his barbarity; I don't understand how I could have been so shocked, it wasn't particularly shocking when you think about it that Edward Cullen could have said something like that to me._

_The boy was pure evil, and as I ran from the pool, I realised that putting any trust in the boy to keep his wicked mouth shut was just stupid._

_  
_**END MEMORY.**

Tears rose in my eyes and I suddenly felt horrendously exposed, they stared at me, and I turned to leave the water.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jacob asked, trudging over to me, his deep brown eyes gazing into mine.

"I don't belong here Jacob, I just don't belong," I snivelled, "I'm going home."

"That's not true-" Jacob tried to reassure but I was having a moment of clearness, what I had been thinking all night had now emerged to the uppermost point of my mind and I couldn't hide it anymore, I didn't feel at home here, all I wanted was to get away and go to my bed. I just wanted to be alone.

"No." I told him simply, "I'm not ready for this Jacob, please just let it go," he stared at me for what seemed like hours then nodded slowly.

I was impressed with the silence of the rest of them; I guessed Jacob must have warned them that I had problems. I picked up my things, quickly threw on my clothes over the wetsuit and then headed home, waving once to those remaining on the beach, laughing and dancing, singing and enjoying themselves the way teenagers should.

He had ruined that for me.

I checked the time, it was just nine o'clock. I was starving hungry, I wondered whether I had exercised enough that day to allow myself to indulge in a McDonalds. I'd had a hard day and a McDonalds was only a twenty five minutes drive away, it was just on the outskirts of Port Angeles.

I concluded as I came up to the turn that I **had **exercised enough, and even if I hadn't I would make sure to add in some extra tomorrow morning, food was an indulgence I never usually allowed myself, and it had the possibility of taking my mind of the fact that I just realised I fitted in with no one.

I drove faster than normal; thank god I had filled the petrol tank to max just a few days before. The truck didn't seem too pleased with me pushing it but I guess it was just tough luck. I needed some fucking good food and I needed it fast.

I found that my cheeks were still wet even after driving for fifteen minutes and I pulled over quickly, trying to calm myself. The road was near deserted and the only noise was coming from the odd passing car.

I exhaled slowly, bringing my knees up to my chest; I was exhausted from trying to be someone I'm not. It really was a vicious circle in life. If I stopped trying, I'd get the crap beaten out of me again most probably and if I kept going I'd make myself into someone I'm not.

Cause I'm not that confident individual I come across as; yes the normal me does have its dominant moments but nothing compared to what this new, invented character was.

I never loved fashion with a passion; overtime I had come to enjoy myself now and again, but i hated the idea of living my life constantly in shops.

Fair enough I had begun to enjoymy exercise, it gave me a recognisable control of my life and I was pleased with that, but I hated haing to take time out of my life when I thought I had better things to do because becoming over weight was now a mortal fear.

I didn't like eating almost purely healthy food. I **like** burgers. I **like** pizza. I **like** ice cream. Feeling like I had to check the labels of products before I could consume them was appaling.

I hated me.

I turned on the music a few minutes later once I had forced myself to except the prospect of being someone different. I started up the truck with a roar and preceded on to get a chicken ceasar salad from Mcdonalds. I guess Big Macs were out of the question to new Bella.

I pulled up to McDonalds, I felt as if they were all watching me like they used to when I walked into McDonalds, you could always just tell they were thinking about fun of me in their head, sometimes they never even managed to keep it there.

'Doesnt she think she's had enough of McDonalds?'  
'She obviously doesn'tknow when to quit'  
'God she has nerve'  
'Fucking fatty'

All comments I over heard over time even though they whispered, makes you wonder if everyone's like that. If everyone has a mean horrible side but they just don't tell anyone. Only some do that.

I took a deep breath before strutting towards the counter, I needed to keep myself in character, and it was a way of taking my mind of reality. I twirled my hair around my pinkie, smiling at the acne covered teen coming to serve me.

He smiled back at me shyly; the poor guy had braces too. I remembered what having those was like.

"Uh...Uhhh," he stuttered as I smiled encouragingly, "can I help you?" he finally managed.

"Could I have the chicken Caesar salad please?" I answered him.

"Is that a meal?" he spoke with his eyes glued to the till.

"Yes please, could I have the orange juice with it?"

"Mhmm, anything else?" he looked up at me expectantly and I took a few seconds, I could really do with a mcflurry, but I managed to have the control to shake my head.

"Coming right up," he grinned as he collected the food and put it on a tray for me; I took it gingerly and found myself a seat in the corner, tucked away from the window and most people's view. It closed in twenty five minutes so it was practically empty except from a family of four who were eating quietly at the opposite side of the room.

I ate it slowly, savouring the taste of McDonalds chicken, there really is nothing like it.

My whole body froze when I heard the door open and the laugh that I had heard so much of lately, I turned slowly to see Alice walking in, linked arms with Jasper. Following them was Emmett intertwining hands with Rosalie, then following them was Mr Bastard retarded cunt arsed Cullen. I guess I couldn't help but call him names, immature it may be, but the others somehow I could deal with, him everything inside me burned.

I started to throw my salad down my throat in the few seconds that followed before a surprised Alice called my name, "Bella?" she chirped, I managed to swallow the cast amount of food that was bulging in my cheeks at that precise moment and turn to her with what I thought would be an endearing smile on my face.

"Wow, imagine meeting you here, I thought you said something about a bonfire party tonight?" had I told her about that? I had forgotten, shit this would need some quick thinking.

"Oh, I changed my mind last minute, I spent the night in with my dad, he's watching replays on ESPN and I just needed some time away from football mania," I laughed. Alice pulled me up gently by the hand, the picked up my food in the other hand.

"Come, you have to come and sit with us all and you don't half eat healthy, you're gonna make me look like a total grubber," she giggled while my eyes spun about the group, as much as I tried not to my eyes landed ever so vaguely on Edward, he seemed slightly confused and I moved my eyes away before he asked them any questions.

I prayed to god that he hadn't noticed any similarities between Bella Swan and Isabella Dwyer.

Alice near dragged me over to a table right in the centre of the room, just large enough for six to fit in around it. They all went up to order stuff except Edward. I knew to look normal I would have to ask him the fairly obvious question but I really didn't want to, I do mean I really was worried that instead of words I might start flying punches at him, everything that had happened to night had made me realise just how warped my life had become and made me reinstate my strong rage and need for revenge inside my head. I bit the bullet and went for it, I decided to pretend he was a nice guy, one I had just met, but when my eyes met his all I could remember was the sheer terror he caused and my voice wobbled strangely as I spoke, "Aren't you going to order?" I asked.

He tilted his head ever so slightly as he looked at me, "No, I've already eaten with my date earlier,"

"Oh," was all I could make myself answer.

"I have a question for you Bella," he continued, and the speed of my heart increased until I concluded it must have been loud enough for even Edward, who was across the table from me to hear, "you said you were with your dad tonight, don't you think it's a little odd that I could have sworn I saw him just forty minutes ago pulling a guy over for speeding."

I decided to act as if he must be mistaken even though the Isabella in me was shaking like a leaf in a gale force wind, "I don't how you could possibly have saw him, he was sitting home with me," he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Mmmm," was all he answered and we sat in silence until the rest of them came back with their orders munching happily.

I slowly finished my salad while they spoke, "So whatcha got planned for the weekend then?" Emmett asked me.

"I looked up to see that his hand had snuck around Rosalie's waist as the other one held one of the biggest burgers I had ever seen which he was consuming pretty fast considering the size of it; Rosalie didn't seem to mind that he was asking me a question that many girlfriends would not be too pleased with their boyfriends for asking other girls, clearly she was secure in their relationship.

"Uhhh, I was going to go out with some friends from La Push, but now," I let out a breath, "I don't really know." I watched in shock as Rosalie munched her way through a big burger too, I had always thought she would have eaten practically nothing to say so supremely slim, clearly she just had good jeans.

"Well you know now," Alice winked at me, "you can come to the park with us, we're going on a day trip up to the sunnier side of the country tomorrow, leaving at 7 o'clock then not returning till late," she smiled in anticipation.

"I don't really want to intrude-" I began but was cut off by Rosalie, who even though she was talking to me was looking lovingly into the eyes of the turned brute, Emmett.

"Nonsense, of course you wouldn't be intruding we'd love to have you there, you seem like a pretty cool girl," that's because they don't know me I thought.

"Noooo, it's okay, really," Jasper then joined in the conversation sweetly.

"Of course," he placed one of his hands on my arm, "really Bella, we'd love to have you come, you can keep Edward amused as well," he grinned.

I smiled transparently back, I was utterly bemused that they couldn't see how pissed off I was at him. Edward gave me a sheepish crooked smile. I hated that he was some beautiful, I was hoping against hopes that he would be ugly, or fat, or something wrong with him when I returned to forks but he was completely flawless, if he had been anyone else I would have... I would have been different.

He put out his hand slightly towards me then it looked like he thought better of it and retrieved it from the centre f the table, the others were too engrossed with their stunning partners to pay attention to him, "Bella I – I'm glad we're not fighting anymore."

I nodded at him.

"I really mean it, I think we can be good friends if we put it all behind us," by asking that he never realised just how much he wanted me to do, I wondered then if he would be acting like this if I was Isabella, not just in personality but in looks; would he even have thought of approaching me in school?

The answer was steadfast; I doubt it.

His green jewels bore into mine and I felt the world change around me, if he still hadn't guessed it seemed I was safe. It was really time to start using his forgiveness of my 'uncalled for behaviour' to my advantage. It was time to tear the motherfucker to shreds.

***A.N. – I need you all to understand that even though it seems like she's letting Emmett and Rosalie of the hook, she isn't really, she just sees the change in them and acknowledges it, she understands that they've changed, with Edward she just can't do that, her mind refuses to allow it. What seems like forgiveness of the other two is really just acceptance, I was bullied pretty badly when I was younger and now when I see them, I realise that they've changed, except from certain people who at the time I truly believed were the spawn of the devil.  
-so yeah, long AN but I need you to understand that there are reasons for things***

**Oh and guys... DO REVIEW, as you can see, your lovely reviews for the last chapter just TWO DAYS ago spurred me on to type with one hand to get this chapter done ;);) xx**


	7. Keep Holding On

*******A.N.**** – I feel like a bad person, missing updates and stuff :/ just finished school for summer and now I have work to fit in to my summer schedule – its a hard life lol ;) so anyways, this is just a little shortie, I know its not really fair that I leave you for so long and give you a tiny thing for a chapter but im sure you'd rather this than nothing for a few days or what not, I shall try and type up some more tonight but I am absolutely exhausted to be honest so forgive me for my late updates – here is a little playlist of songs you may wish to put up on say grooveshark while you read, these are the songs I wrote this chapter to so they may inspire you ;)**

**Keep Holding on – Glee  
Love the way you lie – Eminem ft. Rihanna  
No surprises – Radiohead  
Unthinkable – Alicia Keys ft. Drake***

I was livid as I made my way home; I had to spend time with a beast of a boy who I would pretty happily have punched instead of smiled at. Alice had explained to me she was being sarcastic and that they were only really travelling an hour away to a Briax public park which they had being travelling to for years. I remembered going there many years ago with my mother. It was a constant annoyance that I couldn't project myself into this new friendship with Alice as I was always wondering and having doubts about the rest of her family, I couldn't show her the real me and see if she accepted cause I knew the rest of her family wouldn't. It hurt to think I was holding myself back in every aspect of my life because of something that had happened so many years ago. The whole of the family appeared to be completely ready to accept me as a new close friend, I mean they invited me in what was quite obviously a friendly tradition for the day and none of them seemed like they would rather I didn't come, and in fact they were the opposite of that.

I huffed as the clouds began to clear from the sky; I was leaning on the hope of having the excuse that it had been raining the night before, enabling me to chicken out of tomorrow's get together. I drummed my finger rhythmically on the steering wheel as I waited for the lights to change. Biting my lip as I weighed the pros and cons of tomorrow's situation I had somehow managed to get myself into. I thought of how I felt more at home even with Edward sitting at the table with them than I did with Jacob and his friends, even Leah. I felt like I was meant to be friends with Alice, with this new Rosalie, with her brother Jasper and with the ape turned gentlemen Emmett; also, it definitely couldn't do much harm to my plans of revenge having his family close to me. I thought of everything without emotion, if I started thinking about how I was going to emotionally cope with bringing Edward down I would probably crumble.

Edward. It was funny how I could now so easily say his name in my mind without a tear coming to my eye. Bitterness was now a main feature to what I felt about him. I was hurt beyond anyone's knowledge, anger was just the start of it, and jealousy was another part. How could he be so amazing looking without even bothering: I needed to do my exercising and healthy eating plans to keep myself in shape; I needed to have laser eye surgery; I needed to have braces. Why the hell did he inherit such bloody good jeans when he used them for nothing but showing off and teasing others less fortunate than himself? If I had been born looking like him, I'm almost positive I would still be a nice person. Guess I'd never know, but what I do know is that I would never be like him; never that indomitably cruel.

I was five minutes from the house when I realised I would have to leave a note for Charlie to let him know my change of plans, he would be worried when he was notified that I wasn't actually with Jacob, speaking of Jacob, I realised then that my phone was on silent and when I got back in the house I would probably open it find a shit load of worried messages. Fuck.

I pulled up to the house, crept in the door quietly, up the stairs surprisingly without tripping, the only noise was the ones from the fifth and eighth stair, otherwise I managed to make my way to my bedroom relatively quickly, even with my back pack. I lowered it onto the floor gently while closing the door, then changed into my pyjamas that I had packed anyway. Warm comfy ones, they still smelled like my old home in Phoenix, alot of the scent was tea tree oil, and my mom had lately developed at taste for the stuff therefore the house had been covered in it, including the scent of our laundry. I missed her when I thought of small things like this that I hadn't quite been expecting to pop into my mind, memories I wasn't prepared to stifle before they unnerved me.

I lay back on my bed, lifting the quilt cover over me and burrowing down into the soft folds of material. My mother would be so confused if she saw the way I was acting lately; my father however, probably thought I had just grown into an awkward and up and down teenager, one minute bold then next shy. He was taking on my dress sense – really it was fashion magazines dress sense – well, only once had he outwardly expressed his displeasure with me wearing heels to school and when I told him that I was going to wear them no matter what he practically backed off the matter – I think he felt like he had some making up to do. I guess he does, but I don't really hold his argumentative relationship with my mother against him.

I remembered once more that I had to look at my texts and I audibly groaned as I pushed myself up in bed and grabbed my jacket pulling the phone out of the pocket to see 5 text messages.

Three predictably worried ones from to which I replied reassuringly to. One from Phil, really from my mom but she had lost her phone (again) and was borrowing his. The other from Alice telling me the exact details of when they were picking me up, what to bring etc. Just in case I'd forget. I smiled widely at that one, having a friend who cared enough to do that was refreshing, I hadn't had one of them for a while (a friend like that, not a text).

I set my alarm for 5:30 then snuggled down into my covers to be faced with the terrors of Edward Cullen – even dreaming I wasn't cut much slack.

I woke panting, covered in a sheen of slippery sweat, seeing the green eyes fade as my own brown ones opened to find myself tangled up in the deep violet bed covers. I looked over to the alarm clock to see that I had woken just four minutes before it was set to ring. I hated when I did that. I switched the thing of in case it went off when I was in a shower and was unable to stop it, it would wake my dad.

I slung my housecoat around me and plodded off to the bathroom, once I'd showered thoroughly I towel dried my hair before submitting it to my "wet to dry" hair straighteners; they weren't amazing but they would do the job. I added a few trailing curls at the back of my hair then sprayed it for a good few seconds with extra strength hair spray. I chose a simple but warm outfit, a cream tank top with a beige oversized cardigan; some light faded jeans and faded tan boots. My makeup was easy, a thin covering of foundation, little flick of navy eyeliner I had recently acquired a small brush of bronzer and a sweet light brown lip gloss.

I packed the things Alice had specified, including a little portable make up bag just in case I needed to touch up. I looked outside to see what looked promising to be a good day, I didn't know whether to smile at their luck or my misfortune, it was definite I was going now and I genuinely couldn't be bothered. My bag was more of a miniature suitcase than a carry about hand bag, I would have to leave it in their car most probably, which meant I would have to bring another little bag to put stuff that I took away from the car in.

I thought of the excuses I could make if I had to get away from them quickly as I picked up the last few things and started moving towards the door, pinning a note to the pin board in the hall, we hardly used it but at least he couldn't miss it, and it wasn't as if he couldn't call me and check up on me.

I stepped outside just as two cars pulled up, one silver Volvo, the one I had seen in school, the other... the most magnificent car to ever be on this earth. I had wanted this car ever since I started thinking of driving; it was small, compact, and beautiful – a navy blue mini cooper. Don't get me wrong, I love my truck, but if I had to get any car it would be the mini.

I walked over to them, not being able to resist running my hand over the paint work as Jasper Hale's window rolled down, "Bella, you need to go in the car with Edward, stick your bag in the bag if you like, this whole car is full of what we need for today so I'm afraid the back's too full for you," he grinned at me, winking as Alice popped her head over his shoulder smiling.

"Hey Bella," she smiled, "I'm glad you're coming with us, you're gonna have so much fun!" her voice had escalated from a normal voice to a high pitched excited scream.

"Ha-ha, yeah, I'll speak to you later then," I smiled, throwing my bag into the back seat where a huge bundle of things were already congregating. I huffed and puffed the whole way to the other car, a distinct fear washing through me; I opened the back door and was told by an angry looking Rosalie to go into the front. Suddenly I was petrified; I was supposed to be locked in a car with the three of them for an hour, which gave them sixty minutes where they could basically do whatever they felt like to me. My heart pounded in my chest and my hands began to tremble as I walked round to where I would be sitting opposite Edward Cullen for the entire ride. Providing he didn't murder me first that is.

As I opened the door I smelled him, his scent was just as it had been many years ago, the memories it provoked were astounding and I only just managed to keep my head as I sat down, "Hello Bella," he spoke politely and in innocently, but in the back of my mind, I could only here him speaking to me like he knew, like we were still children.

"_Hello Isabella."_

"Hi," I murmured. He then leaned towards me and I involuntarily flinched.

"Rosalie and Emmett have just had a big argument so they're not talking, best to keep quiet I would think," he winked at me and I was able to nod back in agreement.

The car started moving and I resisted the urge to scream and stomp my feet until it stopped then run from the car as fast as I could – for the first time in my life I really felt like I may be claustrophobic, I felt encaged in the car, as if I couldn't ever leave it. I looked to the side quickly, peeking at Edward. I forgot how utterly amazing looking the boy was, he made me sick, just looking at him I wanted to will spots to grow on him. His bronze hair was so annoyingly endearing, if his green eyes weren't so cold to me I might have found them beautiful.

I became slightly nauseated as I thought about the amount of girls that must he must have stripped and banged on this exact seat; hopefully he had at least thought to wash it before he let me and his family sit on it; speaking of his family, I wondered what the disputing couple in the back had been disputing over. I only ever remembered them falling out once when I had known them before, and when they had fallen out, come to think of it, it had been a disaster for me...

"_I hate you Emmett Cullen, you're a pig," she stamped her foot as she turned away from him, running from him._

"_Rosie wait," he moaned after her and threw me a venom filled glare when he caught me watching them._

_I turned from the scene that they were making and couldn't help but grin ever so slightly, if the two of them split up it could do wonders for my situation, they were a partnership which had seemed unbreakable but now Emmett Cullen had apparently been of kissing other girls and Rosalie Hale was too proud to just take him back without quashing the rumours first, but as time was going on it seemed very plausible that Emmett actually had kissed a pretty blonde girl he'd been pictured with while on holiday with his parents. The details were all over the school and Rosalie Hale had been too flustered with the embarrassment to hate on me lately. Edward and Tanya still managed their jibes and quips but they were much more manageable with two of their gang members missing from action._

_I began skipping towards the main entrance, I still had a little bit left of the Popsicle stick Eiffel tower to complete, it was quite a job at only 11 years old but my mom had helped me with the majority of it. I decided it would be right to finish the last couple of bits of on the day, I could enjoy it that way, and we had even painted the sticks together, spent hours on it when you added it all up._

_Just as my foot touched the very first step I was hauled vehemently to the side and pushed behind several of the tall luscious green trees, I knew jus from the rich, sweet scent of her who it was straight away. My heart seemed to be senselessly attempting to escape my chest, hammering irregularly but constantly._

"_W-what do you want?" I stuttered, knowing the exact reason she had brought me here, I clearly hadn't been paying enough attention to the violent she-devil, she had been watching me, she'd saw my smile, I don't know how she managed it but she had spotted me._

"_You think it's funny that everyone thinks my boyfriend cheats on me?" she demanded, some spittle flying from her mouth and landing on the tip of my eyebrow, I fought the urge to wipe it off and answered her question._

"_N-no."_

"_Why did I see you laughing when we argued then?" she insisted. I knew at that point the conversation was 100% destined for failure for me. No matter what I said now she wouldn't believe me._

"_I wasn't laughing at you," I stammered, the crispy dry scent of the bark surrounding us filling my nostrils, "I was smiling at the thought of," I hesitated for a slight moment, knowing I'd just made it even worse, "my science project."_

_She giggled evilly, "Now it doesn't matter whether you're telling the truth or not, you deserve to be battered just because your such a bloody geek, "I felt myself grimace as she pushed me into the scratching tree directly behind me, my back caved forward and she kneed me brutally in the centre of my stomach, sending my snapping bolt upright, smacking my head._

"_Ouch," I could hold the pain, I was pretending I was somewhere else, somewhere I could be myself, a meadow, a beautiful meadow, lying in the grass, the flowery aroma surrounding me, nothing like the offending stench which this particular tree omitted._

"_You're an ugly cow who's going to eat themselves into an early..." I floated off, the tears congealing on my cheeks; I was no longer looking at Rosalie Hale I was staring at the clear blue sky. The only noises belonged to nature, my eyes wondered, zooming in on the beauty of this world. I was brought back to reality with a punch in the side. Her eyes glittered with glee; her enjoyment was so extensive it shocked even me for a few microseconds. "I'm glad you're my little punch bag, it's so much fun," she laughed, slapping me in the face, "No one laughs at Rosalie Hale! You know something else, I'm getting Edward to smash up that precious science project of yours, you deserve to pay – I mean you've always deserved to pay for being such a nuisance to look at, but this time, I'm gonna really hit you where it hurts,"_

_Tears burst from my eyes again; it was pointless asking her not to so I stayed silent and took my punishment. She turned to leave, thought about it, then turned back and kicked me so hard in the stomach I thought it would be pretty much possible for my eyes to pop out. I fell to my knees. The mud on them felt nice and soft and I keeled forward as I heard the last of her footsteps, my face went face first into the mud as I regained steady breathing._

_A big punishment for smiling._

That wiped any trace of a fake smile from my face, "I'm going to sleep," I blurted out. Leaning my head on the bottom of the window and closing my eyes just to make sure he could make no conversation. I never saw his reaction, it was so quiet I heard his head turn towards me, the fabric in his jacket alerting me, but he stayed silent.

I questioned if it was worth it, if reliving my nightmares were worth it just to get one up on Edward Cullen and his family. I wasn't sure to say the least but there was definitely that part in me that was sure something had to be done to demonstrate for people like me all around the world that it was possible for things in your life to turn around, you really could hit rock bottom and pick yourself back up again. It had been a very hard lesson for me to learn, and I very nearly never made my transformation through to the end and I owed it to myself to show myself off.

I finally drifted to sleep after 5 minutes of silence and pretending I was somewhere else. My dreams were filled with the darkness of my prepubescent years; I awoke while hitting the air in front of me and telling a little Tanya Denali to stop. A Tanya Denali who wasn't actually there. The only noise that kept going once I had fully woken up and opened my eyes was the bellowing laughter, it was slightly familiar. I looked to my left to view a hysterical Edward Cullen, tears seeping from his closed eyelids, within a millisecond he had opened them and was staring straight into me, still laughing. I felt like I was naked at that point, as if my whole inside was on show to him at that very moment, no matter how ridiculous the thought I couldn't help but get some sort of mind reading vibe from Edward Cullen. I never moved a muscle, never said a word as he continued to laugh in the next few seconds. I waited for him to stop; I beseeched my eyes to be dead and cold to him, to show no warmth to the boy. His green jewels sparkled with joy and I could not understand what he was laughing at; thoughts of him realising who he was really driving about town passed my mind but I kept them under wraps for the moment at least, I was going to keep calm and cool until I knew exactly the damage that had been done. While he doubled up chortling I stared into his eyes, the first time I was able to meet his gaze without inwardly cringing, there was some sort of warmth in his eyes that I had never spotted before, I had never noticed the hazel fleck mixing with the emerald in his right eye, an imperfection I had perhaps chosen to miss? Then again, a detail like that only made his eyes that bit more complex and beautiful. Heartbreakingly beautiful. Jaw-droppingly beautiful. _Disgustingly_ beautiful.

Then the spell was broken, the laughter died down and we sat in silence. He blinked.

"You were talking in your sleep..." he paused, he seemed to need to justify himself to me, but I could understand now, "It was kinda funny."

I nodded, "Oh, sounds like it."

"I feel kind of stupid now," he admitted.

"Oh," I levelled.

"Well I feel like a bit of an idiot, I stayed in the car to make sure something didn't happen to you, Emmett and Rosalie are talking round the corner, I felt sick this morning and I wanted to go a walk to for some fresh air but I didn't want anything, "he took a breath, "to happen to you."

"Why," I said in obvious repugnance, I never intended for the word to leave my mouth so full of hatred but it couldn't be helped it seemed.

His body stiffened a bit with the direct question, "the place is practically deserted, I'm not even to happy about Emmett and Rose going off to talk it out-"

"I thought you wanted to go out a walk too?" I interrupted.

"I did."

"Then why are you-"

"Do you do this with most guys or is it just me?"

"Just you I guess."

"What's wrong with me?"

Resisting the urge to say everything I answered truthfully, "I guess you just set me off on the defensive."

"What about me does that?" He asked, very businesslike, the before emotion he had seemed to show had now disappeared, he looked very unimpressed with my deduction of him.

"I just can't put my finger on it," I retorted vaguely.

"Well start to," snapped back.

I took a calming breath, "Why don't we-"

"Start over?" he finished for me sarcastically, "hows about you tell me why you go off in your little ragers at me then decide that actually you can be friends with me again, then you change your mind once again, but you're little miss fucking perfect to all of my friends?"

"I-"

"You gonna lie to me again Bella? You gonna tell me that you don't know why I piss you off so freakin' much that you hate me one minute and can stand me the next? Or are you gonna tell me that I remind you of some past boyfriend that dumped you're pretty fucking ass? Or? What excuse do you have _gorgeous_," the word was laced with more of his sarcasm, "What's it gonna be?"

"Shut the fuck up." I closed my eyes, concentrating on keeping the facade of everything going, "You don't understand everything-"

"Well help me understand." I noted a slight tone of mockery but dismissed it for his anger.

"You can't you wouldn't and don't even say 'try me', no matter how much you say you're not, you are the dickheads I knew. You **are **the slutty man whore who fucked up my life-"

"I'm not."

"You are.

"I'm not."

"You fucking are. How many girls have you been with this year?" He spluttered, I took that as a confirmation and continued, "I can't be okay with hanging about with a guy like you. I bet you have no idea that you've broken hundreds of girls hearts and that with one line you've made a difference to what they think of themselves," It was more than a few lines he had recited to me, "In fact, you probably do know what you're doing but you just don't care, that's what guy like you are like isn't it?"

He was silent.

"ISN'T IT!" I was working myself up into a shaking rant and he was just taking it in silence, I kept expecting his hand, his fist to smack into my face but of course it never did.

Ten seconds past, then thirty, forty fifty sixty.

"I'm sorry," he stammered, the velvet his voice was usually made of wasn't so... velvety. It was cracking and seemed to have matured within the past minute.

My head turned itself to the side involuntarily, "What?"

"I said I'm sorry," his eyes reconnected with mines, it was with disbelief that I observed the sincerity in his face, "I'm sorry that you've been fucked up and I'm sorry that I'm the same type of person as the one who done the deeds but I don't want to be an asshole, I don't do it intentionally it just happens. All I ask is that you try to get to know me before you judge so severely; give me a chance, I might be a bit of a player but I'm not that bad, just give it a try. And don't bother saying you will if you're gonna bite me in ass sometime in the near future."

This meant no more of my attitude outbursts. I could do it, maybe. It would give me more of a chance of fucking up his life in the end. "Okay." He held out his hand to shake mine and I complied. A burst of electricity shot up my arm as my fingers touched his. The swift look he gave me told me that he felt it too. I was positive it was fate telling me that we should not be anywhere near each other; two clashing personalities such as ours shouldn't collide.

Rosalie and Emmett returned to the car a few minutes later, holding hands and staring into each other eyes all lovey dovey, nothing changes there I guess. One part of me thought it was shame I hadn't thought of a way to sabotage their relationship yet but another part of me felt a surge of happiness that they had managed to sort things out. I wanted to beat that part with a stick.

"So you guys made things up?" Edward asked the obvious as they entered the car.

"Yeah guys, sorry about how long we took," he paused, I swivelled around in the seat to look at them, Rosalie was nuzzling sickeningly cutely into Emmett's neck and he was blushing lightly yet smirking at the same time from the action.

"Doesn't matter," I responded, keeping my voice as close to normal as was possible, "we managed to sort a few things out," I glanced quickly at Edward who nodded solemnly.

"Well that's good," Rosalie smiled, "Maybe we could end up with an all couples day after all," she grinned.

I laughed awkwardly as I uttered "No," Edward followed my lead.

"We've not got quite that much sorted out," he countered.

"Ahh, whatever," Emmett winked at us both and it struck me the total irony of the situation.

I giggled and they all looked at me, "What?" Edward asked seriously.

"S'nothing," I sobered up at his voice.

"Well then I guess we better get on our way, Alice and Jazz will already be there waiting for us, I text them and told them we were waiting on you two," he looked meaningfully at Rosalie and Emmett, "but they must have been left waiting for about an hour now."

"Yeah," I continued, "I'm actually kind of looking forward to today," and I was, it would enable me to find Edward Cullen's weaknesses, to devise my plans of destruction and to actually enjoy my facade, after all, that's what it's all about right? My enjoyment.

Twenty five minutes later we pulled up at Briax Park, the car park was all but deserted apart from the magnificent mini and now the Volvo. We picked up everything and headed off. Everyone knew exactly where they were going, they described it to me as "their own little secret hiding place" personally I wasn't too keen on this place already, as with spending the time in the car, I didn't much like that they were spending so much time with me alone, they had to click eventually. At least they didn't know who I was at the current moment; they would have done something by now if they knew, I'm sure they would have.

The park was huge; it took us near fifteen minutes walking just to find this clandestine place. Before we seen it we could smell it, the easily detectable scent of smoke filled our nostrils, they must have started making breakfast already. Seconds later we had turned a corner, the barbeque was lit and was being left to smoke out but Alice and Jasper weren't beside it. The first thing we heard was giggles from the huge tent they had set up for us to lounge in for the day – it was actually quite surprising that they had managed to set up the tent and the barbeque by themselves in that amount of time and still have time to get back into the tent and start canoodling before we got there. Pretty impressive to me but not so impressive to Emmett and Edward.

"Get you asses out here," Emmett called almost too sweetly to Alice and Jasper.

"Woopsees," I heard Alice murmur before the two of them were outside the tent in a flash of lightning.

"OH, okay," Edward said, as if everyone had heard his before thoughts, he was obviously only checking nothing too serious had been going on but since they had evacuated the tent so quickly and were both fully clothed he was fine with everything.

Alice ran around hugging everyone and Jasper nodded at me while 'man hugging' the boys and tickling his sister in the ribs as a hello, they started whispering about Emmett hand her sorting things out and Emmett, Edward and Alice formed miniature huddle discussing the same thing. It's the first time I'd seen the group split in this way, I didn't quite know what to do with myself, I hesitated quickly before stepping forward and dipping my head into the substantially large tent, the inside was filled with bags. Bin bags full of stuff, literal huge black bin bags. I couldn't understand how we could need so much stuff for the one day but I was quickly learning that when you hang about with Alice you're just gonna have to over prepare for everything or have her do it for you.

The humming of voices from outside the tent became louder and closer and soon they were all piling inside the tent, "Sorry we just left you out there," Alice smiled, "The boys are awfully rude," she giggled.

"Oh yeah, blame us," Jasper grinned, taking her hand and pulling her into his lap as he sat himself on one of the mammoth sized plump cushions littering the floor of the tent.

"Come here beautiful," Emmett whispered sweetly to Rosalie as he plonked himself down. She took her place on his knee.

Edward and I were the last left standing. I was still mystified by how we could be standing in a tent, wasn't that against the rules or something? I noticed there was only one cushion left and I would have, in normal circumstances, have made a beeline for it, I really couldn't be bothered with getting a sore ass.

"Err, would you like the cushion?" I asked a shocked Edward, before he could get an answer out Alice cursed sarcastically.

"Shit, shit, oh dear shit; how stupid of me, I forgot to bring more than the usual three cushions. Darn my memory," I was pretty pissed at her ignorance but I couldn't help, myself from smiling as everyone else was at her matchmaking quality, "I guess this just means you'll have to share."

"Well I guess we could," Edward answered her before I could make up some excuse, now if I said I wouldn't it would seem like I was being a bitch to Edward again (which would have of course been the intention) but he wasn't to know that.

"Yeah," My lips parted upwardly to show my teeth but I don't actually know if you could count it as a smile, it felt too hateful to be a smile.

He held out his hand to me, and the world stopped. I exaggerate, but that's what it felt like. As if someone had stuck a coin in my mind and jammed all the cogs which keep it turning and functioning. "I..." I trailed off, this was some sort of embrace, and it was hard to follow through.

"I don't bite," he mumbled, blushing. My eyes must have been deceiving me; I had never seen Edward Cullen shy in all my life. My eyes travelled to the side, the other couples had no interest in our exchange and were busy nuzzling up to each other, and all of them had closed their eyes already. Edward stepped forward, "We're just gonna nap for half an hour till the Barbeque is ready to cook on, since we got up so early... You can lie beside me, I have a little blanket," I decided there and then that what I was do was stick Jacob's head on his, pretend he was my loving caring Jacob and that everything was fandabydosy.

I extended my arm and placed my hand in his, sadly, it wasn't met by Jacob's broad warm and usually sweaty hand but a by cool electrically charged long one.

He lay down and I followed suit, my hand still in his, I didn't know whether I felt trapped, tricked or safe. My mind was a muddling mix of emotions and feelings that were struggling to bubble to the surface and tell me exactly what they were and why they were affecting me. I wondered if I could really go the whole day without shouting at the deranged boy. The answer I came up with; I would fucking have to.

I closed my eyes as he did and drifted off into a shockingly dreamless sleep. When my eyes reopened the scene they met was the opposite of the one they had closed on, it was black for one thing. I literally had opened my eyes into blackness. The air was filled with hushed whispers. The scent was a distinct and overwhelming mix of aftershave and barbeque. It was much warmer than when I had fallen asleep. There was material brushing against my face; there was a heavy weight around my waist. I scrunched my eyes up and I tried to pull away but found the weight only pulled me back into the luscious pool of smells and warmth. At first I found it hard to resist, just for those few seconds before I realised what everything was. Then it was back to reality and I extracted myself from under the weight which had turned out to be the dickheads arm.

I trudged through the mess of blankets and cushions to lift the thick layer of material signalling the door of the luxury tent, the strong barbeque smell hit me like a brick wall and I inhaled it with great anticipation.

"Sleeping beauty awakens, now where is the oh so handsome prince?" Alice joked; I let it wash over me and gestured with my thumb back into the tent. "Go wake him up then," she winked playfully at me; I shook my head to show her I was not amused and ducked back inside the extreme warmth of the tent.

"Edward," I murmured, a sudden shiver running up my spine, memories spun themselves against the inside of my mind but I refused to focus on them, I would concentrate on now, "Edward," I repeated stepping over to him. Still he made no movement, I continued saying his name in a conversational voice a few more times around two metres away from his ear canal until I lost my patience and bent down, I whispered his name into his ear and his eyes flickered, it struck me then just how vulnerable and fragile the once school hard man was. His long, thick eyelashes shone with the colours of the sun in the small patch of light which had slipped through the bottom of the tent door, newly broadened chin (or at least it was new since I had last been in forks) had a strong male squareness to it, one that must make many girls legs buckle just at the sight of it, so chiselled, so perfect – he looked like he should be in some Calvin Klein advert, not camping in a public park. I had the sudden urge to run my fingers through the full head of hair in front of me – everything about him screamed superhuman beauty to me. Everyone has a type and if I didn't hate his guts minds would be him; I wanted every single one of his features on my perfect guy just with a different personality. Even my screaming disgust of the boy couldn't deny me the feeling of lust when I thought of him wrapping those powerful arms around me in a different gesture from all the other ones he had before 'provided' – in a loving gesture, a sweet, kind, caring gesture.

There was no way that this could be allowed and just as I tried to break myself from the spell the arrogance of him broke it for me, the corners of his mouth twitched and he whispered snottily, "take a picture it'll last longer," I jumped away from him as he laughed opening his arms to me as a hugging invitation but I wasn't one of his sluts, I smiled with him, unable to prevent blushing but I did extract myself from the tent quickly.

As soon as I resurfaced into the fresh air I had a suspicion they had been discussing me, I wasn't naive, I knew they were plotting for Edward and I to wind up together but I wasn't going to let this happen, and at the end of the day, if the relationship with Edward and I was really all they wanted out of our friendship then they could fuck off for all I cared. I guess it was sort of harsh but I needed to be absolute with this situation, I need to sweetly but firmly let them know I wasn't interested in their friend/brother. Even his looks, as brilliant as they might be, wouldn't be enough.

"Sausages?" Jasper asked politely – and so the day filled of drama fun and distinct terror began...

*******A.N.**** – Hope your all excited o O o Did I tell you guys that the next chapters gonna include some sumo wrestling ? ;) Fat suits and all :) You excited? Thought you would be :D x :L**

**Now get those reviews in so I can have some inspiration ( I know I know, Im blackmailing but so what ?;) Love you guys, in all seriousness, reviews make my day :P***


	8. Changes

***A.N. – Only just got around to writing this chapter last night and this night, as I said with my update on C.I.L. I have had two broken elbows, exams and work to deal with within four months. Pretty hectic, but because I'm reading alot again I'm pretty confident i have found my feet back in the writing chair lol. I have missed you guys all so much aha :L missed the reviews and the PMs, all that sort of stuff, in Scotland I'm up at like quarter past three in the morning to get this chapter out for you guys lol – here's a little playlist to listen to while reading:  
**

**Teenage Dream – Katy Perry  
No Surprises – Radiohead  
Hold You in My Arms – Ray Lamontagne**

Enjoy and Review! ;)*

Breakfast contained happiness, pleasure and just a tit bit of awkwardness. Overall, I would call it a success, I think the full time I managed to wrestle oncoming memories to the back of my mind and keep with the time at hand. I even managed to laugh fully at a joke made by dear Edward himself, and mean it; he was a funny guy it seemed.

After breakfast Alice made quite the thing of rummaging through her ridiculously sized designer rucksack, eventually retrieving a clipboard with a list pinned onto it. I soon found out that Alice was quite famous for her organisational skills, especially when constructing a family outing. Everyone cheered as she began to read out the list Alice had once again, Jasper took the liberty of informing me, sorted everything for the whole day, meaning that everyone was awfully grateful for the weight off their shoulders, even though to Alice it seemed like a gift to be able to sort it all out.

"We're a very organised group of people," Alice smiled at me as Emmett corrected her.

"No, you're just organised and we all walk in your shadow oh mighty one," Alice smacked him playfully with the clipboard as Jasper whistled, I found myself smiling despite the fact that I had been informed that we would probably be doing sports. Sports were not one of my strong points.

"Okay guys, time to calm down an listen up," some eyes rolled in their sockets but they all did exactly as she told them, she carried on, "the first thing we're doing is doubles... tennis!"

Emmett pumped his hand in the air "Undefeated!" he shouted while everyone, including myself, groaned.

"But Emmett always wins, he just picks Jasper or Edward in his team and that's him, it's so unfair," Rosalie whined.

"Well that's where it'll all be different this year, I've put the girls' name in a hat and the three boys will pick out a name, boy girl seems fairer than past years to me," Emmett sulked slightly but everyone else looked much happier with the fair decision, I decided to stay quiet about how horrendous I could be at sports until it came to the last minute.

The three boys dived forward to collect their girls name from a hat, Jasper snuck an arm around Alice as he read out his and Edward grinned as he clicked his fingers at Rosalie in a pretensive sexist way, I giggled despite myself when I saw Emmett face tired towards mine, silently begging for me to be at least okay at tennis.

"You're fucked," I whispered to Emmett, and saw the colour drain from his face 0- this boy took his sports seriously.

I threw myself into setting the "court" up, placing the net "just so" and drawing the lines in chalk where Alice pointed. Not just Emmett took sports seriously I found.

The boys and Alice began warming up, Rosalie sat at the side and I found myself wishing that she hadn't been such a cow to me, because I was warming to her nature, I was warming to all of their natures. I didn't deny my liking for her as strongly as I denied Edward's, but it was still there, that overwhelming urge to slap her, the feeling that the only justice from this situation would be to wreck her life in ways she had wrecked my, maybe even to find a pair of scissors and hack of her golden locks. But then, as always, my mind returned and I found that there was no need for such violence, because there had been reasons, they didn't undo what she did, or even make it okay, but they helped me to understand why. This was something that I could do with Rosalie. I could forget about the past, just sometimes because I realised that her life had been a living hell for her too. It never meant she should be allowed to make life a living hell for others, but it made me realised that she had suffered harshly under the will of fate. I had been ugly, she had had a brother that tore her heart apart with having cancer, neither was our fault, but they pained us for years on end.

So I found strength in my own wise thoughts and sat down beside her, "You okay?"

She smiled lazily at me, her eyes fogged with some sort of upset, "Just a bit sick still, I think I had a bug, and I guess I just feel a little bit fragile still, I'm worried I'll hurt myself," her voice was quiet but the sound of her voice was unmistakable, her voice was enviously beautiful, like the tinkling of bells, or the sound of the calming sound of a fountain – one which, once heard in its full glory, you could never believe it could utter a harsh word. She could hold the facade of being an angel easily, just as I was holding mine.

I wondered if she saw anything in my eyes and started to put up a guard again, then realised it was only going to ruin my day, so I dropped it. Anyways, it was time to play tennis.

I was handed a baby blue racket, it matched Emmett's, I looked around and found that Edward and Rosalie were red and Jasper and Alice were yellow - the primary colours. It was cute, I should have expected such coordination from Alice and I haven't known her long.

We lined up to face each other, Jasper and Alice on our opposing side. Just as we began, I whispered to Emmett that I was known as the worst tennis player in Phoenix, my coordination was ridiculous, and I would probably double fault around three times before I managed and acceptable serve. He swallowed but said nothing and I felt a little fear for my welfare, he was really into winning, and although he had been nice so far, would everything change when he was on the losing side? I felt as though I was picking at pieces of the past for no reason but it didn't stop it from happening, I tried harder than I ever had, and only double faulted twice throughout the whole game, even so, the game was the yellows from the beginning, I lacked the strength and the artistic flare of Alice which made her game so beautiful, and Jasper was just under Emmett's standard, had it been any decent girl player partnering Emmett and he would have won, but I was nowhere near decent. So we lost. I felt blood rush to my cheeks as we heard the score; they had beaten us six games to one. Emmett blushed too, I presumed he was angry and suddenly began making apologies, scared of the outcome of his anger, no matter how many people would protect me.

"I'm so sorry, I really don't usually play tennis and I never realised I was that bad but you have all had so much practice compared to me, I know I should have said before we started how truly bad I was but-"

He cut me off with a pained smile, he pulled me close and hugged me with all the strength of a bear, I half expected to hear so ribs crack, "it doesn't matter that we lost," I gave him a look which pointedly said I knew cared and he rephrased, "It's okay that we lost, I hate losing, but you don't need to make apologies like you expect me to turn around and hit you for not being good enough to beat them," he gave a bellowing laugh at the thought of it and I wondered if he would even know how close to the bone he had been in saying those words.

I joined in with his laughter and we took our seats as we watched the tight game between the yellows and the reds. I watched them all and was caught up in the game for once in my life, I couldn't believe how Edward Cullen worked the ball, it was if his racket was at one with him, he did not have the outright almost super human strength that Emmett used to beat most people, but he was very talented at the sport, with decisive weight training, he could be very good – I knew nothing really of the sport but I knew that what I saw was raw talent, he had always been like that with sports, almost any, I remembered him as a young boy, playing American football, grinning as he made the touchdown in the playfield which was allocated to our year group once a week. My mind tried to drag me down further into the past, but I refused it's call, all it was going to show me was some harsh images of what other things Edward called sport, and as I felt the bitterness swell in my throat, I begged for some time in the present, to enjoy things while I could. My wish was granted as Edward made an amazing swoop for the ball, lashing it over the net with skill and, making it land just beyond darting Jasper's reach.

The match was a close one and I suspected that if Rosalie had been up to her full strength they would have blew Alice and Jasper out of the water – however – she was not, and they lost 5-7.

The losers cheered as the winners took up their "trophy" – a box of luxury Belgian chocolates. It wasn't a bad prize, they'd certainly burned off the calories they carried, and the two of them were shining with sweat and Alice, a touch dramatically, declared her need to wash immediately.

Emmett had pulled Rosalie aside for a chat, understandably, as she had been looking as well as feeling under the weather. I followed Alice to the toilets to freshen up, she had picked up one of her many bags and before I had even went for my own she had informed me that everything I needed would be in her bag, and as I went to argue, she continued, with "trust me."

We freshened up in the toilets situated about a 12 minute walked eastwards of the tent, as I turned to leave she pulled me back into the toilets. "Why won't you give Edward a go?"

Ah, so she had noticed more than she had been letting on, "I don't go with players," I replied silkily.

"He wouldn't play about with you," she answered with complete confidence in her brother and I found myself for the first time since meeting her, actually annoyed at her.

I decided to trod nicely, she obviously loved her brother, even if he was a dick, "it's not fair to push me into a relationship with a guy, you dont know if I like him and it would only upst him if anyone when I come away from a first date having to tell him that I didnt like him like that."

I expected that to quiet her but she was not the type to mould to other people wills, "But thats the thing Bella, you do like him, I saw you staring at him during the match, out of the corner of my eye I could see you watching him," I shook my head, eyes closed so not to give anything away, I opened them to her smiling face, "you're at least attracted to him and I'm sure he is to you."

"You don't understand," I put my head down but she lifted it up with a petite hand.

"What don't I understand Bella?"

"I've been," I took a calming breath, "hurt, very very badly before and I'm not ready for him, he reminds me too much, of – of someone." It was the truth. No lying, just careful wording.

"But he's not him," Alice said softly, I wanted to shout at her, be enraged by her ignorance to the situation, but the ignorance was my fault.

"Just please, you don't know the things that have happened to me, maybe someday I'll be able to tell you, but for now, you need not know and I just need you to let this go."

She gave me a hard look for a few seconds as if she was about to continue illustrating her point but then her look softened and gave me a little hug. "Well, we better be getting back," she smiled at me and suddenly the subject was dropped. Our chatter was marred a little by the previous discussion, my answers slightly more stilted than usual but we carried on. By the time we go back we were looking at a clean field, no chalk, no net but only the tent left.

"Hide and seek!" Emmett shouted for everyone within a few miles to hear – Alice threw him a pissed off glance, it had been her job to tell everyone what they were doing. I smiled; I wish I had brothers, big brothers, ones who had protected me...

We all put our feet into a circle and I found myself staring at six designer pairs of footwear, my scruffy converse felt pretty out of the pack I thought, I looked up to see the green eyes of a certain Cullen on me; he quickly lowered them, I had caught him out. Had been seeing familiarities or had he just been intrigued by me and my scruffy footwear?

I was chosen as the seeker and while I counted to an argued 35 I thought of those eyes and wondered if they would ever stop haunting me. I wished in some ways that those eyes could mean something else, but it was impossible.

Thirty three, thirty four, thirty five.

I ran to the forest and began searching, I found jasper in a tree with a hole in it but covered in logs, I found Rosalie behind a huge tree only because she hadn't hear me coming and was busy making disgusted sounds at the amount of bugs crawling up the side of the tree in front of her. Alice was more difficult and by this time I had been searching for fifteen minutes, alone. The rule of their hid and seek was that once found the hider had to go back to camp and start making lunch. Alice was found in a giant log, and I really do mean giant, Alice had known better than to ruin her clothes and had brought in her pocket a large waterproof poncho thing which had gotten her through the whole ordeal virtually unrefueled.

Emmett was a lucky find, he had climbed up a tree and must have moved just enough for a little twig to snap off and land ceremoniously on my head just as I was passing by – I hadn't thought to look up before, the tree were pretty big and I didn't think any of the accompanying group were skilled enough to climb them.

I laughed as he cursed, "found you found you!" I shouted just to annoy him, he jumped down around an 8 ft drop and I gasped as he grinned at my reaction, "Am I last?" I shook my head and he cursed again.

"Who's left?" he asked but answered his own question, "Edward," I nodded, "it always is him, he knows this forest better than the lot of us, he used to go here buy himself when he first got his car, just walk about and then come home. Said it gave him time to think about things – certainly gave him time to find place to hide," he finished with a grunt and slunk back off to the tent.

It was then that I realised I was alone in a forest with Edward Cullen, the twinge of fear tried to pull me into its deadlock grips but I refused and carried on – I was doing quite well on the pretence today. I say pretence but the "pretence" had sort of stopped being pretence partly, I was me most of the time – they accepted me brilliantly and I felt okay most of the time letting down my walls.

Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen. My mind was still amazed that even after repeating his name in my head several times it didn't wreck me. I was in a dizzy daze of shock and happiness when I turned through many close together trees and tripped over something, falling flat in my face – that something, it turned out, was a foot.

"Well that's my hiding spot gone, good really 'cause it was getting a bit tedious – that's nearly half an hour you took to find me," he looked at me with guarded eyes and I felt a swell of pride that I was now his equal – it was ridiculous that I appraised that I was **now** his equal, which I should always have been but I still could not help myself but relish these moments. The anger hinted at me to let it overcome but I did not. I stood strong yet laidback in the presence of a boy who had haunted me for a long, long time. The pride increased, I had jumped over a huge obstacle – the notion that I should hug Edward was absurd but I did it anyway, pretending he was Alice or Jasper, even though he felt like neither, smelt like neither too, maybe a little like Alice – but he was individual, quite unique. That's what made him so hard to forget. He was so hard to understand, so brooding, yet so light-hearted.

So odd yet so beautiful.

Those thoughts put my head straight, and so did his voice, "hey, hey, whats up?" he looked genuinely concerned as he wondered at the tear which was falling down my cheek, I would have thought he would have laughed but then again, he was at least pretending to have changed alot, "Did you hurt yourself when you fell?" I nodded, finding a way out of the embarrassment, of course that was the excuse to make, to tell him I hurt myself when I fell.

"Where does it hurt?" he continued.

I finally found my voice and pointed to my hip – it actually was throbbing there, I just hadn't acknowledged the pain before – I found that once I did that, it usually got worse.

"I've know a hell of a lot of first aid," he informed me with a smirk, "I want to be a doctor, my dad's one," he continued.

"Oh, it'll probably just come out in a little bruise." He put both hands on my waist, paused for a moment, watching me, and then instructed me back a step with his hands; he ran the long fingers across my hip. I felt a tingle in the pit of my stomach and longed for him to leave me be.

"I'm fine," I whispered, turned from him and began walking brusquely towards the tent. There was lunch to be getting to.

Lunch was tolerable, the food was great – around six different types of sandwich, from the humble ham and cheese to the overloaded BLTs, they were good – sitting beside Edward was odd, I could hear him breathing when someone paused in the middle of telling a story. I could see him swallow huge hunks of food out of the corner of my eye. I could feel the warmth radiator from his body.

The joyous mood was so tangible I found it hard not to get carried away with myself, every now and again I was brought back to reality with a sharp blow – someone would give me a certain look and suddenly it was ten years ago. Rosalie snapped at Jasper once – after all, they are brother and sister, they're allowed to argue, but my mind didn't see it like that; it heard the foreboding tones of her voice and quaked in fear.

Emmett decided to cheer Rosalie up, I think everyone else knew this was not the best idea he'd ever had, then again, everyone let him dig himself a grave, "So babe, I know a good joke," she rolled her eyes but he carried on, "Why was the blonde upset when she got her driving license?"

"Emmett," she snarled as a warning, even Alice tried to tell him she wasn't in the mood, shaking her head vigorously behind him, but he was intent on continuing.

"Because she got an F in sex," her eyes popped, and for a few seconds I thought she was going to lash out, but she only sighed and turned away from him to talk to Alice.

It could at least be credited to Emmett that he then had some tact and came over to talk to Jasper instead of moaning about her abrupt departure of attention. I began to stand up to go join in the girl's conversation but Edward intercepted me by throwing out a forearm in front of me. I felt imprisoned ever s slightly but I kept it to myself and with an exasperated smile I re-seated myself.

"So," he smiled a heart wrenching smile, it tried to warm my insides as I knew it must others but with me it failed, I wondered just how superficial that smile now was – I wondered if he was now a true predator of woman – he could be if he wanted, he certainly had the looks and charm for it. I had assumed that he was but now I was having second thoughts, maybe he wasn't as bad as I had thought, just because he had been a dick when he was younger didn't mean he would be a dick to ladies, to nice looking people. I was pretty sure he had only saved up his repulsive behaviour for people below the average looks wise. The anger turned to an iron fist in my stomach and I sought out to be more careful in my following words.

"So," I laughed enchantingly, or at least what I hoped was enchantingly.

"Why did you move to Forks?" I wondered if it would be smart to enlighten him to who my father was and reasoned that he would find out soon anyway – and with my mom and Charlie's fiery separation it's not like I had been around him much when I had lived in Forks anyway.

"My dad's chief of police here, you might know him? Charlie Swan." His eyes glowed with the information.

"Yeah I know him, warned me a couple of times about the speed I like to push my baby at," he was referring to the car of course, but it sounded more like a sexual reference in all honesty and I felt an immature giggle fill my mind. I smiled lightly and he caught onto what he had said, "I didn't word that right did I?" his cheeks tinged red and before we knew it we were laughing at each other's immaturity.

Once he had finished laughing his eyes settled onto my face and he lifted his finger to my head; with extreme softness he touched just above my right eyebrow, a shiver raced down my spine and the skin under his finger tingled. He touched it again, almost a stroking gesture. "That's an odd little collection of scars he murmured, how did you manage that?" I almost choked on the air filling my lungs, those scars were tiny little fierce things that had refused to lose their ground as I aged, I had expected them to disappear into nothingness long ago but they had stayed, small and almost unnoticeable, but they were there. Just another way that Edward Cullen had marked me forever.

**Six Years Ago.**

_My mom's birthday was in one week and I was absolutely stubborn on the point that I should be allowed to go to the mall by myself to get her present. My mom had been pretty stubborn to but eventually we made a compromise. _

"_Here's the deal Isabella, I'll drop you and Angela of at Seattle Shopping mall and I'll visit Cynthia from my yoga class, she's broken her wrist and she only lives fifteen minutes away from the mall I'll give you an hour and a half and that's all, I'll trust you not to leave the mall until the hour and a half is finished then go out to the parking lot and I'll pick you up from there – I'm trusting you on this." I had bounced with gladness and went to call Angela immediately to let her know the details of my plans._

_In the next two days I told everyone who I could count not to hit me in school of the exciting adventure I would be embarking on at the weekend, only once did II see Edward's gaze land on me as if speculating on how to insult me about my good fortune. I waited for a snarling comment but received none so I when I was being driven to the mall I was blind to the dangers that lay ahead, like a lamb being led to slaughter._

_I pounced from the car to the pavement once giving my mom a cheery hug and kiss on the cheek_

_He warm air filled my lungs and I was glad I had worn my denim shorts and little vest top – I had been afraid of going out in public because of my... figure, but I had overruled it when I thought of how unlikely it would be to see anyone that I'd know at the mall. Angela pounded after me as we ran to the mall, my mom still shouting warnings at us of the dangers of coming out of the mall before she was there. I ignored her words and carried on into the mall. _

_If I had been a dog I would have drooled, so many shops, and I had been saving up my $5 a week, so now I had a whopping thirty with me, fifteen for my mom's present and fifteen for me, I had made sure to eat before I came out and even had a bottle of water packed in my little lilac shoulder bag so I could spend the full money on something, no need to buy refreshments._

_Together we made our way into lots of shops, sifting through dream catchers, exercise DVDs and little pottery pieces – I knew my mom would adore each one of them but I wanted something special and so I found it in the form of a little porcelain bird, I had never seen anything of the kind, it could fit in the palm of my hand and it looked so fragile and beautiful. It was a swallow; blue and orange and yellow. It's mouth was open as if tweeting to its mate, it was just the thing my mom would hold dear and was exactly the price I had in my for her present and I bought it straight away – Angela couldn't really understand why I would buy that, she said her mom would have preferred a vase or some sort of cooking book but I knew that the intricacy of this little bird would have my mom in awe. They wrapped it in countless sheers of bubble wrap before boxing it and I was glad of it due to my clumsy nature. When we left the shop we had only half an hour left and we were both in agreement that the rest of the time should be spent in the massive Disney store._

_We wondered through the rainbows of colours, gleaming at the princess outfits and extending arms to touch the fabric of the softest cuddly toys. It was only when my arms set on that of a certain beautiful flounder that my money was spent. I fell in love with it from first sight, I had always adored flounder in the little mermaid and couldn't help myself but marvel at the brightness of the blues and yellows of the stuffed toy. I wanted the bigger one but it was $24.75 so I settled for the medium one at $14.75._

_I bought it and Angela bought some edible lip-gloss. We kept wondering around the shop, even though we had bought our fill, it was a decision I came to regret for all too soon we were in a corner of the shop and cut off by Tanya Denali and Edward Cullen, holding hands and narrowing their eyes at me. _

_I shivered, I hadn't noticed just how hard my heart could pound until then, I thought it my burst out of my ribcage and smack him in the face – my fear was so absolute, so terrifying, sweat instantly began to break from my pours, I wonder if he could see my skin moisten with seconds. He snickered at the paralysing fear he had bestowed upon me and made a motion for me to take his hand._

_Tanya gave him a mystified look as did I and he laughed out loud at that, "Tanya you don't really think I would leave you for her," he smiled wider, "I just want to have a little chat with her... outside."_

_I shook my head vehemently but he stepped forward quickly and grasped my sweaty palm into his with a disgusted face. He pushed his fingers and thumb together around mind with mind-blowing strength. Well at least it seemed like that to an eleven year old. I let out a squeak of pain and he repeated his request, "outside." I knew this time to follow instructions and I nodded. I looked back to Angela, sometimes I wondered if she had any backbone whatsoever, then I remembered it would make no difference but get her into trouble; her face was awash with guilt but it would do no good feeling bad when I was the one he would be shouting abuse at._

_When Edward had said outside I had believed he was speaking of outside the shop, but he was meaning outside the mall, I tried to stop him from forcing me out of the mall doors by telling him how much trouble I would get if my mom found out but he just laughed and told me to move unless I wanted a broken finger. I did as he said then._

_He took me round to the back of the mall, a part of the car park had been fenced off, they were about to begin work to upgrade it to the standard of the car park at the front. It was deserted. Edward pulled me wriggling and protesting throw a large gap in fence, "pretty lucky that gaps that big, even so, I'm still quite surprised you fitted through it."_

_His cruel laughter pierced me but not quite enough yet to reduce me to tears. I stood up straight as he faced me, it was only him. Visions of me defending myself tried to put my mind at ease, would he really do it by himself, usually the rest of his cronies were at least nearby to aid him?_

_He threw insult after insult at me, and kept me at a standstill by warning me life would be worse for me at school if I ran away, "I can't believe you wore those things in public," he wretched, pointing to my clothes, "every time you move your legs wobble – you do know that, right?"_

"_I wonder if you rubbed your teeth up against this fence if it would light fire. The amount of metal on those things and I would bet it would,"_

"_When you went into the opticians, did you actually go straight to a pair saying – ugliest pair of glasses, or did you just manage to find them yourself?"_

_I whimpered and finally tears could not hold back any longer, I tried to turn away but he was starting to push me, pulling the Disney bag from my clutches, I tried to keep a hold of it but he moved his hands to mine and dug sharp nails into them, I screamed in surprise and pain as he informed me that he was going to give it to Tanya. My money had been wasted and now the tears were streaming down my face, I turned again but this time he gave me a whole hearted shove as I tried to run; I tripped over my own loose shoelace. I fell onto my knee then onto the side of my face shrieking in agony, something had cut into my head._

_I heard one last haunting laugh then Edward was gone. By the time I had lifted my head of the ground blood had begun to drip in warm steady motion from tiny but deep little cuts above my eyebrow. I baulked as I saw a few little fragments of glass shine in the sun on the ground in front of me, a few of them were in my head._

_At least my mom's present hadn't been harmed, I put a hand to feel the little box in my other bag and found with relief it was still there and closed. One small consolation._

**End Memory **

That fist of anger and bitterness which filled my chest was there again but I managed to compose myself, I was getting good at this pretending, "I fell into some glass when I was younger," I silently thanked god that I had stayed of school for a couple of weeks after that encounter with Edward, feigning illness had been one of my talents back then. When I returned to school I had covered it with some concealer I had thieved from my mother until the red blotches which were to turn into these scars had died down.

"That sounds soar," he sympathised and I never managed to hold back a retort.

"It was."

"Well I think they're kind of cute," he added after a few moments awkward silence, my eyes widened in outrage and he continued nevertheless, "I don't really know how to put this. You suit them, everything about you is different and mysterious and... Beautiful," he almost muttered the last word. I had just begun to digest the words when Alice officially ended lunch time.

My mind would have stayed on the subject of Edward's words had Alice not had something so exciting lined up. "Well guys," she addressed us in a slightly formal manner and I held back a grin. I couldn't believe how quick she was to change my mood, "I bought something new this year for us all, you'll never guess what it is," she paused and then couldn't hold the news in any longer, "so I'm just going to tell you – SUMO FAT SUITS!"

There were two fat suits, one with a white belt as the "thong" part and one with a black. The boys began playing each other for a winner. Jasper took on Emmett and lost badly; the rule was that you had to get them out of the circle Alice had chalked three times. It wasn't a huge circle but big enough for the game to last a good few minutes each time.

Emmett took on Edward. Now that game was interesting, I couldn't quite decide who to bestow my favour on. The strong smell of new plastic filled my nostrils as the crackled around the ring, the noise of plastic against plastic high pitched and screeching then low and rumbling. They lasted much longer than Jasper and Emmett, much better matched. It wasn't that Jasper was a weakling or anything; it was just that due to his uneven and ill childhood he had only gained his sporting skills over the last few years really rather than his whole life like Edward and Emmett. Edward was skilled in equally in defence and attack and Emmett was more drawn to the latter – Edward knew when to pull back and Emmett didn't, that's really all that won Edward it. On strength alone Emmett would have blown him out of the water.

As I lined up to don my fat suit I wondered if any of them were reminded of Isabella when wearing such a thing as this, what if they thought about me from time to time? What if they sometimes had discussions about me – referring to me as a whale or as one of my old nicknames? These thoughts gave me the anger to win over Rosalie who seemed to be ready to basically yield to me, I hardly needed to fight her at all and she was over the line.

Alice was definitely not that easy; she was feisty and had probably had a good practice before this – I waddled around the ring, pushing and shoving laughing at the times we both stumbled and rolled across the ground but also reminding myself that winning this would mean facing the one person I would love to face – give me an excuse to pound my fists into him. Yet again, I won.

We took a small rest so I could recuperate and it would be a fair fight, he winked at me and asked me if I was excited as the girls patted me on the back. "Definitely," I replied truthfully, I can't wait to beat you about that ring!" I flounced of to grab a drink of water in the best way I could still in my sumo suit and head gear. The feeling within me was overwhelming, I just wanted it all to start now, I wanted to do him harm yet not to stoop to what had been his violent atrocious level.

Finally we were in the ring, my breathing tube had narrowed or at least that's how it felt, my breath was coming in short harsh puffs and I raised my fist in a boxing manner as Alice blowed a whistle and we approached each other. He grinned and his eyes twinkled, he got a shock as my fist pounded pretty hard if I do so myself into the padding over his ribcage. "What the..?" he uttered before he was forced backwards by another straight 4 blows to the same region. His heel had reached the line and I pulled back my small white fist to give him another blow but by now he had recovered his wits and grabbed my hand just before it hit my stomach, sticking a leg behind mine and tripping me up. My fall was cushioned by the padding of the suit and my fist opened into his hand and pulled him down too, directly on top of me.

He let out a bellowing line which would once have sent a chill down my spine but now it was different; it was warmer, deeper, richer. It sent an involuntary shiver down my spine and made my lips curve upwards of their own accord, and even though I had a feeling in the pit of my bitter twisted stomach causing me to go on with somewhat meaningful punches and pushes. I was happy. It was confusing and utterly perplexed me but it was happening. There was just something about this boy – this man. He just wasn't what he was and he puzzled me, I didn't know how to react to him anymore.

We rolled one over the other, one on top, one at bottom – his grin creating mine. Those perfect teeth would once have been bared in a snarl were now a gesture of pure goodwill. I still pushed and shoved and gained two points while he was still at one but I got the sense that he wasn't really concentrating on the game and it scared me more than I had been of him going to hurt me now. As I scored the winning point with tripping him over the line I looked to his face underneath me and even though he knew he had lost his smile had not flickered and he was looking at me. Looking at me and trusting that I was slowly coming around to him. I wanted to whole heartedly be able to say that I was just as opposed to him as I was when I set out on this trip but it would be a lie – God, I was still opposed to him but not with the same fury that had possessed me.

As went for a walk around the park, Emmett and Rosalie staying behind to watch the tent, we chatted and laughed all four of us – but someone only had eyes for me, I felt it, and it flattered me below alot of hatred, truly flattered me that a face befitting of a God could be like that with me.

Dinner went by in a blur of bliss and fun and comfort – there were other more depressing emotions held in my heart at that moment to but** I chose **to ignore them, just for a night, what could be the harm? The all engulfing hatred would return in the morning anyway, probably.

***A.N. – Hope you enjoyed it, I apologise for any mistakes, but I'm pretty tired and I don't think Id get the chapter out tonight if I had to check over it again lol, please please please REVIEW they mean so much, and guys I mean, I know its pretty below the belt with the whole sympathy vote thing, but I have a cast on my arm, do a poor girl a favour and REVIEW ;) ;) xxxx***


	9. Helping Hand

***A.N. – I told you I was back ;) another chapter two days later, only 5000 words but it's a little filler chapter so you must forgive me ;)  
playlist-**

**James Morrison – Broken Strings  
Ellie Goulding – The Writer  
Enrique Iglesias – Somebody's me  
ENJOY!***

I did dream that night – and it was rather sinister, but not in the usual way, more in the spooky weird, creepy way. I dreamt of Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett and Edward. Their faces so perfect as they stood in a straight line facing me that I started feeling self conscious, I felt myself getting bigger and bigger, blowing up like a beach ball. I really **felt **my face blotch up, red and spotty and greasy. I lifted my hand to my teeth and they were covered with a metal coating and suddenly my vision was blurred and I bent down to the floor picking up a pair of glasses that had suddenly appeared for me. They all smiled, then snickered then they were doubled up in laughter. All glaring at me their eyes sparkling in glee. Edward stepped forward and took my hand, "You really thought you fooled everyone Isabella Dwyer?"

Then I woke up.

I spent my Sunday cleaning up, doing my massive load of homework and exercising. Charlie watched the game with a few of the guys and repeatedly asked if I needed help but I told him I found cleaning therapeutic. That was a mega lie but it did give me time to think so I got on with it, scrubbing out kitchen cupboard, the fridge, under the table, behind the washing machine and lots more atrociously boring jobs.

Homework took around two hours to complete and when I was finally finished it was dinner time – I ate quickly and then jumped on my saviour... the treadmill. It was while I was on the treadmill that Alice sent a text reminding me about the party on Friday, also informing me that I was from this moment booked on Thursday to help her set up the town hall for this party.

I realised then, as I was running myself into a sweat, that I would need a dress. Once I finished my allotted 40 minutes I done some push ups, then some sit ups, then some squats, then turned on the computer. If I picked out a dress today it would be delivered on time for the party as long as I paid a little bit extra for it to be delivered on Wednesday.

I searched through a few fashion outlet website before I found what I was looking for, I hadn't had an exact image in my head but I knew when I seen it I'd know it; It was a pleated one shouldered dress with a white base, then printed with infused warm pinks, blacks and greys, it had a little black waistband that finished it off with flair and it was a Lipsy so thoroughly acceptable in the fashion terms of things. I paid for it with my little plastic card and smiled, it would hopefully do me proud on Friday night.

Once I had finished with the financial side of things, I decided to start something which I had been waiting for a while to do; I rifled under the bed for one of the notebooks I had bought just in case I needed them for school. I flipped to the first page, and titled it slightly childishly "Revenge Plans".

No. 1 Get Emmett and Rosalie back at the party

I pushed the surfacing feeling of guilt to the back of my mind and forced myself to remember just how destructive that couple could be when they felt like it...

**9 Years ago**

_It was one of those days; the ones where I knew no matter how hard I tried I wouldn't be able to melt into the background and if I didn't try hard at the things they asked me I would just make even more of a fool of myself. It was gym first thing, Physical Education, P.E.; whatever you wanted to call it, it was horrible._

_I trudged through the 3 inches of slow and cursed, wishing it was just that little bit higher, or that the heating the in the school could just miraculously fail on us and we all had to be sent home. My cheeks stung with the glacial air and my eyes began watering as the wind whistled around my ears. The bell had just rung and everyone was piling into the school, I got there just in time as they were about to close the doors just a few moment longer and I would have had to walk all the way round to the office to be let in._

_I panted as I pulled off my mittens and placed my hands directly over the radiator in the cloakroom, pulling my jacket off and hanging it up unceremoniously before bending down to change into my indoor shoes. I was going to be late to class if I didn't hurry up but the snow had soaked through my boots so now I had to take of my wet socks and get into my indoor shoes in bare feet._

_I plodded along the corridors, my feet relatively numb, but the warmth and feeling was beginning to return to them as I reached the changing rooms. When I opened the door everyone fell into silence, I blushed a little and guessed they had been talking about me but as Angela was off with chicken pocks it was unlikely I'd ever find out what they had been saying – I could take an educated guess though, as Rosalie and Tanya were in the midst of it I was sure._

_I opened my locker and took out the bag which should contain two pairs of freshly laundered P.E. kit as it was the beginning of the week. I turned to leave, it was a ritual of mine to get changed in the toilets, no one could touch me there, as I turned, Rosalie followed and chose the other cubicle – at just eight years old Rosalie Hale was already toned and had the best shaped legs I had ever seen on a girl my age, I felt a bit stupid staring at her but sometimes it was hard to take your eyes from her. So much evil in a body which was completely flawless._

_I opened the bag and pulled out a pair of shorts and T-shirt as I heard howling laughter through the wall, the boys got changed through there. I put on the shorts and they fitted but were a bit longer than usual I was sure, then pulled the top on, it was much tighter than usual – it must have shrunk in the wash, it was tight in excess but I suppose it would have to do. I brought up all my courage just to leave the toilet cubicle, I went to the lockers and put my kit in – everyone was already changed – Rosalie must have been pretty quick too and quiet because she had gone as well._

_I ran to the gym, we still had about three minutes before the teacher would turn up – they always gave us a sufficient amount of time to get changed. As I walked through the peeling grey doors the laughter inside hit my ears and by the time I realised exactly what they were laughing at I was just reaching the bench full of children._

"_Ayyyyyyyyyyyy, check me out Rose, we match, we're both wearing tents!" Emmett shouted to Rosalie – it's true, what they were wearing did look like tents but it wasn't, it was my missing P.E kit._

"_Tell me about it," she lifted her head to see my horrified face and giggled viciously, "have you come to see our belly cat walk Isabella?" she smirked._

"_Don't I look gorgeous," Emmett grinned, puffing out his cheeks putting his legs apart and walking like an immensely obese old woman._

_I could feel the tears pricking, I wanted to kick and hit and head butt, but I knew it would only make things worse, about a sixth of the class was off with chicken pocks, including Edward, so if I just tried to ignore it..._

"_Fatty, why did you even bother to put my P.E. kit on, it's too small!" Emmett went into what looked to me like fake hysterics, he was making everyone else join in with him._

_It was becoming harder and harder to control the upset, the embarrassment, the blushing. I felt my lip begin to tremble and Emmett made his way over to me pretending to be the obese old woman (or me) then pulled his arms back, smirking, turning his face to the side, "imagine looking like you," he laughed before he pushed me._

_I tripped and stumbled backwards trying to keep my balance but eventually I had to give into gravity and put out my hands to save myself, as I did, I heard the seam in the shoulder of the tight top burst, I looked to my right to see the whole thing had ripped apart._

_I couldn't understand how this had happened, how had they got into my locker, how had they planned this all out? _

_I stood to my feet; they cackled behind me and I ran from them, pushing the door open and running to the changing room to find they had locked the door already. I slid down the wall and brought my head to my knees and let the familiar hot tears run down my face._

_Soon though, I would have to face the whole class, or at least face the teacher. Life was so cruel._

**End Memory**

That reassured me, revenge was the only option – so what if Emmett was adopted? So what if Rosalie's brother had cancer? They should never have done that to an innocent little girl and the more I thought about it as it happening to someone else, happening to a girl in a movie, or a cousin or even a little sister I realised just how wrong they were.

Masochistic I may be but stupid I was not. Making friends with the Cullen's and co. was a move which screamed self harm, but that wasn't what it was – it was something else. It proved to me just how different I was, it gave me room for revenge and it gave me the friend I had been in need of for a long time. She wasn't Angela who I had loved for a long time, but she was someone who had that backbone to stick up for me, not that I needed it. For a long while something in me held things against Angela that I hadn't realised hurt me, I don't think in all of the time we were friends she protected me, they never picked on her they picked on me and Angela kept it that way by staying out of their way but just once, even if she had just tried once I would have felt better, but deep down, when I look it at I find that it hurts to think that she couldn't protect me or even try when I would have done it for her without even thinking. I still thought she was a lovely person and all; but she wasn't the friend that I wanted to have for the rest of my life when it all came down to it. I didn't know whether Alice fitted the bill but I knew even in the short space of time I'd spent with her that I was comfortable with her, she made fashion more interesting and she listened about the other things that I truly enjoyed. Edward Cullen and his gang had ruined my life for so long, why should I allow them to take the one thing from me that was on the up – I don't believe that there'd be another person on the earth like her and I wasn't letting go of her even if it made me masochistic and weird and clingy. Whatever, I was being friends with Alice. And Jasper. The others I could be friends with but I would stay unattached, that's the deal I would make myself. Befriend them, let them befriend you as long as you're able to let go of them when the time comes.

So as the week drew past, I tolerated them; Edward, Emmett and Rosalie. I got over myself and let myself have fun, pretended they weren't who they used to be and hadn't done what they'd done. It was, after all, the only way I could start this payback, they needed to trust me, to never suspect me. Now and again my conscience would catch up with me and that was the only time I'd pull little memories out of the back of my head and straight away I was back on track.

James wasn't in school until Wednesday and I asked Alice if it would be okay to invite him to the party, she said of course but I saw the rest of them look at me like I was crazy, they may not like him but I was warming to him even more as time went on. I was looking forward to seeing him Friday night, it made me even more determined to ruin Emmett and Rosalie's night because for once it would be me having the good time and them having the shit fit.

Alice and I decided it would be best that I just stayed at hers Friday night, she informed me that the party was actually supposed to have been held there but her Dad had a friend and colleague staying in one of the guest bedrooms and her dad didn't want him disturbed. Charlie told me he was fine with me staying with Alice, I guess he was just pleased with the change in me, even I could see it, I was becoming my naturally brighter less depressed self, the nightmares weren't as aggressive and I slept a hell of alot better making me a bit... cheerier.

Thursday night came along and everyone met up outside the town hall at 6, just as planned, the boys were told straight away to go and buy all the drink they could, Emmett had fake ID and he definitely looked older so it wasn't like we were in any worry of him being caught out, the only thing was that the main places in Forks all really knew Emmett and knew his real age so they had to travel all the way to Port Angeles, it wasn't too far away but it meant us girls would be let loose on the place for an hour by ourselves. The boys of course weren't too happy about that and elected Edward to stay with us and make sure the place didn't end up a chick party.

"No way Jasper," Alice tried gain sympathy from her boyfriend as they pushed Edward out of the Jeep, "we can do it ourselves and we won't ruin it," he shook his head as Emmett continued to try throwing Edward from the Jeep onto the sidewalk.

"I'm afraid I can't take your word for that my love," he grinned and began rolling the window up but Alice snuck a small hand on top of the glass so quick that for a split second Jasper kept rolling, "watch!" he hissed at her.

She stood back a step, offended at his tone, he changed it and began again, "be careful, I could have hurt you silly," he was trying too hard to be nonchalant now and I realised how Alice could love him so much, he knew just how to be innocent and charming at the same time, she stepped forward and opened the door, giving him a kiss.

"Please take Edward, we don't want him here he'll only get in the way."

"Alice!" Edward complained.

Jasper's face stayed completely unchanged and she waited for a few seconds before pulling back and slamming the door, "You're so stubborn Jasper Hale!" she complained.

He winked just as Emmett had managed to push Edward completely out of the jeep and practically thrown him into Rosalie.

"Watch it!" she complained sulkily, Emmett mouthed an apology as he got back into the drivers' seat and sped off before Edward could reinstate himself in the car.

There was a loud sigh before Alice got the keys out of her pocket she had picked up on the way over to open the place up.

"Well, I'm obviously so wanted here," Edward sniped sarcastically before he took out his phone and started texting at a violent speed, smacking the keys so hard I knew my eyes were popping. He looked up and saw me, smiling, "you'll need my help lifting stuff," he grinned cockily, showing off his 'guns'.

I rolled my eyes and followed the other two into the hall and found a shock, this place was huge. I mean for a little party it was really gigantic, but at the same time it was so bare. I didn't have any idea how we would be able to live it up enough for it to look pretty good like Alice kept smiling and saying it would, but Alice had her clipboard out again and both Edward and Alice's car had been packed full of things to hang up, place and drape.

Alice took charge straight away, first to do was to unpack Edward's car while she unlocked the store room where the owners of the hall had promised her there would be a stand up ladder big enough to reach the ceiling. The feeling of dread began to come over me and I resolved myself to caution Alice that if she tried to put me up that ladder I literally would die. I have ridiculous hand to eye coordination and it definitely would not be smart letting me up there.

I spoke to Alice then walked outside, Edward's car was parked a little bit down the road as there wasn't many parking spaces left, I walked down towards them...

"Rose, is everything okay with you and Emmett, like really okay?" Edward laughed nervously and Rosalie gave him a look that even from where I was standing I knew was burning his eyes out.

"Who gave you permission to ask, and how's your sex life, Jessica still sticking her fingers up your ass-"

"Heyyy, no need for that, Jessica's fingers have never been up my ass, although I don't think she'd mind, that girl does everything for me," he gave an arrogant smile and Rosalie gave him a well-earned slap, "that's not the point though Rose, I was asking about you because Emmett seems a little more frustrated than usual, I was just wondering if it linked in with you and his, I don't know, just your relationship in general."

Totally blunt, that's what that boy was, stuck up his own ass so far that he can't see anyone else. I kind of wanted to know the reply but by the time I had reached them the conversation had come to an abrupt end unless you include the looks they shot at each other after that. I kept silent; it wasn't anything to do with me.

"Can you get those Bella," Rosalie asked, pointing to the plastic cups while she lifted up the some of the napkins. Edward had already lifted two smoke machines and started walking back. Now that I took a good look at Rosalie, she just looked weary and tired than anything else. She gave me a half hearted smile before walking away, leaving me to close the boot. I paused for a moment, if Emmett and Rosalie were on the edge, maybe doing what I had planned tomorrow could send them over it, I was meaning to cause an argument but would it end up more than an argument? I shook my head and walked back into the hall. Fuck them, fuck the fact that I actually care that I might really upset them.

Alice barked out orders and we followed them to the letter, anyone else and I would have felt like I was their bitch but with Alice you just don't feel like that, you know that doing what she says in certain cases will just bring you into something bigger, especially this part, already the hall was beginning to look better due to the expensive banners Alice had already hung up. She wanted ones higher up so Edward demanded I jump onto his shoulder's, it wasn't that I was scared of going on someone's shoulders, they were certainly less opposing than the metal ladders Alice had found and was using to hang the banners up on the other side of the hall. I told him that Rosalie should do it, she was taller, but he said Rosalie was busy setting up the smoke machines. That was true, but I'm sure she would have switched places with me – she trusted Edward, I, however, had issues.

"Just jump up, I'm not even being arrogant anymore, but I lift about double the weight of you every day, trust me I can lift you," _not what you used to say._

"I'm fine, just uh, pull a table over or something,"

"No, go on my shoulders, I could do with a minor work out."

"Seriously, I'm fine," the guy was so pushy.

"Don't be stupid, get on my shoulders," he put a hand out to me and I refused, for a second he looked acceptant that I didn't want to then within a second he had vaulted me up so my legs were split over one of his shoulders, "swing yourself over." He spoke so calmly while I screamed. I heard Rose and Alice laughing at his antics but I was not in the slightest amused, I had got a real fright when he had grabbed me.

I realised I was making a fool of myself and I eventually done as he said, it was just then that I noticed the heat that his touch had on my body. At first I thought it was adrenaline, then fear, then as I settled into the cosiness that was his shoulder bones, as I laughed and chatted with my arch enemy I realised that it was just him, just his affect. I never had any memory of it being like this before. Nothing like this at all.

I hung up the banners on that full side of the hall, that was the extent of the stamina Edward possessed when lifting me. "Jasper told me you swim?" he questioned me; they had been chatting about me that meant, I wonder what else they had said.

"Yeah, well I used to back in Phoenix anyways, good way to keep yourself in shape I find, one of the only sports that works on practically everybody muscle at the same time if you're doing it correctly." I rolled up my sleeves to prevent myself from getting too hot and as I did it, Edward tugged them down, "stop it," I complained, unable to prevent a smile – he wouldn't know that though. I rolled them up again and he proceeded to roll them back down, "you just like to wind me up," I moaned, recognising what I had said just after I'd said it.

"Well yeah," he snickered as I finished pushing in the last pin. He swung me around his head as I pushed my legs of his shoulders and all too quickly I found myself mere inches away from his eyes. His smiling eyes. The ones that taunted me for too long to be beautiful. He pulled me close hugging me, I drew in a breath and was caught off guard by just how refreshing his scent was, then all too soon but far too late I was out of his arms and set down on the floor again glaring at him.

"You can be so annoying," I protested, but we both knew his behaviour wasn't as annoying as I made out.

When Emmett and Jasper finally came back a lot of things had already been set up, all that was left really was to position tables, hide the drink in the cupboard under the stairs, put up the disco ball and stick up the neon lights around the place; Alice had already hired a DJ and food company to do a buffet for everyone. They would be in the hall and out of it by quarter to 8 which was perfect timing as the party began at eight.

Emmett was the only one with the strength to carry the disco ball up to the top of the ladder and put it up there, and he wasn't going to let the other guys forget it anytime soon. While he did this Rosalie and I started to haul all of the alcohol into this tiny cupboard – I was pretty sure that they were down at least a few hundred dollars when i looked at the amount they had bought. Alice made marks on the wall for where Jasper and Edward were to stick relatively small round little neon lights, which she had bought loads of as usual, not wanting to under do it.

We were almost finished when I got the text from James asking me if he should bring drink along tomorrow night – I wasn't vain or stupid but I knew it was only a ploy to text me, I text back the answer and sure enough he turned the conversation in a completely different direction and began just to chat with me.

I had to actually put the phone down at the other side of the hall as Alice asked for my moral support on something she hadn't mentioned before...

"You're making us wear what?" Emmett asked in disbelief.

"You got to be kidding me," Edward followed suit.

"Masks Alice, really?" Even Jasper was openly opposed to the idea.

"Okay guys I know it seems a bit stupid right now but if we do this then it'll open up the party, get people talking to people they don't usually talk to cause they don't actually know who they are, and it's not like it's a full face mask and the boys only get a plain black one, the girls where the silver, simple," she smiled with her hands on her hips, her eyes stony cold, she was going for this idea.

"It's ridiculous," Edward chided her.

"No it is not, how's about this, they only wear them from eight till nine, that way everyone's chatting before they make their big reveal, make sense?" The boys grumbled at her as she and Rosalie high fived, she took their low grumbles as an agreement and walked away leaving the various packets of silver and black masks on the table.

"She always gets her way I guess," Jasper smiled good heartedly and walked over to his girlfriend who was scoring out things that had been done on her clipboard and snuck his arms around her waist, it was cute to watch, sort of sugary sweet but nice all the same.

We finished up soon after and I happily made my way back to my truck, it was late and dark and I was ready to go home and finish my text conversation with James, my cell battery had died just a few minutes before and I knew it was going to look rude if I didn't text back quite soon. It was just once I had closed the door to the truck that practically everyone approached me, all of them complaining I hadn't said a proper goodbye, I'd forgotten the rules of friends. I hadn't had real ones for so long.

That night I slept well, no nightmares, and in the morning I found myself itching to get to school, I had gotten my dress in on Wednesday and I already had some black heels and accessories which would do to go with the dress, I even had eye makeup to match. I wanted to show off who I had become now; dresses weren't usually my favourite outfit but the suited and excited me in this particular occasion.

The whole day dragged by and at lunch it felt like dinner time when I got home I felt like I should be there already, as I got dressed I felt like I was running late so rushed a little bit too much.

I curled the ends of my hair and placed a fake pink Rose in my hair which matched the dress so perfectly it was like they had been made to match with each other, my dress fitted absolutely great and because I rushed too much I found myself with time to spare before the taxi picked me up.

I stared at myself in the mirror. My makeup was done and I looked nice – I might even say pretty. I tried encouraging myself, repeating the things you're supposed to repeat in a mirror to give you confidence but found I just sounded stupid so I stopped and just looked. I felt awed at how much I had changed, how I had really blossomed. You hear women, normally old people on T.V. telling people how they'd blossomed into young women and you don't ever think a saying like that applies to yourself. But at this point the only words that came to mind were those. They fitted.

All too soon the taxi arrived and I had to drag myself from the mirror, I felt bigheaded and vain but the truth was that I was just so proud of myself, of how far I had come. Just as I reached the front door and I checked in my bag to see if I had what I needed for tonight's sabotage. Everything will run smoothly, I told myself, and walked into the cab with a fake smile so bright the cab driver had to smile back.

***A.N. – Hope you liked it, revenge time next chapter :) please please pleaaaaaaase REVIEW, I hate to beg but I'm begging :D;) I love to know what you guys think of everything lol :)***


	10. Consequences

***A.N. – Hiyah guys! Long time, no read, I know :( I had my laptop in for repairs : then it came back and the charger wasn't working and blah de blah :/ I feel horrible for my readers having to wait months for a chapter, but, it is quite an exciting chapter... :) I'm sure you will like it, hopefully worth the wait... :S :P xx  
Music:  
Perfect Nightmare – Shontelle  
Fireworks – Katy Perry  
Raise Your Glass – Pink  
Hometown Glory – Adele  
Secrets – One Republic**

ENJOY! :D *

I felt a little sorry for the cab driver, the whole way there all I did was tap my fingers impatiently and bite lip, click my tongue – I wouldn't even have been offended if he told me to stop it, if it had been me in his position it would have gotten on my nerves. At least he never tried talking to me; I really wasn't in the mood to put up with pointless chit chat when I was trying to concentrate on not breaking out into a sweat because I was over thinking the whole revenge thing.

I reached the hall at ten past 8, the second I got out of the car I could hear the thumping beat of the music, it seemed to be in time with my beating heart – I guess I was just being dramatic. I handed the cab driver my money just as people walked up the cracked steps and picked up a mask from the table outside.

I took a few seconds to reassure myself before stalking out over the sidewalk then up the stairs, a little light inside a porcelain hedgehog was placed just over a sign with a quick explanation for the reason to wear masks – Alice had outdone herself, she had managed to hint to the boys that it would be a good way for them to dance with the popular girls while at the same time convincing the girls that it would help them find some sort of knight in shining armour. I picked up one of the silver ones and gingerly placed it over my head. I could smell my perfume and just a hint of deodorant as I turned on my spiky heel and took a swift step into the hall, pushing open the door.

The place was utterly transformed; everything was covered in a dark mist which the neon light colours shone through. The disco ball created shapely shadows around the room and the coloured light burst which came from the DJs sound system carried all the way down the hall. The DJs speakers where huge, at least double the size of normal ones and he was sitting on the stage at the front of the hall playing a list of chart toppers. The laughter in chatter in the room was tangible, it made me want to smile and break down my own moves as I watched the current dancers. I noticed the buffet in the corner, covered in shining cling film and as I looked to the faces of everyone I could see the either silver or black masks, misshaping every ones features so I couldn't tell who was who.

It wasn't until I made my way up to a table near the front, filled with two girls in the most beautiful designer dresses and boys in which all looked like Armani suits that I knew I had found the Cullen's and the Hales. There were only two seats left and I decided that, since no one had noticed me I would turn to the dance floor to see if I could grab attention.

Now I knew fine well that my coordination is abominable but before I left Pheonix I made sure to take a few dance lessons – I knew that as a late teenager I would be going to parties and I would need both the confidence and the moves to keep playing the part I was playing, and aswell as being the new Bella I wanted the old Isabella to learn a few things.

The song changed to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance and I knew what to do. The heat was quite unsettling but I had to keep a cool head when doing what I was about to do – I had to be the picture of confidence, arrogance and beauty. I made up my mind and I strutted towards a group of three "unknown" black masks. I looked them up and down quickly, measuring up which one would probably be the better dancer. I eventually chose the middle one, he was a little slighter than the two others, and taller, but even they way he stood he oozed confidence in his charming of women...

"A dance?" I gave him a slow smile and he nodded, taking my hands and throwing them around his shoulders then walking me backwards into the crowds.

"Who are you," he whispered seductively, I just shook my head. No time to talk. My hips began swaying, his hands started moving down the sides of my body, my heart started to go double time and I became one with the music. I slid down him, around him, with him – I don't think I've ever danced quite like it in my life – never so... erotically?

The chorus soared the few times as it does, adrenaline filled my blood and I forced myself to stand out, to pull the hottest moves even if there was a much higher risk of me embarrassing myself – it was worth it – it's what I wanted for my life – and even though I became embarrassed as I saw more and more faces turn to me and my partner I revelled in it all at the same time. Through my confusion I danced blindly on until the song finished and I stood up straight as a dancer always should, bowed my head slightly to him and the nodded. I don't think he quite understood that I was releaasing him of his dancing duty with me. So I turned from him and found myself walking smack into another group of guys, I only knew who one of them was, I had noted him earlier in his expensive suit but I wondered if he had noticed who I was. There would be many girls with brown hair and around 5ft4 in height at the party, I was quite average.

Either I attracted his attention with my dance moves or he knew who I was, either way he was asking me for a dance in the velvety soft tone of his and I had no idea how to answer him. For a split second, my voice caught in my throat, rendering me speechless. He was asking me for a dance and I couldn't even reply to him, not that I actually knew whether to say yes or no but that was far beyond the point. I might be too average for him to realise who I was but he was completely distinguishable. The bronze hair was only enhanced by the soft yet flashing lights of the disco ball, every time his eyes caught some of that light they sparkled their gorgeous green. The jaw line was just so perfect, the bone structure magnificent, the nose could not have complimented his face much more and his lips were just a little pinker than average, full yet manly.

Let go Isabella. Just for one dance

_Do you not remember what he did to you?_

Yes, yes I do remember, but how is a dance with this guy going to change anything?

_Don't do it, you're letting down your guard, you'll let him do it again._

I guess the truth was I just didn't care anymore, I was going to dance with the demigod, whether my mind agreed or not. Everything about dancing with him hurt, taking his hand felt like I was being led into a trap, my arm taking its place over his shoulder as we danced slowly to Howie day's Collide and I felt the shivers run down my spine. I couldn't understand why they would play this song, it would only be my luck... as I danced I felt like I was dancing my way through memories with him, every few seconds returning to the present and gazing at him in wonderment. Could he really be the same guy?

He was, and I stopped the delusion but I just told myself I was allowed to be bad, just for this one dance, I would stare at him and pretend he was different. It wasn't too hard, even his distinctively coloured eyes were different from back then. Everything was changing and I didn't know if the feeling inside my stomach was good or bad, some of it was nerves; I knew that much.

My body moved exactly with his, touching his chest ever so slightly. I stared into his eyes and found I wasn't reminded of anything, but it was easy to just stare into the deep swirling green pools and get myself lost. Lost. I was losing me in him. I wasn't this person, **I** wanted revenge. I detached myself from the situation and allowed the fake girl to dance with the gorgeous guy.

I watched as his brows rose with parts of the music, his lips mouthed the words and his nostrils flared ever so slightly with every breath. I took in the details, well, the details that the dark was allowing me to. The song changed to Take it off by Kesha, suddenly the place was filled with animals. Bodies writhed against, together, forward, back, up words, downwards. Claustrophobically close contact. We were pushed together but it was a completely different type of dancing. It was sexy dancing and he happened to be at exceptional at it.

He rolled his hips in time with mine but managed to create a complete masculine affect, he drew his hands to my hips and I could almost have called it him shaking them. Not only was his dancing great, but in a way that I don't really like to admit, he enhanced mine. We ground as one, our gaze never leaving each other's face. I might just be able to control my head but it was pretty damn hard to control sexual bodily urges when pushed to close to a man with such brilliance as Edward Cullen.

All too suddenly I lost my balance, there was so much pushing, it was too hot, I felt like I was being cooked and I went thundering into his chest, a bunch of morons behind me kept it going and I felt like I was flying forwards, pushed into his rock solid chest. He staggered backwards several steps and I estimated that the only reason he stayed upright was that the force of the crowd on the other side held him up. There was way more people than planned here. It was lucky that the hall was a secluded area, otherwise we would all have been busted and it would probably be my dad busting us.

His scent muddled my senses, musky with the scent of slight perspiration. It's not like I was enjoying the smell of sweat but it there was something about the smell of a man through their aftershave. It was the smell of man mixed with what society would like a male to smell like and I couldn't complain. I found myself spending so much time on what he smelled like that when I actually looked up to his face I was startled to find him staring at me and startled to remember who I was with.

It was a sign of true trauma when I could feel so many emotions within the space of a few minutes. I began to de-attach myself from his careful grasp and he pulled me back to him.

"Who are you?" he whispered. That was the second time I had been asked that tonight, I reacted just the same way; the second the words were spoken I turned and walked away, his voice had finally broken the spell and I was free. It made me realise just how clueless he was. I knew his eyes from a distance; I probably knew his body shape, his posture, his voice. I could probably tell it was Edward Cullen even if given only one of his piano playing fingers to examine. He didn't have any idea.

I looked around, peeked through the parting crowd at the Cullen table – most of them had left to enter the dance floor, only Alice and Jasper with their mouths stuck together and their eyes squeezed closed remained. I took my chance and found my way over there as quick as my heels could manage.

I slowed just as I reached the table, I doubt they would have noticed if a tractor mowed down the table in front of them but I continued to be careful. I checked my surroundings for a follower, even for someone who was paying attention but there was none so I grasped the chance that had been laid out for me, swooped my hand into my bag, brought out the mobile I was looking for then dropped it into what I was sure was Emmett's jacket. It was the biggest one at the table and would probably have drowned Edward or Jasper.

I slunk away as soon as the deed was done; there was work to be done elsewhere.

I took to the dance floor, then when I noticed just how queued the girls toilets had become I made a run for it, once I got there, I pushed my way through the whimpering, squealing and joyous girls, right to the front, underneath the mirrors. I had to wait for a chance to do it because everyone kept staring at me, it was an odd sensation to be watched with envy and when the toilets were finally quiet and I was no longer be glanced at constantly I slipped the cards I had made up into the corner. They were visible but not very in your face. Hopefully they could be spread about the place before either Alice or Rosalie noticed. Now I had done my job I could go back to having fun and watch my hard work pay off as havoc wreaked its way around me.

I danced my way through groups of boys, I stayed on my feet the full time, purposely avoiding the Cullens and Hales, I didn't want a confrontation just yet, just in case any of them realised the dance-whore was sweet little Bella. I told myself that they would have to find out in the end when the masks were removed, but then it would be different, I would be prepared and I would have had my time to show the school what I could do. To show them how cool I could be, to give them an idea of "my past" as I wanted it to be, I wanted to look like I'd had sex before, that's what all the cool kids do, right? I wasn't being vain, but I knew that I looked at least look a bit sexy, I could see the black masks turn to face me, watching me shake, wiggle and thrust my hips to the beat. Circling my head, swinging my hair to the dirtier dance songs.

I was ashamed of myself when I thought of my parents seeing me like this, but then again I was so ready to create a foolproof image of Miss Bella Swan; not to be messed with, can hold her own with guys and... Nice looking. I wanted it so bad, I had always been the ugly kid, the one no one paid attention to at all, yes I was shy but I wasn't so shy that I hated anyone even talking to me, I craved for people to find me pretty and as I tried to fulfil this I found that I only aggravated my mind more as I had to pretend not to be the shy person I was. I repeatedly told myself that it would only take a few acts like this horrendous dancing to up my image.

Confusion, that was always a main emotion nowadays.

Everything slowed down around me as James entered the room, maybe not quite literally but it felt like everything did. I knew him the second he entered the room, his haircut was one I had studied over the past week, and his face demanded my attention every single time he smiled. A black mask wasn't enough to hide him from me. He was the one who had noticed me, he understood me, and there was a pretty good chance that if I, in the future, decided to tell him who and what I was he would be able to understand that too, cause he had almost been me.

He entered with a few of his friends and they split off into the dance floor, I wondered if he would notice me. As I pondered the situation, Alice took to the stage, her mask didn't hide her very well either, she glowed with energy and excitement, he short spiky hair bouncing off in all directions, a section of her at each side had been swept back into an intricate fishtail plait in it complemented her outstanding cheek bones beautifully. Her dress, in the light, looked even more expensive, a definite designer extract, and pink satin folds hung loosely around the main body of the dress, they swirled across her small chest enhancing her slim figure. She opened her mouth to speak and there was an eruption of applause, most people knew it was due to Alice's hard work that the party was the way it was, she waited till the noise died down before proceeding, "It's time fellow students, find a partner and in one minute time the music will start and you can take off each other's masks, enjoy!"

I turned to search for someone but found a face just inches from mine, his warm breath blowing my hair, sweeping it away from my face. "James," I breathed.

"How did you guess," he grinned, putting his arm out and around my waist, pulling me closer to him as Alice started the ten second countdown...

"How did you know it was me?" I whispered, the moment was so precious, I hadn't felt so noticed in my life.

"How could I not know it was you; you're the sexiest woman in the room," he smiled as he lifted my mask on one and I drew my hand up to remove his, one republic blared through the room. James's arm moved me in closer to him so our faces were centimetres from each other. His lips jolted forward, my heart swelled for the joys of my first ever kiss. Our lips pressed upon each other and it was as if we had entered a different world, I forgot where we were and it wasn't until I opened my eyes just the slightest peek that I was grounded from the heavens, my eye caught straight onto Edward Cullen's piercing green ones, his arms were wrapped around the devious little Lauren and I felt a de ja vu wash over me, interrupting my first kiss, that boy always had to get in the way of my happiness.

**6 years ago**

_I squealed as my mom handed me her present, "this, my dear, is for behaving so damn well when you met Phil, I think he could mean alot to me in the future Izzy, I really do," her eyes went all dreamy and it put a little bit of a dampener on the excitement of getting a new dress for the disco, I had just been about to put on my purple dress when she came in with a dress I had been looking at in the shop window for the past two months, I was surprised they still even had it in stock and that my dotty mother had remembered which shop to go to to actually get it._

_I took it reverently and shooed her after I had hugged her for thanks so I could get changed. I walked away from the mirror beside my bed, I hated seeing myself getting changed. I practically threw the dress on, it was pink and black poka-dots and definitely the new fashion, it must have cost my mom a good amount because it had been in one of those expensive stores that mom and I just usually window shop, she didn't get the best pay being a kindergarten teacher in a small place like Forks._

_I needed to get my hair done, I had bought small silver butterfly clasps to go in my hair when it was put up so I ran down the stairs two at a time, pounding through the living room when I reached the bottom where my mom was sitting reading some book on Buddhist beliefs, she was always trying to have some sort of spiritual meaning. "Mom," I grinned at hear as she wolf whistled and patted the floor in front of the chair for me to sit down on so she could do my hair, I handed her the special little clasps as if they were an ancient artefact; carefully and proudly._

_She did it into 3 buns at the back of my hair, shaped in a triangular formation; my chubby little hands touched them and gleamed with pride. My mother was brilliant at doing hair; I would look pretty tonight._

_Once we arrived at the school I was around fifteen minutes late, so I grasped my sparkly pink handbag and ran inside, shouting goodbyes to my mom even as I reached the door. She drove off just as I opened my door and grinned as I entered, walking with pride in my 1 inch block heels._

_The halls were lined with streamers and posters which had been up for the past week advertising this dance. I screamed inside with pleasure and ran over to Angela who was sitting at a side table by herself pulling her by the hand up onto the dance floor with almost everyone else._

_We giggled and grinned from ear to ear as we danced through cheesy songs from the likes of Kylie and the spice girls. I refused to look at the people who I knew would ruin my experiences so i kept my face on Angela's and when it was time to find an opposite sex partner I reluctantly looked around to find someone to dance with._

_A heavy boy who had been sitting out so far stood up to find someone as the teacher encouraged him; he was the school bully, nothing compared to the Cullen's but he was generally feared by most. He walked towards me as I found I was the last one left and he took my hand only for me to hear the exuberant laughter of a gang I had did my best to ignore by now, we both turned and I quickly let go off his hand as Edward and Tanya dances towards us speaking the taunting words, "two fatties together, the perfect couple," James burned a beetroot red and I left his side quickly but not before I saw him scowl at me. Association with me had caused that._

**END MEMORY**

So yeah, it wasn't exactly the same, I mean we only held hands back then and it wasn't like I'd had a thing for him but the point was he was always interrupting my happy moment, could that boy just get a life. Why the hell did he have his eyes open anyway? He was kissing the girl for god's sake and it was my first time so I was allowed to open my eyes as I was a little caught of guard but he was obviously used to this sort of behaviour. His eyes were wide open, glaring into mine, brooding and mysterious; was he trying to piss me off or..?

Or did he just realise who he'd been dancing with.

I couldn't believe that I was using the moments of my first ever kiss to think of Edward Cullen. It truly sucked, he didn't deserve to be in my head at any point never mind at a time so special as that. So I put him out of my head as the kiss deepened and I thought of James' hair, blonde and slightly wiry, gelled into an exact style. The total opposite of Edward Cullen's messy mop. I pictured his clear blue eyes and how husky they had been when I turned to him and he kissed me. They were simpler, easier to take in than Edward's, every time you stared into those green crystals you found yourself wondering how to stop staring. I could control myself around James. He was refreshing and he liked me. I liked him. Things might just work out and time would tell.

The motions of his tongue inside my mouth were nice, I reacted to it and found myself enjoying it alot, I felt feelings rushing to the area around my groin and almost groaned into his mouth; this was definetly new. We broke off both slightly out of breath. He laughed as I stared at him intensly and never even clocked that I was doing so.

"Bella"

"Yesss?" I murmured.

"Your friend is calling on you."

I turned to see Alice waving and smiling, motioning for me to comoe over and speak to her, she was at her table with the rest of them but she was the only one standing up and shouting for me. I hadn't even really heard anything happening around me I had been that in the moment and until he told me of what Alice was doing I was totally ignoring her voice. "Uhmmm, I need to-"

He cut me of mid explanation, "Its okay, I'm going to go take my jacket of and stuff, settle into the party you know... And I'm sorry I was late, I had some things to deal with before I got here," he winked and kissed me again before I left him. My second kiss was short and sweet, it didnt deepen this time but left my lips tingling for more.

I walked in a trance to their table, when I reached it I floated into a seat between Emmett and Jasper, the only free one. "Someone's getting frisky," Emmett was blunt with the beginning of the conversation and I laughed outright, no bother acting offended.

"All I can say right now is - wow," I breathed.

Alice looked reluctant to admit it, I wondered why, "so he's a good kisser I'm guessing."

I felt a little out of my depth with this question, I didn't exactly have anything to compare him to to confirm that he was a good kisser but the warmth between my legs had been enough to let me know he wasn't bad so I nodded my head at her. I had my eye line focused on the table at this point; I hadn't even raised my eyes to his face yet because I was afraid of what I might see. I didn't want him joking about our slow dance or our hip grinding tonight. I wasn't one of his bitches and I wouldn't be told I was. I found my confidence and looked up. Lately I had the knack of accidentally placing myself directly across from him so that every time we both looked straight ahead we caught each other's eyes. He smiled at me slowly, one of those crooked smiles that made your stomach go to jello and your heart skip a beat. However, that smile wasn't working with me, definitely not tonight. I smiled superficially back at him and we communicated with our faces, without actually saying a word; the couples on either side of us were acting as if this was Valentines' day no.2 and that it was their duty to be total love bugs and kiss as much as they could so we were all but alone at the table, at least that's what it seemed like.

He turned his head to the side and wrinkled his forehead a little bit signalling surprise at our encounter on the dance floor, and I shrugged my shoulders neutrally. It didn't mean anything anyway. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again;

"You look beautiful tonight Bella," his crooked smile stayed in place and I wondered if he was really being sincere or had his sister told him to say something of this sort to me. Edward Cullen didn't have the right to call me beautiful so I discarded the compliment inside my brain then again it was a sign of how far I'd come, how different I was. But Edward Cullen is still the biggest hypocrite on the earth. I thought of a response to his remark and found I didn't need to because the incessant low buzzing which had under-laid our silent conversation for the past thirty seconds was being heard by Emmett and Rosalie, my plan was underway. My stomach somersaulted in wicked glee.

I used to know Rosalie Hale, and I knew how the constant noise would have annoyed her and I knew her oaf of a boyfriend would have been far to interested in making out to even bother about it so I gave myself a mental pat on the back as she did exactly as I had planned for her to do, she pout her hand in his jacket pocket and took out of it an old mobile phone.

"Emmie when did you get this heap of junk?" she laughed as Edward and I both turned to watch the situation unfold, I had to keep myself from smiling, I was far to excited even if it was tinged a little by guilt.

"What, that's not mine," he said as she opened on of what I guess to be millions of messages and dropped the phone to the table.

"What. The. Fuck?"

"What?" he picked up the phone and I watched as his eyes widened in the seconds he took to read the message. Alice and Jasper broke apart at the tone of Rosalie's voice and now all eyes were on them.

"I cannot believe you," she sobbed, standing up. Emmett caught her arm and made her sit back down, a look of disbelief and anger on his face.

"I just told you Rose, the phone is not mine," his voice held a lot of authority and he sounded pretty honest to me, it was a bit of a shocker to hear the tones of anger thread through his voice. He had been so happy go lucky since I re-met him a few weeks ago.

"Let go of me you bastard, shall I read the text out? Then your family can know how much of an asshole you are." She cleared her throat dramatically and I watched tears run down her face as she read,  
"Dear Mister E.C.,  
I want to meet you, I've heard what you like and I'm ready to give you it, I want you to touch my curves and ride me until I cum... J.K.  
So tell me Emmett, did someone just place the phone in your jacket?" She stopped to scroll through a an inbox of text and gasped, horrified, "Oh my God Emm," her voice cracked and she yanked her arm out of his grasp, "There's fucking loads of them, you fucking bastard, you cheating hardhearted, horrible bastard!" she turned and with a resounding crack smacked her petite hand over his cheek, even in the dark his face deepened with colour. No one could even notice the events of the Hale and Cullen's table because the music was so loud that unless it was at their immediate attention then they couldn't hear. She yanked her arm from his and all too fast Jasper had launched himself across the table at Emmett crashing the chair backwards and sending both of them across the floor and into the wall. Now people were noticing.

Rosalie ran to the fighting boys, I followed the friend code and would not allow myself to remember that it was me that had caused this, right now I was just Bella Swan and my new best friends were fighting it out on the ground so I ran with Rosalie, Alice did the same and so did a crowd of people but the fastest of us all was Edward and the second he got the writhing bodies his eyes popped... he had noticed just as I had, someone was bleeding considerably but they were continuing to fight.

He did something I hadn't bargained on and he got down on his knees beside the two of them pulling them apart as he did so, other boys running to help as Rosalie and Alice sobbed. He bellowed, loud enough for the surrounding people to hear. "IT WAS MY PHONE!" the jerking movements between the boys stopped instantly. Jasper stood up quickly and I saw the blood over his hands but that wasn't the worst of it. Lying on the floor, his knees up at his chest was the bewildered blood-red face of Emmett Cullen, a cut at the top of his forehead was pouring blood, his eyes were unfocused and everyone ran to him, including myself. Jasper stood back in shock.

The music gradually turned off and the lights went on. It was only then that we realised the extent of the damage the boys had done to each other. Rosalie was sitting with Emmett's head in her knee as he drifted in and out of consciousness. It had been deduced that when Jasper had went for him and they crashed against the wall his head had smashed into a plug socket. No one was saying it but we all knew that in a way Jasper had been extremely lucky because had he not been nearly knocked then there was a good chance he would have beaten Jasper to a pulp. Edward had run out to his car, he was the only one who hadn't been drinking tonight and only because he had pulled a muscle in the top of his arm and was taking a bunch of painkillers for him and didn't want to mix them with alcohol. In a way this protected him from being beaten up by Jasper for not "admitting the phone was his" in the first place.

The situation around us was being sorted out by Jasper; he had quite obviously wanted stay away from Emmett now, embarrassed at his reaction most probably, and at the same time known it was his duty to act as Alice while she fussed over her hurt brother.

I didn't really know what to do. I couldn't afford to think.

James found me as Alice and Rosalie were trying to pick the delirious Emmett up and half carry half walk him to the car. He put his arm around me but I shrugged him off, I took my heels of quickly and just left them on the table. I walked over bear foot to help pick up Emmett, I switched positions with Alice, she might be strong for her size but I doubt she could bear as much weight as I could. Alice accepted the changing of position and sobbed quietly, almost rhythmically with Rosalie as we trudged through the crowds of people to the car. People looked at us with shock, whispering and murmuring about Emmett's face. His head lolled onto my shoulder and dripped blood down my arm, into my hand. I shivered with the irony of it all. It just wasn't fair. Why couldn't it all have just went to plan, they deserved revenge but they never deserved to make me feel bad for having it. It wasn't my fault it all went too far. I hadn't anticipated Jasper's reaction. Now I was left with the consequences of this. They deserved to be left with the consequences of what happened to me. What if I had killed myself? What if they had just hit me to hard one time and killed me? It would have served them all right.

It just wasn't fair; why couldn't people just get what they deserved?

***A.N. – So I ended this chapter with a minor cliff hanger... how badly hurt is Emmett? :O And Edward taking the fall for his brother, what do you guys think of that, I wasn't sure whether to include it and I wrote two different parts, one where he did take the fall and one where he never... I think I was right to choose this one but you guys decide ;) So next chapter we'll find out what was actually on the cards Bella put in the toilet, how Bella's little revenge plan has affected every ones friendships and a little reappearance of James ;) REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW :D:D:D:D Best reviewer will have a shout out next chapter :)***


	11. Answers

***A.N. - First of all a shout out to Kimmie40 for her thorough review of chapter 10 ;)  
Secondly, Yeah! I have another chapter up and ready and it's 5000 words plus, so guys, bear with me, I will get this story up and running again :D Alice gives a few explanations iin this chapter that alot of you have been wanting for a while, so I'm just hoping you will enjoy ;)**

**And Thirdly OMGOMGOMGOMG! 281 favs on this story 323 alerts and 285 reviews. Wowza!  
Thankyou xxxx  
Songs I wrote it to :  
Thriving Ivory - Angels on the Moon**

**You Runaway - Barenaked Ladies**

**The Kills - I Hate the Way You Love**

**Natalie Merchant - My Skin*  
**

Could life get much crueller? I soon found myself sitting bare foot in the front of Edward's car while Alice and Rosalie wailed over a passed out Emmett in the back and the whole time I felt absolutely horrid because really it was my entire fault that he was like that. Edward's face was taught with determination and I didn't know whether to be pleased that he had fucked up my plan and somehow fucked up his friendships too or be pissed off that he had interrupted my plan uncalled for.

No one was actually talking to each other, as I said; there was wailing and crying and sobbing, but no talking. I felt sort of psychotic sitting there, not caring as much as I should have but somehow every time I started feeling sorry for him I remembered how they had stuck my head down a toilet pan and how they had chopped off my hair and how they had made me look as if I'd peed myself... the list went on and on and suddenly my heart was hardened to the oaf. It was with curiosity though that I eyed Edward Cullen on the drive up to the hospital. I still couldn't process that selfish Edward Cullen had dropped himself in it rather than his brother. It confused me. It went against everything I told myself Edward Cullen was.

I broke the silence. Not a very me thing to do; lucky all I had done lately is be someone else. "Edward," I whispered. He had the air conditioning on at full blare so it would have been near on impossible for the noisy girls in the back to hear what we were saying.

He swallowed before he answered, as if he was afraid of what I might ask, and I noticed his throat bob. " Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" his jaw muscles contorted slightly before relaxing giving him a momentary agonised look before calmed himself. I couldn't even fathom why I was speaking to him.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?" I gave a nervous giggle.

"Well Emmett's in the back seat passed out from a head injury and everyone thinks it's my fault... so why are you asking me if _I'm_ okay?"

I took a deep breath, "Well for one thing, I can't actually ask Emmett if he's okay because he's passed out, another thing is that technically Jasper overreacted heavily and should never have went for Emmett like that and also... if that was your phone then you obviously never meant to get your brother seriously injured with your antics, and I doubt that at this present moment the rest of your friends and family will understand that, they'll just blame you."

His lips trembled slightly in an effort to hold his emotions in check and I did something that I should never have done, it pushed both my mind and his I think his too far. His hand was on the gear stick and I reached out mine, gently touching the top of his hand, brushing my fingers across his in a gesture of friendship but the shock we both got from each other was so great that I saw his eyes widen in surprise at it. It wasn't just a physical shock but Edward wasn't a dolt; he knew we weren't the best of friends and a gesture like that was very out of sorts for the Bella he knew. Heck, it was out of sorts for the Bella I knew.

This is Edward Cullen here and I was treating him as an equal which he will never be, never can be if there is just an ounce of fairness in the world.

"Th- Thankyou," he faltered as he spoke back to me, "I really just want my brother to be okay but they all hate me now, everyone of them think I'm who I used to be they all believe that-" just then my mind got very weary of where exactly this conversation was going, I was embedded into Edwards past and whatever happened I didn't think I could face listening to him describing the sort of person he 'used to be' that person was just far too familiar to me and I liked to keep him out of my mind at all costs. "I've turned into that person again when in actual fact it couldn't be more the opposite but I just don't want relationships and strong friendships to break up because I don't want to lose face... so I guess I'm just going to have to bear the brunt of this mess," he sighed and I wondered, had things been differently would I be looking at him right now and awed by his sense of righteousness or would I not be fooled by his reputation. I wanted it to be the latter but I couldn't say for sure.

We sat in silence until the car pulled up at Forks Hospital. It was then that I remembered I had no shoes on and Alice instantly pulled a pair out of her bag; ballet pumps for her feet in case they got soar in the heels. They were stretchy so even though her feet were a size smaller than mine they fitted perfectly.

I forced myself to leave the car and help support Emmett; Edward did the same. His heavy arm was gently put over my shoulder and both Edward and I put a hand under his begs to keep him moving; he was now semi conscious. I could smell the beautiful and enticing aftershave he wore, I could hear the rasping of his heavy breathing, his weight was certainly one to be hold; I was practically crouching beneath it.

Both of the girls were a quivering wreck. They ran ahead calling for a stretcher and soon it was in front of him and the heavy weight was lifted off of my shoulders, Emmett's sweet scent was gone.

They put and oxygen mask on him just in case of any struggle to breathe and the three of them ran ahead to be with him, Edward without thinking flinging me the keys to his car. And I was stood there in silence. I looked down to the crusting blood on my arms and hands; it was still partially light outside. I could see the blood drying a scarlet under my finger nails. My body shook as I opened the car door and sat down. I didn't know how I had managed to hold myself together through that encounter with blood but somehow I had overcome my fear; I had been forced into controlling myself.

I felt the tears brim and then they were gone. I sat up straight. Looked in the glove compartment for something to wipe the stains from my skin. I found some Windolene and a cloth. I used it anyway.

Anything to remove the metallic smell of blood. I looked to the back of the car and noticed the leather seats were slick with the red liquid; I climbed into the back and sprayed across the entire seat, scrubbing at them until the blood was gone. I looked at the gearstick and there was just one drop there. There was a smear on the left hand-side backseat window. How the hell it got there I didn't know but I cleaned it anyway. Anything to block out what I had done. It was me and I would try my utmost to remove the memory of what I did from my head. I would completely pretend to them, to myself, that I had nothing to do with this massive misunderstanding. I would let the brother work it out between themselves that they had been played for fools but I would not be found out, it had gone too far now. I was in it now, in for a penny in for a pound my mother always said and it was like that now. I made the decision to fuck their lives up and I would just be more careful next time but I couldn't deny that I got some sort of happiness out of what had happened tonight until I realised that he had been seriously injured.

I had felt sorry for the friends I now knew but I had been grinning with happiness and a stunned sense of relief because I was Isabella Dwyer, no matter how much I call myself Bella Swan I'm always going to be the fatty Isabella Dwyer. I need to think about what she wants from me and stop pretending that their friendships were enough to combat my aggressive urge for revenge. Nothing was enough. Nothing could stop me.

It was with a hard face that I entered the hospital twenty minutes later. I asked at reception for Emmett Cullen; she looked me up and down and knew better than to ask me questions me being covered in blood and all. She sent me to where he was and I was greeted by a dry eyed Alice's hug, "Bella! He's okay, it wasn't too deep a cut and he's nearly completely alert now. My Dad's here now and he's taken over, he's sorting everything out. The story is that Emmett tripped over cause he'd drunk a bit too much and smacked his head off of the plug socket. No one's speaking to Edward either, and I hate doing this but I'm agreeing with them, this is just the last straw for him, he's driving everyone insane acting the way he is and because of him being a stupid idiot Emmett has just had four stitches in the side of his head and would have an overnight stay at hospital if it wasn't for dad being a doctor."

I breathed in, I couldn't believe I was doing this but cutting him totally off from his family right now would mean that I couldn't see him meaning it would be a hell of alot harder to play puppet master with his life; "with Edward, are you sure you're doing the right thing, you know, not talking to him at all-"

"Positive. Edward needs to learn that his family aren't there to be messed about whenever he feels like it."

"But he obviously never meant for that to happen..."

"Bella." She gave me what was surprisingly almost a scathing look, "he sat there while they argues and just let them argue for his own amusement, what sort of brother and friend does that?"

I nodded. It was the only thing I could think of doing, "Okay, but I'm not ignoring him, I know it's quite contrary to what I was like a couple of weeks ago but I saw him and the car and seemed... well pretty cut up about everything, he never realised it was all going to go that far..."

"Well I won't hold that against you Bella it's just that you didn't know the guy he used to be and we are, as a family unit, sending him the message that we don't want him if he's going to be that person again. He won't be accepted into our family if he continues to act the ways he's been acting," she sighed sadly, "I love him and all, but I refuse to watch people be trampled on by him."

The line was so on the dot that I almost grinned like a dolt at her...

**7 Years Ago**

_The bell rang for recess and I jumped from my seat as did every other child in the classroom. We all ran to the door, then to the cloakroom, pulling on our trainers and summer jackets. Edward Cullen was off school today. I even smiled as Angela and I walked out of the door into the playground._

_Some class in the school had been using the playground as a place to play outdoor games during their gym time and had left a game of soccer out. The foldable goal posts were still up and the line drawing the centre of the game was still viewable. _

_Excitement built up inside me as Angela and I lines up against the school walls to be picked. We wouldn't be last picked as we were higher up year groups and there would be no point in leaving us until last. _

_I was on Emmett and Tanya's team; I watched the kick off and decided to stay in defence. I ran and jumped and headered and kicked the ball; I genuinely was quite good at the game, no matter how much people thought my weight would hold me back. Fair enough, I was running up a bit of a sweat after ten minutes but I had defended the goals many times by then. I grinned in an exhilarating run to the ball and faltered when I suddenly realised who was in front of me. He had come from nowhere. I went from enjoying myself to be horribly self conscious of what I was wearing and how red my face was. _

_Edward grinned at me as he ran at me with the ball. He should have tried to move around me, or to the side of me but he chose to run right at me and at the list minute switch to my right side swinging out his left leg and catching mine, tripping me on to my back. _

_Then there was the fearful moment before everyone running at full pelt behind him actually got to me and tripped onto me. The moment where everything stopped and my heart skipped a beat and fear. I managed to crouch into a ball before the all hit me. My screams lasted for a long time as several boys and girls fell onto of me. My knee had been scratched along the ground as my body tried to wriggle free, quite a deep cut. It gushed blood. As I opened my eyes dizzily to the look upwards, I found I was staring into ones the colour of the grass, but with much less life in them._

**End Memory**

I remember being told off of Angela after it that Edward had been at a dentist appointment that morning, just my luck that he had come back to school so early. Just in time to make my life a misery. I knew that if I looked down right now at my knees they would be threaded with little white scars, faded now, close to skin color. All Edward and his gangs doing. Overtime they had built up a fair multitude of scars all over my body. Small the majority of them were, but still, they were there. And I wanted them to be gone, every single one of them; especially the one on my heart.

But Alice had that she wouldn't allow that, even though he was her own brother. She was bigger than that.

As I stood talking to Alice I found myself wondering how the divide was beginning in my head. Edward younger was in a totally different section in my head than the present time Edward. It was confusing because when I had first re-met Edward they had been completely the same person but now I felt as if they were split. Different. I pondered this just as Edward, his head hung in what would have looked like shame to Alice rounded the corridor of the ward.

Alice instantly cast her eyes to him then to me then stalked off. I wondered whether to follow her but she was fast as lightening and Edward was directly in front of me by the time she was out of sight.

I didn't hesitate this time and I put my arms around him, giving him a big hug. I could see the upside of being his friend in this situation, I was gaining trust. My coldness shocked me but propelled me onwards at the same time. Think Bella. Think what he did to you. Think about the things he said to you, do you not think just for say a month or two of his life he deserves to be hurt?

I knew the answer of course and I thought it over as he hugged me back, his chin touching my forehead, warmth spreading out through me. It wouldn't be hard to pretend to like him, to be his friend for a little while. I found when I didn't over think things they went smoother so I just allowed myself to be with him, out of my own calculating mind for a little while, I could mull it over later.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Forgetting what's just happened, please just look at me as the person you have seen me be in the past few days. Everyone else is angry at me and I like you Bella. We were just becoming good friends," _speak for yourself,_ "and then this has happened; can you just give me the benefit of the doubt and see past this. I don't want to lose everyone." _Shame that's what you deserve then, Cullen._

"Yeah, I made the decision to do that in the car...," I took the plunge and stared into his emerald eyes; something I tried to avoid, there was the danger of getting lost in them, "You can trust me, I can see who you truly are." He could interpret those words as he liked, no doubt they'd be something different to both of us but that wasn't my fault.

As I inhaled his sent I hugged him properly, and he hugged me, I felt him cry inside, I knew he was in pain and the two separate sides of my brain screamed at each other, one was too happy and the other was too sad. It was confusing to be inside my head but as I kept telling myself I had decided on being like this.

"You know, you're so different to anyone I've ever known," he let go of me and I took a step back, just a small one, I had the confidence to look him in the eye. "I..." but he wasn't allowed to finish that sentence and Jasper hail had just ran around the corner and came to a halt as he saw him.

I saw Jasper grit his teeth and almost felt Edward tense beside me. I took the initiative and stood in front of Edward. "No more fighting tonight." I instructed and although Jasper looked ready for another punch up he passed by Edward and into the room that Emmett was in.

An hour or so passed and as I made the decision to leave I was told by Alice that I would still be staying at her house tonight, I refused but she told me not to be silly and that Emmett wouldn't want our sleepover plans to be interrupted by him getting a cut to the head. I laughed at that one.

I felt like I would be interrupting a bit on a family at high doe, Esme had turned up at the hospital now, she had ill with a migraine and looked pretty worse for wear when she got to the hospital, she had even got a taxi up because she was worried about driving in that condition. I didn't blame her, by the looks of the black circles around her eyes and the bloodshot redness on them she really should have been in bed.

Edward and I were in the ward with Emmett, Carlisle was practically head of the hospital so rules were sort of thrown to the wind, and after all, this was Carlisle's son we're talking about. Carlisle looked quite pissed off at Esme if anything for being here in the state she was in; she sort of sat in a chair and sunk into it. Edward and Alice both gravitated to her side, bringing her a shot of coffee and glass of water. Rosalie fussed over Emmett and he sat stiff as a board with her. He too looked pissed off at his other half. Then I looked to Jasper and Alice, the one couple that I wanted to leave out of things and they looked just as split as the rest. Tonight had been a great success for Isabella Dwyer, shame I couldn't bring myself to feel happy with the outcome.

Everyone stayed at the Cullen house that night, there were several unused guestrooms, I mean the place was colossal in size but as it turned out, Rosalie stayed with Emmett, Jasper on the couch and I stayed in Alice's room.

I looked at the place in pure wonderment, it was gorgeous. How could a child who had grown up in this household want for anything? Even in the pitch black the place was practically fit for a king. It was as remote as it could be within Forks and driving back I had been worried about the treacherous roads but Edward handles the swift turns and hills of the road as if were all second nature to him.

I lay at the other end of the double bed that Alice had, the mattress literally was the most comfortable thing my limbs had ever lay on and my eyes wanted to close the second my head had hit the pillow but Alice wanted to talk, or rather, she wanted to have a little cry about the situation she was now in.

"Bella, I just don't know what to do, seeing him just take everyone being so pissed off at him is heartbreaking, he's my brother I shouldn't be treating him like this but... but he's got to learn right?" she looked for my advice and I just gave her a non-committal shrug of the shoulder. "You see, the thing you have to know about Edward is that he's damaged goods in a way."

Her eyes bore into me, telling me silently that this was never to be repeated, I braced myself.

"A few years ago, Edward's long term girlfriend cheated on him. Now it might sound stupid to you but Edward and she had been together for years and years and suddenly at the age of 14 she was sending boy's pictures of her in her underwear, even having sex behind his back. Edward hadn't even had sex yet but Tanya was already working her way through a string of guys." I went to say something and she put a finger up, there was more, "so as if that wasn't enough, the rest of the school found out. A boy she had been sending pictures to naked and sleeping with him sent them to his entire text inbox.  
As you can imagine it was mortifying. Edward had given her everything, and people had been talking about her before that; Edward had fought with a boy who had implied she had been doing the dirty on him and she had swore that he was lying. Got Edward grounded for a month and his allowance cut for fighting and... She just abused his trust and love.  
He was only fourteen but he really thought he was in love, all he knew was Tanya, and she was the only girl he'd ever looked at. He spoiled her, did everything she wanted him to do and he was only 14 himself. That's why he is the way he is with girls and that's why Tanya moved away, her parents found out because all the girls weren't talking to her in school and all the boys were either coming on to her or taking the piss out of her, they moved her school, just moved house and everything for her atrocious behaviour." She was silent for a few seconds before carrying on, "Edward wasn't a nice person back then but when Tanya left and Jasper and I came into the picture he changed, he saw what the things people said to Tanya did to her, even after he'd broken up with her he watched her become a shell of her former self as the people in school made fun of her.  
The person he loved was being bullied and he was too proud to go back with her – rightly so, but he saw what was wrong with acting the way he was acting. That's why I believe he changed, that and me." She smiled slightly, "In all modesty Edward loves me to bits and when they adopted me, I'd...," her voice cracked, "I'd been through alot and I needed him to be strong for me, I needed my new family to provide support and both Edward and Emmett stepped up to the task. Although it would never be wise to say this to them, they both look up to each other and because they both took to me, they both became better people and they supported _each other _as the changed.  
But the difference between them is that Emmett had Rosalie to rein him in, to spend his spare time with and very soon I had Jasper. Edward still found it hard to think about girls and having relationships... yet every guy had his manly needs," I gave her a nod to show her I understood what she meant, "so he started going to Port Angeles at the weekend or hanging about at the park with Tyler and Carson, meeting girls, kissing them. Sometimes more than that. Then leaving them.  
I don't think Edward's been in a single relationship since Tanya, childhood sweethearts they were and sometimes I wonder if he'll ever properly heal from that wound."

The room was dark, shadows crept across it as I looked around, searching my mind for what I should say to her. Seems like Tanya's personality had its own revenge on her. It surprised me that it had been Tanya who had broken their relationship up, I had always assumed that it was Edward, looking at him nowadays; he seemed quite the type to have fucked up their relationship. The still of the night sent a shiver up my spine, giving me a minor fright as Alice started to speak again.

"That's why I'm worried Bella," she heaved a great sob and I struggled out of the covers to the top of the bed to put my arms around her, "if he goes back to the person he was before I came along then what will happen to our family? Everyone had done a 180 on the person he used to be but he's only managed a 90." I smiled a little at the comparison, "of all the things to do, he's been dirty texting? Then letting Emmett take the blame, what the hell? So unlike him... maybe he's just not the person I thought he was."

Yet again I was stuck for words, already too submerged in my own thoughts to give words of comfort. At the end of the day I had only been her friend for a few weeks, we got on very well so I could understand the outburst... but what did she want me to say, I don't even know the boy.

Correction. I know the boy very well; I just don't know the boy she is talking about. The nice, thoughtful, supportive guy has never been shown to me.

I woke up early in the morning; the huge window had not had the curtains drawn on it last night as it had been so dark when we had went to bed. Last night had been an odd occasion, it still felt surreal but the second I woke up I knew exactly where I was and how I had to act. My chequered pyjamas were of the shorts and t-shirt kind and I looked over to Alice who was snoring lightly to see what pyjamas she was wearing... I didn't want to show too much skin, but Alice had the same sort of pyjamas as me so it seemed I was okay.

I wondered when I had become someone who analysed everything. I quietly got out of bed and ran to my backpack with all my things in it. Alice shared a bathroom with Emmett so I would have to leave the room to get a shower. I gawped at the printed images on Alice's wall, a plain white background with flowers, animals and fashion signatures printed across it in a glossy black. It was beautiful. The massive set of drawers were what looked like a wooden set painted white; ornate and beautiful. A closet lining one of the walls had a mirror as the opening doors. Then to add to all of that... Alice had created a masterpiece. It literally looked as if she had gotten a rainbow and thrown pieces of it on different parts of the furniture, the walls and the sofa was a large fabric one with the imprint of coloured miniature flowers. Everything was so different yet it fitted together perfectly. It was a room that when described it is not done justice, it is only when you see it that you realise just how beautiful it really is.

It hadn't really sunk in that I was in the house with Edward, Emmett and Rosalie all at the same time, not just a house but there house. I was welcome too. Alice had told me where the bathroom was last night. I looked over to her, she was fast asleep and it was probably very early still, I just didn't sleep well in other people's houses even if the bed were much comfier than my own.

I opened the door quietly and turned to the left, walking a few paces along the second floor hall and slowly opening the bathroom door so I didn't wake anyone. I was hit in the face by hot air, steam. Blinded by it. Then out of it came to emeralds, baring into me, making my knees shake together, and causing me to be frozen on the spot. Then a whole face emerged, then the body. I could see it all out of the corner of my eye but I never actually looked down, I couldn't remove my eyes from his.

The silence was unending until he cleared his throat and I was brought out of trance, my eyes gave his body a once over not even thinking what they were doing. His chest was exquisite, muscular and toned with a brush of auburn hair trailing down below his belly button but the view was cut off by a fluffy white towel wrapped around his waist.

"I..." I opened my mouth then couldn't think of anything to say so I closed it. He naturally looked like that compared to me who had had to change so much about myself to be who I was today. I experienced a strong sense of self consciousness as I looked at his incarnate perfection.

"Sorry," he spoke slowly, I thought momentarily that he could be patronising me but then thought better of it as I realised that his eyes were very serious, "I forgot to lock this door too, there's a door that leads in here from my bedroom and I... forgot. I'll just get out of your way."

I nodded, biting my lip. He opened the door out of the massive bathroom and then there was only one of us.

I took a deep breath and pretended that hadn't happened, especially when I looked in the mirror. I hadn't taken my makeup off so I really didn't like the idea of having being seen as something which resembled a panda.

I tell you something though; I remembered to lock both doors.

I changed within the bathroom, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair and changed my 24 hour contact lenses, it really wasn't good for my eyes to be wearing them over night but desperate times call for desperate measures.

I had decided to dress down a bit; jeans, a black tank top and a navy blue tartan shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I had my military boots back in the room and there was no point in putting them on inside a house anyway. I swept my hair into a towel and set back off down the hall. While I was in the Cullen house I needed to be normal. If this plan was going to start working I had to get closer and closer to them all, gain their trust. It was time for some real action.

***A.N. – Hope you liked it ;) it was a bit odd I think, a little more disjointed that usual but the accident in the previous chapter has sort of made her like that... you know ? Please REVIEW. Tell me your thoughts, I write for you guys too and it means alot to see what you think... the longer the review the better :D :L xx***


	12. Kisses

***A.N. – well I did as some of you requested and put a few viewpoints in, nothing in depth but it gives you a little more understanding to the story, hope you enjoy x***

**Jaspers POV**

_My mind pounded, everything all over was aching. My hands had formed into something resembling claws. I looked at them and they looked as if rigor mortus had set in. My body was on fire with the pain. I tried to scream but nothing came out, nothing at all, my mind wouldn't even open and it was then that I really clicked on to the fact that I was looking at my body from an outside perspective. I wasn't actually inside my body. I knew I was in pain, and I was worried for myself but I wasn't actually in that pain, it wasn't actually me going through that again. Which could only mean one of two things, one I was dead or two, I was dreaming..._

_The drum beat began, I watched my body as it turned blue, as the eyes stopped rolling in their sockets and became still and glazed over. I watched the figure in the corner step closer and closer, not yet lifting her eyes from the floor but I knew exactly who she was. Her hair was the color of mine but much, much longer. When she finally lifted her face to mine, the drum beat got faster and faster, tears streaked her cheeks and I felt myself sob for her. Then suddenly the drumbeat reached a crescendo-_

And I opened my eyes.

At first I was disorientated, the surroundings were not my own bedroom but soon I remembered the night before and everything it had entailed. It became clear why I was here. I realised the source of the bang as I heard Bella mutter "ouch". I sat up and turned to face her; her hair was up in a towel but otherwise she looked completely ready. She bit her lip and was holding onto the side of the wall, it looked like she had just walked smack into the door frame.

"Shit Jasper," she murmured, "sorry I woke you, I was coming down to get a glass of water and Alice is still asleep and has been for the past hour or so and, well I really just needed a drink so I thought she wouldn't mind if I came downstairs, I thought you would have been sleeping in the guest bedroom?" It sounded more like a question to me that a statement, so I answered her.

"Well after last night... Fuck I don't even know Bella," I heaved a sigh into my hands, "I just couldn't even pass Emmett's bedroom, I didn't want to hear my sister weeping and I definitely didn't want to face the sight of Emmett all fucked up just cause I never waited and asked questions. Plus, I don't know if I could have passed by Edward's room without confronting him, I didn't want another fight tonight."

"Oh," she breathed softly and tilted her head slightly at me, "you have a good few bruises blooming, you know, and a few grazes."

I nodded. It had probably been when, at one point, my head had made a scraping contact at the ground gritty from others footsteps. The bruising was just an after effect of my previous illness; my body was still quite over sensitive.

For a second she seemed torn whether to be too shy to voice her next thought or not. It may have looked like just premeditation before a thought to others but I had some sort of sixth sense for that stuff. I had lay in bed for a good amount of time studying faces and emotions to see what they would betray of my condition, what followed always explained to me what certain almost hidden expressions had meant... I was pretty good at reading people basically. She brought up the courage of course, "Come into the kitchen, you're best getting those scratches washed out, don't want any infection," she was probably right, my illness had left me weak at times and this morning I was not feeling so good, quite nauseas in all honesty.

"Yeah sure," I stood up stiffly, my bones sometimes felt as though they had been through many more years than they, yet another effect of my illness. I loped over to the sink and pulled out two stools. Out of habit I looked to the clock and saw that it was only seven o'clock, even Alice wouldn't wake up till eight and she was an early bird compared to the rest of the Cullens. She ripped of some kitchen roll and smiled an apology;

"Sorry. I don't exactly know my way around and kitchen roll can't be too bad." I nodded again; I was slightly awkward with her I guess. She probably was disgusted with my behaviour last night and was being nice to me just because of her friendship with Alice...

Alice. Oh God my Alice, I would be crucified alive for what I had done basically. She had hardly let me touch her last night, she had once hugged me properly and sunk her head into my chest but more out of relief that her brother was okay than anything else really. She would be seriously pissed off with very good reason. How could I have made such a mess of this situation? However, the biggest confusion was that, if I hadn't went for Emmett, would Edward have told everyone it was his – it really did make much more sense than Emmett having done it. When I found those sick cards he had put in the girls bathroom I thought I might have torn him limb from limb but when saw him at the hospital all I could see was genuine anguish in his eyes for his brother. I hadn't been able to even verbally abuse the asshole. After all, he was like a brother to me.

I was reigned back into the functioning world as Bella rubbed hard at the bottom of my chin where I apparently was covered in dirt, it stung quite a bit and from the smell of it she was using soap.

"Ouch," I murmured and she pulled away and looked at me, giving a serious look with her deep brown eyes, had I not been completely in love with Alice I would have seriously considered giving it a go with Bella, not only was she beautiful but she really was a lovely person.

"I'm really sorry that you didn't enjoy the party last night," she said it so reverently, with so much meaning, it rang true. I knew she was truly pained that we had had a horrible night. "I wish it didn't have to end like that... Do you think Emmett will forgive Edward?" she questioned timidly.

I stared back at her as she stopped rubbing at my face full of scratches and began a very deep conversation, "Well I don't think Emmett is the biggest problem to be honest. It's Alice that will hold it over him. I know it sounds weird but Emmett, from what I've heard has seen him make worse mistakes than this, but Alice is mortified by what she seen last night. It showed a real evil streak through him that she had only ever seen undercurrents of."

She looked thoughtful for a moment; her face was masked, her emotions hidden from me. I wondered if she had taken to Edward lately and if last night had been a shock to her. It would certainly explain the gentle probing about Edward the past few weeks. I don't even know if she realised she was doing it but she asked a few more questions than was normal about him. She was hot and cold with him. I doubt anyone had noticed it but I sensed a crush between the two of them. If it wasn't for last night I would have been rooting for James to lose his charm and for her and Edward to unite; now I was glad she was able to escape him. "Jasper... I don't understand why he would have lied like that?" there she went again. Definitely a crush I decided.

"You probably know this by now but Edward never used to be a nice guy," her downcast eyes showed me she knew, "well every now and again I think his nasty side just jumps out and he actually surprises himself by listening to it. We all think he needs someone to tie him down, someone he can be affectionate with and someone who will return them with good measure but also, someone who will take no nonsense." I eyed her speculatively, she looked up and a spark lit her eyes. I was torn between smiling and worrying that I had just given her a bad idea. Maybe it would be easier for everyone to forgive him if he had the backing of a down to earth and thoroughly independent Bella Swan. She wouldn't take no for an answer when it came to his wanton, nasty whatever it be traits that we had all thought had disappeared but had turned out just to be lurking beneath the exterior.

"Okay," Bella answered plainly then said that she would have to go upstairs and text her dad telling him that she would be home later. She left me sitting on the stool after asking if I was following her up to speak to Alice. I said, that was one situation that should wait until others surrounding it were sorted out. With Bella gone my mind became engrossed with thoughts of last night. It suddenly broached my mind that my sister would be upstairs with Emmett, probably only half asleep with worry. I would have been if it had been my Alice that had been attacked and put in hospital. There was no pride in it for me, I would never have beaten Emmett without him smashing his head against the wall. It had been an unfair fight in all ways and it was time I stopped attending to myself and just went upstairs and spoke to them. I would have to do it eventually, better sooner than later.

I stood outside his door, pulling the courage from everywhere I could; it was only fair that I spoke first, that I comforted my sister as she had spent many years at my bedside comforting me. She was deserving of it. It was with those thoughts that I opened the door.

My sister was huddled in a ball on the king size bed alongside Emmett, she was under one of his arms. Obviously he had been awake enough to comfort _her _and tell _her _that it was okay, that he wasn't hurt too badly. It reminded me an awful lot of the sweet words he once muttered to her outside my bedroom door years ago when they both thought I was asleep. In actual fact I had just been to sore to open my eyes or to grunt even in a response to their visit;  
_"Don't worry kitten," _she had sobbed it this point and I had imagined him wiping away her tear as it was something I could not do for my darling sister at that moment, _"I'll always be there, no matter what, I'll be there to hold you and tell you that you're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on, and truly Rose... everything will be alright."  
_A tear brimmed and threatened to over flow but I brushed it away with a finger. I couldn't believe that I had thought Emmett not good enough for my sister, that he had done something so monstrously hurtful to her. I should have known better, if there was one thing you could trust Emmett as a constant with it was Rosalie.

So I set out to apologise, gently shaking them and beginning to apologise the second they opened their eyes... disappointed and hurt they both were but by the end of what I had said it looked like I was wrong about Emmett being the easier one for Edward to receive his forgiveness from. Emmett was livid.

**Bella's POV**

My mind was a constant whirlpool of tugging emotions, so much so that sometimes it was just easier to forget them, pretend I couldn't feel them at all. Alice had told me so much about them all and I had managed to refrain from thinking. I was mastering the skill of compartmentalizing. Yet I forgot that once I had it all boxed up in one side of my head and free from emotions I would have to face it when I was alone. When I had time to thoroughly think it all through.

My time alone with Jasper had given me more things to box away and I was beginning to realise that all too soon I would have too many boxes to open up and have a thorough think through. Of course there was the added worry that Jasper was seeing too much of me than was agreeable. I didn't like how he knew that I was probing him for information and I didn't like that he was noticing who the probing was about. However, I did like him and it was hard to have a conversation with him without letting my 'interests' in his friends come into the bargain.

I wondered why Alice hadn't risen yet and noticed with slight shock that sleeping pills were almost completely cocooned between bottles and photographs and other things on her bedside table. I decided to do my nosy.

Photographs lined the walls basically and although I had had a quick view of them I now wanted to give them a closer inspection. I put the towel from my hair into what I suspected to be the washing basket and began a tour of the room. The first picture was of her and Jasper probably a year or so earlier. It was quite surprising to see Jasper looking a lot frailer than he did now. His eyes sparkled with health but his body looked as though it had been put through hell. He wasn't, strictly speaking, nice looking in this picture. His eyes gave a burst of light to his overall complexion but otherwise his hollowed cheeks and slightly jaundiced skin made him look like a junkie who was in and out of rehab. If Jasper hadn't been Rosalie's brother, would his looks have been accepted within their attractive looking group? It was probably purely luck that he had turned into the gorgeous man he was now, filled out and healthy(er).

Next was one of Alice and her parents, Carlisle and Esme. I had seen them both last night but Esme was also in quite a contrast to her photograph. She was a beautiful woman really, looking younger than what her years must be judging by the age of her paternal son. She also had the same strange colour of hair as Edward, copper yet not quite, bronze. With a start I noticed that not only did they have the same colour of hair but the shared the same striking colour of eyes. Carlisle was very much like his son too; the straight bridge of their nose, the masculine jaw line. I didn't see his crooked smile in either of them, nor the particular shape of his eyes, they were original to him.

I browsed through pictures of their gang of friends together. As there was any of them at the time I was in Forks, I noted with shock that he was actually the odd one out rather than the main one. He had different girls in a couple of pictures, posing awkwardly with them, as if they were on a first date or something and they didn't really want any recorded proof of it as it wasn't going great... well that's the mood Edward gave off anyway. It was such a contrast to what it had always been, I wondered if he had really been that upset by Tanya's treatment that he changed or whether there were other things into the bargain. I picked up a picture of Emmett, Alice and Edward. Recent it looked.

"Such a charmer" a cold voice sounded in my ear, I turned in fright to Alice clad in her pyjamas; arms folded and bottom lip trembling from the effort to hold in emotions.

"I'm sorry-"I started but before I could even excuse my nosiness she spoke again.

"I want my Edward," she whispered sadly and I did something I wasn't used to, I embraced physical contact, I put my arms around her and gave her a hug as she lost the fight against tears. "We knew we were losing him again but I never realised... I just never knew he still had it in him to be so undermining," these constant depictions of Edward's character were starting to make me feel in the slightest bit sorry for him; he's done some horrible stuff but my conscience would definitely be more at ease had she been disgusted at some of the true things he had done. For now the fakery would have to do.

**Jasper POV**

I just had to get away, Alice wanted to speak to me, of course she would want to speak to me, she would want to shout and scream at me and I would respond by grovelling and, god willing, she would tell me she loved me and that I'd made a big mistake but she could forget and she would take me into her arms and it would not matter that I had been an ass... That was my Alice, but right now, it was not the time.

So I chose instead to drive to my safe house leaving a note pinned to Alice's unopened door. I went to the pharmacy.

I looked through the huge shelves and found the one with the anti-anxiety medication with ease. I had needed it an awful lot in the past few years, lately I had not had much use of it so I had stopped using it but I needed it now and would only have to have them type my name into the machine to know my medical history, not that all of the workers didn't know me anyway. Most of them had been at my several fundraisers for children who had been through what I had; my mother was good friends with a couple of the women who worked here as she been coming here so long so I knew I would have no need to explain to them my sudden undying need for anti-anxiety tablets.

I swallowed them happily as I sat in the car; they gave me the strength to carry on with the day. I didn't want to panic in front of them all. I wasn't hugely overstretched but seeing my sister so broken up about last night and knowing that I would need to ignore my best friends for a while because he had been such a dick made me sick to the stomach. Yet it was nothing compared to what I felt for Alice. How much I hoped she would understand why I did what I did.

**Bella's POV**

I entered Emmett's room to find him tucked up in bed with his girlfriend fussing around him and feeding him what looked like a considerably high amount food. "Jeese Louise Em, how can you be so hungry?" I laughed as he rolled his eyes, looking very much the bored invalid.

"Baby I'm fine," he complained as he sat up and Rosalie huffed. "Bella," he grinned at me, "check out the war wound," it astounded me the good mood he was in after last night's events; I had a niggling suspicion he was leaving his bad mood for someone else.

"Thanks..." Rosalie smiled with a certain amount of humility at me, much less haughtier a look than I was familiar with, "for everything you did last night." Emmett's face took on a more serious look and he nodded, winking at me.

I was becoming adept a pushing memories and guilt to one side of my mind while I spoke to the Cullen's, I liked how the flush of guilt I would have felt when I was alone was absent while I spoke to them. No sweaty palms. Just me having a chat with my hurt friend and his girlfriend.

I did just that, I chatted in a relaxed way with them; it was easy to just create conversation. When they thought I was their equal they were fun to talk to, I enjoyed it. It eased my mind to talk with them, to be joyful after last night. As if it never mattered and as if I hadn't injured someone seriously in the cause of revenge.

I finished speaking to them as their slight touches with each other became more intimate and I took it as my cue to leave.

I walked along the hall to Alice's bedroom, confused. I didn't know why but my head just wasn't working well with this overload of information, it just wasn't good enough, I would have to fix all of this now, I needed to learn better than this, function better than this!

As I opened Alice's door I saw the sweet sight of Jasper and hers embrace and I knew in all but a second that I couldn't interrupt, it had been my fault they were on bad terms anyway and this war I was fighting was nothing to do with them.

I stood out in the hallway once again. Feeling like such an outsider it churned the pit of my stomach. A tear streaked my face with the effort to hold it altogether. I was getting so close to them yet so far away from the children I knew that had hurt me. I wanted to see their nasty sides once again, wanted proof that they were even the same people. I felt like I was cruel and cold hearted but how could it be me when they were the ones who caused this.

I leaned my forehead against the wall. No doubt their parents would be up soon and it would be time to leave because they obviously had business to deal with even though their guest had been moved into a nearby high class hotel due to Emmett. I breathed slowly and pulled myself upright but just as I was about to turn around and walk back to Alice's room the toilet door opened and a face was suddenly in front of mines.

"Bella I need to speak to you." He never waited for an answer just took my head sending a pulse through my arm and pulled me into his bedroom with only a slight shocked squeal coming from my mouth.

**Edward's POV**

I heard footsteps, they didn't match Alice, Jasper, Emmett or Rosalie, nor my parents. I knew who it must be. I put the washed razor back on top of the cabinet. I stood at the door leading out into the hall. Breathed then did what I had been dying to do.

I sat on my bed while she sat stiffly on my piano stool.

_Bella._

The name bore such a resemblance to the name of someone I tried never to think of.

_I wonder if her full name is the same as... hers._

I would never have the guts to ask, I couldn't bring her up. I struggled to let her memory roam my thoughts at all never mind bringing her into them purposefully.

_Focus. You better say something to Bella._

I drew another breath and stood up. I towered over her, it was then I realised how frail she looked. In her eyes I saw a flash of something, too quick for me to work out what it was but in the split second she seemed to have become more hostile towards me. She shifted backwards on the seat and without thinking I moved forwards. Her eyes widened and I never spoke, I wanted to talk and tell her exactly why I'd gotten her to come in her but I thought it might be better if I showed her. Explained without words what she had caused.

I sat down beside her; ignoring, in a way, the look she was obviously giving me for invading her privacy uncalled for. It was weird to get such response from a girl, normally my closeness would cause them to relax or at least they'd be neutral, not like this. Hopefully showing her this would work.

She was faced the opposite way from the piano and I looked at her, making direct eye contact, willing her to turn around. She did.

I placed my fingers on the piano pushed my luck and squeezed up closer to her. Willing myself to do this without a hitch, it had been a long time before the past couple of weeks. My piano had lain dusty and untuned and I had let it be no matter how I craved it. Every small song I had written for Tanya, every last note I burned, I extricated it from my mind. But, I had been a boy wonder on the piano and the second I had a new inspiration it burned through _me_, broke the walls down that I had built up.

I pressed down and began slowly, lightly, highly. The first time I ever saw her face, I repeated it; the thud of my heart as I watched her turn and run. I knew she had looked me in the eye but something in her face showed denial. I ran for her, I ran my fingers harder across the keys, the great crescendo I had thought out to make it perfect for her. The argument that followed over nothing then the cooling of her temper. I paused, and then began again, daring not to take my eyes from in front of me, I couldn't bear to look at her, to see what she thought of it. I didn't want to see her face until I had expressed every emotion she made me feel through the keys, I did all I could to make her understand. I carried on with the way we met and argued. Smacking the keys when I thought of how she frustrated me yet intrigued me at the same time. Quieting as I remembered those eyes, how sometimes, just sometimes she would let down her guard and show me something special, a true internal beauty.

Then I began to improvise, although it didn't feel like improvisation, I knew and heard the notes inside my head before I played them, before my finger struck the key I knew they were a perfect match for what had happened between us on the dance floor last night. But then I had to slow because I had to show her the pain I felt. I had to make her realise that watching her with James was like a scratch to the face, a claw across my mind; it sliced through me, stung me like hell yet watching her so happy was something to behold even through my own jealousy.

I began to close the sweet melody, her own lullaby. So soft were the notes as I thought of her last night, understanding, part of me believing that she believed me too. That she knew somehow I had not been responsible for the night before.

As the last notes played I savoured them before I would have to face her. To see if she had drawn from the lullaby what I wanted her to. I lifted my hands from the keys and turned to her. Her face was still turned down at the black and white keys, unreadable.

_Bella Swan. Why do you strive so hard to prevent me from being with you? Why can you just not show me your feelings?_

As if she had heard my thoughts she lifted her head and I saw the tears in her eyes. I knew that she knew what I felt. And as she opened her perfect lips to speak I did not even think but stole them with my own.

***A.N – Reviewers get a preview ;) The longer the review the better :D* **


	13. Open your eyes

***A.N. – Thankyou so much to everyone who has been reviewing and alerting and favouriting(sp?:L), you actually have inspired me to write this chapter today... all for you, so thankyou my loyal readers.  
Oh and I went for snow patrol as background music for writing this if anyone's wondering, most songs go well with this chapter ;) Enjoy! xx* **

**Bella's POV**

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do this. If only he hadn't shown me his eyes, hadn't faced me. If he had just blindfolded me and made me listen to the music then touched his lips to mine I would have forgotten who he was with such a piece of beauty still ringing in my ears. The electricity buzzed through me blurring rational thoughts into nothingness.

I just didn't understand how he could do this to me. Tear me apart; torture me as he once had but this time so differently. As his lips mashed against mine with a need, a passion I hadn't felt ever before and my lips separate from my rational mind begged me to respond I was stuck, I didn't know what to do and in that split second I was in some sort of everlasting agony. He was making me choose, making me decided to be with an evil or to be evil to myself and disallow him from my life. Oh sweet God could there be a way around this all? Couldn't he just be two different people because as his lips moved on mine, just a mere second passing while these thought assaulted my mind I felt the burn, I felt what his musical lilts were sounding about, I felt it all but that was just one half. The other part of me was just as strong as the other and it burned in a different way, it was not a physical need or a passion it was pure anguish and suffering and it wanted to expel him from my lips.

My inside seemed to be ripping apart as I shook once, and then did it.

I pushed him off me with such force that he stumbled off of the stool. I exhaled and began to gather myself, the fight or flight mechanism in my brain was beginning to set into action, I needed to choose if I could run from this situation and sort it out later or speak with him and get it over with now. The problem was holding myself together enough to tell him why I'd pushed him so violently away.

_Remove your mind of memories Bella. There's a perfectly plausible excuse for your behaviour. It's so easy to use it, he has to accept it._

"Bella, I-" he began to speak but I cut him off with a sudden burst of confidence, so what if James didn't cause that sort of explosion inside me; he also didn't rip me apart and charm me to believe that he was a different person from he really was.

"Edward no, I'm seeing James, I can't do this," he started to speak again but I put my hand up to silence him, "No Edward, let me speak. I'm not just any girl that you can decide you want and have, you saw me last night with James. We are all but boyfriend and girlfriend and I'm not fucking that up when you can just go with the other million girls you have at school," my face still felt his breath on it, his scent still swirled around me and I shivered, "James Edward, I like James."

He bit his lip. It was something I did myself without even noticing and I wondered why he did it. His music felt so real for those past moments, for seconds I was sure all of it was the truth. I felt emotions in it, it wowed me to tears but I had to go on facts here. Edward was a liar. My mind knew it and I had to stick with that. I had to trust past experiences with him just to keep myself in the present and to reject him. I could never have thought it would come down to this:

"_You're disgusting Isabella"_

"_Fatty"_

"_Belly"_

"_You gonna snort for us all Izzy?"_

"_Just remember not to go anywhere near the scales, you're mom will have to pay for new ones!"_

"_How come your face is covered in spots? Do you wash your face in grease every morning?"_

"_Maybe if you just stopped eating for a few years, you might end up near normal looking!"_

You have to remember Bella. You have to do this for yourself because if you don't you'll never ever get over it all, you won't ever move on and you'll be stuck in this endless circle of nightmares and bitterness. Just do it.

"Edward, I... I'm still fine being your friend but let's just keep it at that okay?"

His face dropped, then neutralised. Totally calm and cordial. "I'm so sorry Bella; I didn't ask permission, I shouldn't have-"

I stood up and took steps towards the door, "that's okay Edward, as long as we're clear now,"

I opened the door and was out of it just after I saw him nod in agreement.

I breathed. I breathed again, and again, and again. I concentrated on that as I prevented myself from breaking apart. I things to do or the rejection would all be for nothing

Soon I was back in the toilet; I locked both doors and raided the bathroom, memorising the labels and makes that Edward used. Emmett had his own bathroom, so did Carlisle and Esme but Alice shared with Edward so I knew whos was whos in terms of shampoos and body washes. My plan for revenge would all depend on remembering these things. I took the phone out of my pocket and went to the notes section; a list was being collected there. Details on him especially, a few on Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett and Rosalie were off the hook for the moment. They would become suspicious anyway if I played with their minds too much. Plus I had to see what Emmett and Edward's reaction would be to each other.

I could pull this off, I would pull this off; time to get started.

I left before Emmett and Edward spoke to each other but not before I was thanked by Alice for last night and she proposed something that I had both been dreading and wanting. She spoke of the Cullen's summer getaway. I had once heard it brought up in conversation and had stored the knowledge at the back of my mind. It still came as quite a shock when she brought it up so soon.

"Bella, before you go, I wanted to know if you would maybe consider coming with us this summer, to the lake house I mean. We're all turning eighteen this summer and in Emmett's case he already is eighteen, I know your birthday isn't until half way through September but I thought you might like to go if you were allowed. I suppose after last night I'd still have to check that we're all still allowed. I know it's alot to think about and you'd have to discuss it with Charlie but after last night I just feel that you'd be more welcome to come with us than ever, and at the end of the day it's not like I'm asking you to move in with us it's just a holiday that we're going on and I suppose it might sound a little bit-" I knew I had to cut her off there, she was worrying herself as she kept on speaking.

"It sounds brilliant Alice, perfect," she beamed at me and I thought with a sinking feeling that I would have to lie constantly in front of her while I was there. It was the perfect chance to do what I needed but.

"Well, we only have two and a half weeks left before we leave for it and I'm just so glad I'll have another person to plan for! It's a three hour drive but well worth it, the sun just three hours from here is a million times better. You'll love it!"

"I'm sure I will."

James had texted me while I was driving and when I got home it was a relief to find the house empty because all I wanted to do was sulk. I flung myself on the sofa and opened the message. He was asking if Emmett was okay and wanted to know if I was busy tonight. I text back telling him Emmett all but perfect now and that I was free.

I pulled the little blanket lining the top of the sofa onto me and cuddled up into it. I wasn't really physically exhausted but I felt the strain mentally.

I thought of Edward and how he had only realised what he was doing to people when someone he loved was hurt like that. Where had his compassion been when numerous times I lay in the dirt in front of him and he thought that it was okay to just forget he did all of this because he broke up with a girl and saw her get hurt? What right did he have to be with anyone that didn't know the truth about him? They were being sorely misled because his past was not just the average mischief; he had broken a girl to pieces. Ruined her.

And now he wants me to have feelings for him? I wanted to scream with pain when I thought of things I had missed out on in life because of him and I wanted to punch him until he could feel just a tiny shred of the pain I had felt over the past years. The confusing part was that every time I pictured him it was the twelve year old I wanted to punch. The one with the cold eyes and the hard smile. Not the crooked grin which enticed me in every way. Not the hard masculine cheek bones that had now been chiselled out of his rounder child face. He was so different and it was hard to mix the difference of them to just one person because the Edward I had re-met was not anything like young Edward. He really wasn't-

Beep. Beep. Beep. My phone buzzed and I opened my eyes which I had squeezed tight shut. It was James again and he wanted to know if I wanted to go to dinner tonight. I didn't even need to think and I replied yes. My life was becoming too revolved around revenge, I needed something to take off the edge and it looked like James would be happy providing it.

I stalked upstairs as James replied with a text telling me a time, place and asking if I needed to be picked up. I told him no; the sitting in the car might be slightly awkward. After all, I didn't know him that well.

I decided to catch up with my homework; write an essay. I purposely blocked all thought processes out while I was at it. It was becoming a burden sometimes to think but that would become easier over time I was sure.

Romeo and Juliet. It was an absolute bummer of an essay when you were trying to not to think of all the things Romeo and Juliet contained. Three hours passed and I had hardly half of it done. I changed tactics and went for watching the film; I had it in the room somewhere, I'd watched it a good few times but I tried to avoid it lately as it never failed to reduce me to tears. However, it seemed like a necessary precaution before I finished this essay. In fact it would probably be the only way I'd manage to finish it today, I was having a serious mental block.

The music as usual commanded the hair on my back to stand on end and my eyes to prick with tears as I knew the tragedy that was soon to come. I did cry because it was something I couldn't help. Leonardo is just such a good actor, gorgeous too. Not a patch on Ed-. Stop right there I told myself but I knew the thought that had flicked through my head.

I was able to admit to myself that yes I did have a crush on Edward Cullen, but I didn't have a crush on all of him. That was enough to satisfy my thoughts so I could finish of my essay. I pushed myself so I was finished with two hours to spare. Giving me time to curl my hair decide what to wear and do my makeup.

I didn't want to be too dressy so I ended up with black skinny jeans and deep red frilled blouse with a pair of open to scarlet heels. I used the unopened red lipstick I had bought particularly for this outfit, found my black clutch and that was me... with an hour to spare.

I watched a bit of T.V., listened to music, read a little bit, then with ten minutes to go I realised I should paint my nails. I did that hurriedly then had to re do it. It wouldn't be bad to be fashionably late. I had been so engrossed in my own thoughts that I had forgotten to be nervous, now it hit me like a tsunami, knocking me over inside before I had time to recognise the feeling.

The drive there was awkward because I tried to plan out how the conversation would go but I couldn't decide on what to talk to him about and I was scared about him finding me boring because I really wasn't the most interesting girl in the world.

I rounded the corner to the little restaurant; it was sweet looking, nothing extravagant but not too casual either. Just my kind of place, I smiled slowly as I saw him sitting at a table inside waiting on me. I bit my lip and remembered Edward biting his. I wish he'd just go away for tonight.

We ordered quickly, I was quite opinionated with food and although he urged me to get the chicken wings as the starter which I couldn't help but comment looked great after seeing them at someone else's table I just went for a small prawn salad. He eyed me curiously.

"You really don't need to watch your weight Bella," wow that was blunt.

"Uh... well I just like to be healthy," how were you supposed to answer that for God's sake?

"Well everything's good in moderation and trust me if anyone's ever needed to watch their weight it would be me – I used to be a chubster," he pressed his lips together and nodded in a joking manner.

"Seriously?" I played it like I would if I didn't know him, but inside I wondered how he could bring up that in public. It would have been less shocking even if he'd put it in a polite way like telling me he could easily put on the pounds.

"Oh yeah! You want to see?" without me even saying anything he pulled his phone out of his pocket and flicked through it for a few seconds then turned it towards me; that was definitely James as a younger boy. He looked the same as I remembered him except maybe a tad heavier.

"My God." I uttered, pretending to be shocked, "that's really you?"

"Yeah," he chuckled, "that was three years ago, now I'm a different me," he smiled while flexing his arms. He had a tight grey top on that really accentuated the shape of his arms; you could see the muscles ripple. Any other guy and I might have found him too cocky but I could understand his pride in his new body. At first I had thought it odd that he had been so ready to talk about his past but with James you could tell that he had quite clearly separated his past from his present. He wasn't that boy anymore and for a second I was tempted to tell him of who I was, and what I had become and ask him how the hell he managed to have such confidence. I didn't know him that well just yet though.

I stared at his smiling face and his twinkling eyes and I wondered if he could be the boy I shared my secrets with and have him understand how it felt to be looked at and laughed at – when you were what we were you didn't even get spoken to before people decided that you weren't worth it at all. No personality came into it when you were what we had been. Angela had been my saviour from that cruel world at one point but now when I looked back I realised she just kept me going but she was by no means my saviour. I wondered who had been James's saviour. What had changed him into what he was now?

The meal went by in relaxed conversation. I was a little unearthed by how much lying I did; my whole past basically had to be reformed and pruned until it sounded perfect and gave no hint to who I was. I found out that he was still a bit of a bad boy. Not exceptionally mental but just little things he let slip in conversation. I didn't mind so much. Nothing he did could match up to... other's deeds. Talking to him gave me a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. Hope I guess.

We split the mean and walked out into the parking lot; I braced myself for a goodnight kiss and I wasn't disappointed. It was slower and deeper than before and I could really get into it. I wasn't panicky that he wouldn't find me a good kisser because he'd kissed me before and now he was doing it again. He wouldn't do that if he wasn't enjoying it.

He drew his hands around my waist and pulled me closer. We stood outside my truck in the parking lot and I was suddenly conscious that people would see us. I pulled away. I didn't know what to make of it but I was surprised and a little disappointed that my head was still clear as day. His warm breath hadn't clouded my thoughts and I wasn't struggling for what to say to him. I guess he wasn't exactly a knight in shining armour but I did _like _him. We had a spark with each other. "I need to be home James; I had a really great night though."

He dipped his head to me, "I'm glad Bella; we should do this again sometime."

"Yeah James... I would like that." And with that he kissed me once again on the lips and I got into the truck, slamming the door with a girlish wave.

I decided to kill two birds with one stone and drop into Port Angeles supermarket. I had some things of Edwards that I had to pick up. Well to be truthful some things like Edwards things. I had a plan set out; I would need to pack them away for the trip. I went back to the joke shop. I had an idea and I think it could be magnificent. I also needed to pick up some needles and thread, they would be useful too.

Everything was working out in my mind and by the time I returned to Forks I felt like I had passed through weeks in the past two days. I couldn't believe that last night was the party because now everything was different. I was a much stronger person for one thing and I could withhold so many things from people. I could lie brilliantly. The only thing that felt like it hadn't changed was that I was still shit scared of telling Charlie my plans for summer.

"Hey dadddd," I flopped down on the sofa beside him.

"Uh, hey Bells," he turned his head and looked at me even though he was watching the game – that was a loving sign from him.

"Well, you know how I've made alot of new friends lately," he nodded; I went straight to the point, it was better not to ramble with Charlie, "they were wondering if I could go to a lake house with them for summer... for a couple of weeks." His eyebrows had shot up but somehow I knew already that I would have permission.

The thing with Charlie was that he was guilty of basically ignoring me for the past years of my life. Yes I got birthday cards and phone calls, trips to a few different states with him as well so I knew him. But I wasn't given the amount of attention that I should have had and now it was too late for him to keep me under his wing. We both knew this. The look on his face reminded me that it was just a matter of time before he agreed calmly instead of me having to throw a tantrum and demand my way.

The thing I was shit scared of was that my dad would lose respect for me, I was going away with boys as well as girls and he wasn't naive – he would ask who else was going too and there was no point in lying to him. He finally spoke.

"Bells, I wouldn't be too happy with it, especially if boys are going with you," he gave me a serious look. Then he asked questions about it. Many that I couldn't even answer, it wasn't like Alice had really told me much about it.

"Dad, I'm seventeen, nearly eighteen, I'm not a baby and please don't treat me like one, I can take care of myself and I don't appreciate you not trusting me." I looked at him with pleading eyes and he sighed.

"In honesty, it's not you I don't trust Bells, it's boys; you might think I'm being all overprotective but I know what happens in relationships at this age... and I'm just doing what a normal father would do."

"Dad..." I cracked a little under his gaze and struck a little below the belt, "You lost the right to have any moral high ground on this when you got mom pregnant at seventeen."

His eyes popped a bit and he made a grunting noise. I'd went too far, "fine Isabella, if that's what you think then I suppose you're right, it's your choice to make your own decisions at this age. Just know that I'm trying to stop what happened to us from happening to you."

I looked him straight in the eye and nodded, "I don't need help for that dad." I leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead then went up to my bedroom. I didn't know if I had just ended the argument or what but I believed all peace was restored.

Sunday morning I got a call from Alice asking me if I wanted to come over – I had already done my homework so I had no excuse really to not go over. I just felt uneven about the whole business. What if I walked into a warring family who couldn't work out how they'd been tricked into fighting?

But of course I went anyway; my newly found style was becoming a way to comfort myself. If I focused on that then I couldn't think of problems; denims, a juicy couture top and red converse were the way i chose to calm myself today.

Charlie went out fishing on Sundays so I only needed to leave a not for him on the table as I had the night before and I left. I had about a couple of months worth of spending money left and then I would really need to get a job because soon I would be starting to run low and asking Charlie for money just wasn't an option. My mom was still sending me a sum of money every month but not enough to keep on buying all these clothes with. Or to put in my share to the lake house; however much it would cost.

On the way there I blasted music through my truck and sang along. Quite random but I felt like a little sing song to improve my mood. Michael Buble, Adam Lambert and Leona Lewis all had a run for their money. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel and grinned even though it felt out of place on my face but it was time I got used to being happy. Edward, Emmett and Rosalie all knew what it felt like to be happy through their evil deeds and now I could do the same.

I once remember reading that the actual physical motion of smiling releases some sort of thing into your brain which actually puts you in a better mood; you trick your brain. So that's what I did the whole way there and by the time I got out of the truck to the Cullens house I found myself not as intimidated as I would normally be at the gigantic building and just knocked on the door.

I felt like I was finally deluding myself into thinking I was on equal terms with them.

"Oh hello Bella," Esme answered the door. It was astonishing the change in her since the last time I saw her. Her hair looked as if it had been highlighted in some places although the bronze colour still shone beautifully. She had swept it back from her face and a side fringe covered her forehead. She was wearing what I presumed to be her work clothes. A beautiful beige skirt and suit jacket. I practically envied her figure and she was more than twice my age.

"Hi, Alice invited me over," I smiled at her and felt a rush of warmth for her as she opened the door, gave me directions and didn't continue to speak to me, I could be slightly awkward with new people sometimes and in the long run Esme would probably come to hate me. I needed to face facts.

I ran upstairs to Alice's room and found her sitting on her bed with papers strewn all around her. "What's this?" I laughed as she huffed while sorting through them.

"Just all the things I'm organising for the lake house."

Exactly what I was hoping she wanted to talk about, "Ahhh, Alice, I wanted to know how much I would need to pay you for that-"

She looked shocked as she finally lifted her eyes to mine, "of course you won't pay a thing! Mom and dad own it!" Well she'd definitely done well in forgetting that detail, here had been me panicking _ever so slightly_ about money issues and it turned out I wouldn't have to pay anything at all. "I just wanted to know if you think Edward should come with us... Emmett and Rosalie are against it and Jasper and I think he should come with us and you're really the decider vote. That's not the only reason I invited you round by the way but it's definitely a big reason."

Well of course I had to choose for him to come, otherwise how could I have my revenge? "Yeah, I mean, I get that he's hurt you guys but I doubt you can just cut him out your life... Do you not think it's a little bit sick that you are discussing whether he is or isn't allowed to come behind his back?"

"Well that's what I said but Rose and Em are just really pissed at him but Jazz and I think the whole situations pretty shit and we can get it sorted by going to the lake house together, you know, spending some quality time and all that. We couldn't actually force him not to come but we could tell him we'd ignore him the whole time, that'd make him stay home. Rosalie's idea." She rolled her eyes and I saw a flash of anger, almost hidden from me.

"It sounds much more sensible to me that you let him come along and try to sort things out rather than making him pay for a mistake with his holiday." What a hypocrite Bella.

She sighed heavily, "And now I'm going to have to tell Rose and Em that he's coming no matter what. You know, Edward and Emmett spoke on Saturday and none of them have talked about it since, mind you they're not talking to each other either but they just refuse to talk about it or even tell me what they actually said to each other. They're both my brothers and I can tell Edward's pissed off at me because he thinks I'm taking Emmett's side; what does he expect?"

"I don't know Alice, maybe they'll make it up soon. After all, they do have football practice together all the time, they'll sort it out," I was trying to soothe her, I could see her getting upset again and I was struggling to be so intimate with someone who I had only known for a short period of time. I really like Alice but I found it hard enough to support my own emotions most of the time never mind supporting her. "Where are they all now, are Emmett and Rose still in and we'll go speak to them?"

She nodded, clearly holding in tears and stood up, "Yeah, better they know he's coming now, they need to accept it because he's my brother and at the end of the day he has just as much right to the holiday as Emmett does and much more of a right that Rose... I love her but it's not her decision."

I wondered how everything managed to stack against Edward. I by no means understood the reason for Edward's past behaviour but it did make me wonder if that's the reason he became pack leader, maybe it was his only way to stay ahead of his brother. Then again Edward was around five when he began torturing me so I doubt it all began so he could have one up on his brother.

Fuck. Why Edward? Why the hell did you do it because now you have me torn in two because you made the worst of the worst lowest of the low mistakes? I wish you could fix it.

I do wish he can fix it, make the hole in my heart disappear.

We were walking towards Emmett's bedroom when I frightening thought struck me; what if that's impossible?

***A.N – Reviewers get a preview :) The more reviews I get the quicker I'll put out the chapter... it's called inspiration ;) xxx***


	14. Payback is beginning

***A.N. – Thankyou so much for every ones support over this story I've had pm's, people making banners for it :O and over 350 review, story alerts and over 320 story favs – mind blowing guys :D  
This chapter is a little bit of a filler although it does hold a bit of information that I'm wondering if you guys will pick up on lol, Enjoy :)***

I awoke form a dreamless state of sleep with a smile on my face because I knew straight away what day it was. I was ready for the challenge. I had to be; I'd had two and a half weeks to prepare for it.

I used my time in a way that I believed to be wise. One of the only things which really held me back was James. I didn't really know how to treat everything that was going on between us, I mean I couldn't actually call it a boyfriend girlfriend relationship but we were together and I saw how he became possessive when I spoke of going on a trip to the Cullen's lake house:

"Will that ginger boy be there with you?" he raised an eyebrow and it was the first time he'd been in even the slightest of a bad mood around me.

"Well since it's his lake house... yeah, I think that's pretty obvious that** Edward **will be there" I emphasized the name while laughing but it didn't soften his face.

He took his eyes from mine and looked up as he spoke somewhat sulkily, "I don't like him Bella, Edward and I have never gotten along and I... I don't know, do you think it's a good idea to spend so much time with him?" I could feel myself tense, becoming defensive but I decided to keep it calm.

"James, trust me, I'm there for my friends; Alice and Rosalie," I chose to leave out Emmett and Jasper's name in case of adding salt to the wound, "Edward is just an extra."

He nodded at me, taking me into his arms and squeezing me too him. I was a little uncomfortable with the tight embrace but it was what couple are supposed to do so I allowed him to hug me like that. "I'm gonna miss you my little bee," it was a private joke between us. I had worn a black and yellow outfit when we went out to the pictures on our second date so had decided to call me his little bee. I didn't object to the nickname, I thought it was rather sweet... I'd been called worse.

What to do about Edward for the next two weeks was a completely different matter. I needed to be his friend but not allow him to get to close to me. He needed to believe I really liked being in his company so that when I took my revenge I would be the one he least expected it to come from. I soon made myself the easiest for him to be around out of anyone in the group of friends and family. He spoke to me and trusted me easier probably because he had to. I was playing him while he was down, the fallen leader. Oh how the tables had turned:

Edward stood in the cafeteria looking around. He wasn't exactly without anywhere to go, the cheerleaders were eyeing him in a way that reminded me of the animal channel when a predator watches its prey. I seriously think Jessica would like to eat the fucking boy, the way that they stared at him was going past feral. It happened every day.

I myself was sitting happily with Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. I switched between James and the Cullens and the Hales to have lunch with. I watched as his face fell as no one at my table made a particularly welcoming sign at him and I forced a smile on to my face and made myself lift my hand to motion for him to come and sit with us. I saw the faces of the cheerleaders change from sweet and saintly to green with envy in less than a second.

The look of relief on his face actually made me feel a little bad – just a little though. He sat down beside me instead of the seat in between Alice and Rosalie. I wonder why.

"Hi guys," he spoke slowly, I watched his crooked grin being faked on his face; I knew because his eyes didn't look the way they should, they were sad and maybe it was just me being paranoid but I'm sure I saw confusion in there. They still hadn't sorted out the party affair.

Everyone sort of nodded in a swift unspoken hello and I smiled slightly. I felt sort of like the worm of the group, like I was betraying them by being nice to Edward. Boy would they laugh if they knew the truth. "Hey Edward," it was odd but somehow it came out in a whisper as if I shouldn't be talking to him at the lunch table; how ridiculous.

"Bella!" he smiled properly at me now, "I heard you're coming to the lake house with us, we can have a swimming competition in the pool there if you like, then maybe one in the lake, I'll give you a head start for your handicap," he winked in good humour but still I only just stopped myself in time from cringing at the joke. I knew he wasn't talking about what my mind jumped to conclusions about so I dismissed it from my mind. We had spoken about the sports I liked and I had mentioned swimming, I was surprised he remembered.

I poked him hard in the chest, giggling helplessly at his shocked squeak, "who you calling handicapped?" I was suddenly very much aware of four sets of eyes staring at us even through their conversation.

"Well I was thinking of you but you just proved you have some strength in you," he rubbed his chest while quirking a bronze brow at me, "I think I'll be deducting that handicap for obvious reasons."

I stopped myself from smiling at him but my lips still twitched at the comedy. "Well, you being a grown boy and head of the soccer team I would presume that you wouldn't squeak at a gentle prod of the chest." I shook my head in mock disgust and he lifted his jaw as if offended.

"I did not squeak," he blinked what seemed slowly but it could just have been that it seemed long when seeing his face without those engaging green eyes for a millisecond, "I made a noise of fright."

I scoffed in his face and then turned to my lunch before it became an out and out flirt with each other. I was fooling him and I was fooling myself with it.

Charlie was probably my biggest challenge because he couldn't bear to see me grow up so fast. He and I were a little awkward since I had told him of my plans for summer. I found that anger welled up inside of me as I thought of how he left me with my mother for most of my childhood. It was all for the best now but he wondered why I didn't want to do what he said? I would have more respect for him if he'd tried to be in my life more so he couldn't blame me for growing up fast. In fact, I wasn't growing up fast like he thought I was actually just growing up and he had missed the first part of that. Tough shit Charlie.

I love my dad and I want have a relationship with him but first I need to find a way to be a better person, I need to find a place in my heart to forgive him because right now it's too filled of hate for _them _to have space to work things out with him. He probably didn't know it but this trip would probably be for the better for him too. It didn't make goodbye any less awkward though:

I ran down stairs with my bag; the last of my things to be put in the truck. Charlie was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. He scrunched up his eyes taking a deep breath then he stepped out and hugged me, kissing me on the cheek. I blushed from the intimacy. My dad and I weren't often like this but you could cut the tension with a knife.

"Bells..." he trailed of then began again, "Bells please promise me you'll be careful and the second that there's a problem you call me. And please," now it was his turn to blush, "try not to make the same mistakes I made."

"Dad!" I protested, it was hardly likely that would be going on.

He held up a hand, "I don't want to hear it; I'm only issuing a warning." He made it sound like I'd committed a fucking crime. Or was going to. I relented all the same and stopped the stiff posture, I gave him a hug back.

"I'll miss you dad," and that was true, as much as I felt sort of weird around my dad lately he's still my dad and I'll miss being able to be Isabella around the house. I'll miss the recluse.

"I'll miss you too Bella." He walked me out to my truck then closed the door when I got in and he waved me a goodbye.

I cried a little on my way the diner that we were all meeting at and I smashed my fist into the dashboard; I was at angry at the cards life had given me.

When I reached the diner I found all of them there. They were sitting on a wooden picnic bench waiting for me. I saw them smile and laugh; the awkwardness with Edward was wearing off a little with them, I think that they were realising that they would be spending the next two weeks with him no matter what so they really had to get along with him. It suited me a little for the tension to die down a little because it meant I could talk to Edward without being seen as completely naive.

They looked up as I parked the truck and waved. They grinned at me and shielded their eyes from the sun. It was a beautiful day and that was very odd in Forks, I wanted to take it as a sign but then again it was a sunny day for them too so I couldn't be so hopeful. I wanted a guarantee that everything would work out for the better but no such thing existed. The only way to move forward was to take the risk and do what needs be done.

"Bella!" Alice chirped brightly, "We've been waiting for you to order." She bounced a little on the bench, "I'm so God damn excited!" Jasper laughed at her and kissed her forehead, I cringed a little watching them but it was the sort of thing that gave you hope in humanity.

"Well I am absolutely fucking starving," Emmett bellowed and pulled Rosalie up to stand beside him, "let's go order some food babe; Bella, what do you want?" I looked straight at him and thought how he wouldn't think twice of me ordering a burger but years ago the laughs he would have gotten from it would have been horrifying.

I looked him straight in the eye, my own confidence catching even me off guard, "Can I have a burger with fries please Em?" I smiled at him widely and he smiled beautifully back.

"Of course you can sweetheart," his terms of endearment were the usual now and he did it to both Alice and I, Rosalie didn't mind – she would always be his baby no matter what.

I seated myself directly across from Edward, the only space on the benches that wasn't taken already. The conversation continued but at some point in the next few minutes I drifted off and found myself drifting off and staring down at the side of the bench. Without even thinking I was watching a cockroach make its way along the wooden bench towards me; I had to start at some point, right? I made the decision to just do it, just be spontaneous and do it. I'd never felt more like an advert for Nike in my life

With total calm and minimal disgust I scooped up the big beastie in my small hand and just did it as I had been telling myself to do. Slowly, and while joining in the discussion I dropped it gently onto Edward's knee. I could feel my cheeks beginning to glow and I put one hand to my cheek to cool them.

"So Alice, what have you got planned for the next couple of weeks then," I was making conversation, I knew she would tell me because I had been asking her for the past two weeks and she kept telling me that it was all a surprise so I doubt she would change her mind but at least it was a way to seem innocent of the preschool like trick. It wasn't like didn't have better, more planned out ones but I had to start small I suppose. Give myself some confidence. Start at the bottom and work your way up.

"Bella, you know I'm not going to tell you – all I can say is that it is going to blow your mind," she beamed at me just as Emmett and Rosalie came back with trays of food. I unzipped my bag and handed them my money which they tried to refuse but I forced into their hands anyway. I also took out some anti-bacterial hand wash and it was only then that I risked a look at Edward. He was pulling half pizza and onion rings towards him and was completely unbeknown of the critter which was crawling up the centre of his chest.

I washed my hands then ate a couple of fries; nonchalant was the word for it. Precisely as I finished my third fry Rosalie screamed and was metres away from the bench within seconds. Emmett bellowed out a laugh and Alice jumped up to join Rosalie.

"Fuck, Edward!" Jasper gasped and stood back a step. I took a few steps backwards my mooth open in pretend disgust but I kept my eyes trained on the scene as Edward looked on in confusion. I pointed to his chest and he himself jumped up and started shaking the stubborn thing trying to get it off of his shirt. I Emmett now was over with Rosalie who I could tell had gotten a serious fright at being so close to the cockroach, he was laughing and she was now slapping him across the chest for laughing at her.

The glorified roach finally let go and dropped directly into Edward's pizza; it settled in happily and Edward sighed as he picked up the plate and put it into the nearest bin.

There was literal collective sigh of relief and I sat back down on the bech happy to have caused havoc. I remembered how Edward, Emmett, Rosalie and Tanya had done something similar to me except it was much more extreme.

**7 Years Ago**

_I hate field trips. I bloody hate them. As if sitting in an enclosed space not properly supervised by teachers for over and as if an hour isn't bad enough there then comes the time where you are allowed off of the bus and the teachers leave you (the majority of the time) in another enclosed space to have what they call "fun". They obviously didn't have anywhere near the same childhood that I was having._

_This time we were being taken to a place called 'Bugs World'. Now as if the name isn't bad enough, I had assumed that we were going to some sort of bug zoo, where you saw but did not touch these insects. Well I was informed my mother who I had given the letter to about the trip that the whole point of this trip was to get us involved in it all, to understand why bugs are the way they are. Apparently there was even to be a small period of time where we are to go outdoor into the surrounding feild and are given containers to collect any insects that we find and take them back to the children's science lab to be investigated further. This did not sound like fun to me in the slightest._

_Nevertheless, my mother signed the form and after spending an hour and a half on the stuffy loud bus, listening to constant insults from the usual culprits we got off of the bus at a small almost dilapidated looking building. The teachers had definitely exaggerated the excitement level of this trip._

_There were disgusting things ranging from the magnified eggs of woodlice to gigantic beetles from Egypt all caged and running about inside their small homes in ignorant bliss. They were certainly having more fun than most of the class. The tour guide was a tall thin man with hornrimmed spectacles, he was not what you call cleanly shaven however he did not possess a beard. I remember he carried with him a distinctly wooden smell. Like fresh bark from a tree of the smell you get when you open flat packed furniture. I couldn't decided which one it was more like, somewhere in the middle I decided on. _

_At the end of the boring trip we were put into four teams. Unfortunately I was split from Angela and ended up in a group with a small quiet Hispanic girl called Jasmine; little miss popular Jessica; Tanya; Rosalie and Edward. _

_Rosalie practically quivered at the thought of any sort of insect and therefore chose to hit out with nastier and more frequent remarks than usual towards me. I stayed in silence as we walked around the field, Jasmine and Edward were the ones who were doing the most work. For the fact that Jasmine was quiet it was pretty surprising that she looked like she was enjoying this activity so much._

_We walked around for ten minutes and all the time I held in my retorts to Rosalie who was seething with anger that anyone was seeing her this weak. I guessed that not having Emmett to cuddle and reassure her was taking its toll and I could feel a snide punch coming on, Edward was too focused on the activity and Tanya was too focused on Edward to join in but I could still see it happening so I chose to put up the pretence on needing the toilet. I dropped my back pack at the tree we were scouring and ran to the teachers asking their permission to go to the toilet inside the building. _

_One of the learning assistants took me inside and led me to the toilets. The first one was clogged up and I moved on to the next in disgust. I really didn't like this place. It seemed a little unfit for kids to be in to me. It was odd and dangerous and full of creepy crawlies that made me feel uneven just looking at them. The tour guy had said that several of them were poisonous and if one of them had escaped. I didn't want to think about it._

_I walked back to my group and they all seem engrossed in the task of finding bugs. I did the same as them and when Rosalie decided to come up with snide comments they weren't quite as bad as before so I just ignored them and I was happy in the thought that my toilet break had somewhat calmed the beast._

_We went back to the dingy little lab and were given microscopes and instructed how to watch them, we wrote down around how many segments the worms had and what colour they were – whether they had wings or not and how many legs they had. Not exactly the most exciting thing to do but I sat through my time with Edward, Tanya and Rosalie pretty well I thought. I ignored what they said to me and now the teachers were watching so they couldn't really do much._

_The boring trip finally ended and we went back to the bus; I was pretty relieved to be back sitting with Angela. The bus took off and soon I felt like lunch so I opened my back pack and put my hand in only to find mushy things moving around under my hands. _

"_Oh. My. God!" I squealed and unclipped my seat belt jumping and dropping my back pack. They had put maggots in my back pack and I could hear them laughing further up the bus. The tears welled in my eyes as Edward leaned out of his seat and gave me a look that quite clearly said the teachers couldn't know so when the teacher asked me what was wrong I told them I felt very sick. Which I suppose was quite true, the whole event made me want to puke._

**End Memory**

It was **nothing** what I did to Edward compared to what they did to me but it just showed me how I had power over their lives and throughout that whole 'exercise' it had been as though that memory didn't sting anymore. I felt as though because I had done that I had gotten them back, it was just one thing I was even in and it wasn't actually a good trick really. I just fucked about with a cockroach. But it did prove to me I was doing the right thing – revenge would soften the wounds.

Edward decided not to eat as the cockroach in his pizza had put him off. I offered him some of mines as no one else bothered whether they were just naturally rude or pissed off at Edward still was beyond me. I didn't know what to make of the complicated relationships between theses friends. I thought I could read them all easily but they still surprised me. Rosalie was probably the one out of them all that was still like her old self. She was moody no matter how much she tried to hide it. She was obviously still very possessive over Emmett but then again she was quite socially resigned compared to what she used to be so... I don't know. I guess only time will tell what they're really all like.

"Right so Bella and Rosalie you're in the truck together, Emmett and I in the jeep together and you baby can go in the Volvo with Edward," Alice's decision brought me right out of my little trance. I very nearly protested and stopped myself just in time. What the hell? Why was Rose to go with me, "Bella I don't mean to be rude but I'm slightly worried that you might break down in that truck and Rosalie would be best to fix it so you're dumped with her," she winked at Rosalie and Rosalie smiled somewhat... shyly at me? She didn't know how true her words were, it would be like I was dumped with her.

We finished up and Edward grumbled about having an empty stomach but was told to either go get a snack or eat nothing – he could have eaten earlier. I was surprised still at their behaviour towards him; had this happened years ago they would probably have sat back down again and waited for him to eat now that his appetite was back. I wondered how he adjusted to the difference in treatment.

Rosalie and I climbed into the truck; I looked her up and down and felt a little a lesbian as I admired her beauty, it wasn't like I had a thing for her or anything but she really was astoundingly gorgeous. Just sitting next to her in such close proximity made me want to push my hair infront of my face and hide any imperfections on my face. Although her mere presence sent out a strong confident vibe she never really said much which sort of made it hard for me to be cheeky in even the smallest of ways. She wasn't as arrogant as I expected.

I spent too much time in my head and started the car in a little bit of a slow motion type way. She obviously saw it and gave a slight giggle. I could feel a blush creep into my cheeks at being laughed at and I felt like scared little Isabella once again, I looked almost fearfully at her without even thinking but was given a sweet surprise at the purity of the laughter in her eyes. It was nothing of the sort of laughter I used to endure and there had been no need for the upset inside me. It quelled some of the butterflies in my stomach and I was able to smile serenely at her as she started to speak to me "So..." she began and I smiled deciding it was time to pretend she wasn't who she was. Here was the girl who had traumatised me to the extent that I had nearly taken my own life and yet she didn't know me, she didn't have a clue what she had let herself, her boyfriend and her boyfriend's brother in for because she was coming for these two weeks. She was so unknowing of my plans that I felt sort of evil as they passed quickly through my head; sadistic they may be but unless you've been through something similar to what I have then you can't understand how much of a struggle it is to keep a barrier between your minds anger and reality. "I've not really chatted to you to much, just been a little stressed lately," it was just then as we sat at a set of lights that I noted the slight purple colour underneath her eyes which foundation had not been able t cover up. I knew all too well about cover ups with makeup and I knew that underneath that foundation there was probably a sign that she had not been sleeping very well for the past week at least.

"Oh it's okay, I've maybe been a little rude myself without realising it," I smiled as I turned the corner, glad I was able to stare straight ahead, then again, I didn't like the idea of her watching me while I drove; it made me feel a little if not a lot uncomfortable.

"No really Bella, after what happened in P.E. with the whole migraine thing I've been quite rude really. I don't know, I've just been drifting from old friends and... Changing, I suppose. It's making me quite off with everyone and it's hard to sort accept another person into our little group just because I'm so comfortable with everyone in it already and I just feel like there's so much changed going on around us that another change, being you obviously, is a bit much to take in at times. It's not that I don't like you 'cause I do its more like I feel that it's hard to trust new people you know?" I knew exactly what she meant. I was the same because of a certain past I had, the irony was a little overwhelming.

"Yeah, I understand what you mean, I can be a little like that myself and I don't mean to force myself on you all-"

"No it's not like that it's just that stuff happened before," she breathed deeply, and I found it hard to not look at her as I drove just because intense conversations normally require eye contact and it was becoming quite intense," Tanya, Edwards ex, it's not that you're like her because you're really not it's more like you kind of remind us what it's like to see Edward tied down a bit-" I guffawed at that comment because it was truly absurd. "No Bella, you don't understand me, he is taking an interest in you and he talks to you, just those two factors are very rare with Edward nowadays. He likes to shag first maybe if you're lucky talk later and he's not been an out and out asshole to you as far as I can tell. Part of me wants to be happy that his wild ways seem to be calming but part of me, no matter how much he's pissed me off lately, loves him to bits and worries about him falling for you." I tried to interrupt again but she shushed me and continued, "As far as I can tell he hasn't yet but Bella just watch yourself with him and... be careful with him if you do feel for him in anyway," anyway includes hatred right? "He's a nice guy inside really."

Ha, and you're a lovely, perfect, sweet, innocent angel right? Dream on Rosalie.

After the intense conversation between us things sort of calmed down, relaxed and we turned the radio up to full blast and sang away our drive. Sometimes we sat in silence and then we chatted about fashion, some sport and she completely lost me when she started talking about the strength the type of engine which was fitted to my truck was famed for. She told me that when Alice had put her in the truck with me she had told Rose we were to bond because Rose had told her that the truck would be perfectly fine on the way to the lake house – obviously I wasn't to tell Alice that I knew of her sneaky little plan, she was always doing things for the best anyways, you couldn't hold it against her.

We stayed behind the others most of the way and I had the misfortunes to watch an argument between Jasper and Edward while they drove in front of us, I felt like I was intruding on something. It was just a small reminder of how fragile the family/friend relations were at the moment.

We drove up a relatively steep hill – there had been a town about twenty minutes drive away but otherwise there was literally nothing around us. Once at the top of the hill I was stunned by the view. The sun was bouncing off of the lake and the large lake house about four hundred yards away looked just perfect set where it was. It was a painted wood colossal cabin. This thing had two floors, two balconies as far as I could see and even had a garage built into it. Obviously it must be built of bricks but wood had been added to it for the decor. I never realised just how much money the Cullen's actually had. "Wow." I muttered.

"I know," Rosalie sounded almost as in awe as me, "I've been here a few times now and it never gets any less beautiful." I continued down the gravel track up onto the driveway and as I drove towards it I began to slow down, "don't slow, they'll open it for you, they're already inside."

I did as she said but still was shocked when the garage opened up itself with two cars already packed into it. Edward stood on the other side unpacking the Volvo. I couldn't hear him but I could easily read his lips, "Welcome Bella."

***A.N. – Finally, Bella and Edward are enclosed in a space for two whole weeks! EEEK! I'm excited to start writing the next chapters! Review, review review! :D:D:D***


	15. TAP

Hi all :)

I'm currently working on the fifteenth chapter of Fearful Facade but I would love it if you guys could check out the new story I'm thinking on starting up... have a look and leave me your views please:

http:/ www. Fanfiction .net/s/6618016/1/

(just remove the spaces xx)

Thanks alot xxx


	16. Bitterness

***A.N. I know I've been a nasty writer and not updated for multiple months but iv been busy with exams and work and relationship, just life in general :/ but I've missed my writing and I found my writing pads a few days ago so I thought I'd write out a new chapter for you all, and hopefully have some new readers (fingers crossed :L) A new chapter is already in the process of being written so review away guys I'm back! :L xxxxx***

With ease and the suppleness of a large cat he stepped lithely towards me and opened the truck door as Emmett entered the garage and did the same for Rosalie. His eyes caught mine and made me forget myself, I forgot about Rosalie and Emmett. I never heard them speak to each other, in fact, I heard nothing but I saw his sweet smile stretch across his face and I felt blood race and pump into my cheeks as his hand took mine. I felt my spine twitch inwardly at the spark his arm around my waist was causing. He lifted me down the high step of the truck and I brushed my body against his, biting my lip without a thought. I knew he was breathing heavy, I could feel it warm and hot, smelling strongly and as sweetly as apple pie across my face; suddenly I was aware that I was doing the same.

My God what the fuck is he doing to me? I could feel my body reacting to the touch and scent of his and I wanted to be with him; my stomach was spinning and my minds pleas to pull myself away from his gaze were drifting into the background until he leaned in towards me just an inkling of a smile on his face.

I was saved as he himself had broken the spell because his small smile reminded me of the giant smirks he used to cast in my direction and I snapped out of it all.

With sadness in the centre of my chest I pushed him lightly away, pressing my petite hand into the centre of _his_ chest lightly. I nodded my head politely in an acknowledgement of him then went round to the other side of the car with Rosalie. I couldn't be sure if I saw it – Edward probably only wanted me for sex, I mean let's not pretend here – but when I pushed him away from my body I thought I saw hurt in his eyes but it was so quickly covered that I couldn't be sure.

Every second I spent in the house in the next ten minutes was spent in wonderment that such a beauty of a home was created. I actually preferred it to the Cullen's mansion which had already shocked me in its magnificence – the walls were done in differently coloured varnished wood. Rather than chic and modern it was old and cosy vintage. Reds, browns, oranges and a genius touch of dark blues filled the home; even in the kitchen where the carpets had been replaced with wooden flooring was fitted perfectly. The staircases swirling carpet with flecks of all of the houses main colours was mesmerising, the wooden banister carved uniquely and varnished in such a way that it shone in the sort of dim lighting. Alice took me on a tour of the house and she somehow seemed to know that it only caused more glory to the home by letting me admire it in silence. She showed me the bottom rooms - one, shockingly enough Alice had forgotten to tell me, actually contained a state of the art swimming pool and hot tub. Alice announced in a rushed voice that we would be swimming tonight lots and I was glad I had brought a few swimming costumes in the off chance that we might swim in the lake.

Alice took me upstairs and showed me around the dully lit corridors which led to four bedrooms, a toilet, the balcony facing the lake and a games room. While she was at it she also told me how the rooms were to be laid out, she had went over it once already but felt the need to inform me again. Alice and Jasper had one room, Emmett and Rosalie another then Edward and I had the two others which had to share a toilet – the rest of their restrooms were en suite.

The whole place smelled as though people had been burning sweet incense in it for days but as far as I could tell, no one had been in this house for at least a few weeks. There was a water and ice machine connected to the pipes up stairs and I took what looked like a paper cylinder cup but actually had a plastic coating to get a drink.

My heart raced as I thought of being stuck up here with only my childhood bullies and their best friends as company but it was also accelerating so excitedly because I was thinking of spending time with Edward. I couldn't work out whether it was excitement at the idea of revenge or something else but I was going to put it down to revenge for now. No need to drag myself through another mental cycle.

"Alice, I still need to get my bags and stuff and if we're swimming then I need to get changed obviously so can we go back down to the garage to-" I had been walking towards the stairs when I said it and was cut off by my own gratitude that Edward was being a gentleman and bringing my bags up. I replaced what I was going to say with a thankyou and ignored Alice's sly troublemaking smile as I turned on my heel and followed the struggling Edward to my room. I turned to look for a staring Alice but there was no one. An awkward chill hit me; he opened my room door and put the bags in but turned so quickly to get out that I smacked straight into his chest. For a second our eyes connected; then he left the room and walked away.

I instantly locked the door and opened my suitcase. I knew he would go back downstairs, call it a sixth sense or something I don't know but I just knew I had time. I rifled through all of my things whilst trying to keep it all still in the suitcase. The last thing I wanted was the Cullens to walk in and see my stash. I pulled out a small blue plastic bag and then shoved the suitcase quickly under the bed before running across the hall into Edward's room.

I opened the door and continued in but had to do a double take at the room around me. It was so different to what I would expect from a captain of the football team; the most popular and gorgeous boy at school. The walls were a plain, blank white but the skirtings were jet black. Music notes and treble clefs had been stencilled onto the walls in the same colour of black. The carpet beneath my feet felt over an inch thick and was also a deep black. A black leather couch sat over in the corner of the room beside two big black bean bags. There was also a black plasma T.V. on the wall directly in front of his king sized bed which was the same colours as the rest of the room: black and white. But what really drew me in was the one corner of his room where his music was. An acoustic guitar in a dark pine colour, hundreds of C.D. racks with some of the disks being original. I flipped my fingers down the length of the racks but found myself curious about one which had been dropped to soft carpet below. It was in a little plastic casing, as were the others but it had no name on it unlike the others. It was odd because everything else was so perfectly ordered and arranged but that was out of place. I couldn't resist the urge and I slipped it under my zipper and tried to put the beautiful creation of Edward's room to the back of my mind as I searched the place for what I had come for. I had to open his suitcase and I tried, as I had with mine, to be careful.

I finally found them and evacuated the room after zipping the suitcase neatly back up and smiling at the amazing decor. I had my little blue bag left out for me and I locked the door. I made the adjustments as quickly as I could then replaced them where I found them. Here's hoping he uses them.

I changed into my teal and gold bikini and then stuck my clothes back on over it again; it turned out that Alice and Rosalie remembered to have their bikinis on underneath their clothes. I hadn't even been informed of the swimming pool. The boys were still to get changed, Alice said anyway, so I was taking her word for it. I had only just finished applying a little bit of make up by the time I heard the knock at the door. "Hey Bella, us guys are just getting changed into our trunks then coming downstairs to join use in the swimming pool, it's sort of a family tradition that girls go in the pool first after me throwing Alice in a few years ago..." he chuckled and I wondered how Alice managed to get her own way on this matter. It suited me though so I wasn't going to complain.

"Yeah sure I'm just going down," I opened the door to an empty hall and I wondered happily downstairs with my bright purple towel and little toiletries bag. I opened the door to the swimming pool and the girls were stripping down to their costumes and had their clothes piled up on the bench. I slipped in beside them and did the same. We chatted as normal girls would do before Rosalie turned the beat-box on. I watched her in wonderment as she slid gracefully into the pool; she was wearing a white one piece which joined beautifully in the middle; over it, she had a thin see through white long top over. Obviously it had been bought precisely for the swimming costume; it had a few gems at the top and went beautifully. I wished I looked like her but all I could think of when I was in a swimming costume was a fear that the boys would notice the small white lines on the back of my knees. They had been bad stretch marks but had faded over time and weight loss to little white lines.

I looked down at my pale body as Alice began to start talking again about unimportant things and then I looked to both of them. Either their tan was subtly fake or they were both just lucky enough to tan beautifully, naturally. I looked at my toned stomach and then looked to Alice's who's was soft but slim with ease and I envied her. She wore a little lime green bikini which accentuated the small cleavage that she had and the beaded tassels looked lovely too.

I found the bobble from my toiletries bag and put my hair into a messy bun, swimming was my forte and the lighting wasn't brilliant in here either so I needed to forget about myself conscience issues and show myself to be the spectacular swimmer that I was.

There was a diving board so as they talked and slipped casually into the pull I took to the few feet high board and did as I had been taught when I was first taken to practice by my worried mother.

**4 years ago**

_Okay. This is it. I will make a change. I will show everyone. When I've finished my work here I'll go back to that place and I will bring them all down. Every last one of them, every name they called me I will re-pay every kick punch or cut - I will get them back. But first I have to face fears and I have to go in front of a bunch of people with a bathing costume on. _

_My mom walked awkwardly beside me after some fitness training with Phil the night before. It seemed she wasn't as physically healthy as she had thought so her muscles burned like hell. _

_Watching them was what gave me the idea. I thought of all the sports that I enjoyed, and trust me, that was a pretty limited number. I came to the conclusion that I had always enjoyed swimming but I was made fun of too much to enjoy it properly. Well I was in Phoenix now. No more Cullen's , Hales or Denali's. Only me and the kids in this area. I could just brave it for a few months and by the time I was back at school I would hopefully look alot better. It was logical and I was old enough and smart enough to deduce that the only way out of this bullying was to be someone else. I had seen some people who were heavier and they weren't bullied so I'd need to change the way I acted also. Swimming would be a way I could do both. I could lose weight and I would have time to think out and watch the traits of the girls in the popular groups which made them so popular._

_My mom opened the door to the leisure suite and I walked to the counter and told them myself what I was looking for. My mom looked on in shock but I didn't care because I had to start being someone else at some point. So i was going to take command; they showed me to the pool and I got changed while my mom sat on the spectator bench and I walked straight over to the 2 foot high diving board at the deep end of the pool and just before I made a ridiculous attempt to dive I heard a deep male voice coming from behind me..._

"_Straighten up your arms, bend your knees, go head first otherwise you'll do a painful belly flop, that's it, ready, set, go!" I listened to the strange voice and I did my first ever dive a little of course but in the right direction if that makes sense. It turned out he would be my coach until I left Phoenix and the lessons he taught me helped me with weight loss and almost every other aspect in my life. He taught me to respect myself and to be sure in myself that I had talent, he taught me to forget bullies and he taught me how to live and have fun._

**End Memory**

Straighten your arms Bella. Bend your knees, "curve your spine", head first... I flung myself into a beautifully arced dive and was received by the cool water with a loud woosh. I lifted my head to see the shocked faces of Alice and Rosalie and then turned to the male voice had reminded me to curve my body. The three boys were standing in their trunks and I knew it had been Jasper who had told me to but I could only look at Edward's face. His eyes were on the floor and I could sense him purposefully ignoring me. I switched my eyes to Jasper's – I wasn't going to beg for his attention.

"You swim?" I asked casually.

"Oh yeah, been swimming for years, but my speciality is diving, not swimming." Jasper dove into the pool better than I had but as he swam over to me I noted his swimming was good but his technique wasn't nearly as good as mine. I liked the idea of being the best at something. I watched as the two boys did the same and I watched extra closely when Edward jumped into the pool... soon he would pay.

Jasper chatted to me about his diving club as Alice looked on with pride; he had come along way since he bet the illness of his childhood. As he turned in the light I could see the scars outlined from years of needles and operations across his body, he had been a very sick child and I felt a little guilty about my plan to pull apart his perfect friendship with others. I didn't plan to hurt him but I knew it would happen. I wish I could pull back and not go through with it but I couldn't and that was the simple truth of it. They had made me hate everything about myself, they had destroyed me and now I would repay them.

As the conversation died out I looked to see Edward awkwardly standing in-between Rosalie and Emmett who were laughing and smiling. He looked... tortured. Not his usual self; he had no one to show off of in front of and he didn't know what to do. His cruel mind was useless in this situation; it meant he was left with nothing to do, no one to torment.

I swam over to him in a soft breast stroke, I got to him and flipped backwards in the water. His eyebrows jumped in the air and his face turned back into his usual calm, cool persona. "You try," I giggled and he shook his head.

"Obviously I can do it, I'm just not immature enough to do it," He smirked jokingly at me but it only made me more set on hurting him.

"Go on, try it, bet I can do it more times than you without stopping." I smiled at him and batted my eyelashes a little; he shook his head then sighed.

"You're gonna get your ass beat... but you asked for it." We both took big deep breathes, stood side by side so our hips touched and then looked into each other's eyes. I don't think we planned on getting stuck staring at each other, I think we just glanced to say go... but it happened. "Bella... I."I knew he was going to compromise me so I just shouted go and tore my eyes from his.

We set of doing back flips and I did two, pretending to come up choking. Then watched the comical scene unfold, it was a shame I couldn't prank him in front of people he didn't know but this would have to do, he would never live it down.

His trunks had acted exactly as I planned. As his legs splayed shoulder length apart to do flips they split right down the middle letting his little 'man' fall out and as he flipped over move quite entertainingly about. I squealed with laughter and the other turned around to watch, all of them within seconds doubling up with giggles. Emmett in particular let out a bark of a laugh so loud I wondered if Edward would hear it during the under water flips. Edward managed a phenomenally funny 8 flips while we uncontrollably laughed at the sight of him.

Although it had to be said, that man was packing it down below, seriously.

Oblivious to this mishap as he had been too caught up in beating me Edward finished with a massive grin across his face which faltered as he took in everyone's expressions. "What are you all laughing at?" He demanded, wanting to be in on the joke. So I told him.

"Look down" I breathed in-between uncontrollable peals of laughter. His expression changed into one of confusion until he did as he said.

First the back of his ears burned a bright red then a flush spread up his neck and into his cheeks, clashing hilariously with his bronze hair, his hands snapped to his private parts and he waddled out of the pool as we all fell about laughing.

"Shut up," he hissed, mortified. "Fucking trunks." He cursed of into the distance as he ran to the swimming room door and slammed it closed behind him. I grinned satisfied, wishing it had been in a public pool.

"I wonder why they split like that," Alice said after the laughter had decreased to a quiet chuckle.

I shook my head in apparent wonderment. This was just the beginning. I would bring this boy to his knees and I would hurt the rest of them in the process but I didn't care. That one prank gave me such a rush of happiness and sense of fulfilment that there was no way I could pull back now. The things those people did to me was so cruel, so excruciatingly painful that I needed to hurt them for the sake of my sanity. It was like an illness, I couldn't stop myself from acting in this manner; if I didn't plan against him I may never get a chance to avenge my childhood... and I don't think I could cope with coming all this way, losing all the weight and fixing everything I could about myself just to chicken out of hurting them.

We swam around and raced across the pool – me winning every time of course –for another forty five minutes at least but Edward didnt return and I decided to pretend I cared about his feelings and embarrassment and to go upstairs and comfort him. I needed to make himbelieve I would never instigate practical jokes or any negative acts on his life. As I trudged upstairs drying my hair I decided to change into my clothes but before I reached my room I bumped into Edward leaving our shared toilet.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I'm sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have laughed at you." His eyes bore into mine and I used my favourite tactic of pretending he was someone else, not the Edward I knew.

"Don't be. Everyone would laugh at something like that." He chewed the inside of his cheek and flicked a glance up and down my body; a fresh blush spread up his neck. I realised why he had gone red; I was speaking to him in the corridor partially naked and if I do say so myself looking pretty damn good.

"Yeah but I could see you were embarrassed... sorry." He seemed to be searching my face for any sign of trickery but I kept my face calm.

"That's, uh, really nice of you Bella. I would have faced the jokes and came back downstairs but I got caught up in a new creation of mine," his eyes flicked up and down me quickly again, "I had some new inspiration." I couldn't guarantee that he had meant me but I was sure that the glance he gave me was insinuating it. I flushed slightly, still pretending he wasn't Edward Cullen. He pondered for a moment then hesitantly spoke, "would you like to hear it?" I nodded so that clad only in my bikini I followed him into his room and stood behind him in his musical room as he seated himself at the piano.

"This room is so... not what I expected of you." I cursed myself inside for being so forward but he only nodded.

"Yes, not many people know how much I love my music, but I do. This room was decorated a good few years ago when I sort of became a recluse into the world of music. It's sort of like a sanctuary to me sometimes where I can focus on particular things and forget things I don't want to think about: such as my embarrassing escapade earlier." I stepped closer so I was almost touching my damp skin to his crisply ironed shirt. I gave an involuntary shiver and he turned looking quite startled. "I'm so rude, please excuse me," he stood from his piano stool and walked to the massive wardrobe pulling out a dressing gown, "while you listen to me play, since I stupidly demanded your time before you changed, you can wear this." I began to decline his offer but he handed it to me no matter my protests and I put it on, inhaling the beautiful scent of Edward as he seated himself at the stool once more. A few moments of silence followed before his hands hit the keys with such beauty that I leaned forward into him just slightly and touched his back while he played, I had involuntary came towards the source of such treasure, the sound the keys were making in unison and the harmonies he was playing formed a new tune I had never heard before but already was locked in my mind eternally. As my mid-drift touched into his back his head inclined towards me and I felt the urge to put my fingers through his mesmerizing hair, the scent of him intoxicating my mind.

His playing hit a crescendo thne quietened and I breathed his name softly with such utter shock of hearing such professional playing. The hairs at the nape of my neck stood up tears had gathered in my eyes; the sounds had been so moving.

"Wow."

He turned to look at me and took my hand in his.

"Bella, **you** inspired me." He stood up with no hesitation now and before I even knew what was happening his lips were on mines and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react, I was petrified of him yet a the sensation of warm fire burning through the whole of my body told me not be afraid and to return his affections. I stood for a fraction of a second mind blocked.

Then suddenly it was all clear. I knew what I had to do. Everything would work now, everything would act completely to plan and I would hurt him so bad it would leave him reeling for years. I would make him love me and then I would break him. My attentions turned to the present and I thought of him as new Edward to make my following actions easier... His soft lips were so nice; nothing about Edward would repulse me except thoughts of my past with him. Now I could indulge in the pleasures of a beautiful man and rid myself of bitterness once and for all at the same time. I _**wanted**_ to kiss Edward back and so now this solution meant I could, my lips meshed against his and I felt giddy with relief and attraction. I didn't know if it was just the idea of hurting Edward that made me so happy but right now I didn't care because all I wanted to do was to kiss him.

His tongue gently flicked against my lips and I opened my lips as answer. I felt tingles through my body and his dressing gown dropped down my back and off of my arms to the floor, his strong muscular arms encircled me and my hands did as they had begged me to do minutes previously and found themselves entangled in his breathtaking hair. Both of our breaths became ragged and laboured. Our lips parted and he pressed his forehead to mine. His fingers interwove themselves with mine now as the kiss broke off and everything about this felt so right. Edward felt so right in my arms and I knew I felt right in his.

But a thought at the back of my head needled at the perfection of the moment.  
What if my happiness couldn't be attributed to my plan of destruction on his life? What if it was something more than this? What if Edward was something more than his past self? What if I was going to damage myself further in my plan for revenge?

Too late now. Far too late.

***A.N. I know it's a bit of a cliff hanger; not knowing whether she'll run from him or embrace him so REVIEW for me and I may solve the problem of my little cliff hanger sooner – I really shouldn't blackmail you to review but what can I say, I love to hear all your opinions ;) 3 xx***


	17. Do not swear by the moon

***A.N. – I know it's taken me forever to do this chapter but life, as always got in the way, with the help of the new breaking dawn film and the Christina Perri song a thousand years I wrote this chapter in bits and pieces. The end of it is my favourite piece of writing I have even penned (or typed ha!) let us see if you agree with me :) ;)* **

But despite my worries about the situation I embraced his warm sweet lips again and I snuggled up onto his perfect chest. I stroked the side of his face, feeling the small bronze stubble and watching him smile at my touch. I already had him hooked.

"Bella..." he shivered and momentarily broke off when i began butterfly kisses along his sweet smelling jaw line, "Since I've met you I knew you were different, you make me... good. I can't be angry around you, I can't act stupid around you now... to be honest all I want to do is kiss you every time I look at you. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever known and," I guffawed at the remark and blushed despite myself but he continued. "No Bella," he tilted my face up so my eyes caught with his and then he spoke again, "The last time I kissed you, you pushed me away and I told myself I wouldn't do it again, I wouldn't put you in that position again, but I finally finished my melody and I needed you to hear it and then seeing you behind me so... naturally beautiful. Bella, I needed to kiss you. I need a chance with you, I'll treat you like a queen, I'll respect you and I won't lie to you. The texting thing you saw at the party, please believe me – it was somebody's idea of a joke and I took the fall for it. That night I only had eyes for one girl." He paused and looked at me partly tortured, "you wouldn't even tell me your name - I knew you the second I looked at you. Of course I knew you, but I needed you to acknowledge you and me dancing together, I knew it was you. I'll tell you what you did the second you entered the dance floor. You whispered in the ear of a boy in my English class and then you danced with him and left him looking desolate on the dance floor after one song. I guess I might be bordering on sounding like a stalker here but the point is that lately you're all I think about. You're perfect.  
Please, can we give us a try, I mean like could we see each other, like not boyfriend girlfriend but... you know, see if we work together?"

In response to his question I asked myself one question? If this was a new guy I'd just met when I came into Forks, what would I do?

"Yes Edward, I like the idea very much."

His whole body relaxed and it was only then I realised how tensed up he had been waiting for a reply. My body seemed to sink into his and he stepped a little closer so I laid my head on his chest.

"You do know that I'm not making it up... You've been the only girl I've been able to even look at since you came to Forks... you're changing everything for me," he sounded sincere and I hoped he was. It would make punishing him alot easier.

I looked up at him and he was looking gleeful and expectantly at me; he was waiting for me to tell him the same sort of thing but it was pointless, it had been James for me since I got to forks so I did something that was becoming very typical of me now – I lied, "I just thought you were a bit of a jerk, but something about you when I got closer to you told me you weren't. James couldn't even compare to you, I haven't stopped thinking about you lately."

He smiled and held me in his arms for a few moments in silence then he slowly let me go. "I'm guessing you need to go change Bella. I'll meet you downstairs." I nodded and slipped out of his door as he leaned forward to kiss me; I smiled at him and burst into tears the second I got back into my room. My life was becoming an emotional rollercoaster and I was struggling not to lose it all. I just wanted everything to be simple I wanted young Edward and old Edward to be separate people.

I changed back into something casual, consoled myself and walked downstairs. I stared at the perfect walls in this house and I just couldn't understand how someone with so many riches and so much going for them in life could choose to be evil. It wasn't about excusing the others it was about knowing why they did the things they did, and I couldn't understand why Edward did what he did. Maybe it was time to probe about in his past... maybe it was time to find out why?

I entered the living room to be greeted by the delicious smell of some sort of curry, I looked into the kitchen that sort of sprawled into the living area and I could see Alice and Jasper in Mr and Mrs aprons dancing to a low volume radio. They never even noticed me they were so focused on each other.

On the couch lay Rosalie and Emmett, Rosalie looking pretty green and Emmett with his arms completely around her and kissing her neck while her facial expression turned to a look of irritation as she was in the middle of watching the discovery channel.

The only person in room who paid me the slightest notice was Edward who the second I walked in the door flicked his eyes up to me, he never smiled but his eyes lit up and he patted the loveseat for me to sit next to him. I walked over and took a seat slightly awkwardly next to him. I didn't really know how I was supposed to act around him now. He tugged a lock of my hair sort of affectionately, smiling as I nudged him in the ribs back. "Do you want to play pool?" he asked.

I shook my head laughing slightly, "I would want to, but the trouble is, I can't."

"Why not?"A little line appeared in between his eyebrows.

"I've only ever played pool a few times."

"I'll teach you."

"You'll still beat me."

"I'll let you win."

I laughed at that, "What's the point then?"

"I get to talk to you... that's enough of a reason for me." I didn't really know what to say so I stayed silent, then he spoke again. "Sorry I'm not always so cheesy, I promise," he had gotten a little red in the face from his last works and I pressed the back of my hand against his cheek feeling the heat of it.

"Don't be embarrassed." I said simply. I was proud of myself, he was already falling for me and I was strangely enjoying myself in the process.

He took my hand and we walked the back way out of the rooms so the others wouldn't see us and upstairs to the game room. "So you really haven't played much before?"

"Nope, a few times on holidays but otherwise no." My fingers tingled at his touch and a warm feeling spread through my stomach. I didn't even think about young Edward, why ruin my moments of fun?

"Okay, so that means that you at least no how to hit a ball and the rules of the game. I'll break and make it a little easier for you. We'll just play red and yellow pool rather than confusing you with numbers and different colours," he smirked, amused at his own joke.

I made a face, "I'm not a child."

"Yeah but still, you need a little advantage." I swung my hip into his and he bounced away from me to get the cues.

_Keep focused Bella. You can do this._

He handed me one and some chalk and went to set the balls up. I watched him bend over to get the balls and took in his perfect ass. Perfect legs. Perfect hair. I inhaled deeply and took in his perfect smell.

Edward; what are you doing to me?

He broke and never potted and I found myself with a perfectly easy shot. I walked around the table to the white and aimed, the cue on the knuckles of my fingers, pull back three two one..."NO!" I nearly jumped out of my skin at Edward's outburst, he put his cue against the wall and walked over to me, his arms encircling me, he fixed the position of my hand, "look you aim to hit the ball at a certain angle, it's all about predicting how much of an angle you'll need on the ball to get it in the pocket, in this case you need to hit ball slightly of centre or it won't go in," he readjusted my aim and put his other hand over mine on the cue, we hit it together and it fell gently into the pocket with a plop.

His arms stayed around me for a little longer necessary and soon the heat that was building up in both of us overflowed and he turned me around, kissing my neck and I nuzzled into him. "My God Edward."

"Sorry," he murmured, "I can't seem to help myself, you're just, so..." he trailed of and I turned my face back into his chest and relaxed into his presence.

**Edward's POV**

Fuck. I really was coming on too strong and I couldn't stop myself. Every time I thought I'd back off a little I knew it would be impossible to stay away from her even in the slightest. She was different from Tanya. So different and so much better; she showed me what love really was and I could never say this to her because then I'd scare her away. Thinking that I had been wholeheartedly in love with Tanya for so long felt like a distant memory now, she dimmed my memories of Tanya so that Tanya seemed plain and boring. Bella was exciting, mysterious, confident and shy at the same time. Both endearing and feisty all mixed in one. Plus her beauty was something on a completely different scale to Tanya's. Even Rosalie's paled in comparison. Well that was my opinion anyway. Something about the way she looked at me sometimes just made me want to hold her in my arms and never let her go. She seemed vulnerable and hurt and I would never let harm come to her when I was with her. This strange sense of possessiveness filled me when I watched her sometimes, saw the sadness in her eyes. I wanted to fix her.

I ran my fingers through my hair and inhaled her scent, it was funny, but when I got up close to her the smell of her made her seem familiar to me. I couldn't understand it but it only made me more attached to her.

Could I really be so lucky to have Bella feel the same way about me, because I was falling for her far too fast?

Our eyes closed as our lips touched and her full lips moulded around mine. _You don't deserve her._

Things I had done when I was just a child haunted me and would so forever but what exactly was I to do, I couldn't look the girl up and apologise. _Concentrate on Bella._

I can't concentrate on her because all I can think about is that other girl, the one so different from the girl in front of me, the one I bullied because she wasn't like Bella or Tanya or Rosalie, because she was different.

Maybe I could actually. I could call her up, it could put an end to some of the guilt I felt and I'm sure it would give her some satisfaction that I was unbelievably sorry for my actions.

She had moved to Phoenix. I can track her down the second we get home and then I'll call her up and I'll give her an apology and, hopefully, start to move on with my life.

The second I get home I'll track her down.

I promised myself that.

**BPOV**

We kissed but it never got too heated, Edward suddenly seemed preoccupied. His thumb drew circles around my knuckles and I wondered if he'd notice some of the small scars that threaded my hands. Grazes, cuts; caused by him. But alas he never, he just took me in his arms and sat down in the massive bean bag in the games room. We were both oddly silent until he picked up a remote and switched on some music; the beatles.

"Bella, who are you really." And with that one sentence I froze. Panic flickered across my face and he saw it and looked at me confused, he had hit the nail on the head without realising it so I carried on as normal.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," he twirled one of my curls in his fingers, "what sort of person are you, what do you like doing, what's your family like? Those sorts of things."

"Well, Charlie's my dad, my mom lives in" shit where do I tell them all my mom lives, "in New York." He nodded.

"Do you miss her?"

"Yeah actually, I do, a lot, but I'm trying to make a fresh start, I didn't like my life that much before." I looked at him wondering if I'd gone too far but he just looked understanding.

"I can tell."

_What?_

"What?" I asked, incredulous.

"Well," he looked slightly embarrassed, "you don't really notice it at first but when you really get to know you, you notice things, you just, don't look completely happy. Preoccupied with the past maybe?"

"I.. uhm..." I struggled to think of an excuse but he was already consoling me.

"It doesn't matter, I have stuff I need to sort out in my past too; I get it." His eyes connected with mine and I wondered if _my _eyes would ever remind him of _Isabella's. _I used almost all of my courage in one sentence.

"Stuff? Like what stuff?"

"Bella," he couldn't even keep eye contact and looked to the floor, "I did some stuff years ago I'm not proud about, but I was kid and I thought it was fun... I was a kid..."

He was a fucking kid! So was I. I felt the sudden urge to puke in my mouth with such raging anger. Clearly he had no idea how much of an affect his childish actions had had on me and he never would unless I showed him the full impact of my rage. He needed to know how wrong everything he did to me was.

"Oh. Okay." We never spoke anymore but we knew the moment for kissing was gone and without words made our way back to the kitchen to eat dinner in some sort of awkwardness with the rest of them. I hated my life at this particular moment, I just wanted away from familiar faces that had haunted my nightmare for years. I was too far in the just pull out but it's not even that I wanted to pull out; I just hated the hassle of it all. Everything was fucked in my head, I felt like was repeating the same things about Edward and then making the same mistakes with him on a regular basis. He made me unpredictable and somehow unable to stick to my plan; I hadn't banked on him reacting the way he did to me and I had tried to turn it to my advantage but somehow I felt like it had just made the whole operation a hell of a lot more complicated and harder. The hate barrier I had put up between myself and Edward had to be broken in parts and the rest of it sent to the back of my mind because I needed to act like some sort of girlfriend and the memories of him in my childhood weren't exactly a turn on in his favour.

The curry was particular good and turned out to only be a mild korma which made it alot more enjoyable rather than spending the rest of the night feeling liked I'd burnt hell out of my tongue which was my usual experience of curries stronger than a tikka. I chugged down a glass of milk with the curry just to be on the safe side and wondered if this family was always so uncomfortably awkward. The talk at the dinner table consisted mostly of exterior questions and a little polite conversation about the food and weather. I felt like we were at some kind of royal stuck up event rather than a relaxed meal with my friends.

They clearly all knew about me and Edward and all had different opinions on the matter so for now it meant that they were keeping to silence. The only one who occasionally somewhat accidentally, I believe, broke the non official silence rule was Emmett who chatted loudly to Jasper about football, purposefully excluding Edward from the conversation. If Edward hadn't said what he'd said earlier I may have actually felt sorry for him. He sat at the bottom of the table on my right hand side and was spoken to by only Alice and I the whole time of dinner. Something had to be done about this. I could see by the look on Edward's face he was about to snap and although I was all for Cullen family bust ups I didn't want one to happen as early as now.

Here goes nothing, "Hey guys, Edward was thinking we could have a wee piano sesh upstairs if you are all up for it, just some random tunes and stuff." The amazed look Edward gave me was not seen by any of them and I was particularly glad for that small mercy as they would all have been able to see that Edward had planned no such thing.

"Nahhh Bella, I don't think Rose is really up for-"

Alice for one could see what I was trying to do and always trying to be the peacekeeper gave a sigh before she backed me up. She was angry at Edward too; "Oh come off it Em, just get your ass upstairs after dinner, we can listen to your delightfully musical voice."

They all laughed at her and I wondered whether it was because Emmett was fantastically good or horrifically bad.

He shrugged his shoulders and tried to act as if he wasn't already persuaded just by Alice's asking, "Well only if Rose feels up to it," he turned to look at her. To be honest I would definitely say that she still looked a bit off but she only shrugged as he had before.

"Suppose."

"Right, so that's sorted, piano upstairs in Edward's room and Jazz could you play a bit of guitar as well, I quite like both instruments at the same time." Jasper shook his head while smiling, everyone knew once Alice had made her mind up it was 99% positive that you would be doing whatever she had planned. "Oh and I have a little bottle of absinthe here-"

"For fuck sake Alice!" Edward groaned and Emmett didn't look too pleased either, "for the benefit of those who don't know what absinthe is it is 80% proof alcohol."

Groans echoed around the group and Rosalie and I shook our heads.

"No fucking way." Rosalie looked at Emmett and he instantly backed her up.

"Rosalie's been ill all week and I'm not having her spew over me tonight. Done." She growled at him for the details he gave but it meant she wasn't having any.

"Well I'm not drinking it just simply because I don't want to get paralytic drunk."

"Tough." Alice smiled.

"I'm not drinking it."

"Just do it!"

"Peer pressure, peer pressure!" I laughed.

"Tough, it'll be fun, honestly, just go on, I even have shot glasses." She ran into the kitchen and ran back with a large box of ten shot glasses. "There's just about enough for two each." She poured it all out as we sat in the awkward silence that was now becoming regular with the Cullen and Hales.

Two shots of absinthe, two shots of strawberry vodka and a shot of tequila later and the Cullen and Hales tongues had started to loosen up. Rosalie had left to go to bed but everyone else had made it up to Edward's room upstairs. Edward was battering the piano keys and belting out the old favourites such as sweet home Alabama and Michael Jackson.

I had gotten to that stage where i was drunk enough to feel like I was watching the scene around me slightly out of my own body, the noise around me all went silent as I watched Edward's teeth flash a grin at me. He was everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend. Being drunk left me with everything to play for, I didn't have to pretend when I felt like this I just wanted him so bad, I wanted to touch him, I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and I wanted to cut off his rowdy singing by throwing my mouth at his.

I clapped along to his rendition of cherry pie; Alice shook her hips against Jasper. It was funny to watch him trying to get her to keep her swinging bum away from his crotch. Emmett was practically shouting along with Edward, he was okay I suppose, just a little deeper than you expected any human being to sing.

I felt my confidence boost just looking at the happiness in Edward. Alcohol took away his reserved manner around me and I slipped my arm over his shoulder as Alice watched on. "My turn," I whispered into his ear and he nodded.

"And what song would you like to sing madam?" I giggled at his old person talk and replied.

"Apologize, one republic, my favourite song."

**You tell me that you need me**

**Then you go and cut me down**

**But wait**

**Tell me that you're sorry **

**Didn't think I'd turn around and say**

**Hey, it's too late to apologize**

**It's too late.**

**I said it's too late to apologize, yeah.**

**Memory**

_I watched Edward Cullen walk from the top of the hall to the bottom, towards me. _

_I looked at his bronze hair and green eyes and I knew I would never be worthy of a boy even near his beauty._

_I watched him take Tanya's hand and I watched him run his other hand through his hair. I knew every other girl in the room except Rosalie would be watching in envy; Edward Cullen was the epitome of men. He is what every girl gravitated towards. He was pure and utter beauty and he knew it._

_Only one girl in the whole entire room saw him as what he really was and that was a fake. His perfect looks made him seem like a perfect person but he wasn't. He was scratched and tarred and as ugly as I am outside. His inside was just what I am – repellent. Really he was me, just the opposite way round if it makes sense. _

_As I stood at Michael Jenkins eleventh birthday party, knowing that my invite had only been because his mother had told him everyone in his class had to be invited I had an epiphany. Edward would never be as good as me, he had pulled that short straw at birth. _

_I'd much rather have my personality than his looks. Any day._

**End Memory**

"Wow Bella." Edward's hand stroked my cheek as he spoke and his unfocused pupils tried to connect with mine. "How come you never told me you sing like an angel."

"Darlinggg, you never asked!" I smirked at him and sat bold as brass on his lap.

Emmett was mumbling something about sex with Rosalie and Alice and Jasper looked like they were proceeding to do it on Edward's bed. The room swirled around me and I laughed out loud at the absurdity of the situation.

"OUT!" Edward suddenly yelled. "Get out! That's my bed you freaks!"

I watched him feeling a little more sober due to the loudness of his voice and the fright he had given me. Please don't try anything with me tonight was the repetitive line in my mind aimed solely at Edward.

I never even really focused as everyone except Edward left the room. I took in his exquisite form and I whimpered to myself. Perpetual unkindness was now a common concept in my life; **life **was what was unkind. I felt the burning strength of a million emotions in my body but I had to reject five hundred thousand of them just to carry on. He gave me a sweet, heart wrenching smile and I sighed to myself, I allowed my legs to slowly give way under my weight and I slumped to the floor. I saw the worry in his eyes as I fell to the ground and he was instantly at my side but I only patted the space next to me and he obliged. I put my head on his chest and he, somewhat awkwardly and unsurely, put his arm around me.

I sighed out loud this time. "Edward."

"Bella."

Silence followed then he spoke again in soft tones.

"Do you trust me?" I thought about it then I answered with the sureness of a drunken person.

"Yes."

"I'm going to show you something, I'll lift you."

I shook my head but he only smiled slightly at me, assuring. I felt compelled to change my mind so I nodded with some resignation. His arms now fully encircled me and he carried me as a groom would carry his bride over the threshold.

"Bella Swan... such a beautiful name." He whispered, "I remember you talking to Alice about your English homework." That struck me as odd and I perked up a little and I opened my eyes wide into his face where I had before averted my eyes, too shy to initiate eye contact. "Well I remembered you telling her you knew Romeo and Juliet inside out and although I'm not the plays biggest fan it made me think about things. So I compromised in my mind and instead of learning a piece of the play which I don't find as interesting as I may have gave you the misconception I liked the play I thought I'd have a look at some Shakespearean sonnets. I believe you'll still appreciate them" His eyes left mines as he steadily and carefully carried me downstairs towards the front doors of the house; he spoke as if he was speaking to some greater being or even making a speech to an audience in front of him, such was his passion. "I found one that I considered to be perfection when describing such a beautiful being. I can describe the change in me and the realisation that I will not be fickle when it comes to you; I know I am so overbearing and I know you might not feel the same but don't you feel the connection? Don't you feel the warm buzzing in your skins when we touch, no doubt you will know the sonnet I have memorised to say to you, I just want you to know before you think I am being unbelievably clingy that you are the only girl I've ever been this way with, it's all or nothing with you, truly."

Edward had reached the front door and I wouldn't even have realised this I was in such a mesmerised mess but he picked up a large shall which had been hung up behind the front door, presumably Alice's, and wrapped it over my body, he opened the front door to my eyes which protested but not my mouth, I didn't yet have word to say to him. The cold air hit me and freshened me, I felt it filling my body with its sweet naturalness and I clung subconsciously tighter to Edward. We walked and walked till we were in front of the lake and I could hear Edward practically panting under the strain of my weight but he carried me nonetheless, just as I began to feel slightly stupid for being carried he sat down on a wooden bench, directly in front of the moon. Again he spoke not into my eyes but to the moon, straight ahead, as if he would tell the whole world Shakespearean sonnets for a bed time story. My body warmed as he spoke and tears escaped my eyes despite myself, the beauty of the scenery, of him, and of the words were magnificent. Perfect.

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
Admit impediments, love is not love  
Which alters when it alteration finds,  
Or bends with the remover to remove.  
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark  
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;  
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,  
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.  
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks  
Within his bending sickle's compass come,  
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,  
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:  
If this be error and upon me proved,  
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."

In a trance I sat up, positioned myself comfortable on his lap, wrapped the massive, thick cashmere shall over his pale, bare arms and looked to his face. He still stared out at, almost into, the moon.

"O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,  
That monthly changes in her circled orb,  
Lest that thy love prove likewise varia."

I don't what possessed me to answer him so, but I had never seen such a wonderful smile emerge on anyone's face, he turned to me and placed his lips onto mine. Pressed against them and moved his hand to the small of my back. My insides felt on fire, but a beautiful warm fire. My heart pumped in my chest and my stomach churned at the nerves I felt. Yet I was so happy; so, so happy.

It was indefinite.  
I was in love with the new Edward while in hatred with the old one.  
Both equally as strong as each other.

***A.N. Go on, REVIEW, you know you want to! The soppiness of this chapter must have moved you! Review and tell me all about your feelings, what you think will/should happen next etc. :)***


	18. That night I lay in bed

_***A.N. Just a little short chapter, gives you a little insight into what they are both thinking after the night of the revelation of Edward's strong strong feelings for Bella. I thought maybe If I only give you about a thousand words at a time I'll be more likely to do more chapters then because then I won't be sitting in front of the computer for God knows how many hours! Lol, enjoy dears xxx***_

_**Bella**_

That night I lay in bed with a torn heart. I was trying to pull it away from this new Edward but he was playing me at tug of war. I literally felt like tearing my hair out with indecisive frustration. I had pretended this whole time that Edward's looks weren't the only thing that my mind grudgingly adored. I just didn't understand how this could be; he bullied me, he ruined my life when I was younger, truly he made a mess of me. The reason I was so bitter right now, so twisted, and so unable to just love him without hate was him. Edward is to blame.

_**Edward**_

That night I lay in bed with a guilty heart. I knew that she didn't know who I had been before, when she learned the extent to which I tortured individuals for fun when I was younger then I would disgust her. I knew I would. I deserved it all without a shadow of a doubt if I could go back in time and change things I would but until then I would be haunted by the face of the unfortunate soul I once forced out of town with my actions. Ever since Bella arrived in Forks, I began to face up to my past but it was scary and embarrassing and made me ashamed. I felt like a phony to Bella, and it was all my own fault.

_**Bella**_

As I lay in bed I pictured his face while I fell asleep and soon it turned into a dream. Edward and I were together on the park bench and he spoke Shakespeare to me as he did before and I answered just the same, sitting on his lap, but as soon as I opened my eyes during a kiss with him I realised his face was more youthful than before. I looked down to see my large body perched on him and he made a scornful face and tried to move me off of him. He succeeded and I stumbled, backwards and backwards and backwards away from his leering face and then into the water. I hadn't expected it to be so deep or so cold and I screamed and I screamed but I couldn't swim back out of the water. Little Edward was just staring at the moon again chanting the sonnet to the moon while a beautiful Tanya sat on his lap, only giggling in response and snuggling into his warm arms. I screamed but he ignored me, I didn't exist again.

_**Edward**_

As I lay in bed I pictured her face and it kept me awake. I remembered the final time I saw Isabella. I remember seeing her pass me in a car with her hair chopped away and her face red raw from crying. I saw all of that as she and her mom drove out of town, they just passed me for a moment and that was when I realised that we had stepped over the mark yet I still never truly outwardly rebuked my actions until years later. Alice was the catalyst for my reform; that and the mess Tanya made. Now I would never think I loved someone like Tanya, being with Bella only proved to me how little I had known about love, Bella was much more important to me that Tanya – I wanted to be good around Bella I didn't want to be bad and impress her in a childish way. I wanted to be the me I had been hiding from the world for a long, long time. What I felt for Bella was so pure, so undiluted. I could hardly understand it myself; I had been selfish for so long and felt no need to really be a different person until she had turned up with her judgements and her elusiveness. She was unlike anyone I had ever know, so strong yet the weakness inside her showed every time her past was mentioned, maybe she'd been like me when she was younger maybe her family had put her through pain. It didn't matter to me what and who Bella was before I met her, if course I longed to know but if remembering and telling me put her through pain then it was second nature to me to stay out of her previous life away from Forks. I couldn't stand hurting her the way i couldn't stand hurting a member of my family, maybe more. She was so perfect. I pictured Bella's face and I smiled without intention to but my moment was interrupted by muffled screaming – we had thick walls – but I could just hear it, it was piercing...

_**Bella**_

I could just see the young Edward's face, leering at me; that was all I could see. I opened my eyes, I breathed normally and I seemed to be out of the water but his deep green eyes stared into me, I was panting from the experience but used to these nightmares. I blinked believing that the face was just an after flash of the dream but still that was all I could see. Then as, my eyes began to adjust to the darkness due to the streak of light coming from the bedroom door, I realised the face was not child like at all, neither were the eyes leering. They were full of compassion and worry and he was speaking to me, calmly saying my name and telling me it was okay, it was just a bad dream. I knew my face would once more be streaked with tears. I was showing Edward my vulnerability and he wasn't laughing at me. He seated himself down on the bed beside me as I nodded my head to show I was now awake and awfully embarrassed. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked but I shook my head. He couldn't be with me over night - he was the damn cause of my nightmares! He nodded with understand and kissed the palm of his hand and placed it on my forehead. "Goodnight Beautiful Bella," he whispered. I sighed. He smiled. I returned it. He left. I cried.

Everything was so seriously mixed up, part of me had to give at some point but right now, after that dream. I realised I probably couldn't ever trust Edward.

What sort of real relationship would that make for, eh?

***A.N. This is like my quickest update in forever, everything is coming to a boiling point, we can all tell how close Edward is to figuring it out, and the reviewers get a preview :) REVIEW! :D***


	19. Rosalie's Revelation

***A.N. – Yeah guys, I know, three chapters within a tiny time space, aren't you proud of me? ;) enjoy yourselves this is a chapter about Rosalie you've all been waiting for with its explanations and all.***

The next day I had to face the world. Face the truth of everything that had happened last night. Everyone except me was in bed with a hangover. I'd drunk the night before but I'd also had glasses of water before returning to bed. I chose to go a walk around the grounds and clear my head. Decide what I would do next.

The morning was beautiful and warm; I had changed into my denim shorts and a little chequered shirt. I broke into a run across the large area of grass and water surrounding the villa. As my feet pounded the ground I remember the sweet embrace of last night and of walking back practically in each other's arms. I didn't want to leave that moment in my mind, it was so perfect, so all encompassing that I never wanted to forget it, or let it go. I would never, no matter what happened, be able to push that memory out of my life.

The sun reflected on the brilliant water and I could see the bench that it all happened on. It was it was near hidden by the shrubbery and trees surrounding it but I could see it, just the side. There happened to be sandaled feet at the base of the bench. A woman's feet. She hadn't noticed me, she was several paces away and I had ceased running the second the bench came into view, in contemplation. I looked at the manicured toenails and I knew they were Rosalie's feet. I approached her slowly and by the time she noticed me it was too late for her to take back what I had saw.

Rosalie's arms were placed protectively, instinctively, around her stomach. She was wearing a sort of poncho made of thin, loose material but her hands had made the shape - and there was definitely a clear shape.

"Oh... ohhhh,"

Everything with Rosalie made sense now.

She was pregnant, of course she was pregnant, all the signs were there and I didn't know how I could have missed them, even ignored them before. But of course, I knew the answer to that, my preoccupation with a certain person had blinded me lately to even the most obvious things - now that I look at it.

"I – you - uh - you shouldn't have crept up on me like that!" Her words were defensive but her eyes were pleading with me.

"Rosalie," I sat down beside her and touched her hand fleetingly, I had a quick look at her stomach again, her hands now removed and sitting somewhat awkwardly by her sides, and then I decided to go straight to the point, "are you pregnant?" She looked me in the eyes and never answered, her eyes were filling with tears, "don't worry, you can trust me." I tried again to get this message across with body language and so rubbed her arm lightly, what I thought would be comforting. Her face, for once, was not the most beautiful thing in the world it was so crowded with worry and indecision and pure unadulterated sadness that I knew it before she even admitted it; I could practically feel the lowness of her mood by just looking at her. She took a few seconds, but eventually she nodded.

It was an odd sensation of happiness mixed with guilt and worry. I was happy because to be quite honest this is the sort of thing I always had hoped would happen to the people who had bullied me in my younger years but it was mixed with guilt because now they were totally different people and worry because, genuinely, she was a seventeen year old, she shouldn't be pregnant now.

I didn't know what to do so I tried to be a friend and I hugged her, it appeared as though all Rosalie had been waiting for was a sign of my sympathy and she burst into a set of wracking sobs onto my shoulder as I awkwardly patted my back and wondered how ironic it was I was now in this position. I escaped the bitterness of my new self and decided to be sincere. I could hardly even take it in I was so shocked yet I had somewhat expected this to happen, not just over the years but lately we all knew there was something wrong with Rosalie.

She calmed a little after a few minutes and ended up with her sniffing while she lay across the bench and her head on my lap. All the drama of the Cullen gang was happening on this bench nowadays.

I felt uncomfortable and didn't really know how to nicely approach the issue so I just said the obvious question that everyone asks; "How far along are you?"

She whimpered, "Four months."

"Oh my God! How have you and Emmett kept this from everyone for so long?" It was incredulous, the Cullen family couldn't keep a secret; you could practically see the issues which troubled each family member in their eyes I was surprised the others hadn't picked it out of him.

She squeaked as I finished speak and I looked down at her glossy soft locks spread across my legs, she really was something like a fallen angel right now, "He doesn't know yet."

"He WHAT?" I couldn't contain myself this time, Rosalie sat up from my lap, the makeup she must have put on from this morning streaked across my face and as I would later notice – my legs.

"YOU don't understand," she sobbed, "your life is perfect you have every boy falling at your feet you don't have a serious relationship with a boy who is extremely smart and will excel so amazingly at college but if you tell him he loves you so much he'll miss out on his dreams! I'm a selfish bitch except when it comes to my Emmett and I love him so God damn much that I don't have any problem with disappearing off the face of the earth to my family if it just prevents him from knowing because he'll ruin his life because of me." Sobs took control of her while I stared on in wide eyed shock, she spoke again several moments later. "You don't get it. Emmett is my life, he and my brother are the only ones I really rely on but more Emmett that Jasper, Emmett protected me when I needed protecting and now because of a stupid thing like me getting pregnant not only is my dreams of college but his, no doubt ivy league run in college will be over too. Could you do that to someone you loved with all your heart?"

"I... I'm sorry I didn't mean to judge... I just," I was sorry but it was funny how I was the one apologising.

"Yeah Bella, I know," he face softened.

"I just don't understand how you kept it from him?" The two were attached to each other how could he not know just from guessing?

"I got the implant in my arm," she pointed to a tiny scar.

"Will that-"

"No, it doesn't affect you when you're pregnant, it's supposed to prevent it and I waited the full seven days before we had unprotected sex after getting it, that's how long you're supposed to wait but somehow it never worked, I think maybe a condom burst before the seven days was up or something, I'm still mystified. The only way I've been able to stop him from noticing is by saying it's affected me by making me bleed constantly – that can happen you know – and it also can make you put on weight and I discussed this with him and he told me I wasn't even though he knew I was but in his head he now has a reason for my recent weight increase so now everything adds up in his head and he thinks that there is a perfectly plausible solution for what are really signs of me being pregnant – I just can't let him see me naked, he'd notice."

I looked to her stomach and it really did make me think why hadn't I suspected this before? She really had piled on the pounds. But her face was also rounder and so were her thighs. I looked back at her face and she smiled sort of ruefully.

"Whenever I can I've been trying to eat as much as I can possible stuff down, sometimes I just don't feel like food because behind every ones back I've been munching fatty food so I look like I'm just all around putting on weight. I feel like a crazy woman now I'm saying it out loud but I thought I'd have come up with a solution by now but I haven't, I still don't know what to do. I've not even spoken to one single person but my doctor about it all. I feel so alone, and so stressed out all the time." Her lips were wobbling again with the immensity of the issue. "I've put on a whole stone, I'm only supposed to have put on 7 pounds but I'm eating like I won't stop sometimes and I don't even know whether its hormones or it's my fear of someone realising my weight gain is actually pregnancy."

"Rosalie, calm down, and I don't say that to patronise you but you'll get through this." She looked up at me with sad eyes, "Without sounding like a gold digger the Cullen's are clearly made of money, they are parents, and they are there to help when mistakes like this happen. They are lovely people and if it so happens that Emmett and you cannot afford to go through college and take care of a baby they will help you, you need to be sure of that," she attempted to interrupt but I stopped her by raising my hand, "I know that you don't want to ask for a hand out but they'll offer it. They want the best for you; you will now be a proper little family and part of their family, why would they not try to help you along the way? Also, as you say, Emmett is smart and so are you I'm sure if you wanted to you could call it a loan and pay them it back? Worst scenario you will have to ask them for help rather than them offering it to you which I think is highly unlikely but nonetheless they will never refuse Emmett and your plead for help. So yes you made a mistake but it happens Rose, it's not the end of the world and I'm not belittling the situation you're in but you won' need to disappear to let Emmett live his life, he would search the world for you and find you and bring you straight back. He clearly is utterly infatuated with you and loves you very dearly, you've been together since you were practically babies, what really would he do without you. Never underestimate him, I can tell by just looking at him that you are his life the same way he is yours so he would never want you out of it. You can't hide it from him for much longer; he deserves to know and to make provisions. He'll spoil you and you know it." I tried to lighten the tone and received a small white smile, "just trust him."

Rosalie looked at me and nodded slowly, "you've made the whole thing become a million times clearer; you're right, he needs to be told." A tear dripped down her face.

Images of Rosalie torturing me throughout my child hood ran through my mind, all disgustingly vivid but I didn't cave to the bitterness of them. I just put them in the box at the back of my mind behind the new facts and my new life as Bella Swan. I'd have to address the issues sometime soon but not yet, I wasn't ready to give it all up yet, if I was ever going to be ready at all I needed more time.

***A.N. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! A preview of the next chapter for every reviewer :) Clearly you're reviews are an inspiration ;) Tell me your views on this revelation! (Special shout out to my exceptionally dedicated reviewers Svaler and Fozzie 3)***


	20. The Chapter Everyone's Been Waiting For

***A.N. – Just 2000 words to this chapter but by the end of it the whole story has spun on its head, hope that excites you :)***

**EDWARD**

When I woke up the next morning it was early, very early, but again I couldn't sleep and this time I would do something about it. There was a restlessness about me, a need to get things done which really should wait. All I could think of was my past, I was stuck in it.

I needed to get back to Forks. I needed to fix this. My conscience would never be clear, especially when I was around her if I didn't. Bella's sadness was intoxicating now. When I witnessed her wake from her nightmare I knew how right I had been all along about the horrors of her past. She was pushing me into punishing myself and yet I couldn't blame her. However, I could try to change things, could attempt to make it better. Make me sleep lighter at night; make me feel worthy to empathise with Bella's pain. Be able to tell her everything about myself and she would understand... If I could show proof that I wasn't him anymore.

When I first met Bella it was as though she knew my past and was just waiting for me to to something to her, and me being the stupid idiotic man that I am I never gave her any reason to think that I wasn't like that, in fact, I kept up my man whore facade for a considerable amount of time before I focused on her. Her innocence was so pure that I felt I was corrupting her by just kissing her. Not for her really, but for me, I needed to see proof that I wasn't the bullying coward I once was.

And with that thought I decided to leave a note of apologies and a false explanation and then travel back to Forks to work out how to set things right.

**BELLA**

After leaving Rosalie it took me all my courage to knock on Edward's door. It was time I tried to sort things out, I wouldn't tell him who I was but I was ready to ask him about his past and see his reflection on it. If I didn't like it then I wouldn't make any links but if I did like the attitude he had then at least it would give me food for thought, give me time to think over if it was worth it to live my life in a panic of worry, frustration, deep trust issues and underlying bitterness just for something that may be stronger altogether, I could maybe cope with the other just for love – only for love.

I knocked but there was no answer, I knocked again and there was still no answer. I put my ear to the door listening for the sound of him but there was just silence. Slowly, I opened the creaking door and poked my head around it. There was a neatly made bed – I would have retreated back out the door to check around the house for him but there was also the absence of a suitcase which had been against the wall just last night. I quietly entered and shut the door behind me; inhaling the fresh scent of Edward. I crept around his room, running my fingers, so softly they did not make a sound, over the piano keys and onto the cotton material of his bedcovers. Then I saw a folded slip of paper, and another. One had Bella written on it and another said Cullens. I opened mine with confusion. Again I touched his belongs, his personal items like his books, his guitar and piano music and his CD cases, I unfolded the note, already feeling uneasy and now slightly queasy. His hand writing was practically ornate it was so beautiful.

_Dear Bella,_

_I hate to leave you after last night as I know that it will look as if I intended to lure you – this was not the case in the slightest and you have it in writing that it is not. I just... had stuff that became a priority in Forks – if you need me call me... if you want to then text me. I should be back soonish, maybe, maybe not, depending on how this goes. Have fun with them all, and Rosalie isn't as crabby as she usually seems to you, we know her well, get to know her if you can,_

_Yours always,  
Edward_

My mind spun in confusion, I didn't know what to do now. I would be stuck in a place where couples ruled the roost. I didn't want to be a spare part around here but if I left and went back to Forks too, not only would I be ignoring Edward letter but I would be showing them that I cared for him. I sat down on the bed; lay down, his scent was everywhere. Everything smelt of the perfect smells of Edward Cullen. What could he possibly be doing back in Forks that is so important that he needed to leave his own family?

At least it would give me time to decide what to do. Time to focus on other aspects of my life and not just the present all encompassing one – Edward. I could think of Rosalie now, I could think of Emmett and I could explore within my mind whether it was wrong to feel a certain smugness that this has happened to her of all people, little miss perfect who beat shit out of me for fun. Could someone really change so much through adolescence? I had tried to take the moral high ground and blame adoption and Jasper's illness for their actions but I don't think I could hold in the anger that was bursting at my seams whenever I took my eyes off it. Edward was an altogether different case because of the intensity of everything with him and the fact he had no excuse from his actions – I suppose the fact that I could just be angry at Edward and not have to hold back because of excuses for his unkindness in my mind I was working through the pain better. It was pure evil Edward had been and his change in life, his 180 that he claimed to have taken, if it was true was the most amazing and a very admirable aspect of him. He didn't hold anything in front of him to block blame, because he had no reason to do so.

As I was about to open the Cullen's letter I was stopped by footsteps walking down the corridor. "Edward? I need to speak to you, can I come in?" It was Emmett's voice.

"Uh – Emmett it's me in here – Edward's gone." His footsteps quickened and within seconds he was standing beside me, looking pained and confused.

"He left you a letter." I was dying to see what he had said to everyone else that was different from me but that was all I could do. Emmett took the letter I had picked up in my hand and opened it carefully with his large hand. He looked at me once while he did it and I saw the sadness in his eyes, already he blamed himself for Edward leaving, I could see that.

I watched his face as he read the letter which was certainly lengthier than mine.

His eyes widened with shock and his mouth dropped open a little. His eyes then closed, his hands ran through his hair and there was silence. Not the comfortable kind between family and friends but the awkward kind where the silence gets more impenetrable by the second. So I broke it.

"What is it, what's he going back to Forks to do?" I pleaded.

He sighed, "He's doing something I'm too much of a coward to do."

**EDWARD**

It took a while to get home because of the morning traffic but when I eventually reached Forks I found I was glad that I wouldn't be stuck in a car where the only thing I was able to so was to drive and wallow in my own self hatred.

I knew both of my parents would be out of the house so I had the place to myself for a good few hours. At least it wasn't a tiny enclosed space like my car. It was odd my happiness to get out of my car because normally it was my most prized possession. Guess I just don't feel normal right now.

I had never really been remorseful because of how I acted towards the girl. I had been remorseful because of what happened to Tanya and because of Alice but not because of her. But lately her face haunted me so constantly that I found myself working my way through evil memories of myself torturing this girl because she was different. Yes, so she would never be the prettiest girl in the world but at least she was a good person, she could never feel this self hatred agony that coursed through me. She hadn't done anything wrong; I was the bad person.

I flipped the laptop open and lay with it on my bed typing in Isabella Dwyer to Google; that was the most practical way I could think of doing it. It took me hours to search through Myspace accounts, Facebook records, Linkedin pages, twitter also had several Isabella Dwyers but none of them presented me with the girl I was looking for. I was determined, I would find her eventually and I would know her, her face wasn't something I was likely to forget.

Frustratingly, nothing would work; it was if she'd fell off the face of the earth. The main problem was that I didn't have a clue where she had travelled to once she had left Forks therefore I wasn't able to narrow my search. I only knew she was most likely to be in America because she had left because of her Mom's boyfriend being a travelling baseball player, at least that's what the teacher had told us.

Something in my head clicked then, it was like a light bulb switching on and making me understand.

That was it! He was a baseball player! I knew her moms name was Renee, if I could do a search with Isabella, Renee and baseball something was likely to come up. I did it and crossed my fingers even though I was shaking; I was so scared of owning up to what I had done.

A baseball website for Philip Dwyer Renardo came up. I may have been right, he was a baseball player.

I clicked.

I clicked on the 'about Phil' tab. It told me where he was born, how he got into baseball then spoke of his personal life.

'Phil currently lives with his wife Renee and his step daughter Isabella-"

That was all I needed, I knew I had found the girl I was looking for. I pulled my face away from the screen and flashes of me hitting her, verbally abusing her, battered my closed eyes. For the first time in a long time a tear fell from my eye and I swiped it away. I felt like a criminal who had ruined his life by being an idiot before it had even began. If I contacted her and she didn't forgive me once I explained would it not make the whole thing ten times worse? I knew it would be a hell of a lot to ask anyone, she probably hated my guts.

Never the less, at the end of the day, I had to do this, the girl deserved to know how sorry I was for making her life a misery. So I clicked the 'contact Phil' tab and found his number, I typed it into my mobile and braced myself for a few seconds before hitting the call button.

It was ringing, and I was petrified now, I didn't even know exactly what I'd say I'd just have to speak from the heart and hope she understood the depth of my sincerity...

"Phil speaking."

"Uh, hello sir, I'm calling to speak to Isabella."

"Uhm, why?"

I had thought this part through at least, "I'm a friend from school and I didn't have a contact number for her-"

"Wait a second, are you from Bella's old school here in Phoenix or her new one in Forks."

That's when I hung up and when my fragile world crashed down around me.

***A.N. WOW. Cliff hanger, I know, how evil of me but if it helps I'm giving a preview to all reviewers... this is a preview you don't want to miss... just saying... REVIEW ;) Oh and btw, the next chapter will have you scared for Edward's sanity 'muhahaha!' ;)***


	21. Cut Up Inside

***A.N. – I wasn't too sure about this chapter to be honest, it seems slightly cliché at the end I think but the consequences of the end of this chapter won't be the same as other stories, trust me on that one. Anyways, get ready to actually feel sorry for Edward for once m'dears, enjoy!**

**Oh and put on some sad love song while you read it, it sort of puts you in the mood :/***

I threw the laptop to the bottom of the bed and lay back. Breathing heavier and heavier as it sunk in. My phone rang, no doubt Phil calling me back. But if I answered I might pass out. As it was I think I was hyperventilating, having a panic attack as it all sunk it. My breathing hitched in my throat and I had to concentrate very hard just to continue breathing at a decent pace. My hands were in my hair, it felt like they were yanking it out, but I couldn't stop then. I wanted to scream out loud. I don't know how I could be so stupid.

So fucking _stupid._

Such a fucking _idiot_.

A self absorbed _prick_.

What was left of my life had just slipped from my fingers, with this new information I quite truly believed I was finished. I was done with me; I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted out. I wanted to not be Edward Cullen.

I hadn't bullied and tortured a strange little girl I had did this to someone I loved so deeply I couldn't even fathom it. This wasn't Tanya all over again, this was like the Tanya situation a million times worse. I hadn't felt pain like this before, I didn't even realise that in the space of about thirty seconds my insides could feel like they'd never be the same again, my head immediately wanted to shut down, to pretend I hadn't heard those words .

I hadn't believed in Karma but you could be sure I was now a fucking fervent believer.

My hands balled into fists and I stood up. I punched the wall, I punched it again and again and again and again; gaping holes appeared but I actually couldn't care less, everything around me already felt destroyed. My hands bled, my knuckles burst wide, but it was a satisfying pain. It felt good, I wanted to keep going but I sat down instead, eyeing my bloodied hands with no drop of sympathy for myself.

All I could think of was her eyes, how could I not have realised those beautiful eyes were the same as the girl's that I had stared into and still beaten and broken and verbally abused. I had PLANNED to hurt her, actually pre-thought out plans to make this girl feel like she was in the deepest most dark hole in the world.

My body went limp and I slipped off the bed and onto the floor, my legs stayed at my chest and the tears never stopped. They wouldn't stop. In fact, they couldn't stop. 'Cause with my childish actions I had hurt someone I had never thought it possible to hurt. I hated myself with a wrath that filled every cell of my body, it gave me such a fury that I really wasn't sure I could control myself, that I could stop myself from doing something I might regret.

I wanted to apologise and for everything to go away but now I knew who she was I knew that it was a ridiculous and meagre attempt at receiving forgiveness that could never be achieved. I hadn't been prepared for this to happen. **Obviously** I hadn't been prepared to handle this.

My body shook all over as I just sat on the floor, thinking, hating, hurting. I didn't blame her for whatever her reasons were for tricking me into thinking she was something she wasn't. To be honest, I hope she had gotten some of her own back.

To find that the person you want to protect the most is the one you've hurt the most, in all of your life, the one you've been the most cruel to, and the one you've literally tortured for no particular reason but your own disgusting sadistic ego is the worst feeling in the world.

I couldn't sit still any longer and I jumped from the floor with a pounding heart. The adrenaline in my veins running so high that I could hardly even feel the burst knuckles in my hand. I needed to get out of here, out of Forks. I left my phone on the bed as it rang again and walked out the door.

I just couldn't understand how someone who could very possibly be my soul mate could have been over looked and treated so cruelly by me just years before now. She was so beautiful now, breathtaking, I had seen her in a bikini and it was in stark contrast to the way she used to look. She had no stutter, no spots, no glasses, no braises. What the hell had happened to her? I had assumed she was probably doing pretty well in school, she was always smart, and just looked the same as she always had. The only thing about Bella that was the same as the Isabella I knew was her eyes; truly, that was the only part of her I could link together and even then they were different because there was a confidence in Bella's eyes that Isabella never had.

I would do anything for Bella, absolutely anything, ironically the only thing that I couldn't do would be the thing she wanted from me so we could be with each other – be a different person altogether, change my past. I knew my love for her was doomed now and it wasn't beautiful and sacrificial in the first place, I was not Romeo and she was no Juliet. She was a lot more complicated and amazing and I was a lot more corrupted.

I knew now with certainty that I couldn't be part of her life. She had to move on from me altogether, she had to get away from the evil I had within me. For whatever reason Bella was now with me, supposed to be seeing me, it was probably just a trick to hurt me but I couldn't even hold a slight grudge towards her. All I wanted was to hold her in my arms one more time, just to remember her touch, remember her smell, the sweetness of her eyes. Remember everything about her because I knew it would be the last time. I wanted to explain to her that I was different but I couldn't do it. There was no way that she deserved to see me up close again. I was going to do the one selfless act I had ever done and tell her that I understood she couldn't ever even consider being with me, and I'd let her go... I'd not be detrimental to her for one moment longer, I'd take myself out of the equation and I'd hope and pray that she found happiness in the rest of her life.

I had never really known the strength of my love with Bella until it was put to the test and I had passed. I was thinking of her rather than myself and I was going to try my best to set the things I could right. Bella was my true love, the first person I wanted to sacrifice my life and soul for. It felt like I was doing just that, it felt like my life wouldn't continue without her.

"_**Smelly, Belly, you're like that cause you eat too much Jelly." I watched the fat, ugly little girl hide her face beneath her hair and I thrived in her pain.**_

"**Head, shoulders, knees and... wait a minute Bella; I don't think you can reach your toes." My laugh mocked her.**

She made me popular this girl; I made everyone so frightened of me that they were friends with me. I was a smart little boy. At seven years old, of course I understood what I was doing and that most of the friends I'd acquired weren't real friends but it didn't stop the pull of popularity for me.

Even as a seven year old I was feeling the loneliness, Emmett followed little Rosalie all over the place twenty four seven and I only had Tanya, with whom I couldn't have proper conversations with because she was dumber than me to put it simply.

I envied little Isabella Dwyer, I envied the perfection of her friendship with Angela and that was just about the only thing I envied. Isabella was nothing like me exterior wise. I was a handsome boy, everyone was always saying so whereas Isabella was the opposite, she was far too heavy for someone her age and her lisp, to me, was a source for constant amusement.

I shook as I remembered the words I had called her and the look in her eyes when she had done so. They matched exactly the look her eyes had when she woke from her nightmare; I knew what I had done to her.

As I drove towards the lake house, towards Bella, I felt the adrenaline drain from me and all that were left were my pathetic, unmanly tears, dripping on a constant. My hands felt stiff and sore, the blood was crusted and it looked like I'd dipped a lot of my hand in red dye. My fingers spasmed slightly as I drove. I could see in my peripheral vision my hands swelling.

Just twenty five minutes away from the lake house a deer stood out in front of my car and it all happened in slow motion from then on. I tried to swerve quickly but that seemed in possible with the stiffness of my hands; I couldn't stay on the road.

As it was happening I had the thought in the back of my mind that this really all was Karma. Any other day, my hands at perfect working order, I would have been able to drive around the deer with ease, it just so happened to be today that the deer jumped in front of my car. How coincidental; fate.

I pushed the brakes but just a little too late and felt like I was watching from outside my body as my beloved Volvo slammed into a tree. An airbag blew into my face but I'd already cracked my head off of the side window.

I blinked twice. The warmth of the liquid from the side of my head made me smile. I felt cold. I couldn't quite remember how I'd managed to get into such a state. I looked to my hands and saw the blood crusted over them. I sighed.

I let my head fall back against the seat and smiled as I thought of Bella, she was so beautiful.

I closed my eyes then, they suddenly felt weighted down so I didn't resist the peace, my mind felt over worked and my head hurt.

I embraced the blackness.

***A.N. – Well, what do you think about THATTTTT :/ I know you're think CLICHE ALERT but bare with me ;) trust me, I have a whole original plot worked out :) made me sad tbh :/ killing Edward off... just kidding, obviously he's not dead :L But anyways, if you want a preview of the next chapter I'm going to have to black mail you into reviewing ;) Thanks alot lovelies, REVIEW x***


	22. What She Needs

***A.N. – Okay so I think the complete structure and subject of this chapter will be a total shock to you all, but nonetheless, I still like it, but, yet again, it will leave you dying for another update I'm sure, if I do say so myself ;)***

**Bella **(day after car accident, everyone still unaware of it)

I thrashed while I did lengths, I wasn't my normal graceful self but I didn't feel normal. The water around me felt too cool, I just didn't seem to be warming to it. Maybe it was the fact that I was still half asleep. Doing lengths at half six in the morning wasn't really what I was used to. For some reason I couldn't sleep in this place. It was even odder that Edward wasn't here. I had text him once out of curiosity to see where he had disappeared off to but had received no answer; I was too proud to text him again after that.

I always thought through my problems while I swam. One of my big ones at this particular moment was that Rosalie wanted me with her when she told Emmett she was pregnant. Boy would that be an awkward conversation: "Oh yes Emmett, that's correct, I knew your girlfriend was pregnant before you did and I've known her for all of a few months." Nope, maybe not the best way to put it to him. Also, there was the fact that I was actually helping Rosalie, of all people on earth for me to lend a hand to she wasn't top on my list, I'm not gonna lie. Revenge was being put aside now that I was seeing my terrorisers as people rather than monsters. It looked like today I would have to stand beside a tearful and scared young girl while she told her boyfriend that she was pregnant and that their lives would never be the same again, no more would they be able to have a carefree attitude because they'd have someone else to look after. I'd always felt sorry for girls this happened to, especially when it was just a mistake, something they had tried to prevent but happened anyway. I was partly seeing Rosalie just as a petrified young girl. That was all. It made it so much easier to sympathise with her situation.

The whole thing was surreal. How I had ended up in such a trusted position in the family surpasses me.

The next big problem was Edward, well really Edward is the first problem but the most pressing problem is Rosalie. I wonder why he just took off like that. He was so mysterious, so hard to read, to understand. I would never know what was going on his mind and I couldn't stand the reality that it would all change, all his thoughts about me would change if he knew who I really was. Realistically speaking, how could I have a relationship with someone who I could never truthfully share my past with, someone I had to lie to on a daily basis? It just wouldn't work pretending him and young Edward were different people, or pretending that Bella and Isabella were different people with different personalities. It was an impossible situation which didn't look to be figuring itself out soon. My heart was literally begging me to stay where I was and to be with Edward for just a little longer, then longer yet. Just for an experience, but I knew I was attaching myself too tightly to him. I couldn't stop myself. I had fallen in love.

Once I finished some swimming I went into the sitting area and promptly fell asleep, towel and all in the hair, on the sofa. I was woken by Alice who practically shoved an omelette under my nose.

"Breakfast Bella!" she smiled at me and I pulled myself up on the couch, it was nine o'clock according to the clock in the corner. I had slept for a good hour and a half. Maybe just exhausted from all the thinking I had been doing about things lately.

Alice was already back in the kitchen by the time I had opened my eyes properly and yawned. I walked in with the plate she had left on the coffee table for me, sat down at the counter and tucked in while she hummed and cooked. "Alice?"

"Yes?" she chirped.

"How are you, I feel like we've hardly spoken since we got here?"

"Oh," she turned to me then, her face filled with guilt, "Uhm, I guess it was a little sneaky but I just felt that if we never talked as much then you might use that time to speak to my brother some more, I could tell you felt for him too, I have a knack for these things you know," she smiled ruefully at me and tapped the side of her head in a mischievous fashion, "I wish he hadn't left to sort out the problems he has, he could have done that after the time at the lake house was over, you two were getting on so well," she looked wistfully at me and the giggled at the look on my face.

"Yes Alice, you are quite sneaky," all I could do was laugh at her pretence of innocence. "But I understand why you did it." Part of me wished she had disapproved of me being with her wayward brother – maybe everything wouldn't be so confusing if she had.

She hugged me then and I remembered what it was like to have a real friend, my heart twanged for a friend like Alice to be with me and to know all my secrets and advise me on what to do – it was too dangerous to get Alice involved, clearly, but that never stopped me for feeling bad because I was lying to her.

The weight on my shoulders felt heavier as ever as I ate my breakfast chatting to Alice. Everyone else joined us and I envied them how simple their relationships were with their other halves, maybe not quite Rosalie and Emmett but I did envy the simplicity of how they had been together before Rosalie was pregnant. Emmett looked to be at a loss of what to do when Rosalie arrived at the kitchen counter, her face turned down into an upset frown. I smiled at her and she smiled a little back but otherwise she didn't look happy at all. She never ate breakfast, which I knew from her explanations to me was a sign of her feeling really ill or nervous. In this case I'm sure it was nerves. I watched Alice, Jasper and Emmett eye her nervously, awkwardly, unsure of how to act to her character.

After breakfast was over and Alice called the day of fun she had planned off due to Edward's untimely departure and I think because of Rosalie's demeanour. Rosalie took me aside and asked me if we could do it now, she didn't want to be in nervous suspense any longer, she just wanted to get it over with and apologise to Emmett for lying for so long. I agreed and Rosalie asked him to come and talk to her and me upstairs in their room; Alice winked at me, obviously meaning that she would want to know what the conversation involved later and I wondered if I would be telling her soon, if the secret would not only be out to Emmett but be out to Rosalie as well. Just as I got to the top of the stairs Rosalie looked at me, and then looked towards the sound of Emmett's heavy footsteps advancing up the stairs, she took a deep breath.

Suddenly she turned to me and placed her hand on my arm, she bit her lip, and she reminded me of me for a second.

"I'm wrong to do this to you Bella, I wanted your support because I'm scared but I don't need it, I could at least do Emmett the favour of making the situation feel a little more private – you don't need to be here Bella, but thank you." I looked at her a felt a welling of pride inside me, she had pulled out her confidence and strength and was going to do this on her own – the right thing to do.

**EMMETT****  
(A.N. –P.S. If you put on your favourite love song before you read this I guarantee it will read better to you ;))**

I couldn't understand why Rosalie **and** Bella wanted to talk to me, that didn't make sense. I had been expecting Rosalie to want to speak to me, I knew this was coming, I had felt it over the past couple of months and no matter the romantic gestures and the amount of conversations we had in place of the usual sex I couldn't break through to Rosalie, it was as though she had given up on us. I don't even know how the rough patch had started but it was ongoing and it was only getting worse and worse. I had the feeling she was going to leave me and I had been worried about that exact thing for weeks now. She was distancing herself from me. However, that doesn't explain why Bella would be there.

I got to the top of the stairs and walked along to our room; Rosalie was the only one inside, my worst fears felt like they were being confirmed. I prevented myself from trembling when I looked at the tears on her face. This was it. She didn't want me anymore. I couldn't even bring myself to mention the absence of Bella, I was so uncharacteristically grounded and worried about he present situation that I just sat in silence for a few seconds.

I walked over to sit beside her and found that normally, at an uncomfortable awkward time like this I could make jokes to lighten the atmosphere. Not one of them seemed in the slightest bit appropriate now. I felt the water well up in my eyes but I blinked back and put my arm around Rosalie. I stroked her exquisite face and took her perfectly manicured hand in mine.

"Baby, tell me what's wrong," my voice cracked but I continued, "You don't need to hold back, I can take it." I felt my lip quiver and did what I could to prevent it.

She heaved a delicate sigh and her head sunk onto my chest; with ease I put a hand under her bottom and arm around her waist and shuffled backwards on the bed so I was leaning against the headboard and Rose was comfortable lying down on the bed, the pale purple circles under her eyes made her look exhausted, yet she hadn't told me she wasn't sleeping at night. I placed my arm around her waist again and my hand in hers.

"Come on, Rose, talk to me." I coerced her, in my softest tones. I could feel _her_ hand trembling while it held mine.

"Do you love me Emmett?"

"Of course; forever and always."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what."

"Well then, I didn't want to tell you this," she was sobbing quietly as she spoke and I was starting to worry frantically in my mind, I just wanted her to tell me what was wrong, I was getting scared there was something wrong with her, one of my worst fears had always been that what happened to Jasper would happen to my Rosalie, I couldn't even think about that now. "But I realised that you had to know, it was only fair that you know, but understand that I'm not attaching myself to you because of this – if – if you don't want me-"

"Never Rose," I growled.

"then I'm gone." She finished. The thoughts going through my head were heartbreaking, had she been with someone else, what was causing her so much pain?

"Emmett, I'm pregnant." Her eyes which had been downcast now looked to my face, through wet eyelashes and my world froze for all of a second before, no matter my shock I knew what Rosalie needed at this exact moment. I was so scared, words couldn't explain the fear that penetrated me then but love isn't about 'self' it's about 'her' – well, it is to me anyway. So I ignored my mind and focused on the positives and told myself I could and I did what she needed.

I put one finger under her chin and pulled her lips to mine. My lips crushed hers with passion and unexpressed feelings; she did the same. We broke away and she kept her eyes on mine. Her face still betrayed her sadness and showed the shock she had gotten from my reaction; I held her face in my hands and spoke from the heart to her. "I'm so shocked, you have no idea, but I could cry with happiness." Her eyes widened. "It's not because I wanted to have kids at this age but because I love you with all my heart and now I know the reason for your upset lately, I thought you were going to leave me – I – I – thought you didn't want me." I kissed her quickly again. "So it's not ideal that you're pregnant now but we'll work through it, of course we will, you're the love of my life, my soul mate. You've been with me for practically all of my life and I don't know why you haven't told me sooner, assuming that you've known before now. We would be having kids, getting married in the future let's not lie about that, I never planned without you in my future ever I can't even imagine it like that, without you're perfection in my life – it would just be hell." Her lips were beginning to turn up a little and I knew I was saying the right things. The things that were in my heart, "so this complicates things but that's okay Rose, that's okay, we'll make a plan – together."

The second my hands were away from her face she fell into my chest and sobbed, but I could tell she was crying of relief. My hand stroked her hair while my other ran its fingers through my own hair. My God that had caught me off guard. Life was going to be a whole of a lot different from now on. My insides were a mess, I didn't want to be a dad now, I didn't even know if I could be, but Rosalie was paramount, I had to be there for her.

She just lay on my chest till her tears finally ended. It was then I began to become practical, we had a lot to work out now, a lot to plan and I needed to be with her now every step of the way. "How pregnant are you?" The words didn't quite come out the way I intended them to but I wasn't exactly having the easiest time here with all the thoughts swirling in my head. I felt so serious and grown up for once in my life.

She looked apologetic now as she snuggled up closer to my face, sitting herself up. "Uhm... four months."

"What the fuck Rose?" I don't think it would have been humanely possible to hide my outrage from her. Seriously, was this a joke, how could she be so far along and I didn't have a clue about it.

She began to talk quickly, becoming hysterical again, "I didn't know what to do, I didn't know who to tell so I just stayed silent until I worked out what I'd do I felt like I'd be holding you back if I told you so I just... never."

Despite my anger at being kept in the dark I soothed her, this had clearly been a lot of stress for her, and I was sure I had heard that stress wasn't good for her baby... our baby. We would discuss it at a later date. "Okay, okay, I understand, it's okay, I'm only shocked that you managed to keep it from me for so long, I mean you're not really showing are you?"

"I guess I sort of deceived you there to, with the clothes I've wore and the fact sex was out the window, so you haven't seen me naked and well, yeah I'm showing actually." I could see her confidence going back to the same old Rosalie as she realised I wasn't going to run screaming out the door.

She stood up and lifted her baggy top, she stood side on and there it was. I hadn't noticed it before because I hadn't been looking for it but now I was looking for it I couldn't believe I hadn't spotted it before. I reached out my hand and touched her round stomach, she shivered and I saw goose bumps raise on her skin. I stood up too and put my arms around the most beautiful woman in the world. My hands linked with hers on her stomach. "We'll get through this baby, I love you."

I wasn't quite as sure as my words were, as my words had to be.

**BELLA**

I was sitting in my room when I got the phone call. I had left Rosalie about half an hour before and I was reading a book, working through some issues. Charlie called me. It was like a dream, a nightmare.

"Hello?"

"Bella, Jesus Christ Bells, I'm so glad you're okay,"

"What dad, what's going on?"

"I was scared that you were missing, that you went with Edward."

"What do you mean?" Fear gripped me, what the hell was going on here?

"Bella, you obviously don't know, where are you?"

"At the lake house. Dad where is Edward-"

"Where do you think he is?"

"Uh – Forks?"

"No Bella," he paused, his voice was soft when he spoke again, "I'm sorry, he's in St. Benedict's hospital, he didn't have any I.D. with him and he's been in a coma ever since he got to the hospital..."

"No, oh God no..." My breathing hitched in my throat.

"He crashed into a tree and they sent his photograph out to all the police forces within a certain radius, I knew who he was straight away."

"Oh God, Oh God..."

"Bella, calm down, put one of his brother or sister on, then I need to call his parents, you are only half an hour away from the hospital from the lake house, do it Bella, put his family on the line." I heard the authority in his voice and in a robotic state ran to Emmett and Rosalie's room to hand them the phone.

"I'm so sorry" I said as I entered the room. They had been lying in each other's arms. I ran to Emmett, "I'm so sorry." I repeated unintentionally, it just fell out of my mouth.

Emmett took the phone from me as I stood frozen in front of him.

"Uh, hello?"

I watched his face change from a look of confusion to pain then I knew he knew. I burst into a fresh set of tears and sunk to the floor while he listened on the phone to my dad.

I closed my eyes but found this was one reality I couldn't block from my mind, I couldn't ignore for one second. It was such raw emotion; it felt like I was tearing apart with all the what if's in my mind.

I **needed **him to be okay.

***A.N. – So the next chapter is set in the hospital I promise you, I have part of it written and your preview that will be given to reviewers is pretty awesome... just saying ;) if I were you, I'd REVIEW haha!***


	23. Mistakes

***A.N. Sorry for the long period before another update :/ My laptop decided to take its last breath a few weeks ago :( so I now have a new one I got for Christmas :) Anyways a happy new year to you all and I hope you had a great xmas ;) Here is an exceptionally sad chapter...  
And so you know for the people who didn't get a preview (some did some didn't) it was because of the laptop crash, will not happen again :)**

**With or Without you – U2 really, this is my song for the whole story, but it applied especially to this chapter ***

Emmett had the phone passed back to me and Charlie was saying things to me but I didn't really understand; a sort of numbness was setting in. Edward, Edward who had declared himself mine was in a coma and now I didn't have a **choice** to hurt him because it had been done for me by him being in an accident of all things. Immense guilt washed over me as I stood there. I had wanted him to pay for the pain he had caused me but now I'd go through it all again just to protect the loss of Edward's life; I wasn't done with him in my life yet.

I'm not stupid, I'm not one of those people who believe that issues can be ignored and if you love someone everything else doesn't matter. Especially when everything between Edward and I was so horrendous, such a treacherous past to have with each other, such a mess of life.

No one could ever understand how I loved and hated Edward equally and felt pleasure when he was hurt but despair at the same time. This was the first time I had felt no pleasure, not one ounce. I just wanted to see him and make him okay and then the whole joke of my revenge and masochistic existence could continue in the much more harmonious way it previously had.

This was literally the most ironic happening of my entire life. Irony a word of perfection here simply because I had gotten what I wanted then realised that it wasn't quite what I had wanted.

Everyone was rushing to the car. I could hear consistent wailing from Rosalie and Alice and part of me wanted to comfort them but the other part felt too hypocritical to approach. I just put on a stare of neutrality and miraculously it seemed to be pulled off as a state of shock. I guess that's probably what it was any way; I had no way of knowing. I was sitting at the left hand side in the back of the car. I felt so alone.

I had the distinct feeling that their partners were there and the one who had been becoming mine, partially in my own mind but certainly in all of theirs was so hugely missing from the picture. The fact that he just wasn't with me while they curled themselves around each other with worry made the whole situation tenser, and a lot more uncomfortable. Rosalie rubbed my arm for some reason, Emmett stared straight ahead but had some odd inclination to touch my hand, just press his hand over mine briefly for a second or so. Alice was teary but she remembered me and turned to look at me, just acknowledging that she expected I was in pain too. Jasper was at the wheel but I knew he thought of me, because that was just Jasper, he appreciated how everyone around him felt rather than just his immediates such as Alice. It was like a big joke gone wrong, how could this be the outcome, how could it all end like this. It couldn't... life couldn't be so cruel and indifferent to me, could it?

I cried silently as they spoke and cried loudly, when I'm upset I retreat to be by myself - something I learned when I was younger; I didn't take much sympathy from others. I looked out the window as we travelled the hour long journey to the hospital. I felt impatient – I wanted to tell Jasper to begin speeding down the highway. All of my doubt over the feelings I had for Edward was gone. I loved him so obviously, so clearly in my mind now. It felt like a part would be cut out of me if Edward was gone, he had been what my life revolved around for so long and had my feelings for Edward been even a little less stronger than love then I wouldn't have second thoughts about revenge, I wouldn't have kissed him, I wouldn't have let my heart rule my head. My mind was always fighting and I felt exhausted with it.

We reached the hospital to find Carlisle had called ahead and put his influence on to the situation. We were all allowed to see Edward; I had been cited as his long term girl friend.

The Doctor explained he had been in a coma since he had been found. His brain activity was good though, so there was hope of his full recovery. But with comas you could never be completely sure. He also told us his hands were a wreck; he had most probably been in a fight before the crash. Well that was the jist of it at least. That gave me food for thought but, in all honesty, my head was spinning so much that it was hard to focus on this information.

We walked into his room, I was last in and I heard the gasps from the others before I reached his serene face. He was as pale as ever, if not paler. Not a scratch covered his face but there was a dressing around the top of his head, particularly padded at the back of his head. One of his hands had a dressing around it, the other a cast. They all stayed back accept Alice and me who seemed to walk right up to him without even thinking. I never gave a second glance to anyone else, I could see Alice in my peripheral vision but I was focused on Edward, my Edward. The warm tears fell but I was silent, I touched his cheek ever so lightly; His soft skin was warm and inviting. I brushed my lips against his cheek and then rested my forehead on the top his arm. I heard noises before I realised it was my own sorrow that was expressing itself so loudly. Even now while I hated him I knew I couldn't live without him, it was all such a mess, and now he had to make it worse, to complicate everything and get himself hurt. I stood up and trailed a finger down his arm to his bandaged hand. His beautifully constructed fingers were a mess, they were swollen and lying in an odd formation, palm downwards. I lifted his hand gently and turned it over to see if it was still there, just to check he was the same person who had done so much to me. Right enough, there was the scar.

**Flashback from chapter one memory...**

_I saw Edward's face contort, for a second I thought his eyes had turned red with anger and in under a second he had torn the sharp piece of glass across his palm in such a quick motion I had no time to close my eyes in protection of what would come next._

_I saw the dripping scarlet liquid and felt the familiar light-headed feeling, my head lolled right back and a soft "ahhh," came from my mouth as I felt bile rise up my throat, I managed to swallow it but I couldn't keep the closing of my eyes, the shutdown of my mind, and I soon descended into blackness._

The one that had dripped blood and had once knocked me out. It had been the last face I had seen of Edward Cullen before I left Forks; I had a scar in my emotional mind because of it and he had a scar on his hand, we were some pair. It wouldn't be easy and it wouldn't be perfect but I was ready to live a life with Edward full of lies and mistrust. Seeing him now, remembering my past so vividly, and still loving him made me sure of it.

I leaned forward and almost pressed my lips to his ear. "Edward, I need you to be okay for me, I need you to be selfless for one time in your entire life, I need you to put me before yourself for once and I need you to..." I was trying to hold in the cries which I could feel building in my throat at the intensity and pain of the situation i was now in, one I never could have been prepared for. I finished my sentence to him: "And I need you to wake the fuck up." I placed a kiss on his pale, porcelain cheek and snapped out of the trance which had taken me since the opening of the hospital room door.

I glanced up at his family to realise they were whispering, as if not wanting to disturb me. I gave them a saddened look, and Emmett nodded his head as I retreated from the beautiful body of Edward. He was like a fallen angel. I cursed the tubes that covered him and prayed they would be out of him soon because he'd be up and well again, he'd be perfect again.

Emmett put his hand out and touched Edward's arm, as gentle as I'd only ever seen him with Rosalie. He closed his eyes and said sorry. He told him he was sorry he had treated him so harshly for what he'd done because he was a good guy now, he was changing his life, and he was a stupid hypocrite for acting like he was better than him. He begged him to be okay, to open his eyes and I watched Edward's features, searching for some understanding of Emmett's words in them but there wasn't one sign that he had even heard what had been said to him. Alice stepped forward and put her head on Emmett's chest. It was the first time I'd seen them act properly like brother and sister rather than just friends.

"He was finally sorting things out," she sniffed, "and this happens." She broke down on his chest. We all left them alone in the room with their brother.

Hours later Carlisle and Esme arrived. They were practical, they were parents, but they were even worse than they had been when Emmett had been hurt. Esme's face was the perfect picture of sorrow. Esme ignored everyone but her immediate family and practically tore into her son's room. I could hear her cries from sitting on the chairs outside the door with Jasper and Rosalie. None of us looking at each other. We couldn't bare it; to hear a mother cry like that, reduced so pathetically to a blubbering wreck just forced the reality of the situation on top of me. I excused myself and walked briskly to the nearest toilet.

I pushed the lid down and sat on top of it. Put my head in my hands and sobbed for all I was worth, I wondered if it was even possible to stop for a while because every time I stopped I'd see a picture of his blank unaffected face in front of my eyes and the confusion that my brain felt just threw me into another set of tears. He was a sick little boy but he, to all eyes, was becoming an amazing man, my man. I was so unsure now of what I really thought of him.

My fingers curled around themselves, pushing harder and harder together with my growing frustration at reality. He had to wake up; I was attempting to delude myself into believing that it was impossible he wouldn't. He was my drug, I was addicted and I couldn't go cold turkey like this, not so unexpectedly. I don't even know how I'd survive.

Practicalities became important as the shock finished settling into everyone. Carlisle had booked a room in the hospitals family hotel so if there was change in Edward's condition they would know straight away. We were told to go back to the lake house for the night even though Alice and Emmett begged to stay at the hotel. Edward would be transferred to Forks hospital in a couple of days if there was no change in his condition. It was so surreal that I truly felt I would wake up from a dream anytime. I spent the rest of the day in a daze. I didn't eat a thing and no one noticed because conversations were short and disjointed with their thoughts so fully on Edward. I only seemed to listen to something which related to Edward.

When it was time for bed I snuck into Edward's room and I did something undeniably intrusive. I opened his drawers and looked at his things, to see who the Edward I was getting to know really was. I imagined what the items would look like on him. How they would bring out his eyes and compliment his skin tone. I strummed my fingers across his guitar strings imagining his long fingers playing interacting patterns along them and creating harmony. I flicked through his reading collection which wasn't unsimilar to my own and I looked through his music collection. Many were blank discs with words scrawled across them in black pen, some unreadable, only abbreviations.

The majority of them were exceptionally dusty and I tried one of the older ones. 'Ed, beeth. 12yrs'.

The stereo had to be turned down very low but it was unmistakably the sounds of Beethoven's reverie. He fumbled a few times according to my memory but nonetheless showed unmistakable talent at the age of 12. It was odd to think the Edward I knew at that point was playing symphonies which were keeping me sane at that point. Music was always my outlet.

I flicked through the discs again and noticed a three year gap. From the time he broke up with Tanya and one which had been made recently, in fact it had been made probably a couple of days ago. It only stated his age on it and the letters B.S on it which in other circumstances would have been funny because either it was my song or it was bullshit.

My hands shook as I put this disk in the stereo and realised that it was the full version Edward had once mentioned, it was my song but it had guitar in it, it had been altered on the computer and compiled with different instruments, the only thing it didn't have was words but it made it all the more perfect.

Again tears were unstoppable and I crawled weakly onto his bed coiling myself into his sheets, cuddling his pillow tightly to me and inhaling his scent, realising that revenge had finally done it. It had finally completely ruined my life.

***A.N. AWWWWWWW BELLA! Nothing ever goes right for you my dear :( Tell me your thoughts please by REVIEWING and receive a little preview :)* xx**


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